


Synergy

by DeandraAlleyan



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Mayhew the 4th Be With You, Other, finding a life after Scarif, rebelcaptain eventually slightly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-02-23 18:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 111,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18707716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeandraAlleyan/pseuds/DeandraAlleyan
Summary: Rogue One hoped to survive Scarif, but they didn’t count on it.  When the unexpected happens, the survivors need to find their new place in the Alliance with the galaxy now at war.Synergy:  a mutually advantageous conjunction or compatibility of distinct business participants or elements





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _One of the reasons, aside from just liking the characters and wanting more of their interaction, for doing a fix-it story is that some of the deaths and actions that led to them didn’t entirely make sense to me. For instance, that Chirrut walked out to activate the master switch wasn’t surprising; that Baze called to him to come back, and that he did so without his chant for protection was. Throwing that switch didn’t stop the death troopers from shooting at them, so there was no reason for him to think he could safely return to Baze’s side. The smarter option would have been for him to take cover where he was, or at least for Baze to lay down some withering cover fire to protect him on the return transit._
> 
>   _The other problem is that what we see on the screen doesn’t all make sense. Cassian falls because he was shot, but there is no evidence of a wound anywhere on him later when he aids Jyn and then they go to the beach. In rewatching his ‘injury scene’ (way too many times) and doing some research, I’ve realized what injuries he probably didn’t have, if we go by what we saw (use of this legs, arms and hands – he’s weak, but everything is essentially functioning). I am not a doctor or any kind of medical professional, but I’m convinced neither were the filmmakers (or they didn’t want facts to interfere with their story). At any rate, anyone going off the rails to write an AU really does kind of have to make it up as they go, and it is up to them how and how much they try to make it realistic._
> 
> _Also note that the exact timing of events is not fully known. The Internet is rife with guesses/approximations, but also arguments for/against each one. My end note on the final chapter will show you the timeline I am using for this story._

Day 1

Bodhi’s adrenalin was still pumping, making him even more jittery than usual. Until now, the most dangerous thing he had purposely done was defect and make it to Saw Gerrera. Stringing the connection to the ship so he could contact the Rebel fleet had involved far more than he had expected to do on this mission. But Cassian needed it done and he was the one best suited to the task. The others didn’t know where the connections were located or what needed to happen to make communication possible through the shield.

Cassian. Jyn. The others. He’d been left to keep the ship at the ready for their escape after the plans were stolen, but judging by the fighting he was seeing and hearing outside, he wasn’t sure anyone would be able to get back to the ship. And if they did, there were going to be a lot of injuries and wounds to treat. The medpac on the shuttle wouldn’t go far.

Too antsy to sit still, and knowing it would take time for anyone to return, if anyone did, he knew where extra supplies were stored. Maybe he could add to their stock while he waited; there wasn’t much more to do on the shuttle. He slipped quickly out the bottom hatch and faded in among the foliage and various crates stacked around his landing pad. Already the fighting action was starting to move away toward the next pad, and that would make this easier. Watching carefully for each opportunity, he worked slowly closer to the supply sheds. 

He had just taken cover in his current position when a fiery explosion rent the air behind him. Instinctively, he ducked down and covered his head with his arms. Good thing, too, as burning debris began to fall. He had to pat out a couple of spots on his clothing that started to burn, and something crashed hard into his left arm, making it go numb with pain. For several minutes he sat gasping for breath, trying to fight back the wave of nausea. Slowly his vision and his head cleared and as the pain ebbed, he tentatively tried to move his fingers and other parts of his arm. He gasped again, nearly blacking out – his forearm. He didn’t know much about medical matters, but he would guess his arm was broken.

Great, just great. They leave him to watch the ship and— The ship! Slowly he turned and rose enough to gaze back, only to see exactly what he feared – the shuttle was now a burning wreck. He didn’t know what had hit it, but there was nothing left. He swallowed down the bile rising in his throat at the realization of how near he had come to dying in that explosion.

But what now? If anyone did survive this, they had no transport off the planet. Well, he was a pilot and he knew this base better than anyone else on the team did. Even if only for himself, it now fell to him to find another ship, another way out. Ruefully he admitted to himself that he wished K-2 were here to help, and tell him what to do. He was much better at following orders than figuring out what actions to take. He steeled himself – he had already stolen an Imperial shuttle once on Eadu. He could do this, with or without K-2 to help him.

One good thing, he supposed – the explosion had either killed many of the troopers or they had moved on to their next target. He tried not to think about how many rebels might also have been killed in the blast. He scurried quickly to the supply sheds, and used a blaster he had retrieved from a fallen stormtrooper to blast the locking mechanism. It surprised him that he managed to hit it, trying to aim with one hand, but his left hand was little use to him just now. Bacta. Everyone put bacta on injuries. He wasn’t sure it would help a broken bone, but it was all he could think of. He used his teeth to help rip a couple of bandages open, then gingerly pushed up his sleeve to carefully wrap them around his forearm.

If nothing else, it was soothing on his arm, though the pain lingered. However, being uncertain what he could take for pain, he didn’t dare try anything. Instead, he just loaded as much as he could carry into his satchel. There were also food ration bars and water skins, so he loaded several of those in as well. What now? He needed to find a ship, and a way to contact the others so they could rendezvous.

As he was about to stand, someone loomed over him before he was aware of them and could snatch up the blaster.

“Bodhi?”

Tonc! He had never been so glad to see anyone. The right side of the corporal’s face was burned, and quickly Bodhi grabbed another bacta patch and helped Tonc put it over the burned area as much as possible. “Is there any burn salve?” Tonc asked, turning to look for himself. After several seconds of rooting through the supplies, he found a tube and smeared the gel on the parts of his face that the patch didn’t cover. “Grab as many of these as you see,” Tonc instructed, pointing to several items.

There were a couple of other satchels in the cabinet and Bodhi began loading them. With someone else to help carry them, this would be easier and he could take far more than he had planned. Meanwhile, Tonc was going through the supply cupboard, finally pulling out a couple of hypo-syringes. “Hold still,” he instructed, injecting the contents into Bodhi’s arm, then giving himself a shot. The pain eased considerably after just a few moments. Bodhi was relieved the other man had more knowledge of medical treatment than he did. “Thanks.”

“Why’s this stuff here, anyway?”

“Oh, the ships that come in sometimes don’t have much chance to restock medpacs, so these are here to make that possible.”

After a moment of hesitation, he asked, “You saw the shuttle explode?” Then he winced, realizing that was probably how Tonc was injured.

“Yeah, I saw. You know where we can find another one?”

“I..I think so. We’ll go to the next pad over and I’ll play injured Imperial shuttle pilot so we can commandeer it.” He hesitated. “Do you think anyone can find us, get to us? Or that we can get to them?”

“Gotta try,” Tonc said, gathering the satchels and slinging them over his shoulder. Seeing Bodhi struggling with the weight of the Imperial blaster and only one good arm, he reached over and took it. Tonc fashioned a sling for Bodhi’s bad arm, then handed the man his own smaller weapon. “Use this one – it’ll be easier for you. Lead the way.”

They worked their way to the next pad as swiftly as Tonc deemed safe. The crew of the shuttle there was nowhere to be found. Bodhi suspected they had taken cover when the shooting started. In normal circumstances, he probably would have also. A quick check and he found the shuttle both operational and fueled. First hurdle cleared. Tonc secured the hold while he got the engines fired up. The only direction Bodhi knew to go was toward the Citadel Tower – he could be certain that was where Cassian and Jyn were. As to the others, they could be anywhere, so Tonc took up position next to him, scanning for anyone down but seemingly still alive. Most of the bodies littering the ground were too damaged to be likely candidates, but finally as they drew nearer to the bunker, Bodhi spotted something familiar. “There! Baze and Chirrut!”

There were still a couple of Death Troopers that had the pair pinned down, but Tonc took care of that with the shuttle’s guns. Quickly Bodhi set down as Tonc ran to collect their companions. Both were injured, but alive. Chirrut had been caught on the edges of an explosion also and Baze carried him aboard. “Check Melshi,” he instructed. “I think he’s just unconscious.” Tonc nodded and dashed out to pull the Sergeant aboard.

“Go!” Tonc called, closing the door behind him.

“What about Captain Andor and Jyn?” Baze asked, moving up to join them in the cockpit once he’d gotten Chirrut settled.

“We don’t know,” Bodhi admitted. “If they’re still alive, they’re somewhere near the tower.”

“Wh..what is that?” Tonc stammered, pointing toward the sky, where something huge was beginning to materialize.

Both the other men looked up at the unpleasantly familiar sight and groaned. “Not again,” Baze murmured.

“The Death Star,” Bodhi said softly, causing Tonc’s expression to morph with the same horror they were feeling.

“Better make this quick,” Baze said.

“There!” Tonc exclaimed.

Baze and Bodhi’s heads jerked around to look where the other man was pointing. Cassian and Jyn were staggering from the base of the tower, just as the Death Star solidified above them. “Hurry!” Bodhi said, setting down as close as he could to them.

Jyn had drawn her blaster at the sight of the unfamiliar shuttle, ready to defend the two of them, but then realized who it was and a grin split her face. As soon as they were on board, Baze and Jyn helped Cassian to the co-pilot’s seat at his insistence. “Bodhi, get us out of here!”

Bodhi glanced over at Cassian, whose hands were dancing over the controls and then met his gaze. “No hyperdrive?”

Bodhi shook his head apologetically. “I think this is mostly just a land shuttle, for around the planet. It will go off-planet, but it won’t go fast.”

Cassian’s jaw tightened. “Fine, give us as much speed as you can squeeze out of her, and let’s put distance between us and here. If we are very, very lucky we can get outside the blast zone.”

“Unless they target the entire planet,” Bodhi murmured. Cassian glanced at him, but didn’t respond, focusing on navigating away.

The blast from the Death Star was felt even inside the shuttle and at this distance from where it struck. The beam sheared off the top of the Citadel Tower.

“Distance?”

Bodhi checked his instruments. “37 kilometers.”

“Come on!” Cassian hissed under his breath, shaking his controls, trying to move the ship faster with sheer willpower.

“52. 83.”

Jyn appeared behind Cassian and injected him with something. Bodhi assumed it was probably a painkiller to help him function, and maybe antishock, considering how bad Cassian looked. He couldn’t imagine how the man was even still conscious.

“120 kilometers.”

Baze and Tonc hovered behind them, watching their progress along with Jyn, all five of them virtually holding their breath in the tense silence. Baze took to muttering Chirrut’s mantra, “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.” Tonc glanced at him, but said nothing about it. When Bodhi looked over at Cassian, he saw Jyn standing behind him, her hand wrapped around that necklace she wore. If he had been a praying man, now would have been the time for it.

“147.”

“How far is far enough?” Jyn asked softly.

“Who knows,” Cassian said. “We get as far away as we can and hope for the best. Bodhi, are there other settlements on this planet?”

“I’m not sure. I only ever landed near the Citadel. I would assume there are, but…”

The shuttle began shaking violently as the main shockwave started to catch up to them, and Cassian had to wrestle with the controls to hold it steady. Then abruptly they lurched forward and the ride smoothed again. All of them looked at each other. “Did we make it?” Baze asked cautiously, not daring to hope.

When nothing else happened, Bodhi checked his scanners and grinned. “I..I think we did! Sensors show the disruption some two kilometers behind us. We’re just outside the perimeter.”

There was a collective sigh of relief, but now the next problem needed to be faced – survival. “Start looking for a reasonable place to land and set up camp,” Cassian instructed. “Then we’ll need to try to figure a way to contact the Alliance without drawing Imperial notice.”

“Why did they destroy their own base?” Tonc questioned. “Didn’t it have all of their structural archives there?”

Jyn shrugged. “I guess they thought the loss was preferable to any of the information falling into Alliance hands. I wonder how long it will take for them to realize that failed.”

Cassian was slowly beginning to slump in his seat. Jyn reached out and caught his shoulder, holding him in place. “We need to find someplace – now. And tend to our wounded.”

Bodhi nodded as he and Tonc watched for a likely spot. Much of the planet surface was spits of land stretching amid areas of water, and they needed something more substantial, with the cover of trees and foliage to somewhat hide their position from the air. They flew for another ten minutes before coming upon a likely spot. Bodhi circled it a couple of times, while Tonc studied it before finally nodding approval.

xxx

“TG-1243, remain here with the droid. They’ll want to see if any data can be recovered from it about the Rebels.”

“Yes, sir.”

The rest of the group marched off, leaving TG-1243 standing alone. He shifted restlessly, then idly walked around the area noting the locked vault, damaged control board and many downed Imperial personnel. Had the droid been helping the Rebels? Holding off stormtroopers while they infiltrated the base? It was an Imperial droid – why would it do that? Could they have breached its systems that quickly and overridden the droid’s protocols?

For all that he had always been intended to be a stormtrooper, TG-1243 had considerable interest in tech. The Empire wasn’t much for allowing you to learn about things that interested you – you were meant to follow orders and learn what they wanted you to know. That had always chafed him, and so he had managed to study on his own in any of his off hours. His fellow troopers had given up arguing the pointlessness of it long ago. The techs in the repair shop were usually overworked, so they hadn’t much cared if he wanted to spend his off hours helping out there. It took a long time, but eventually he got good at working on droids. Tech Warthen had said he had a natural bent for it. He just knew he enjoyed it.

He looked again at the fallen droid. If he got the droid’s memory circuits functional, maybe someone would reward him by reassigning him to the tech department. Not likely, he knew, but at the very least, it would be less boring than just standing here until someone remembered to come back to give him further instructions, or commed him what they wanted him to do next.

He settled down on the deck next to the droid and rummaged in the toolkit on his belt. After a moment, he removed his helmet to see better, and slipped off the gloves – they were too awkward for such delicate work.

It took twenty minutes, but finally, the photoreceptors flickered and came back on line. The power cells hadn’t been drained, but the blaster shots had severed the connection with the logic computer. Not knowing what the droid might do, he had been careful not to repair any wiring that would have permitted it to move. 

The droid’s head was fixed staring at him, unable to turn without a functioning body. Then its receptors registered his presence, and the vocabulator activated an instant later. “Where am I? What have you done to me?”

TG-1243 couldn’t restrain a grin. And they wanted to waste him as a stormtrooper.

“You are on Scarif base. You were assisting Rebels in their assault on this facility and it was necessary that troopers disable you.”

Processors whirred briefly examining this new information. “Who are you? If I’ve been disabled, why am I partially functional now?”

“I fixed you. Well, your logic computer, anyway. To get your body working again would take a lot of work, if it’s even possible. You sustained heavy damage. Why were you helping the Rebels? You’re an Imperial droid.”

“I was an Imperial droid until I was reprogrammed. When Cassian found me, he overrode the Imperial protocols and gave me freedom.”

TG-1243 snorted. “Freedom! For a droid? What kind of freedom would a droid have? You do what you’re told – it’s that simple.”

“It is perhaps that simple for a mindless stormtrooper, but droids are a more advanced intelligence. Cassian gave me the freedom of choice. I choose to do what he asks of me, but I am not forced to do so by my programming. I am capable of acting as I see fit.”

TG-1243 stared at the droid. “That’s…that’s impossible. Why would anyone allow a droid to make its own decisions?”

“Perhaps because it is the right thing to do. And because the Rebel Alliance believes that everyone should have a choice in what they do, not be forced to act as the Empire deems appropriate.”

TG-1243 shifted position, eyeing the droid resentfully. Why should a droid have the freedom to choose what it wanted to do, or not do, but he had to do what he was told? That didn’t seem very fair to him.

“The Empire knows what’s best for the good of all the people,” he said firmly. Even as he spoke the words, however, he couldn’t feel any conviction in them. Did they, did the Empire know what was best for him? Should they be allowed to decide what he would spend his life doing?

“I do not think you truly believe that. I certainly do not,” K-2 answered primly. “The Empire does what is best for the higher ups, at the expense of everyone else. They give no thought to those who make it possible for them to live in ease and luxury – the droids, techs and even stormtroopers. If one of us is killed, they simply bring in another to do the job.”

TG-1243 stood abruptly, unwilling to listen to anything else. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted.

“Indeed. So you are content with your life as it is and do not wish to change a thing. I understand. Change is very frightening to those used to always following orders.”

“I’m not frightened! I said you’re wrong. It has nothing to do with me. You don’t know anything about me.”

“You are mistaken. It has everything to do with you. You forget that I was once Imperial also. Your entire day is spent doing whatever you are told to do. You are expected to follow all orders instantly, without question, even if it costs you your life. All droids and lesser personnel are treated in this manner, including stormtroopers. Those are the facts, as I’m sure you already know.”

TG-1243 turned on his heel and reached for his gloves and helmet. This conversation was too unsettling. Perhaps he should just deactivate the droid again and leave it to the actual techs. But as he stared at his helmet, it made his skin crawl to even think of putting it back on. He was used to wearing it, and it wasn’t uncomfortable, but why could he not look at the world through his own eyes. Yes, it afforded him protection – far too necessary in this job – but he had sometimes felt that it made him blend into his surroundings, so that his superiors didn’t have to take any notice of him. Not until they were ready to issue orders.

Dully he told the droid, “You might as well get used to it. Once they’ve obtained any information your computer contains about the Rebels, they’ll probably deactivate you for good. I doubt they’ll see a reason to replace or restore your body. It’s easier to obtain another droid than to bother with the lost time and revenue of repairs.”

There were several minutes of silence before K-2 ventured, “You could change the situation – for the both of us, if you are willing to do so.”

“How? What makes you think that?”

“You could help me to escape.”

“Escape! Are you mad? They’d kill me for sure if I tried something like that.”

“Have you heard of the Death Star?”

“What? No. What is it – some new weapon of the Alliance?”

“Not the Alliance. It is a secret weapon the Empire has built. It is called a planet-killer and therefore is aptly named. I was on Jedha when the Empire used it to obliterate Jedha City. That is why we have come here – to find a way to destroy it before it can be used again.”

“That was a mining accident.”

“No, it was the Death Star. I was there and saw it for myself.”

“I thought you said it was a planet-killer – why weren’t you killed there?”

“It appears that they can control the power of this device and use it more precisely to target only those they wish to eliminate.”

“Still sounds like a Rebel weapon to me.”

“That is because the Empire tells you lies. The Alliance would not destroy an entire planet to prove a point, any more than one would kill every Reek because one was a threat. They value life. It is not so in the Empire. If someone falls, they are left behind. You know this is true as well as I do. If you do nothing and stay with the Empire, there will be more deaths as there were on Jedha and you will be partly responsible for them.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. There is no escape.” This was all foolishness, and it was dangerous even having this conversation if anyone overheard.

“I see. You have lost the ability to think for yourself and so are content to remain as you are. I understand.”

“Stop saying that! You don’t understand anything!” This droid had definitely been reprogrammed – Imperial droids weren’t so argumentative and annoying.

“Do you truly believe there is no way to escape, or are you just too afraid to attempt it? Stormtroopers have very short life expectancy, you know. Statistically, some 54.2% are in active service less than three years before they are killed. Those are not very good odds.”

“Just…just shut up! Stupid droid.”

TG-1243 paced around the console, trying to clear his mind, but the droid’s words kept replaying through his thoughts. Unfortunately, he did know many stormtroopers were killed while working for the Empire. He may not have known the percentage, but he had known. It was something he and his fellow troopers avoided talking about. Or even thinking about. Now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Would that be the sum of his life – follow orders day in and day out until someone killed him in the next few years? He had already served for two years. One could say he had only one left before the end came.

“My apologies for causing you such distress. Cassian has warned me that humans do not like to face their mortality. I tend to forget that when I am reporting my calculations.”

“You keep insisting there’s a way out of here. How would you escape, droid?” He hadn’t realized he had reached any kind of decision; the question just popped out of his mouth. But he didn’t attempt to withdraw it. He would like to have more than a single year left to his life, and he would like to spend some of it making his own choices. This might be his only chance to bring that about.

“First, you will need to summon another KX droid to this location and deactivate it. I will walk you through it.”

It actually went far more smoothly than he would have expected. Left on his own, he doubted he could have managed the programming and rewiring necessary, at least not in so short a time. K-2SO, however, knew what he was doing and soon had his own programming occupying the fully functional droid.

“Now what?” TG-1243’s eyes darted nervously around, expecting to be caught at any moment by a superior officer. Even another trooper would find his actions suspicious.

“Now we must get off this planet. I do not believe there is any hope I can rendezvous with my associates. We will aid them if the opportunity presents itself, but for now our focus must be on obtaining a ship. You will escort me to the nearest shuttles under the guise of taking the Rebel droid to be examined for any secrets it may possess. I will not be able to help you – they will not believe my telling them much beyond what my Imperial programming would normally allow. It will be up to you to convince them you have been ordered to bring the droid at once.”

“But they’ll question it, want to know who gave the order, and where I was instructed to take it! This isn’t going to work.”

“Calm down. It will work if you stay calm. You are a stormtrooper. You often are not given complete information along with your instructions. A ‘senior officer’ gave you the instructions to bring the droid to a ship in orbit. I’ve tapped into the comm system and it appears there are star destroyers that are battling the Rebel forces above us. Tell them you were ordered to take me there.”

TG-1243 tried to breathe around the boulder lodged in his chest making him feel lightheaded. This was a big mistake and he was probably ensuring his death would come today, but it was too late to turn back now.

They made it closer to the hangar for the base shuttles than TG-1243 thought possible before anyone stopped them. “Where are you taking that droid?” 

At least the squadron leader confronting him wasn’t his, and would not know what his last orders were. “I received instructions to bring this Rebel droid for inspection, sir.”

“For inspection where? Who gave the order?”

He fought down the panic clawing its way up his throat. “To one of the star destroyers above us, sir. Apparently there is some very important senior officer who wants to examine the droid personally. I’ve heard unconfirmed chatter that it might be Lord Vader himself.” He winced. He’d gone too far – they’d never believe him.

“Lord Vader?” There was a lengthy pause and TG-1243 was uncomfortably aware of the sweat trickling down inside his helmet. “Very well. Get moving then, trooper. Do not keep Lord Vader waiting. Return to base as soon as he releases you, and then report back to your captain. Use this shuttle here.”

“Yes, sir.” It was all he could do to keep from running into the ship. “That way, droid.”

Obediently, K-2 turned and boarded the shuttle and TG-1243 followed him up the ramp, closing it behind them. He wrenched off his helmet, starting to hyperventilate.

“Slow, deep breaths, trooper. You did very well. Now you must hold yourself together until we clear atmosphere and can jump to hyperspace.”

“Wait! Can you fly this thing? I can’t fly!”

K-2 dropped the damaged KX body off to the side and moved toward the cockpit. “Of course I can fly this. My skills are excellent, likely far superior to any human pilot.” He settled into the pilot’s chair and began powering up the ship.

TG-1243 dropped into the other chair and looked over the control panel. “What do I do?”

“I suggest that you not touch anything unless I tell you to, given you’ve admitted you know nothing about flying.”

He still held his helmet, but the droid added, “You had best put that on for now. Until we are in hyperspace you could be seen through the viewscreen, and they would find its absence suspicious.”

“Oh, right.” He settled back, feeling useless, but not knowing what he could do. The droid seemed to have things well in hand. And how had it known he still had his helmet off when it hadn’t even looked at him?

A voice sounded over the comm. “Shuttle SC-04, please advise of your intentions.”

The droid responded, “This is shuttle SC-04. We have been instructed to rendezvous with the star destroyer in orbit above us. We are delivering a Rebel droid for their inspection, over.” He did his best to mimic how Bodhi had spoken with them.

TG-1243 held his breath, fearing they wouldn’t believe it. However, a moment later the voice responded, “Acknowledged, SC-04. You are approved for takeoff. Proceed on an easterly course to clear any incoming traffic. Stand by at the shield gate and you will be allowed through once the Rebels are no longer a threat.”

“Understood. SC-04 proceeding as instructed on easterly course.”

TG-1243 blinked in the brightness outside. It was apparent even through his dark visor, and he hadn’t been outside of the facility all day. After a moment, his gaze turned upward and his mouth dropped open. “Wh…what is that?” It almost looked like a moon, but even at this distance he could make out the dish on one side that was clearly manmade.

“That is the reason we need to leave here as quickly as possible,” K-2 said. “It would appear the Empire has decided to take drastic measures to stop the Rebel incursion on Scarif.”

“What do you mean?” TG-1243’s mouth had gone suddenly dry, an inexplicable sense of foreboding filling him.

“That is the Death Star I spoke of. I believe you are about to witness a demonstration of its power.”

Just then, a beam lanced downward from the ‘death star’, shearing off the top of the Citadel before it struck the ground. He pressed his helmet to the viewscreen, watching in horror as the destructive blast sent earth and water surging in an obliterating wave. Beside him, the droid simply kept flying, taking no notice.

The ship turned, and the planet was behind them, passing out of his sight, and he slumped back in the chair. “I…I don’t believe it.”

“You thought I was mistaken, or lied. However, I am not programmed for exaggeration. I spoke the truth.” The rest of his thought, K-2 didn’t speak aloud. _Goodbye, Cassian._

Once he had set course and gotten them into hyperspace, carefully skirting the still battling vessels, K-2 rose and looked down on the stormtrooper. He had remained silent, probably in shock at what he had seen. The humans who had been with them on Jedha had behaved similarly.

“Would you step in the back, please? It is now safe to remove your helmet.”

The man moved wraith-like, nearly oblivious to all around him, but he had registered the words enough to take off his helmet. In the back, he slumped onto a bench, still staring mindlessly at the wall, the image of the destruction playing over and over before his eyes. “You’re sure that wasn’t the Alliance that did that?” he murmured.

K-2 was rummaging in a storage cupboard, but answered, “If the Alliance had that capability, we would simply have destroyed Scarif and not bothered to infiltrate it. Whether you like it or not, that was the Empire’s doing.” He found the medpac that he was looking for and came over to the man. Before he could register what was happening, the droid pressed a hypo to his neck and injected him. “I’m sorry about this.”

TG-1243 had only seconds to look up at him, startled and alarmed, before slumping unconscious.

K-2 broke his fall and laid him out on the deck, then secured him with binders. He would rather not have had to do this, but he had a duty to report back to the Alliance leaders and tell them what he could of their mission. They would not appreciate his allowing a stormtrooper to know the location of the base or bringing him there without restraint. Once on the ground, he would work to improve the man’s situation. It looked as though TG-1243 was now officially a defector.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 1 note: I am considering the movie of Rogue One to be canon, though accepting anything in the novelization (which I haven’t read) that does not contradict the movie as also part of canon. The movie and the novel do not always agree on the details.  
>     Many authors who have done “fix-it” stories have written different versions of Cassian’s injuries from the fall in the data tower. In studying the dvd images and still pix of the scenes, my best guess is that he falls approximately 2-2.5 stories (based on those beams that he hits which seem to be a man’s height apart. so 1.5-2 per story). Although Krennic appears to shoot him, there is no evidence of blood anywhere on him, and not on his hands from holding onto a bloody wound. It is possible that Krennic’s shot hit near him, and in ducking away he lost his grip and fell. He makes use of both his arms (each is around Jyn’s shoulders at some point, with her holding onto it without problem). He walks unsteadily, so his legs and hips are functional, though he is clearly weak and probably in pain. The first girder he hits is on his back, maybe 1 story down. The second one, he has turned and rather than full-on striking it, it is almost an attempt to catch himself on it but is unable to hold on – that one is more a glancing blow. Both of these would slow his descent, reducing what his injuries would be when he then hits the deck (as opposed to a freefall through space without anything slowing his plummet). The fall is maximum 3 seconds (onscreen).  
>     If he did break one or more bones, there is the potential for internal bleeding and thus the need to treat for shock. Concussion is possible, either from the jerking of his head as he struck the girders, or if he hit it on the grate when he landed. If he landed on his feet, that might have absorbed some of the shock and then he rolled onto his side, stunned but not unconscious. No evidence is ever seen of a head wound.  
>     Probably suffered major bruises and possibly sprains; also muscle damage. Most likely injury is broken ribs and all that moving around could shift them so they damage internal organs, causing internal bleeding, collapsing a lung, etc. making his condition worsen over time.
> 
> _The extent of injuries sustained due to fall from height vary depending on the falling height, composition of the impact surface, rate of deceleration, intermediate objects encountered during the process of fall, position of the body when landing, individual factors such as age, body weight, and also type of the person (child, adult, elderly)._  
>       _Injuries caused by falls from buildings vary depending on the building's height and the age of the person. Falls from a building's second floor/story (American English) usually cause injuries but are not fatal._  
>       _The ribs are especially vulnerable to injury and are prone to breaking due to a direct blow. A chest X-ray often ordered to make certain there is no collapse or bruising of the lung._  
>       _As opposed to other parts of the body that can rest when they are injured, it is very important to take deep breaths to prevent pneumonia when rib fractures are present. The treatment for bruised and broken ribs is the same: ice to the chest wall, ibuprofen as an anti-inflammatory, deep breaths, and pain medication. Even if all goes well, there will be significant pain for four to six weeks. Ribs are no longer wrapped because this prevents the victim from breathing deeply, which may lead to the complication of pneumonia._  
>       _With lower rib fractures, there may be concern about organs in the abdomen that the ribs protect. The liver is located under the ribs on the right side of the chest, and the spleen under the ribs on the left side of the chest. Many times your doctor may be more worried about abdominal injury than about the broken rib itself._
> 
>    
> Ch 1 note: I’m figuring at least a 100 mile radius on the Death Star blast zone before it might be relatively safe. 100 miles = approximately 161 km. “The Kármán line, or Karman line, lies at an altitude of 100 km (62 mi; 330,000 ft) above Earth's sea level and commonly represents the boundary between Earth's atmosphere and outer space.”
> 
> Ch 1 note: From Wookieepedia: Reeks were large, muscular quadrupeds native to the planet Ylesia. Though naturally herbivores, a starved reek could become a ravenous meat-eater…


	2. Chapter 2

After the shuttle had been disguised against aerial searches, they gathered in the hold area. Despite arguments, Jyn had insisted that Cassian let others handle the camouflage while he rested. Even so, it had taken the support of everyone else before he gave in. Now, she kept shooting worried looks at him while wrapping her own knee and ankle.

“First order of business, we need to check on everyone’s injuries and see that they are tended.” Cassian glanced over the group, then fixed his eyes on Tonc. “Unless someone is better suited, probably Tonc should oversee that, since he’s had field training for emergency medicine.” The corporal nodded and no one argued.

“Next…next…” Cassian stopped, seeming to lose his train of thought.

“Okay, that’s it.” Jyn stood and spread out some blankets Bodhi had located, and pointed to them. “Lie down, Cassian. Now. You’ll be no good to us if we don’t see to _your_ injuries. That fall has to have done more damage than you’re letting on.”

He looked ready to argue, but Baze and Bodhi took up a position on each side of her with arms crossed – none of them were going to allow him to balk. “Yeah, okay.” He tried to push himself off the bench but wasn’t moving much. Baze glanced at Jyn who gave him a nod and he went over to collect the captain in his arms. Tonc rushed to catch his feet while Jyn held his head. Together the three of them eased him down on the bedding. That he didn’t put up a fuss over the coddling told them all they needed to know about how bad he was feeling.

As soon as he was down, Tonc began to examine him and they slowly worked to treat each injury found. He had already drifted to sleep when Tonc finished. The corporal looked up at the others. “I know he has some broken ribs, but I didn’t find anything else broken. Still, considering all the bruising, he’s definitely done some bleeding – maybe from damage to muscles. I’m almost certain he’s got a concussion, considering what Sergeant Erso says happened and his confusion just now. We need to keep a close eye on him, wake him every few hours to check him again.” The others nodded their understanding.

Baze and Bodhi had already tended Melshi and Chirrut, and had them resting comfortably nearby. The other four slid onto benches and looked wearily at one another. After a couple of minutes, Bodhi fished out ration bars and water and passed them around, and they ate in tired silence.

“I’m probably in the best shape of anyone. I’ll..I’ll take first watch while the rest of you get some sleep. I think we’ll all feel better when we aren’t so tired,” Bodhi suggested.

He wasn’t sure they accepted that he was in the best shape, but maybe they were just too worn out to argue the point. 

“I’ll go second. Wake me in four hours, Bodhi,” Tonc volunteered.

“Then me,” Baze joined in. “That’ll get us to tomorrow. We can regroup then and decide what to do.”

“Whoever is on watch, wake Cassian a couple of times. Or wake me and I’ll do it,” Jyn instructed.

“And give him another shot of painkiller if he’s in discomfort,” Tonc added. “The captain is pretty beat up. He’ll be hurting for quite some time. He needs rest more than anything and the pain might interfere with that.”

“Of course.” Bodhi stood and handed around more blankets and bedding until it was all taken, and everyone stretched out in their chosen spot. He went to take a walk around the ship before closing the ramp. Easier to keep out surprises that way.

xx Day 2

To everyone’s relief, the night passed quietly. No visitors, no alarms, no disruptions. With their various injuries, sleep wasn’t as restful as it might have been, but it was enough. Even so, they were all stiff and sore. After or while they ate, each took to stretching or walking around to ease the tightness that had beset them while they slept.

Checking wounds, then reapplying medication and bandages was undertaken while they got the bedding put away and cleared a space in the hold. Cassian and Chirrut were the only two still stretched out, though Chirrut was awake and in good spirits.

Melshi had awakened earlier and was sitting up, watching, but not yet participating in the discussion. The blaster wound in his shoulder had bled quite a bit; no doubt he was still feeling weak.

Everyone looked for Jyn to act as leader; it was not her preference. Being in charge of a single mission or skirmish was one thing, but long-term planning wasn’t one of her strengths. She hadn’t had to do much of it in her life. She really wished Melshi, or even Cassian, could take charge, but she was not about to wake Cassian for it and Melshi wasn’t up to it yet. She’d just have to manage until either was recovered enough to take over.

“Does the radio work?”

Bodhi nodded. “We can send a signal on an Alliance channel without any problem, now that the shield gate is down. Trouble is, there isn’t likely to be anyone out there close enough to hear it. At least, not any rebels. They’ll have left after the Death Star.”

“They won’t expect survivors.” Baze made the comment matter-of-factly, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“Didn’t you say this ship could fly between planets?” Jyn asked.

“It can,” Bodhi acknowledged, “but without hyperdrive, it will be a very slow trip. And that will mean we are easy targets for anyone bigger and faster.”

“Like the Empire,” Tonc said.

“Or pirates,” Jyn added. “What would be the nearest safe planet? Do we know?” She looked around, but no one offered an answer.

“We can check the computer,” Tonc noted. “It should give us some information, though it probably won’t say if the Empire has a foothold or not. Just what’s out there.”

“Anyone familiar with this system at all?” She looked around but the only response was a few shakes of heads. “Okay, then, Tonc, what would be standard procedure on a mission for a situation like this? Can we do that for now?”

“Mostly just dig in, secure your position, treat the wounded, find food and water, and try to contact the Alliance. All the stuff we’ve already discussed.”

“We could look around outside, and see what’s out there – maybe more food and fresh water, if we are stuck here for very long. And maybe the computer knows if there are settlements on the planet anywhere else.”

Jyn raised an eyebrow when Baze spoke. That might be more than she had ever heard the big man say.

“Okay, then. Let’s get started.” Tasks were doled out and each set to work.

xx

After the noon meal, and a little extra sleep, Melshi was more alert and able to offer guidance from his experience. They discussed the nearby planets as possibilities for relocation, quickly ruling out several for various reasons.

“Geonosis is out. It has too many Imperial ties to be safe. Tatooine is the largest and nearest, but has its problems,” Melshi advised. “Mostly desert, hot, and you have to avoid the Hutts. One thing it does have going for it is a large spaceport, with a lot of pilots not too interested in sticking to the law. That might be our best bet for distance and resources.”

“Isn’t Ryloth where the Twi’leks are from?” Tonc asked.

“Yeah,” Melshi acknowledged, “but the terrain isn’t great, and it’s dangerous. I’m not sure we could find the help we need there, and even if we could, we might have difficulty landing and getting to it. And Tatooine is closer.”

“Most of the others look either too small or too far to consider, unless we have to,” Jyn observed.

“The problem would be credits,” Melshi continued. “We might be able to sell this ship for something, but paying passage for seven people could get expensive. And there might be questions about how we all got injured.”

“Are there any rebels there that would help us? That would maybe contact the base and let them know where we are so they could send someone to get us?” It might be grabbing at straws, but Jyn would gladly take some good news right now.

“There was a small group,” Melshi acknowledged. “If we can find them, there’s a chance that would work. With the Hutts in control, they have to keep a low profile. Most likely they’d try to stay fairly close to Mos Eisley. That’s the biggest spaceport. That’s where they would pick up any news or gossip being handed around. Trouble is, I don’t know anyone there. The captain might, if he wakens. Otherwise, we’ll have to try to find them.”

Jyn shrugged. “I can probably manage that. I’ve never found it hard to spot an Imperial or a rebel.” She grinned at him, even though he scowled slightly in return. “You’re not still mad about the shovel are you? I didn’t know why you would be rescuing me – I couldn’t take chances.”

Melshi’s mouth twitched, but he didn’t reply. Instead, he refocused on their discussion. “Anyway, is that what we want to try? Or should we wait here for a little while to see if anyone comes to check for survivors.”

“Except that it could be either side doing the checking,” Baze commented, again joining the conversation.

“It could be, but it probably won’t be the Empire,” Bodhi said. “They only targeted the base. They won’t waste time trying to find out if anyone survived – they wouldn’t have blown it up if they cared who died. They’ll be more interested in pursuing and destroying the Rebel fleet.”

No one argued that point. Jyn glanced over at Cassian. He had been lucid whenever they woke him, but she was still worried about his injuries and how severe they might be. When Tonc was checking him, she had seen the extensive bruising from the fall. That can’t have done good things to his insides and the longer he went without proper medical care, the greater the chance of the problems cascading. On the other hand, on Tatooine they’d be walking into an unknown situation. Carrying an injured man wasn’t the best way to enter such an environment. It would slow them down if they needed to fight or retreat.

“Maybe we wait a few more days for everyone to have more time to mend, and then we try for Tatooine and making contact?”

The others glanced among themselves and then everyone nodded their approval of her suggestion.

Though still a little wobbly, Melshi wanted to get some fresh air, so Tonc accompanied him out for a walk around the ship, both for the exercise and to allow the sergeant a chance to have a look at their position.

Once they were out of earshot, Tonc asked, “Do you think we have any chance, sir?” For all the planning and brave talk inside, their predicament felt pretty precarious.

Melshi had stopped and was gazing off toward the horizon. In other circumstances, this planet would almost be considered a paradise. After a couple of minutes, he drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ve known Captain Andor quite a few years, Tonc. He’s a survivor. That he’s still alive after the years of service he’s put in says a lot about the man. I first met Erso when we pulled her off an Imperial transport on Wobani. She clobbered all three of us and would have escaped if K-2SO hadn’t been with us and snagged her. Anybody who can take down me and two of my men is someone to keep an eye on. You know how you can have two strong things, but when you blend them together they’re even stronger? That’s what I see in Captain Andor and Sergeant Erso.” He turned to smile at the corporal. “I would never bet against that pair, and you’d be wise not to do it either. So, yeah, we have a chance. It won’t be easy, but we have them. Don’t bet against us.”

“But he’s…”

“Injured?” Melshi supplied, when Tonc hesitated. He laughed softly. “Yeah, he is, but with him that sometimes makes him more dangerous. And considering how much his health concerns Erso, I pity anyone who gets in the way of her finding help for him.”

xx

Jyn took a seat on the floor next to where Cassian still slept. She felt his forehead – there was no sign of a fever, that was good. And so far his breathing was steady. She leaned back against the bench, leaving her hand resting on his shoulder. Bodhi nervously came to sit on the bench beside her. “What happened to K-2?” he asked softly. Baze glanced over, and Jyn felt Cassian tense beneath her hand though there was no visible motion from him. Apparently he wasn’t asleep after all.

Still, she might as well tell them now so they wouldn’t ask later. Let him have the chance to conceal his reaction. “He…he died protecting us. He was at the vault controls and helped locate the file we needed, while trying to hold off attacking stormtroopers. Eventually they overwhelmed him and his damage was too severe. Before he went down, though, he sealed the vault so the troopers couldn’t get to us. That’s why we had to climb the data tower. It was the only way out.”

Everyone fell silent for several minutes, until finally Bodhi murmured, “I’m going to miss him.”

“Yeah,” Jyn agreed. “He could be a nuisance, but…yeah.” Bodhi gave her shoulder a squeeze and then moved away, and she did the same to Cassian. When she looked down, he was gazing up at her.

“Welcome back, Captain,” she said with a smile. “How are you feeling?” The question was mostly rhetorical – she wanted to deflect anyone noticing his expression, the pain in his eyes. Part of it might have been physical pain, but she knew that mostly it had to do with the loss of a dear friend. It was the same expression he’d had in the vault when K sacrificed himself with one final, selfless act.

He attempted a smile. At least it was an effort. “What is going on? Where are we?”

“Still on Scarif. Still hidden. Melshi thinks Tatooine might be our best option once everyone is a little more recovered.”

He nodded. “You can trust him, Jyn.”

She chuckled. “I think you need to tell him that about me, not the other way around. He hasn’t forgiven me for reacting poorly to my rescue on Wobani.”

Cassian did smile this time. “He’s forgiven you, but he learns from his mistakes. He’s just being more careful now.” His eyes blinked open again. “He trusts you or he wouldn’t have come with us.”

“Or maybe he came because he trusts you and you trust me?”

“Maybe,” Cassian conceded. “But I do trust both of you.”

“Good. Does that mean that I can trust you, then?”

He frowned, scowling up at her. “What?”

She grinned. “Specifically, can I trust you to tell me how hurt you are and how recovered you are, or are you going to keep saying you’re fine and pushing through the pain until you collapse in an unconscious heap? This time, I need you to be honest. We’ll need to know where we stand at any given moment, and need to know where our weak links might be so we can plan for them. I need you not to be a hero, Cassian.” She had started out teasing, but now she was completely serious. Having him succumb to his injuries while they were in the middle of fleeing for their lives was not ideal. And she wouldn’t even contemplate leaving him behind if it should happen. She wanted to be prepared for that possibility, as much as she could be, anyway.

He met her gaze for several seconds and then nodded. “You can trust me.”

xxxxx Days 3-4

It didn’t take long to settle into a routine. Melshi was stronger, Tonc’s burns were improved and Chirrut was sitting up, dispensing his usual perplexing wisdom since he wasn’t able to provide much other help. At least his positive attitude buoyed the spirits of everyone.

Bodhi spent a good portion of his days monitoring the radio for news, signals or anything that might prove useful. Tonc and Baze had ventured farther from the ship and managed to find fresh water. There were tropical fruits to be found, but they were hesitant to risk eating anything unknown, so they reluctantly stuck to the rations. At least with Tonc and Bodhi’s supply hoard, they were still okay in that respect. Same with the medical supplies. Bodhi had been right that the medpac on the shuttle wouldn’t have gone far, and with the numerous injuries they needed every supply they could get their hands on.

The one person not improving as they might have liked was Cassian. That he wasn’t even able to pretend that he felt better spoke volumes as to his condition, and Jyn now wore a perpetual scowl of worry. At least she did when he wasn’t awake to see it. Bodhi was impressed at how well she managed to conceal her concern when he was alert. He could still see the tension in her shoulders, and thought that if Cassian were in better shape he would have noticed also.

On the fifth day since the battle, they were to reconvene to decide if they were ready to risk heading to Tatooine. They had chosen to have the discussion over the noon meal since most mornings were spent with handling any tasks that needed doing.

“Jyn, may we speak?”

She looked over at Chirrut, stepping away from where Cassian was already drifting back to sleep after their brief conversation – he was becoming less coherent over time. She took a seat on the bench next to Chirrut. “Hey. Is something wrong?”

“Jyn, we must not leave here – not yet.”

Her brow knit. “Why not? We might be able to get medical care for Cassian on—”

“Yes, yes, I know what you would say. But the Force tells me this is where I must stay for now. Where we all must stay.”

Baze had stepped over to join them and his eyes met hers.

She hesitated. While she trusted Chirrut’s judgement, she still wasn’t certain about the Force and that it could do all that he believed it could. Cassian’s life might be at risk here, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to trust that the Force would protect him. “The others—”

“The others will listen to you, little sister,” Baze said. “If you say stay longer, they will agree to it.”

She noticed he didn’t say whether or not she should take that stance. He was right, though, that the others would follow her lead. They had so far. She had expected Melshi would take charge when he felt better, but instead he still acted as though she led this mission. Even if she didn’t particularly want to.

With a sigh, she nodded. “Okay. But what do I tell them? And delay for how long, Chirrut?”

“Tell them it is as the Force wills it. It will not be long.”

She didn’t find that answer satisfying; she would have to hope the others would accept it anyway.

xxx

“Hey, kid, why the serious face? We won, remember?” Han sprawled in his chair, eyeing Luke crossing the mess hall toward him.

Leia’s brow wrinkled with concern. “Luke, what’s wrong?”

The young man sighed, then looked up and met the gaze of each of them. “I need to go to Scarif. Maybe Han and Chewie can take me. And I need to take medical support.”

“Why?” Han was always blunt and to the point.

“Luke, what is it? What’s this about?” Leia took a more careful approach.

“I just…have this feeling that I need to go. And soon. I can’t explain it Leia, but I have to do it.” His eyes implored her to understand and agree.

After a moment, she nodded. “Han can take you. And I’ll see that you have the med support also. When do you want to leave?”

“Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t anybody gonna ask my opinion, seeing as how it’s my ship?”

Luke met his eyes. “Please, Han.”

The smuggler rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable with the kid’s steady determination. “Yeah, okay. I guess. It isn’t all that far. But I don’t know what you think you’ll find. If the Death Star hit it, there can’t be much left.”

Leia looked pensive, then murmured, “They didn’t destroy the entire planet, just the base at Scarif. Like Jedha City.” Her eyes met Luke’s again. “You think there might be survivors?”

Luke shrugged. “I don’t know. But there’s one way to find out.”

Han sighed and rose to his feet. With a quick movement, he swallowed down the last of his caf and picked up the bread roll on his breakfast plate. “Guess I better go tell Chewie, and get the Falcon fueled and ready. In an hour, kid?”

Luke and Leia looked at one another, and then both nodded up at him.

xxx

Tonc eyed Jyn. “You’re right, his temperature is climbing. There must be more damage internally than we can determine.”

Jyn wanted to punch something. Repeatedly. She would be angry with Chirrut suggesting they not leave, and getting her to make that decision in the meeting, but she suspected that simply going to Tatooine wasn’t going to resolve all their problems. Wasn’t necessarily going to save Cassian. Who was to say they even had sufficient medical facilities there to treat him? And how would they pay for it?

A heavy hand dropped on her shoulder and she startled at the touch. She blinked and turned to see Baze’s sympathetic gaze. “Be strong, little sister. I know what Chirrut says can be irritatingly uninformative, but his proclamations usually do have a reason.”

“Of course they do,” Chirrut said, coming to join them. His hand found Jyn’s and he gave it a squeeze. “Soon.”

She tried to derive reassurance from their words, but her experiences in life made that difficult. Tonc had finished tending to Cassian and moved away, and the Guardians went to resume their seats as Jyn dropped to the deck beside the Captain. She caught hold of his hand and drew it into her lap. “Don’t you dare die on me now, Cassian.” It was meant as a threat, but the murmur came out sounding more like a plea. If he heeded either version, she’d settle for it.

xx

“Cutting in sublight engines.” As normal space reappeared out the front viewscreen, Han turned to Luke where he was seated behind Chewie. “Okay, kid, we’re here. Now what?”

Luke’s face had taken on a strange expression, and he answered as if from a great distance. “Head for where the base was, and then I will guide you.”

Chewie gave a quiet howl and Han glanced at his friend, then shrugged, steering the course as Luke requested.

xx

“Bodhi.”

The pilot jumped slightly in his chair. It was unnerving how inobtrusively the blind man could move around. With his focus on the radio, he had been completely unaware the Guardian was approaching.

“Chirrut. Did you want something?”

“Is the emergency beacon turned on to an Alliance frequency?”

“What? No, why would it be?”

“So we can be found.” Chirrut said it matter-of-factly.

Bodhi hesitated, unsure what to do. Luckily, Melshi came to join them just then and with great relief he told the sergeant of Chirrut’s request. After a moment of consideration, Melshi nodded. “Do it.”

xx

“Turn southwest, ten degrees.”

Han had given up bothering to ask questions. He figured it was easiest to just go along with this mumbo jumbo for a while. If nothing came of it, well, he could always say he told Luke so and have the last laugh.

Chewie let out a growl, drawing Han’s attention to a flashing light on the panel. 

“What is it?” Luke asked.

“Huh. An emergency beacon.” He glanced back at Luke. “You think that’s whoever you’re looking for?”

Luke’s eyes closed briefly and then he replied, “Follow it.”

xx

“Melshi!” Tonc came running in from outside. “There’s a ship overhead. I’ve got a visual, but I don’t recognize it. Doesn’t look Imperial, though. Kind of beat up. Pirates maybe?”

“Seal the ship,” Melshi instructed and Tonc ran back to raise the ramp. Looking at Bodhi, he instructed, “Give them a call and see who answers.”

Bodhi let out a shaky breath and opened a line. “Incoming ship, please identify. Repeat, incoming ship, please identify yourself.”

There was silence while the three men held their breath. Jyn came up at the back and asked quietly, “What’s happening?”

“Incoming ship, please—”

“This is the Millenium Falcon responding to a distress beacon. You guys require assistance?”

They looked at one another. “Anyone heard of that ship?” Bodhi asked.

“Identify us, Bodhi. They are friends.” Chirrut sounded serenely certain.

Jyn and Melshi locked gazes. “Do it,” they said simultaneously.

_to be continued_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's left of Rogue One finally makes it back to base.

As Cassian was carried away, Draven’s eyes fell on the rest of the crew. “Melshi, Tonc – follow me. I’ll need your report.”

He had already started to turn away, expecting compliance, when Melshi said, “Sergeant Erso should come as well, sir. She led the mission with Captain Andor.”

Even on a planet as warm as Yavin, Draven’s glare would have frozen water. “ _Sergeant_ Erso?”

“Yes, sir. Lieutenant Sefla felt she needed to have rank if she was to lead the mission.”

Draven’s jaw tightened. “Erso. Follow me.”

Jyn’s gaze had been trailing after Cassian; she had fully intended to go with him to the medbay. Before she could say so, however, Melshi caught her eye and gave a slight jerk of his head for her to comply. She supposed he wanted her to be there to represent Cassian and report based on their role in the mission. Only because it might be best for Cassian did she yield and fall in beside the other two members of Rogue One.

Several leaders were gathered in the debriefing room when they arrived, but Draven led the session. He turned on Melshi first. “Why was she leading the mission, Sergeant? You and Andor should have known better than to place a civilian in charge of a military operation. Giving her military rank to legitimize it was unwarranted.”

Jyn slouched a little lower in her chair and crossed her arms. “ ‘She’ is sitting right here, General. If you have questions about her actions I suggest you ask her.”

If anything, Draven’s jaw clenched even more as he glared toward her. It was a wonder his teeth didn’t crack. Jyn didn’t particularly care. He sat safely on base sending men like Cassian and Melshi off to do the dirty work. He let them have the deeds on their consciences and suffer the nightmares that came as the result of them. Cassian might feel the need to follow his orders and treat the man with respect, but she didn’t, fake rank or not.

Everyone in the room was avoiding looking at the two combatants, but Jyn could feel Melshi’s gaze on her and turned to meet it, willing to hold her ground against any argument. To her surprise, the tiniest of quirks blinked at the corner of his mouth and was instantly gone. She would have thought she had imagined it if not for the look in his eyes. After just a moment, he gave a tiny jerk of the head toward Draven.

You can trust him, Cassian had said. Maybe she needed to do so now. He knew Draven better than she did, and she didn’t want to cause problems for Cassian considering he had followed her on this unauthorized mission. When her stiff posture relaxed slightly, Melshi turned away.

“What did you want to know about the mission, General?” Her clipped tone just barely managed to disguise her disdain. She was sure Draven knew how she felt about him; probably it was the same as he felt about her.

General Onoran stepped into the silence to start things moving. “Mission report, please, Sergeant Erso.”

Between the three of them, they were able to cover the entire operation rather thoroughly. Each had been positioned at different locations and so could give a more complete overview of what had taken place. The session had gone for well over an hour when General Onoran suggested, “Perhaps we should let these three seek medical attention for their injuries, and then get food and rest. I think it has been well earned. Sergeant Melshi, will you see that Miss Erso is given quarters?”

“Yes, sir.” The three rose in unison and Melshi led them from the room.

On the way to the medbay, Melshi stopped at a terminal to check quartering status. “We’ll put you in Section 12 for now, Room 417. We may move you later.” Tonc glanced at him quickly, but made no comment.

If Jyn suspected there was something they weren’t telling her, she was too tired to ask about it. The past week seemed to finally be catching up to her. They continued on to the medbay. 

The others had already been treated and released, or given a bed in the medbay, so the three took seats to wait their turn. It was only minutes before each was led to a treatment area based on their particular needs. Before he followed the droid, Melshi looked back and gave Jyn a nod. Then he was gone. 

Any other time, she might have pondered his behavior during the briefing and since, but her mind didn’t want to focus on that right now. They had made it back – at least some of them had – which was more than she expected at the outset. And the mission had achieved its purpose. On the return trip, Luke Skywalker had told them how they got the plans and were able to destroy the Death Star.

“Where’s Cassian? Captain Andor?” she asked abruptly. That was the one thing she still didn’t know – where he was or how he was doing.

“Captain Andor is being treated for his injuries.” The droid’s unemotional and unsatisfying response provoked her out of her inertia.

“That isn’t what I asked. Where is he? I want to see him.”

“You need to have your injuries treated and then rest. Captain Andor will be well cared for by my fellow droids.”

She slid off the table. “Fine. If you won’t tell me what I want to know, I’ll find him for myself.”

“I have not finished tending your injuries,” the droid protested.

“Yes, you have. Nothing more gets done to me until I’ve seen Cassian.” She pushed past the droid only to be met by a human doctor blocking the doorway.

“Is there a problem here?”

“I want to see Captain Andor. Now. How is he doing? Will he be all right?”

He held up his hands to stifle further questions. “Captain Andor is resting comfortably and being treated. His injuries were severe, as you apparently know, but I believe he will make a full recovery in time. At the moment, we have him in a bacta tank where he will stay for several hours, so there is nothing for you to ‘see’ at present.” His firm tone softened somewhat. “Let us get you treated for now. Then go eat and get some rest. If you come back in a few hours, he’ll be out of the tank and you can check on him personally. I’ll send someone to get you when he’s back in a bed.”

Jyn relaxed slightly, studying the man. She had learned how to quickly judge a person. This man was sincere. With a nod, she returned to sit on the table for the droid to continue examining her leg and ankle. The doctor gave her a smile and left the room.

Another twenty minutes and she was free to go. As she stepped into the waiting area, the same doctor was there and looked up from a datapad. “All done?” He turned to a terminal and called up some information. “Let’s see where you’re quartered and I’ll have someone take you there.” He reached a certain screen and hesitated. “Room 417? Who quartered you there?”

“Sergeant Melshi.” She was starting to wonder why that room assignment was drawing so much attention.

“I see.” He typed in a door code on his datapad and showed it to her. “This will get you in, then. I assume you don’t know the way.”

From the tone of his voice, she didn’t think he assumed that at all, but just then Tonc reappeared. “I can show her.”

The two left the medbay side by side. After they had walked a short distance, Tonc asked, “Want to get something to eat first? Something slightly better than ration bars?”

She had to grin at that comment, but paused. She was very tired, yet food was probably a good idea, and likely he had suggested it because he was hungry himself. “Okay, lead on.”

Eventually things began to look somewhat familiar from her previous visits to the base. She recognized the mess hall, anyway. At this hour, not many people were there so they were quickly through the line and settled at a table. After just a few bites, she had to agree with Tonc’s assessment – better than ration bars, slightly. They ate in silence, but as they stood afterwards, she finally asked the question that had been niggling at her. “Why’s everyone so interested in the room I’ve been assigned?”

It was difficult to tell on someone with dark skin, but she felt sure the man was blushing. Certainly he kept his gaze averted from her. “It’s just…well, that’s Captain Andor’s room. I guess Melshi figured he wouldn’t be using it for a while and wouldn’t mind your staying there. It was a quicker solution to quarters for you than figuring out what was presently available.”

Jyn stayed silent, unsure how to respond to this new information. She didn’t have a problem sleeping in a bed used by someone else, but she did wonder if Melshi was presuming something between her and Cassian that wasn’t necessarily there. Sure, maybe it could be eventually, but she’d only known the man for two weeks. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was giving her a headache and she didn’t want to think about it right now. She and Cassian could work that out later, when he was well. The rest of the walk to the room was made in silence.

“Thanks,” she told Tonc as he turned to go to his own room, and he responded with a smile before stepping away.

She took a deep breath and entered the door code, not sure what to expect. As the door slid closed behind her, she ran her eyes over the space. One thing was clear, Cassian was tidy. The room was more immaculate than any space she’d ever occupied before. What little was there was functional, not decorative. No pictures, no mementos, nothing of a personal nature was on display. A datapad on the small desk, a couple of books on a shelf with a few datacards. If she didn’t know better, she’d almost think the space had no resident. Considering Cassian’s line of work, she supposed that was understandable. It was very likely he didn’t spend a great deal of time here.

She kicked off her boots and went to check behind the two closed doors. The first was a small closet with a few extra pieces of clothing in it. The other led to a ‘fresher, including a shower with actual water. Tired as she was, the thought of being clean after so very long made the idea of a real shower too enticing.

She looked around. She could wash out her clothes, but it was unlikely they would dry quickly in the humid environment of Yavin. A closer look in the closet found pants and a shirt. It was certain they would be too big on her, but they would be clean until her own clothes dried. And she’d just as soon not wear her filthy clothes to bed.

Quickly she stripped down and stepped into the warm water. She dumped her clothes on the shower floor to let the worst of the dirt get a first soaking of water and soap while she bathed. The water felt so good that she spent longer than necessary, just allowing it to run over her and relax her tight muscles. When was the last time she had been fully relaxed? She couldn’t even guess when it might have been. Long before Wobani, certainly.

At length, weariness persuaded her to get moving. She finished bathing, washed out her clothes and hung them to dry and then put on Cassian’s shirt. Lucky for her he wasn’t a large man or it would have dwarfed her. But it would do for the time being. With a groan of pleasure, she crawled under the covers and was soon asleep.

For a change, she slept so deeply that dreams – or, rather, nightmares – couldn’t penetrate. Even so, she awoke feeling sluggish, unsure how long she had been out. The chronometer on the desk told her what time it was now, but she didn’t really remember what time she’d laid down. She thought they’d arrived back at the base around midday, then there was the debrief, medbay, food and the shower. Maybe around 1600 hours, then, that she went down and now it was nearly 2100. For several minutes, she just lay there, unwilling to get up but slowly coming more awake so that returning to sleep was seeming unlikely. Five hours or so of sleep was pretty good for her.

Her stomach growled, wanting attention. She hadn’t eaten a great deal earlier with Tonc so perhaps that was in order. No one had yet come to notify her about Cassian, but maybe she would stop in the medbay anyway and check. With a sigh, she threw back the sheet and shoved to her feet. As she had expected, her clothes hadn’t dried much in those few hours. She glanced down at the now-rumpled shirt and then shrugged. She wasn’t trying to win any beauty contests here; she’d stick with the clean clothes however poorly they fit her. She climbed into the pants, having to turn them up several times so they cleared her boots, and located a belt to cinch the waist.

Fortunately, she had a good memory and recalled the path Tonc had led her on between here and the medbay. Once there, she stood in the waiting area, watching for someone to come so she could ask about Cassian and where he might be. If she had to, she’d start poking around, but until that became necessary she’d respect the privacy of any other patients who might be here.

“May I help you?” A 2-1B droid came through a doorway and scanned her. “Do you require medical attention? I see that your leg injuries have already been treated. Do they trouble you?”

She raised her hands to stop the questions peppering her. “I’m fine. I’m not here about me. I came to check on Captain Andor. Is he still in the bacta tank?”

“May I ask who you are? I am not permitted to give medical information on patients to just anyone. Are you related to Captain Andor? One of his officers?” The droid’s scan ran over her and if a droid could look skeptical without facial features, this one did.

“I…” What should she say? No, she wasn’t related to Cassian or an officer, but still…

“It’s all right, 2-1B. Miss Erso may be given information about Captain Andor.” The human doctor from earlier reappeared and took over. Obediently, the droid turned and moved away.

“We weren’t introduced before. You are?” Jyn raised a prompting eyebrow.

“Dr. Lesorid,” he said, gesturing for her to follow him. “We just took Captain Andor out of the bacta a little while ago, and he’s now been cleaned up and settled in a bed. I haven’t had a chance to send anyone for you since that occurred.”

“How is he?” She knew the doctor had said they expected a full recovery, but she couldn’t quite let go of the worry on Cassian’s behalf.

“The bacta helped a great deal. He’ll need more treatments, of course, but this first session served to stabilize his condition.” He looked back at her. “It’s fortunate you got him here when you did. His various injuries were beginning to overwhelm him. If he had gone much longer without proper treatment his recovery would have been tenuous.”

She nodded, unable to speak at that realization. What if they had gone to Tatooine and Luke hadn’t found them? Chirrut insisted the Force had guided the young man to them, bringing medical help with him, but there were so many things that could have altered the outcome. She shoved such thoughts away. Those things _hadn’t_ happened, and Cassian was safe now. That was what mattered.

Dr. Lesorid led her behind a curtain and there he was. She inhaled sharply. Never had she seen him looking so pale and weak. Somehow even on their escape shuttle he had appeared stronger, or had that just been wishful thinking on her part? Cassian wasn’t supposed to look like this. She bit the inside of her cheek to repress the tears trying to water her eyes. Jyn Erso didn’t cry.

“He’ll be unconscious for quite some time, but you may sit with him a short while if you like. I’ll be nearby if you have questions.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

As the doctor left, she slowly approached the bed, letting out the breath she had been holding. “I’m sorry about this, Cassian,” she whispered softly. “I never meant for you to get hurt like this. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. If someone had to, it should have been me.”

She stopped, hearing his voice in her head, protesting her words, and it brought a slight smile to her face. They were two of a kind in that respect – each expected to suffer so that others didn’t have to, but sometimes the suffering of others couldn’t be avoided. If Cassian hadn’t sent her on up the tower while he held off Krennic and the death troopers, their mission might have failed. If nothing else, he had slowed Krennic down and bought her time. If he was this hurt, she couldn’t even begin to guess what strength of will had pushed him to follow her upward, and shoot Krennic so she could send the plans to the fleet.

She drew a chair near and sat down. “Thanks, Cassian. For coming with me, for making it possible, for helping me avenge my family. I know you probably did it to save the Rebellion, but thanks anyway.” She reached over and caught hold of his hand. It surprised her how warm it felt. Hopefully that was a good sign, a sign that the doctor was correct about his recovery. She didn’t know what else to say, so she just sat and watched him sleep, his hand clasped in hers.

Eventually, she heard the 2-1B droid enter the room. “It is time for me to administer Captain Andor’s medication, if you would step aside, please.”

Reluctantly she stood and shoved the chair back where it had been, out of the way. “See you later, Cassian.” She gave his hand a final squeeze and left without looking back. As much as she would have liked to tell herself she had felt an answering hand squeeze, she knew she hadn’t. But maybe soon that would change. There was hope.

At this hour, the mess hall was nearly deserted and she was through the food line before she became aware that Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze were gathered at a table in the corner. Only as she started walking toward them did they seem to notice her, and Bodhi stopped with his food halfway to his mouth, staring. “Jyn? What are you wearing?”

Baze snickered as Jyn glanced down. She had forgotten about her attire. “Oh, I borrowed some of Cassian’s clothes. Mine were filthy. These don’t exactly fit, but they are clean. I didn’t have anything else to put on.”

“I think I can remedy that situation.”

All heads turned to see Luke approaching with a young woman. Bodhi rose instantly and gave her a nod. “Princess Leia.”

Jyn settled across from the three men, but eyed the newcomer. Luke had told them about Princess Leia’s role in the Death Star’s destruction. Somehow she had pictured someone older and more stately, more like Mon Mothma. This girl was probably near her own age.

“What do you mean?” Jyn blew on her caf to cool it and then took a sip.

“I’ll have a word with the quartermaster and have him find clothing that will fit you.”

Jyn grinned ruefully. “Good luck with that. I don’t come in the standard size. It can be hard to find things for someone as small as me.”

Leia laughed. “And you think I don’t? If all else fails, I’ll let you have some of my things. We’re about the same size.”

Jyn’s eyebrows rose at this assertion. No, not like Mon Mothma at all. She looked over at her Rogue crewmates. “So, you’ve already met the Princess?”

Leia answered so the men could continue eating. “You got dragged off to the debriefing, but I wanted to meet, to thank, those of you who made our victory possible.”

Jyn stirred her food thoughtfully. Made the victory possible, yes, but her father had made it necessary in the first place.

“Each of us must make choices in our lives and sometimes the lesser evil is the best we can manage,” Chirrut observed. Only Baze did not turn to look at this pronouncement.

Leia dropped a hand on Jyn’s arm. “He’s saying that your father likely had little choice in what he did, but he made effective use of the chances he was given. The Empire isn’t known to take no for an answer, but sometimes when we are very lucky their own arrogance betrays them. They thought Galen Erso was beaten into submission. They had no idea the poison they had released into their own system.”

Jyn gave her a grateful smile. She rather thought she could like this woman. Even if she was a Princess.

Changing the subject, Chirrut asked, “How is Captain Andor doing?” All eyes turned to look at Jyn. Apparently everyone assumed she would know.

“I stopped by the medbay before coming here. They had just taken him out of bacta. He isn’t conscious yet and will need more treatments, but the doctor says he should be fine.”

There were murmured comments of pleasure at the news, but Leia had become silent and serious. After a moment, she told them, “I am glad to hear Captain Andor is recovering. One thing you should all know, and prepare for, however, is that we will soon be evacuating this base. The Empire now knows we are here. We need to leave before they can regroup from the loss of the Death Star and make another attack. New locations are being scouted, and we will be evacuating as much as we can over the next couple of days. General Dodonna does want to leave a group here to defend this site. I’m not sure I agree with that, but he thinks it could be useful. And evacuation will take time.” 

She looked around apologetically. “I’m sorry to put a damper on the conversation, but time is short. I know most of you are recovering from injuries, but any assistance you feel you can provide would be greatly appreciated.”

Jyn pushed her tray away, no longer having an appetite. She had gotten most of it down before this unpleasant news, though she should have expected it. Saw would have been moving his base the same day if it had been located. She supposed only the size and number of personnel made the difference here. Quickly she swallowed the last of her caf and looked at the Princess. “My leg’s still sore, so I won’t be running any races, but otherwise I’m ready to do whatever you need.”

The others gave similar assurances and then Leia rose. “Let’s see what we can do about clothes that fit you, Jyn.”

By the time Jyn returned to Cassian’s quarters, it was nearly midnight. She hadn’t done much while out and about, but already she was inclined to head back to bed. Looked like she still needed to make up for the lost sleep over the past couple of weeks.

Even so, she sat on the side of the bed, considering all that had happened in the three hours around the base. She would feel better if Cassian was awake before he had to be evacuated, but maybe that couldn’t be helped. She’d make sure to pack up his room and take his things with her. It took her several moments of contemplation to realize she was disappointed that they needed to leave so soon. She should have known it would be necessary, but she had rather hoped for a little time to just relax. It didn’t look like the Empire was going to make that possible, but then, when had they ever made her life easier.

Her eyes fell on the clothing Leia had secured for her and then she looked down at what she was wearing. She ran a hand down the front of the shirt. For some reason, she’d be a little sorry to give up the clothes now that she had another option. Still, Cassian would probably need them back.

The quartermaster had provided other necessities and she headed in to the sink to brush her teeth. Time to get some more sleep. She had promised to turn up for work by 0800.

xxxxx

Crossing the hangar on her way to breakfast the next morning, she heard someone calling her name. “Jyn! Jyn!” Bodhi was racing toward her like a madman, though the excitement on his face suggested good news rather than bad.

He skidded up to her and grabbed her hands. The cast on his arm seemed to be helping make him more functional. “You…You’ll never believe it! He’s here! He’s here! Come on!” He turned, trying to drag her behind him.

“Bodhi, slow down. What’s going on? Who’s here?”

He kept tugging at her hand. “Come on! It’s K-2 – he’s here!”

At that, she dug in her heels, pulling them both to a stop. “That’s not possible,” she said hoarsely, her eyes wide. “It can’t be.”

Catching his breath and trying to talk slower so he made more sense, Bodhi explained, “I don’t know all the details yet, but somehow he managed to escape and make it back to base. He’s been here all this time, but they had him helping to load the heavy equipment and he hadn’t heard we were here. And no one thought to tell us. You’ll never guess – he brought back a stormtrooper with him! He talked the guy into helping him!”

Jyn’s brain simply wouldn’t absorb this news. K-2, alive? She allowed Bodhi to drag her along, still trying to get her mind around his words. Her thoughts went to Cassian and she smiled. If K was really here, that would be a very nice surprise for him to wake up to. A few minutes later, she and the KX unit were face to face.

“Jyn Erso. I am pleased to see you are here and in one piece.”

She laughed. “You, too, K. You got a stormtrooper to help you escape?”

“I did. Regrettably, I must inform you that I no longer have the blaster you were kind enough to give me.”

A man walking past announced, “You’re not allowed a blaster, certainly not on base.”

Before he got very far, K-2 called after him, “I do not recall asking your opinion.”

“K, do you know about Cassian? Did Bodhi tell you?”

“He said Cassian is in the medbay, but still unconscious. I am expected to remain here and continue working.”

Jyn didn’t miss his petulant tone. “I know, but he _is_ unconscious. As soon as he wakens, I’ll make sure you’re told and I’ll make sure they let you come see him. For now, it probably is best if you continue working. The Empire knows where we are, so the sooner we get out of here, the sooner all of us will be much safer.”

“Acknowledged. Thank you, Jyn Erso.”

“Listen, I need to go eat and report for work myself. If they give you time off that you don’t need for recharging, come and find me. Or stop by and see Cassian. I’ll talk to the doctor so they allow you to be there.” She stopped, smiling broadly at the droid and feeling her spirits lift immeasurably. “I’m really glad to see you, K.”

“Likewise.”

“Oi! Droid! Back to work.”

“Perhaps it is wise they do _not_ allow me to have a blaster,” K observed, turning away, and it was all Jyn could do not to laugh outright. Yes, K was definitely back.

Bodhi fell in beside her. “I’ll come with you to eat.”

“What happened to the stormtrooper K brought with him?”

“They’re still keeping a close eye on him. Obviously, they don’t trust him yet. He isn’t imprisoned, but he doesn’t have free run of the base either. Someone is watching him all the time. I’m going to try to talk to him if I can. Maybe I can help him find a place with the Rebellion, if that’s what he really wants. I’m still not sure why he assisted K’s escape.”

Jyn skidded to a halt, her eyes wide and fists clenched. “Why that lousy, stinking…mudcrutch!”

Bodhi’s eyes went round, and he stumbled back a step, startled by the sudden venom in her voice. “Wh..what? Who?”

“Draven,” she seethed. “He knew. He knew all along and said nothing.”

“Knew what? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about K. He stood there and listened to our mission report, including me saying that K was destroyed, and not once did he mention that wasn’t so. He didn’t tell us about K, and he didn’t bother to tell K we had survived – that Cassian had survived. And people wonder why I despise that man.”

Bodhi laid a soothing hand on her arm. “Yeah, okay, I know he can be irritating, but the important thing is that K is alive, and so are we. Draven can just go…go…well, you know.”

That elicited a chuckle from her. “All right, Bodhi. I guess that is the most important thing. You didn’t see the look on Cassian’s face when we thought…”

“Well just remind yourself how happy he’ll be when he finds out the truth. Now, come on – food. I don’t want to have to go to work without eating first.”

_to be continued_

 

invented characters:  
Dr Lesorid – kind doctor caring for Cassian

All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The survivors of Scarif evacuate Yavin IV, but not all together.

All things considered, his room was at least as good as what he had as a stormtrooper, and he wasn’t having to share the space with nineteen other troopers. The food wasn’t much better here, though. The truth was, he was bored. He’d been here nearly a week and they had put him to work doing a few odd jobs, but always with a guard. He hadn’t seen the KX unit since they arrived. Droids weren’t exactly what you could call friends, but right now he was about the closest thing TG-1243 had. Correction – that ‘Tag’ had. The droid had been adamant that his designation was not an appropriate name for a former stormtrooper, and had chosen Tag to replace it. He was okay with that. It felt less impersonal than a designation number anyway.

Voices outside drew his attention. “Can I talk to him?”

A moment later, and a man stepped in. They eyed one another carefully. Tag’s entire body was tense. This man didn’t look like someone who could decide his fate, but looks might be deceiving.

“I’m Bodhi,” he said, taking a seat and gesturing for Tag to sit also. “K tells me that you are interested in being a tech.”

He nodded warily. K? That must be what they called the droid. He had always used the full designation of K-2SO.

Bodhi leaned back in the chair and smiled slightly. “Did you intend to defect or did it just sort of happen that way?”

He considered the question, then shrugged. “I wasn’t looking to do it. But the droid, K-2SO, persuaded me it might be worthwhile.”

“So, you still aren’t really sure you want to be here then.”

At least the comment was said without judgement, no threat behind it. Tag rubbed his face. “I don’t know. Everything happened so fast. What the droid said made sense and the next thing I knew we were on a ship and flying away from Scarif.” He paused, then asked, “Is it true? Did the Empire really build that…that planet-killer?”

Bodhi nodded. “If you had stayed any longer, you’d be dead now. Some others and I just barely managed to escape the blast.”

“But why? Why would the Empire destroy its own base?”

“Because Rebels were attacking it, and I think they realized we were after the Death Star plans. They didn’t want to risk those falling into our hands, so they destroyed the archives to prevent it. Along with a whole lot of their own people. The expendable ones, like stormtroopers.”

Tag’s jaw tightened at that comment. “What would you know about it?”

“A great deal. I was expendable once, too. I was an Imperial cargo shuttle pilot before I joined the Alliance. They treated us pretty much the same as they do stormtroopers. Use us up and throw us away.”

“You…you defected?”

“Yes, less than a month ago. I’m the one who alerted the Alliance that the Empire was building the Death Star, and brought word that there was a flaw that could be exploited. That’s why we needed the plans on Scarif – so it could be destroyed.”

“Did you? Did you destroy it?”

Bodhi nodded. “Just a couple of days ago. Our fighters were able to use the weakness and now it’s gone. Only trouble is, the Empire knows where we are so we’re in the process of evacuating.”

“Yeah, I kind of heard about that. They’ve been having me do some work without saying why, but I heard others talking and figured it out.”

“What is it that you want to do now? You weren’t planning to defect, but you have. Going back isn’t an option – they’d consider you a deserter or a traitor and kill you. What are you hoping to do now?”

Tag shook his head. “I don’t know. I didn’t plan this, I didn’t expect this and I have no idea what to do now.”

“You listened to K enough to leave the Empire. Did you listen enough to want to join the Rebellion?”

Tag met his gaze for several seconds before shifting to look at the wall instead. “Is joining even possible? I don’t get the impression they trust me.”

“They don’t. Why would they? You haven’t yet given them reason to think you’re here willingly, by choice, and that you want to stay and contribute to the Cause. So far as they know, K just managed to somehow force you to help him.”

“He talked about freedom. And choice. I’d really like to have a choice about what I do.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t answer whether you want to be part of the Rebellion or not, as part of that choice. They won’t just kill you outright. If you didn’t want to help, and knowing you couldn’t go back, they’d probably be willing to drop you on some planet and let you make your own way from there on. If that’s what you want.”

“You stayed.”

“I became a pilot when I was younger. I didn’t think much about working for the Empire. They were hiring and they paid, and I needed the money to help support my family. It wasn’t until I had become part of it that I began to see things that weren’t right. And then I saw what they did to my home, Jedha. People were killed, they lived in fear, the temple was destroyed and the city was being gutted of anything of value. But by the time I realized all that, there didn’t seem to be any way out.” He sighed and looked down at his clasped hands. “Lucky for me, I met someone who helped me see differently. Who helped me realize that if I was brave enough and willing to act on what I believed, I could begin to make things right.” His eyes flicked up. “I didn’t act soon enough to prevent the Empire from destroying my home of Jedha City with their Death Star. I watched it happen and could do nothing. But I’m fighting now.”

Bodhi glanced at a wall chronometer. “We’ll talk again. I need to get back to work. Think about what I’ve said, about what you want.” He stood, then clasped the other man’s shoulder and smiled encouragingly before exiting the room.

xxxxx

“What? No, I want to go with Cassian!” Jyn didn’t know why she hadn’t expected Draven to pull something like this.

“The Alliance has greater needs than what you want, Miss Erso! You will be of more use elsewhere, not on the medical frigate! They can give you periodic updates on Andor’s condition,” Draven snapped.

She crossed her arms speculatively. “Then I want K-2 with me wherever you assign me.”

Draven’s eyes narrowed. “Why? What does that droid have to do with anything?”

“Sir, if I may,” Melshi interjected, and Draven gave him a nod to continue. “Everyone knows K-2 really belongs to Captain Andor. He won’t take well to being separated from him – K’s allegiance to the Rebellion is tied to his allegiance to Andor. If he stays near Sergeant Erso, he might prove more cooperative, since she could share the updates on the Captain’s condition with the droid.”

Draven considered a moment, then nodded. “Very well, arrange it, Sergeant. The last thing I need to deal with right now is that troublesome droid. And you, Erso, make sure he keeps working. He’ll be your responsibility.”

“Yes, sir.” A small victory, but she’d take it. Hopefully K-2 would not find the arrangement objectionable.

She didn’t see the droid for several hours. “K, you and I are assigned to the tech frigate. We ship out the day after tomorrow, 1300 hours.”

K’s receptors studied her. “Why would we both be assigned on that ship? I can see why I might be, but I have not observed that you are particularly tech oriented.”

She grinned. “No, but I am Cassian oriented. Since they won’t let either of us go aboard the medical ship, I’ll be able to get information about him and can make sure you hear it. If they separate us, they won’t think to tell you anything, any more than they thought to tell you when we were rescued from Scarif by Luke. I have enough tech knowledge to make this reasonable.”

K’s processors whirred. “Your reasoning is sound. This is acceptable.”

“Good. I know you don’t like being apart from him; neither do I. But until we find a new base, I don’t think we’ll be able to accomplish that. For now, this is the best I could come up with. And, if necessary, between the two of us I’m sure we’ll figure a way to get to him if we have to…”

“I can see why General Draven is not fond of you, Jyn Erso. You have a blatant disregard for following orders.” He turned back to his work, before adding, “Perhaps that is why I am beginning to like you.”

xxx

“Where did you guys get assigned?” Jyn looked at the two Guardians questioningly.

Baze gave a small smile. “Chirrut is still ‘recovering’ from his injuries and so is on the medical ship. So am I, seeing as how they can’t tell us what to do. We stay together. End of discussion.”

She grinned. “Good. And now I have a direct source of information on Cassian…”

“Do not worry, Jyn,” Chirrut assured her. “We will keep a close eye on the Captain for you, and fill him in on all that has happened since Scarif.”

“I heard K-2 will be going with you.”

She looked back to Baze and nodded. “I knew I didn’t stand much of a chance arguing with Draven to let me on the medical frigate, but Melshi helped persuade him to send K with me. To keep K out of trouble and cooperating, as though that’s possible. But I didn’t want them sending him off who knows where and then never telling him anything. It isn’t fair to do that to him, even if he is just a droid to them.”

They all fell silent for several minutes and then Jyn observed, “They’ll waste us. Draven still doesn’t want to acknowledge that what Rogue One did was necessary and he certainly doesn’t like me, so he’ll waste all of us on petty work that anyone could do. Most of us have specialized skills that could be put to better use.”

“Do not be so certain of that, Jyn. General Draven may not appreciate you, but others do and they will prevail upon him eventually. The Alliance suffered many losses despite this victory. They cannot afford to waste you for long,” Chirrut said.

“I’m just worried…”

“Worried that they won’t let you see Captain Andor again?”

For all Baze’s lack of conversation, what little he did say was usually to the point. She nodded. “I’m sure Draven is using this evacuation as an excuse to separate us, and if he has his say about it, we’ll stay that way.”

“That presumes that the Captain will not object when he is recovered,” Chirrut pointed out. “Do not underestimate his tenacity in accomplishing his purpose.” A slight smile played around his mouth, and Jyn couldn’t keep from responding with a grin of her own.

“There is that. Draven might not like it, but Cassian has ‘skills’ that let him get what he wants. And he knows how to work Draven.”

xxxxx

Jyn didn’t have a lot to pack. Most of what they’d given her prior to Scarif was gone now. She had managed to retain little more than the clothes on her back from that. The quartermaster had given her another satchel and two changes of clothes, along with some personal hygiene items, a jacket and he’d even scrounged another scarf for her. Still, looking at the small pile spread on Cassian’s bed, it was more than she usually had.

Cassian’s pack wasn’t much larger. He’d lost that vest he was so fond of when the shuttle blew up on Scarif, along with his uniform jacket. Despite that, his favorite blue parka and a leather jacket were the largest things in the pack. She was going to let him request whatever else he wanted himself, rather than do it for him. He would need things wherever he was, and no telling when she might be able to return his possessions to him. There was no point in her toting around things he needed.

A knock at the door surprised her. She had left her three companions less than an hour ago, with no plans to see each other right away. She opened it to find Melshi standing there. For a moment, they just stared at one another.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” She stepped aside to let him enter and then closed the door behind him. He settled into the one chair, so she perched on the side of the bed.

He looked over the piles on the bed then commented, “You’re packing Andor’s things?”

She nodded. “With the evacuation and him still unconscious, I thought it better than making the medical staff have to keep track of his bag.”

Melshi nodded in agreement, then cleared his throat again. “I was able to read some of your file, only a shortened version. Tell me about yourself. I know you can fight in hand-to-hand combat, but if you were with Saw Gerrera, I suspect you know a whole lot more.”

Her brow wrinkled at the question, unsure why he might be asking. Still, she had no reason to hide her past or her skills, at least not here or from him. She gave him a brief rundown of her best skills and even the ones she was less good at, letting him ask questions if he wanted clarification of anything. When she finished, he sat in silence. At length, too curious not to ask, she pressed back with her own question. “What’s this about? Why do you want to know about all that?”

He shoved to his feet, his hands behind his back. “It could be…useful. No promises, but I may try to make use of your skills when appropriate.” He met her eyes. “We lost a lot of talent on Scarif and the fight’s not over. I’ll need to fill in with whatever I can find.”

She slowly rose, but gave him a nod of understanding. “You know where to find me if I can help.”

“Yeah.” He turned without another word and left.

For several seconds she stared at the closed door, but then a smile crept over her face. Chirrut was right – Draven wasn’t going to be able to ignore her forever; there were some who valued what she could offer.

xxxx

“Little sister, are you there?”

“I’m here, Baze. I heard from Bodhi four days ago. He couldn’t tell me where he was, but said he was well. Said to tell you two hello for him. What’s the news from your part of space?”

“Nothing much has changed here, though there is someone who would like a word with you. Hold on.”

Her heart lurched. Could it be Cassian? Awake? She tried to tamp down the rising hope for fear of disappointment.

“Jyn?” His voice was weak, but she would recognize it no matter what.

“I’m here. How are you? Finally awake, I guess.”

“Yeah, finally. I’m…I’m getting there. The doctor says it will take time to regain my strength and for the ribs to finish mending. Overall I’m in pretty good shape, though.”

“I’m glad.” That didn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling, but at the moment she couldn’t find the words to be any clearer. “Uh, did Baze and Chirrut tell you the really good news?”

“About K? Yeah. They told me. I still can’t believe I’m not dreaming.”

“It’s no dream. He’s here with me and just as outspoken as ever, but we’ve learned to tolerate each other fairly well. Just so long as we don’t spend too much time together.”

He chuckled softly, but it led into a coughing fit for several seconds and she could hear Baze encouraging him to take a sip of water. Finally, he came back on the line. “Take care of him for me, will you?”

“You know it. Oh, and I have your stuff, too. I cleaned out your room and kept everything with me so it wouldn’t get lost while you were out of it in the medbay.”

“Thanks.” His voice was sounding weaker and breathier.

“You should rest, it sounds like, but have Baze call again tonight – say four hours from now, if possible. I’ll try to have K with me so you can speak with him.”

“That sounds great,” he murmured.

Then Baze was back on the line. “We’re losing him, so I guess that’s it for now. Four hours. I may have to wake him up – the doctors won’t like that.”

“Then they’ll have to not like it. He needs to talk to K, if he can’t see him. Just for a couple of minutes. It will do them both good. Thanks, Baze.”

“No problem. Stay safe.”

“You, too. Hello to Chirrut for me.”

“Hello back,” a voice called in the background, and she laughed.

“Four hours,” Baze reiterated, closing the line.

She stood there smiling, until a sudden thought crossed her mind. Maybe… She took off for her quarters. It took a couple of minutes of searching to find where she had put it, but buried among Cassian’s things was a comlink. Hopefully, it would connect her to K, wherever he happened to be just now.

“K? K, are you there?”

When the silence stretched on, she almost gave up but decided on one more try first. Before she could, however, a tentative voice was heard. “Jyn?”

“Yeah, K, it’s me.” _Success!_

“What are you doing with Cassian’s comlink that is set to my secure frequency?”

An eyebrow quirked in surprise; she hadn’t known that. “I found it among his things when I packed up his room. I was hoping it would connect me to you. Anyway, nevermind that – I just spoke to Cassian. He’s finally awake, sort of. Still has a lot of recovering to do, but it’s a start. Baze is going to contact me again in four hours. Make sure you find me then so you can talk to him, okay?”

“Understood.” There was a pause and then, “Thank you, Jyn Erso.”

She smiled. “Any time, K.”

xxxxx

“K, is that your stormtrooper? What was his name?”

K-2 turned his receptors in the direction she was looking. “Affirmative. They are only given designations. However, now he is called Tag.”

“Tag?”

“His designation was TG-1243. I thought it would be problematic if he should continue to go by that on a Rebel base.”

“Ah. Come on, then, you can introduce me.” She strolled toward where the man sat alone. “Okay if I sit here?” She plunked her tray down, not waiting for a response.

He blinked at her in surprise as K-2 droned, “Tag, this is Jyn Erso. Jyn, this is former stormtrooper Tag.”

“Good to meet you, Tag. Oh, and thanks for helping K get off Scarif. K and I have a mutual friend and once he’s recovered, I’m sure he’ll want to thank you himself.” She added quietly, “We thought we’d lost the big guy.”

“I don’t get it. Why is everyone friends with a droid?”

She chuckled. “He grows on you. Some droids just have a unique personality.”

“Are you referring to me? Droids do not have ‘personalities’, they have programming.”

She looked up at him. “Trust me, K, you have personality. Just ask Cassian when he’s awake. I’ll agree that not all droids do – most don’t – but you certainly do, and I’ve seen a few others in my life.” She started eating.

“Why are you sitting here?” It was probably rude to ask, but Tag really wanted to know.

“Would you rather I didn’t?” After a moment, he shook his head. She resumed eating, but told him, “I know what it’s like to be an outsider. A lot of these people probably don’t think I belong here either.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever hear of the Partisans? Saw Gerrera?” He nodded. “I used to be part of that group for a lot of years. Then more recently I’ve been on my own, a criminal as far as the Empire is concerned; Rebels too, I guess. That’s how I ended up on Wobani.”

“You were imprisoned on Wobani?” He’d heard of the place – the hind-end of the galaxy, where criminals were sent to disappear and never be heard from again. They gave ‘sentences’, but he’d never heard of anyone finishing their time and leaving Wobani. “How is it you’re not there now?”

She looked up and grinned. “My particular talents were needed elsewhere, so someone came to get me.”

“Erso. Isn’t there an Imperial scientist or something by that name? I think I heard his name on Scarif a couple of times.”

She stiffened, then forced herself to relax. “There was. He’s dead now.” Her eyes came up to meet his. “He helped build the Death Star, and then he helped to destroy it. That’s why we came to Scarif – to get the plans enabling us to exploit the weakness he had built into that monstrosity. My father wasn’t given a choice about helping the Empire, so he took his revenge the only way he could.”

Tag swallowed hard. “Your…father?” He hesitated. “Ummm, how is it he worked for the Empire, but you were with the Partisans?”

“When the Empire pressed him into service the second time, they killed my mother for trying to interfere. But my parents had anticipated being found, so they had a place for me to hide. When the Imps couldn’t find me, they left me there and took my father. I was eight years old.”

Tag dropped his gaze to his plate, ashamed, even though he had nothing to do with any of what she had just said. He had been part of the Empire, served them. He had been involved in other instances where people were killed or families torn apart. And always he just kept following his orders. He had told himself it was necessary for him to do so, that it was necessary for the greater good, that there was nothing he could do to change any of what he witnessed, but now he wasn’t so sure that was true. These people, these Rebels, were fighting and dying in the belief that they could make a difference, that they could make things better for everyone.

“You’re here now. Why wouldn’t they trust you?” It felt like he was looking at a giant puzzle, but important pieces were missing.

“I went to Scarif. I helped get the Death Star plans so it could be defeated, but I’m not officially part of the Alliance.” She considered briefly and said, “I guess I should probably do something about that.”

She shrugged, taking another bite and swallowing before continuing. “Anyway, they need to be sure they can trust you. By now you’ve seen the lies and tricks that are played to gain advantage. It happens in the Empire and elsewhere. They don’t want to welcome a ‘friend’ only to find a knife in their backs. You – both of us –,” she waved her fork back and forth between them, “have to give them a reason to believe we’re on the same side, that we’ll stand and fight when it gets bad, not just run for cover and sell them out to save ourselves.”

“Not sure what the point of me being here is if they don’t trust me. What use am I? I’ve moved a few containers around, packed or loaded up some equipment, but that’s all.”

“K says you did a good job getting him back online, and doing the tech stuff required to transfer him to an undamaged body. You have tech training?”

Tag shrugged, slouching in his seat. He’d been surprised how often he did that, now that he wasn’t wearing armor that precluded it. “Not much. I mostly taught myself, and the techs showed me some things since I was willing to help them. Those designated to be stormtroopers don’t _need_ to have that kind of knowledge.”

Jyn noted the bitterness in his tone. “You _were_ designated a stormtrooper – you aren’t now. And I didn’t ask what you needed to know.”

He lifted his chin in challenge and straightened. “I always wanted to be a tech. I just…I never got the chance.”

Jyn washed down her last bite with the dregs of her caf. “Well, guess we’ll have to change that, won’t we.” She stood and gave him a nod, walking away and leaving him to his own thoughts.

K-2 stood also but lingered, and Tag looked up at him. “You will find that Jyn Erso is not much concerned with what others think of her, or even with what they want her to do. It would appear she has decided to champion your cause, and you could not find a more determined ally.”

xxx

Since they’d been aboard the ship, Tag had even less to do than before. At least on the base, they were working on their evacuation and an extra pair of hands could always be put to use. That wasn’t the case here. He didn’t know how he came to be on the tech frigate, but it was frustrating to be here and unable to do anything.

“Hey you, _Tag_. Follow me.”

He blinked and stood. His current guard waited expectantly and he hastened to go with the man. They made their way to the lower levels of the ship where droids in various states of functionality filled the area. His guard signaled for him to wait by the door and went to speak to someone.

Tag used the time to peruse the room. It wasn’t that much different than the tech bays he’d been in with the Empire, learning whatever he could. The room put an itching in his fingers, the urge to bury his hands in grease and wiring and parts.

He suddenly realized that his guard was signaling him over. “This is him. Name’s Tag. The stormtrooper that came back with K-2SO.” The other man made a sour face at the mention of K’s name. Evidently he was acquainted with the KX unit. “This is Sergeant Daster. He oversees the repair shop. You’ll stay here and work with him.” With that introduction, he turned and left.

Sergeant Daster looked him up and down. “So, young’un, what can you do? They say you know something about tech work.”

“Uh, mostly just small stuff. The Imperial—” He stopped, not sure he should mention that connection, but Daster didn’t even blink. “Well, I’d go to the tech shop after hours sometimes and they taught me a few things. And I read what I could get my hands on.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ll start you on something simple, then. See how you do with that.” He turned toward a pile of parts, crooking a finger for Tag to follow, and soon had him settled reattaching limbs to various droids.

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Dr Lesorid – kind doctor caring for Cassian  
> Sergeant Daster – head of the tech shop on the tech frigate
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.
> 
>  
> 
> Ch 4 note: I originally was going to give the stormtrooper the name of ‘Tig’ (a riff on the TG, like Finn came from FN), but back in the original Star Wars days, a friend of mine wrote a few comics (for Dark Horse). His title characters were Tag and Bink, two hapless rebels that disguised themselves as stormtroopers to get out of a jam and blundered from one mishap to another. Once I remembered that, I just couldn’t use any other name than ‘Tag’ for this guy (though there is no other connection to the original character).
> 
> Ch 4 note: I couldn’t find a date when the Jedha Temple was destroyed by the Empire. So, for my purposes here, I have it happening after Bodhi has already joined the Empire. Since Bodhi was born 25 BBY, if he joined them at 17 that would be 8 BBY. At that time, Jyn would be 13, making this five years after her mother was killed and her father taken. I am assuming the need for kyber came later in the Death Star construction, so the Empire hadn’t begun stripping the Temple just yet to meet their need.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn finally gets an active duty assignment, with K-2 in tow.

Chirrut hadn’t been wrong, though Jyn couldn’t discern Melshi’s hand in it. After only two weeks, Draven contacted her on the comm system. She could almost hear the reluctance dripping from his voice – it likely meant someone else had insisted on this. “We’ve decided to reassign you to the Millenium Falcon, to work with Captain Solo. It has been suggested that your ‘talents’ are best suited to the sorts of missions he is given to do.” He hesitated, and then added with a sigh, “K-2SO will go with you.”

She bit back a grin. “Understood, General. When do I take on this new position?”

“The Falcon will rendezvous with your ship tomorrow at 0900 hours. Be punctual. You’ll need to depart immediately on assignment.”

“We’ll be ready.”

Draven closed the comm without saying anything further, but Jyn paused to let the relief wash through her. She had been going stir-crazy on this ship. Taking on active missions again was a pleasant surprise. She stood – better go let K know.

xxx

It took four days. A mere four days. They were hastily departing from another planet under shady circumstances; she wasn’t certain Solo knew any other way to fly. K-2 waited until they were strapping themselves into seats in the Falcon’s main hold to announce, “It is expedient that I inform you, Jyn Erso, Han Solo is a maniac.”

She laughed outloud before she was able to stifle it. She couldn’t argue with that assessment.

“You do not seem to be taking this information seriously. It is not a joke, I assure you.”

“No, K, I believe you, and agree. What you have to remember is that I grew up among Saw Gerrera’s Partisans. At least half of them were maniacs. I’m kind of used to it.”

“Well, Cassian would not approve of his methods, I am sure of that.”

Cassian. She missed him. She knew K did also. Baze and Chirrut had gone planet-side to provide surveillance on Imperial activity, and so she no longer had a direct source of information about Cassian. She wasn’t sure how long they’d be gone, or if Cassian would be reassigned before they got back aboard. She had heard from him once since the Guardians left, but Cassian was more apt to hide aspects of his recovery from her if he thought the details would cause her concern.

As suspected, they hadn’t been allowed to see him after he awoke. Once the Captain was fit enough, Draven would surely put him back to work, as far from Jyn as possible. She had tried to get K returned to him, at least, but even that failed. The general didn’t seem inclined to cooperate with anything she asked, and if Cassian had made similar requests, they also had fallen on deaf ears. Perhaps Cassian believed the droid was best left with her for the time being. At least that was a satisfying thought, whether it was true or not.

Working with Solo and the Wookiee was an interesting change from being around the usual Rebels. The former smuggler was oblivious to the finer points of finesse. His typical approach involved diving in and bluffing his way out. A lot of the time it worked – barely – but she had a feeling Chewie had saved his hide on more than one occasion, and now she did also.

Even so, she was more used to working this way. Gradually he had begun to trust her abilities, and listen more to her plans and warnings, and it turned out they made an effective team. Draven might not like either one of them, but the man couldn’t deny that they got results. In just the two weeks they had been together, they had completed six missions, although two of them had been unsanctioned. Fortunately, General Onoran commanded the Special Forces teams and he was less hard-nosed than Draven.

Solo got a line on some Imperial weapons being transferred, Jyn and K infiltrated the comm system for details and they had flown out with a lot of new stuff in their hold. The other ‘extra’ involved raiding an abandoned droid repair yard, scoring valuable parts and even some tools. Others praised them; Draven ignored them and acted as though it were luck, a luck he almost wanted to run out. Well, Jyn hadn’t stuck around after Scarif because of Draven, and she certainly had no interest in gaining his good opinion. She would admit, though, to enjoying handing over unplanned bounty without sacrificing the initial mission in the bargain. It was worth it if just to watch Draven try to remain impassive when others lauded their actions.

A month – it had been nearly a full month since Cassian awoke, which meant it had been even longer since she’d seen him. The last glimpse she and K got of the medical frigate was it loading on Yavin while they were boarding their new assignment on the tech ship. Baze and Chirrut had given her a reassuring wave from where they were awaiting boarding themselves. Bodhi had departed the previous day, doing shuttle runs between various ships and to planets for supplies.

It had been difficult, watching Bodhi leave and then parting from the Guardians and Cassian. Just when she was beginning to feel she had regained some semblance of a family, they were separated. She hadn’t slept well her last night on Yavin, her thoughts and emotions refusing to let her rest. It wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning that she had finally acknowledged why she had wanted to stay on Yavin for a while – _home._ Cassian’s words to her prior to Scarif kept returning to her mind, and she had somehow associated home with Yavin, maybe because that’s where her new family was. And now they were scattering and Yavin was merely an outpost rather than the main base, at least until it was fully evacuated. Where was home amid all this? She couldn’t even say it was with her family because they were not around either. And deep inside, experience whispered that this was the way it always had been and always would be.

She didn’t doubt that Cassian had been sincere when he had uttered those words, and for him, home would always be wherever the Rebellion was. That was his family, his home. Family to her was the people, though, not the Cause. She glanced at K-2 and knew that if he wasn’t with her, she might have gone back to running. It had worked all her life, but now the prospect of it wasn’t so enticing. She wanted more. K was a start, he was a part of the family, but she wanted the rest of them too. Maybe she would eventually have to take matters into her own hands to bring that about. But maybe until they won this war, that wouldn’t be possible. Somehow the end seemed an impossibly long way off. She longed for it, hoped for it, but she was realistic enough to know it wouldn’t come easily or quickly.

xxxxx

“It’d sure be nice if the two of you would stop moping around over that…that Intelligence Officer, Captain what’s-his-name.”

Jyn scowled. “K and I are not moping, Solo. At least not any more than you’re moping over the Princess.” She arched an eyebrow at him.

“The Princess? You’ve blown your hyperdrive, kid. There ain’t nothing between me and the Princess. You and that Captain, on the other hand…”

“Me and the Captain are just friends, and that’s all there is to it. I’ve only spent about two weeks total in his company. Yeah, we’re worried about him – he was injured on our last mission. He’s the only survivor of Scarif that hasn’t yet fully recovered.”

“That right? Well, I think there’s more to it.”

“Don’t know where you’d get that idea.” She remained stubbornly impassive; she wasn’t going to discuss Cassian with Solo. “However, the scuttlebutt says there’s definitely something between you and Leia. The two of you can’t keep away from each other.”

“Scuttlebutt? Who’s spreading those lies? I helped her out once, rescued her from the Death Star, but that’s all. She’s a Princess and I’m a smuggler. We got nothin’ in common. End of story.”

“Yeah? So, the Princess who isn’t princessing and the smuggler who isn’t smuggling, who are spending time together rebelling against the Empire, have nothing in common? I’m not buying it, Solo.”

Chewie snickered behind him, as Solo’s face flushed red and went rigid. “You got it all wrong, Erso. All wrong.” With that he turned on his heel and abruptly disappeared into the back of the ship.

Jyn chuckled. The sad thing was, she rather thought the man was trying very hard not to see the sparks between him and the Princess, but as much as those two argued… They seemed to go out of their way to seek each other out and quarrel. She had noticed it before they left Yavin, and since working with Solo, they’d had to go back to the fleet a couple of times. Jyn wasn’t the only person who had learned to make herself scarce when those two went at it. Maybe fighting was their version of courtship. She shook her head.

“Jyn Erso, what did Captain Solo mean about there being something between you and Cassian? Have I overlooked an important detail?”

“No, K, Solo just likes to run his mouth and see how many feathers he can ruffle. He wasn’t counting on me turning the tables on him.”

“You would think by now he would realize that you usually get the better of him in verbal duels. You have done so 79.2% of the time. Why does he persist?”

Chewie growled a comment and Jyn glanced questioningly at K for a translation. “He says that Captain Solo is a slow learner.”

She laughed. “Yeah, Chewie, he is that. But he’s a good guy anyway. If he ever figures that out, maybe things will go easier for him.”

Chewie wandered off, but K wasn’t finished. “You did not answer my question. Is there ‘something’ between you and Cassian?”

She sighed and sat down near the game table, idly tracing a finger over the board markings. At length, she said, “We’re friends, K. That’s all. Solo’s trying to suggest that it’s more than that so he can get a rise out of me, but there hasn’t been time for there to be more than that. Cassian and I barely know each other.” And she really wished that nerfherder hadn’t brought this up. She didn’t relish trying to explain human relationships to a droid.

K processed this information as he settled beside her, then asked, “Does that mean that there will be more when the two of you have known each other longer? I assume he means in a sexual sense or, as humans often refer to it, a ‘romantic’ sense.”

She kept her breathing even. She’d learned how to suppress physical signs of emotion. “He does mean that. Whether or not it will come to that, I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. Don’t worry about it. Besides, at the rate we’re going, I’m never going to see him face to face again. At least not if Draven has his way. He considers me the worst influence Cassian could have.”

“He would be mistaken about that.”

She blinked in surprise. “He would?”

“Certainly. Cassian spent far more time in danger following General Draven’s orders than in his time spent with you. If anyone is a bad influence it would be General Draven. Cassian is much more likely to come to harm due to him. Although, Cassian has not known you long so it is possible that could change.”

She laughed. “Yeah, maybe, but at least I try to not get him killed or injured. I’m not sure Draven worries about that very much.”

They sat in silence until K observed, “I do not understand how it is possible, but I think I ‘miss’ Cassian. Droids should not miss humans. It is not logical.”

“No, it isn’t, but Cassian is your friend, K.”

“Droids do not have friends, Jyn Erso.”

“Maybe most don’t, but there’s a first time for everything. As I’ve said, you have personality. The droids who have personality often have illogical aspects to them. You saw Luke with that R2 unit of his. R2 has personality also.”

“I have calculated the odds of how soon I might see him again, but I do not like the numbers that keep coming up. There is not enough data to make a definitive calculation.”

“Yeah, well, one way or another, it’s going to happen. Cassian or I will make sure of it. Don’t give up on it happening.”

“Do you miss him also?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

xxxxx

The search for a new place to locate a base continued, but slowly. There was no denying they were vastly outnumbered by the Empire and locating places that were little known and had sufficient resources for their needs was not easy. Those of the Rebel fleet who had managed to evacuate already found themselves in limbo. More and more, the fruits of their missions were delivered to other ships, or small groups met and made quick exchanges on planets, before taking off again.

Certainly it was a lifestyle with which Jyn was very familiar. She had spent most of her life in transit, hiding, or on the run. It made her wonder what they had really gained on Scarif. No, the Death Star couldn’t so readily destroy them in one fell swoop as it had the planet of Alderaan, but it was difficult to see that they were any nearer to overthrowing the Empire’s tyranny.

At least she was comfortable working with Solo. The smuggler and his Wookiee companion were not unlike many others she had known throughout her life. Even so, sometimes the man did get on her nerves.

“Solo, quit your howling! You make more noise than a wounded Wookiee! You’re not injured all that much.” It hadn’t even been a mission this time. Han had managed to slip off the ramp while working on the ramp retractor and scraped his leg. It didn’t truly warrant the bacta patch she had applied, but doing so was the only thing that quieted him at all.

“It hurts, I’m telling you. I think it’s broken. Get me to that stupid medical ship and have them fix it! I think I’m losing feeling in my foot.”

Jyn rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do.” She was tired of the argument. Let the med droids deal with him. Maybe they would have better luck convincing him he wasn’t desperately injured and near death.

She left him moaning piteously in his bunk and made her way to the cockpit. “Guys, he insists he’s dying—”

Chewie growled anxiously and she could guess the question. “And if you’re wanting to know if he really is dying, the answer is no. It’s barely a scratch, and it hasn’t had time to become infected. Still, he insists he needs medical attention, so we’d better find the medical ship and get him there. He isn’t going to shut up until we do. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Leia must be on that ship just now. Get a location and set course.”

As she turned back into the ship, a grin crossed her face. Leia might not be there, but Cassian still was. If nothing else, this pointless trip would allow her and K to have a visit with him. It had only been a month and a half, but it felt much longer. It had been easier to stay in contact with him while they were on the tech frigate. Sometimes they had to keep comm silence while working jobs with Solo and she was always glad when they could go back to regular comms and messages. When last they spoke, he reported Baze and Chirrut had returned, but she had not yet had a chance to talk to them. It would be good to see all three.

The doctor had indicated everything was pretty much healed now, and his rehab exercises were helping him to recover his physical strength. Cassian admitted he hadn’t spent as much time in bed the whole course of his life as he had in the past month. She didn’t doubt Draven would have him sleep deprived as soon as possible. Baze had told her that Draven was already sniffing around, before they left, showing great interest in Cassian’s rate of recovery. The two Guardians had conspired with the doctor to exaggerate how slowly the recovery was progressing. What Draven didn’t know would be in Cassian’s best interest. But that had been some three weeks ago. She hoped Draven wouldn’t persuade Cassian to resume active duty before he was fully ready.

It took the better part of a day to make the rendezvous with the medical frigate. Solo had been suspiciously silent on the journey, but as soon as they docked he was back to groaning and complaining of extreme pain. Jyn let him lean on her for the trip to the medbay, tuning out his gripes. At one point, they paused briefly for her to catch her breath, and when they resumed, she muttered, “Other leg, Solo. You’re limping with the wrong one.”

She didn’t know if K had figured it out, but the more she had considered things while they were en route, the more she became convinced this was Solo’s heavy-handed way of ensuring they could see Cassian. If she had any doubts about her conclusion, the stutter-step he took to get back to favoring the correct leg eliminated them. She owed him one. Chewie had chosen to stay with the ship, not being terribly fond of medical environments, but Jyn insisted that K accompany them, ‘in case Solo needed more assistance than she could provide’. If he didn’t also suspect Solo’s motives, the droid was at least willing to make use of the injury for his own purposes and had not argued about acting as escort.

The closer they got to the medbay, the louder Solo’s howls of pain became. For all the bluffing he did, he was making a poor job of it now. It was doubtful anyone would believe this was real. She released him to the med staff, glad for the silence it afforded.

Chirrut materialized at her side. “I hear Captain Solo is in dire need of medical treatment.”

“I argued for a lobotomy, but he and Chewie outvoted me,” she grumbled. Baze snickered behind them.

“Follow me,” Chirrut instructed. “I will show you where you can wait, away from the sounds of his suffering.”

Jyn had long since given up wondering how Chirrut got around so well without his sight. She followed immediately, and K-2 readily trailed along behind Baze.

“You two staying out of trouble?” she asked.

“What trouble is there to get into on a medical ship?” Baze replied. “I just sit around listening to Chirrut chant and pray.”

“If you joined me, you wouldn’t consider it so dull.” Baze snorted but didn’t bother to respond to the ongoing debate.

“You haven’t been _on_ the medical frigate this entire time. I’ve no doubt the pair of you could readily find trouble on Tatooine. How was it?”

“Hot, dry, sand everywhere – just like Melshi said.” Baze didn’t elaborate beyond that.

They came to the doorway of what was clearly a rehab facility. Different sorts of equipment around the room enabled patients to stretch or strengthen various body parts as needed. Cassian was seated on a bench, studiously lifting some hand weights. It was good to see him moving under his own power. To Jyn’s eyes, he still looked a little weak, but he was much improved from when last she saw him.

Just then he became aware of their presence in the doorway and turned to look. Immediately his face broke into a wide grin. He was on his feet and rushing for them before anyone else could move. Without even thinking about it, Jyn met him halfway, catching him in a tight hug. “Now this is the Cassian I wanted to see, not the one I left in the medbay on Yavin.”

“Cassian, I am relieved to see you looking well.” K joined them and Cassian smiled up at him, laying a hand on his chestplate.

“You can’t be any happier than I am to see you all in one piece, my friend. I never expected—” His words choked off.

To ease his discomfort, Jyn said, “I guess Baze and Chirrut told you about it. Not only did he make it out, but he recruited a stormtrooper to defect also. That guy – Tag – is now happily settled on the tech frigate, rebuilding droids.”

“Who knew I should have been taking you with me on recruitment runs?” Cassian teased, a moment before a look of confusion claimed his expression. “Wait, why are you here? Who’s hurt?” He ran his eyes over Jyn, presuming it would be her.

“Not me.” She raised her hands in denial. “Actually, no one is injured. Han’s being a decent guy and pretending to be mortally wounded even as we speak. He sustained a tiny scratch and has been howling miserably ever since. I was strangely willing to indulge his demands that he receive prompt medical treatment so he wouldn’t lose his leg, and here we are.”

Cassian chuckled. “Tell him I owe him a drink sometime.”

“Don’t worry, he won’t let you forget.”

Cassian had kept his arm around Jyn, but now seemed to become aware of it and self-consciously withdrew it. To cover his embarrassment, he waved toward benches and chairs. “Sit. Let’s talk until Solo is cured.”

Despite no longer in physical contact, Jyn and Cassian managed to sit beside each other on the bench he had previously occupied. Each kept sneaking glances at the other when they thought no one was watching. Jyn couldn’t quite decide how to respond to Cassian now. They were strangers, then they were friends, then Scarif happened and that had felt like more. Now that they were back to life in the Alliance, Scarif seemed like a dream rather than a memory of something that actually had happened. The comments Solo had made, about there being some connection between her and Cassian, would have felt true if solely based on their mission end on Scarif. But that hadn’t been where it ended. That moment had passed and now everything was unsettled. Neither of them was much for touching, but they had easily done it during the mission. What did she want now? What did he want, for that matter? Would everything go back to as it had been before, with him off doing his spying and her occasionally helping out with a mission? Would they see less and less of each other until it no longer bothered her to be away from him?

Her thoughts had wandered and she forced them back to the present conversation. Their talk felt rushed, as though they were frantically trying to get everything said before Solo was finished with his ruse, and their chance to be together ended. But despite all the talk, the words were mostly inconsequential, not the things Jyn would have liked to discuss with him. Things that might have helped them sort this out.

Too soon, Dr. Lesorid appeared with Solo in tow. “Andor, you have the best doctor in the galaxy! I’m healed!” Solo proclaimed, his arms spread dramatically. 

Dr. Lesorid rolled his eyes, but added, “Yes, it took all the medical expertise I possess, but I managed to save the patient.”

Everyone laughed, but Jyn met the doctor’s eyes. “Well, you did save one patient. Thanks, Doc.” He inclined his head in acknowledgement of her meaning.

“Unfortunately,” Han said, “duty calls. Chewie commed me to say Onoran has our next assignment and wants us to leave immediately. He didn’t seem sympathetic to my injury at all.”

Everyone stood, and Doctor Lesorid suggested, “Captain, why not walk them to their ship. It will do you good to stretch your legs and get out of here for a few minutes.”

Cassian nodded, falling in next to Jyn. As they walked, she suddenly remembered the situation. “Oh, hey, your stuff is on the Falcon. I can get it for you before we leave. I’m sure you want it back now that you’re up and around.”

He met her eyes and then glanced away. “Would you mind holding on to it for me a while longer? I can get it later.”

“Sure. No problem.” Surprising, but she had no intention of arguing; it might mean they’d at least see each other one more time.

Then they were in the docking bay and there was no more reason to delay. While Solo went to prep for launch, Jyn gave a final hug to the three men, ending with Cassian. “Glad you’re finally well,” she murmured.

“Thanks to you,” he replied softly.

Reluctantly, they let go. To hide the awkwardness, Cassian looked up at K. “You be careful. As soon as I’m back in service, I’ll see about having you join me. Until then, keep an eye on Jyn for me.”

“I assume you mean keep Jyn safe. That is easier said than done on the Millenium Falcon, but I will do my best.”

Cassian’s face reflected his dismay at this lack of comforting reassurance. “It’s not that bad,” Jyn hastily told him. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

And then there was no choice but for them to board and depart. If Cassian remained until they were completely gone, it was only because he was a little tired from the walk. He bid the Guardians farewell as they left for elsewhere on the ship, agreeing to meet them for supper.

With a sigh, he turned back toward the medical ward. He had concealed how down he felt so much of the time lately, how much he felt like he was just going through the motions of living. Chirrut maybe suspected, but luckily hadn’t said anything – he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about it with anyone. Most people seemed to attribute the tiredness in his face to his recovery efforts – he preferred it that way.

He hunched his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets. His left hand touched something smooth, bringing him to a halt. There hadn’t been anything in his pockets earlier. He drew out the object and his eyes widened. Dangling from his hand was Jyn’s kyber crystal necklace on the leather cord. He looked toward where the ship had been docked and shook his head. Pickpocket, indeed. This time in reverse. It brought a smile to his face anyway, and he slipped the cord around his neck, tucking the crystal out of sight. Guess he’d just have to see her again to return what she had accidentally misplaced while here.

_to be continued_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian finally leaves sickbay and returns to work for the Alliance.

Cassian barely made it through the end of his second month in the medbay before Draven would wait no longer. The Captain wasn’t particularly surprised, though he did have mixed emotions. So much had changed in those two months, not the least of which that he no longer had a ‘home’ to return to. There were still troops on Yavin, but they were mostly protecting the base there until everything could be evacuated, or unavoidably abandoned.

He also had no ship and no K-2. Though he had spent a great deal of his time in the Rebellion operating solo, this was different. In recent years, those had been brief instances when it was necessary for just a single person to fill a mission’s scope. But now, he had a family of sorts, and no home base was a torment keeping them separated. After he lost both his parents by the age of ten, he’d been alone, and he made a point to keep it that way. He was friendly to some of his fellow Rebels, but he never allowed any of them to get very close, never allowed any of them to matter to him too very much. Having friends or a family meant pain – if he couldn’t protect them, then he would not indulge in having them. Not until K-2 came along did he let himself become close with anyone.

He supposed he lost his iron will against having friends and family first with Melshi. Spending time with K-2 softened him just enough that when Melshi offered help, he was able to accept it. And then reciprocate it. And then before he knew it, there was nothing else appropriate to call the other man but ‘friend’. At that point in his life, he had figured that just one friend wouldn’t be so bad, that he had learned not to feel the pain of loss that inevitably came. He didn’t acknowledge that what he had done was learn to ignore pain of any kind; he still felt it. He felt it when he awoke in a cold sweat; he felt it when he couldn’t sleep and was operating on short naps. He felt it when he had no appetite after a mission. And he inexplicably felt it on the ride from Eadu to Yavin. He didn’t want to feel it, but still he did.

“Captain Andor, welcome back.”

Cassian nodded at General Draven’s greeting, automatically falling back into his well-developed impassive expression and neutral body language.

“I hope you’re ready to get back into it, as there is a great deal that needs doing. First order of business is we need to send a group of pilots to Takodana. We’ve managed to arrange to take possession of some new ships there. You’ll keep one of them for your missions. The others will join the fleet where needed most, including,” – he gestured to Melshi – “one to SpecForces. Sergeant Melshi will be going with you, along with other pilots presently being chosen and advised. You’ll leave tomorrow afternoon at 1400 hours.”

Cassian nodded again, but when Draven looked ready to conclude the session, he ventured, “Could we meet up with the Millenium Falcon there? So I can collect K-2.”

Beside him, Melshi carefully didn’t look in his direction, but Draven’s countenance was rigid. No doubt the man could guess that Cassian also wished to see Jyn, and that was the last thing he wanted to have happen. Finally he said, “I don’t know if that will be possible, but we can arrange with Captain Solo to drop the droid somewhere that you can retrieve him.”

Cassian wasn’t surprised. As far as Draven was concerned, Jyn Erso was nothing more than a distraction to one of his best agents. Had even persuaded said agent and a lot of others to follow her on a suicide mission. Few had returned. Nevermind that their efforts were successful. It hadn’t been sanctioned and such rogue activities could not be tolerated.

What the General didn’t understand was that all of them had chosen to follow her, to do something that might help counter-balance all the terrible things they had done in service to the Alliance. If they were to die, they had wanted to go out doing one last, good thing, not some questionable act while hiding in the shadows. Cassian regretted all the men who had died, even felt guilty that he had survived when they hadn’t, but he didn’t regret allowing them to commit that act of redemption before they died. He, too, had found a semblance of peace and was ready to die on Scarif. It hadn’t happened, and so he would continue the fight, but he had been ready for death, had accepted it in a way he never had before then. And Jyn had given that to them all.

“Dismissed,” Draven said, when no other remarks were forthcoming.

Cassian hadn’t bothered to argue; he knew he would lose under a barrage of all the valid reasons why it couldn’t be done. He hadn’t asked believing it likely, though he was sure it was possible. He had asked because he had to, because he needed to see Jyn face to face, and for them to have time to talk about…everything. Ever since he awoke from his injuries, his mind had tried to work out what the two of them were and where it could or should go from there. Dying on Scarif would have been simple; remaining alive and continuing on was not simple at all, and he had no frame of reference from his life to know what to do or how to proceed.

His hand went up and rubbed against his shirt, feeling Jyn’s necklace press against his skin.

“You okay?”

He blinked, just noticing that Melshi had exited the room beside him. Funny, he wasn’t usually so inattentive. “Yeah, fine. It just feels strange being back.”

“Guess so. Two months is a long time to be out of action. But it’s good to see you up and about finally.”

He quirked a small smile at his friend. “Thanks. So, going to pick up new ships. You put a team together then?”

“Still working on it. With the evacuation, people are scattered so it isn’t so simple as organizing a team while on a base. I have my eye on a few people that I need to talk to, and get approved for the assignment.”

Cassian blew out a breath and then fixed the other man with his gaze. “Thanks for everything, Melshi. For going with us, against terrible odds. I just wish more had made it back.”

Melshi nodded. “They knew what they were signing up for, Captain. I made sure of that. They didn’t go into it expecting to return. Survival for any of us was just a bonus. The important thing is that we succeeded.” His voice dropped lower and he added, “No matter what Draven says about it, it had to be done.” He reached over and gripped Cassian’s shoulder, before turning and moving off down the hallway.

Back in his room, Cassian rubbed a hand over his face. He had to pull it together. He couldn’t go back out in the field with his mind so scattered and unfocused. Maybe the trip to pick up the new ships would help, and then get K back and…

Jyn. Everything had been so clear when they were clinging to each other in that elevator, expecting to die together. Now, they had to find a way to live. Together, or apart, or something. When you’re staring death in the face, it was easy to be hyper-emotional, and read things into situations that might not be there, or that couldn’t hold up to long-term examination. Even before Scarif, he had known he was beginning to have feelings for her, but survival and the evacuation from Yavin confused the issue.

For that week, they had been in one another’s company almost every waking hour, so it was natural to develop a connection. He could see similarities in the lives they had lived and the pain they had suffered. Being drawn to someone who understood you in a way others couldn’t was reasonable. But how did you continue that from a distance, and should you even try to continue it in the heat of war. For they were at war now – destruction of the Death Star had made that inevitable.

Was it reasonable to try to build a life with someone when you knew full well your life might be snuffed out at any moment? What he did was very high risk. Jyn flying missions with Solo wasn’t much safer, particularly if he believed K’s remark about it.

Maybe this distance between them was for the best, and maybe Draven was doing them a favor by keeping them apart. If they both survived and one day saw victory, then they could consider something more. His hand again pressed against the crystal concealed under his shirt, and he ached to press Jyn to him that closely.

But did she even want that? She had been kind and they worked well together, but he still remembered her words after Eadu. She had seen the darkness of what he usually did, the missions he normally carried out, and she had not liked what she saw. And now he was returning to it. Perhaps she had only been grateful to have someone with his skills assisting her on Scarif, and that he had persuaded others to join them. It had felt like there was something more when they were in the lift headed down from the tower, but it was easy to be forgiving when you were expecting death. Maybe it wasn’t anything more than gratitude he had seen in her eyes. That she was merely concerned for his well-being, because as much as she tried to hide it, Jyn was a caring person. He had realized that when she rescued that little girl on Jedha. Compassion for an injured man would not be surprising. It didn’t mean there was anything more in her heart with regard to him.

He leaned on his desk and clenched his hair in his hands. This would drive him crazy if he didn’t stop it. He had always had tremendous amounts of self-control. Now was the time to regain that control and step back. If Jyn was feeling anything similar to the confusion he was, it would hurt her less that they separated now before the water could become any murkier. They’d already had two months of separation to ease them back into solitary lives; they needed to use that to get focused on what had to be done. Sappy romanticism was for others, not fighters like he and Jyn.

He drew out the crystal and fingered it thoughtfully. He would return it if she wished, but perhaps she would let him keep it as a symbol of hope that one day things might be possible between them. Maybe one day she could forgive him for all the evil deeds he had done and they could at least be friends.

xxxxx

“Cassian!”

He turned, recognizing the voice. “Bodhi? You’re our shuttle pilot?”

“Yeah! I couldn’t believe it when they told me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen any of you. I’ve talked to Jyn a couple of times over the comm, and to Baze and Chirrut once, but most of the time…well, you know how it is. Not having a base makes it difficult to stay in touch.”

“Yes, it does. We weren’t even on Yavin all that long and now we have to start over.”

“So, we’re going to Takodana? Have you ever been there? I’ve heard of it, but never been. Luckily for them, the Empire mostly ignores them.”

“I’ve been a couple of times. It’s an interesting place. I don’t know that we’ll be there long enough for you to see much, though. Sounds like a quick trip.”

“Bodhi!”

Baze and Chirrut were coming toward them, wide smiles on their faces.

“Hey, guys!” He hurried toward the two, giving each of them a hug. “Wait. You’re not coming with us, are you? I hadn’t heard that.”

“We’re here to say hello and see Captain Andor off,” Baze told him. “They haven’t yet come up with an assignment for us, so for the time being it looks like we’ll stay here.”

“Melshi’s putting together a SpecForces team,” Cassian said. “Maybe he could use the two of you. Your skills aren’t what are usually found in that group, but he would find a way to make use of them. Let him know if you might be interested and I’m sure he’ll at least consider it.”

“He already has,” Melshi interjected, coming up behind them. “I asked, but they haven’t given me a firm commitment. No point trying to talk Onoran into it if they aren’t interested.”

“The Force leads us where it wills us to be,” Chirrut noted, while Baze grinned indulgently behind him.

“Uh, yeah. Well, let me know if the Force wills you to be a part of my team and I’ll work on it,” Melshi replied carefully.

Cassian bit back a smile at the exchange. His friend hadn’t had as much time as he had in getting used to Chirrut’s vague remarks.

“If the Force had willed it soon enough, you could have come along with us now. Having you already onboard my new ship might have increased the chances of getting Onoran’s approval for the assignment.”

“Then I guess we should come along,” Baze said benignly.

“Well…there isn’t going to be time for you to gather your things. We’re ready to leave.” Melshi looked at Bodhi and Cassian for confirmation. Both nodded.

“Good thing we don’t have to do much to prepare then,” Baze said, walking over to a pile that none of them had noticed before, which Cassian now saw included Baze’s repeating cannon.

“Looks like you’ve got a couple of new recruits, Melshi.”

His friend chuckled. “So it would seem. Well, then, let’s get moving.”

“What about General Onoran?” Bodhi asked, not sure the officer was going to approve of this change in plans.

“I’ll comm him in transit,” Melshi said, keeping a neutral expression.

Cassian knew Onoran wouldn’t be pleased by that, but then they were a little desperate so Melshi’s move was probably smart. And it got him started immediately with two team members.

They were quickly aboard and settled. “We have a couple of stops to make to pick up the other pilots,” Bodhi told them as he and his co-pilot prepped for launch. “We won’t reach Takodana until tomorrow, so get comfortable until then.”

xxxxx

Cassian enjoyed catching up with Bodhi and finding out what he had been doing the past couple of months. Baze and Chirrut were pleased to join the conversation as well. Much was said between the five survivors, but notably talk of Scarif was not included. There was little point in revisiting that issue. It was over and done, and nothing worthwhile could come of talking about it more.

Draven hadn’t said anything about K-2, but Cassian was not surprised when neither the Millenium Falcon nor the droid were waiting on Takodana, or expected to arrive. They did have enough time before they were to depart that the four made their way to Maz’s place for a drink and to allow Bodhi to see it. Baze and Chirrut, too, as it turned out. Baze took it in with his usual complacency, but Bodhi’s eyes were agog at the noise and spectacle of the castle.

Chirrut and Maz struck up an immediate friendship; Cassian had never heard of her warming to a stranger so quickly before. It was widely known that it took a while to get to know her, and sometimes even longer to get in her good graces.

The others departed first, but Cassian lingered in Maz’s castle hall, listening to conversations around him, trying to pick up what chatter could be heard. It was a toe-dip start to getting back to work.

He had been sitting there a good twenty minutes when Maz slid in across from him, and gazed intently at his face. “Your eyes have changed, Captain.”

He tensed slightly under the perusal. One of the reasons he didn’t come here often was Maz’s knack for seeing through his mask. Every time she looked at him, he felt exposed and vulnerable. He did not like those feelings.

“Things have happened since last we met.”

“Yes, I have heard as much, including the reason you and your friends were here now. The question is, will the change in your eyes mean a change in your path, or will you return to how things were before? A choice is laid at your feet. Choose well, Captain Andor.” With that she slid to her feet and walked away.

He hadn’t needed that encounter – it did nothing for his frame of mind. It was probably a mistake that he had stayed around after the others left. He swallowed the last of his drink and headed out the door. Time to get moving.

Now Cassian was faced with his return trip alone on the new ship. At least it was another U-wing, so he was comfortable in flying it on his own, but it was still a reminder that K was not sitting next to him at the controls. As he settled into the pilot’s seat, he opened a channel to command.

“Yes, Captain?”

“General. What’s the word on K-2? Am I to rendezvous with him somewhere or just return to the fleet?”

Draven’s momentary silence was telling, at least to Cassian who knew him well. The man had tried to ignore the request, but now was going to have to deal with it. “I’ll tell Solo to drop him on Jakku. From there, I’ll need the two of you to start immediately on your next mission. I’ll send the details soon. It’s on Bestine, so it’s in that vicinity.”

“Understood. Setting course for Jakku. Let me know where to make the pick up.”

Jakku. If Draven was having Solo drop K there, it probably meant he wanted the smuggler – and Jyn – gone before Cassian could arrive. It was out of the way for a mission assignment to Bestine; that could be the only explanation. His jaw tightened, but he tried to remind himself it was probably for the best. Stolen moments here and there were not going to work. Until a new base was found, he and Jyn would have to put on hold any possibility of sorting out their relationship.

He thought he had resigned himself to that truth, but now being faced with not seeing her made him painfully aware of how much he missed her, and had wanted to see her. Had wanted to talk and find out her thoughts about surviving Scarif and what they should do now. He supposed it said something that she had remained with the Alliance. And that she had gone out of her way to look after K while he was recovering.

But maybe she was just trying to repay him, for finding volunteers to go on the mission with her – making it possible. Maybe once K was back with him, she’d disappear, off to live a quiet life somewhere without the Alliance trying to order her around. His hand went to the kyber crystal around his neck. But if she meant to leave, why had she given it to him? He growled in frustration. Draven thought it best to keep them separated, but he was wrong. Only if the two of them had a chance to sit down and really talk was this ever going to be resolved. And until that happened, he wasn’t sure Draven was going to be pleased with Cassian’s distracted efforts.

He didn’t want to be distracted; distracted tended to get you killed. But he wasn’t sure he knew of any other way to regain his focus than to settle things with Jyn.

xxx

“Perhaps we should stop at Jakku before we return to the fleet.”

Melshi’s brow knit. As a straightforward military man, he still found it difficult to comprehend the blind Guardian’s random utterances.

“Why would we go to that hunk of rock and desert?” He adjusted controls and began takeoff.

“It could be that you will find what you are seeking, even there.”

Melshi glanced at Baze, who merely shrugged. Apparently spending a lot of time in Chirrut’s company didn’t guarantee better understanding. After a moment, though, the big man commented, “It is usually worthwhile to listen to his cryptic words, to whatever end.”

Well, it was true that Andor had valued the man’s opinion. “Okay. Jakku it is. Once we’re there, though, you may have to point me to what you think I want to see.” He pulled the nav computer to him to recalculate the hyperspace jump.

“Or you may recognize it when you see it,” Chirrut replied with a grin.

xxx

The Millenium Falcon? What was Solo’s junker doing out here in the middle of nowhere? Regardless, Chirrut was right – there was something here of interest to him.

“Melshi calling Millenium Falcon. Come in, please.”

“Well, look who’s in the neighborhood. Now why would that be? You picking up the tin can for Andor?”

“Tin can? You mean K-2?”

“Yeah, Draven said to drop him here on our way to our next mission, that Andor would come get him. Unfortunately, we’ve had trouble with the ship and haven’t been able to leave.”

Melshi could hear the smirk in Solo’s voice. Didn’t take a genius to figure Erso wanted to remain and see Cassian, and it was difficult to say no to the girl.

“But you still haven’t said why you’re here – doesn’t sound like the droid is it.”

“No, I’m, uh, here to recruit.”

“Trying to steal my crew, Melshi? Chewie’s gotten kind of attached to the girl.”

There was a howl in the background, but Melshi didn’t know what the Wookiee had responded and Solo didn’t translate.

Before he could say more, Solo added, “Get your tail down here. She may balk, but I’ll convince her to go with you.”

Melshi blinked. “You will?” That did surprise him; Solo wasn’t known as the most cooperative person.

“Look, if Andor takes the droid, that means I have to put up with her moping around missing both of them. Draven isn’t gonna let her go with them, but Onoran should let her work with you. He doesn’t have a problem with her like Draven does. And scuttlebutt has it that a couple of her friends have already signed on with you.”

“Careful, Solo, or people will start thinking you’re a nice guy.”

“If you’re gonna insult me, I’m leaving and taking her with me.”

“Thought your ship was broken.”

“I’ll make miraculous repairs before you land, pal!”

Melshi chuckled. “See you in a couple of minutes.”

Jyn wandered into the cockpit as Han closed the line, and glanced out, noting the approaching ship.

“That Cassian?”

“No, actually it’s another friend of yours – Melshi.”

“Melshi? What’s he doing here? He picking up K for Cassian?”

Han rubbed the back of his neck. “Not exactly. Sit down, kid.”

She warily dropped into the co-pilot chair, eyeing him curiously.

“Look, you already know Draven doesn’t want you near Andor. Afraid you’ll mess up one of his agents or something. Personally, I don’t think the guy gives you enough credit, but he didn’t ask me. You and me, we work well together, and you’ve been decent company and all, but let’s face it – you got talents that aren’t being used riding with me. Melshi’s team does all that skulking and blowing things up that you like. Onoran might balk, but Melshi thinks he’s got a shot at convincing him to let you join his team. If he can’t swing it, you can always come back to the Falcon.”

Solo wasn’t known for long speeches; this was probably more than she had ever heard him say, particularly in a serious vein. Still, she hesitated. Not because of what Draven might say about the change – annoying him was just a bonus – but because she did like working with Han and Chewie, and she did like their less rigid style over the military discipline of the Alliance.

“Come on, kid, just do it. Your friends are all on board. Go join them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Those two guys – what do ya call them, ‘Guardians’? They signed on with Melshi recently. Guess after working with you lot on your little Scarif outing, he likes the way you handle yourselves.”

If anything, that swayed her decision. She and Melshi hadn’t entirely warmed to each other yet, but they were cordial. The Guardians, though, they were family. She would be losing K shortly; going with Melshi would give her back some of her family, her team. She was surprised how very much she wanted that. Even after all the time she had spent on her own during the course of her life, she had liked having a ‘family’ of sorts surrounding her. Han and Chewie were now friends, but they were not yet family to her. “Okay, I’ll go. But you’ll stay with K until Cassian comes? No matter what Draven or Onoran says? I don’t want him just dumped here on his own.”

“Get out of here. Of course, I’ll babysit your droid, though it’s hardly like he can’t take care of himself.” He gave her a grin to let her know he meant it, and she rose to gather her belongings. Before she left her bunk, she grabbed the bag of Cassian’s things and took it with her to the hold.

“Jyn Erso, Captain Solo says you are leaving. Is this true?”

“Yes, K. Melshi’s here and I’m going with him, joining his team.”

“Has General Onoran approved this?”

She shrugged. “Probably not yet, but once I’m on board he’s more likely to agree. I think Melshi is trying to force his hand.” She hesitated, then held out Cassian’s satchel. “Here. Give Cassian his things, will you?”

The droid slowly took the bag, but only answered, “Of course.”

When she moved out the exit, he followed as she made her way toward the other ship. Melshi was standing with Baze and Chirrut, but only he walked forward to meet her. They stopped face to face, neither one speaking initially. At length, a tiny smile tweaked his mouth and he asked, “You want to get out of here?”

Jyn repressed a smile and nodded. “I’ll even go peaceably this time.”

He rubbed absently at his chest where the shovel had struck when first they met, and murmured, “Good.” He straightened. “We should go. This was an unplanned stop that Chirrut advised.”

She chuckled. Knowing Chirrut, she could guess how that conversation had gone. Slowly she turned back. Han and Chewie had come up to stand alongside K. Jyn bit her lip momentarily, then strode forward and hugged the smuggler, much to his surprise. “Try to stay out of trouble, Solo. Remember I’m not going to be around to watch your back anymore. Don’t make it hard for Chewie to keep you alive.”

He smiled, and after a moment she moved to the Wookiee, who gave a mournful howl and then engulfed her in his furry embrace. “Take care, Chewie. Hopefully we’ll bump into each other now and then.”

Then there was only K. It was funny how used she had gotten to having the droid around. He still annoyed her sometimes, with his bickering, but she was going to miss him. She had an inexplicable urge to hug him, but that was ridiculous – you didn’t hug droids, particularly not K. If she did that, she’d be here a couple more hours trying to explain to him why she had done it. On the other hand, she was half-tempted to do it and leave immediately afterwards, making Solo give the explanation. Certainly he had made enough comments that spurred her to provide lengthy explanations to the droid. It would serve him right, but she wouldn’t be here to enjoy the show and just couldn’t work up enthusiasm for the prank.

“I’m glad you’re finally being reunited with Cassian, K. Keep him safe as best you can. Yourself, too.”

“I am sorry to part from you, Jyn Erso. I thank you for your assistance while Cassian has been incapacitated. I hope our paths will cross many times in the future.”

She nodded, thought about giving him a message for Cassian – but what would she say? No matter how many times she had thought about him and what had happened while they were together, she still did not understand what it all meant, what it all should mean. No, a message wouldn’t serve any purpose. Not until the day they could talk in person was there likely to be any resolution to whatever was between them.

Without another word, she turned and followed Melshi back to his ship.

 

_to be continued_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian is reunited with K-2SO, but things aren't the same as they were before.

One thing Cassian was sure of – Draven had not intended for him to be seeing the Millenium Falcon on the ground at Jakku, awaiting his arrival. His stomach tightened. Nerves? No reason for that. He was getting K back and could say hello to Jyn at least briefly. He wondered whether she or the droid would be the first to complain about Draven putting him back on active duty so soon on the heels of his recovery.

The welcome party that greeted him, however, didn’t include any females. Solo explained she had joined Melshi’s team and they had departed half an hour ago.

“I thought Draven just wanted you to drop K here and let him wait for my arrival on his own.”

Solo grinned. “He did, but he failed to take Erso into account. She insisted we wait to see you, and she didn’t want to leave the droid alone.”

“I’m sure K would have been fine,” Cassian said quietly, trying to quell the disappointment he felt.

“ _HE_ would have been fine, but I wouldn’t if I abandoned him here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Erso made it perfectly clear that if I didn’t stay put until you got here, she’d track me down, shove me out an airlock and then use me for target practice. So, sorry, no way was I leaving until you collected the tin can. She would have done it.”

Cassian smiled. “Yeah, she probably would. Well, thanks for that. I appreciate it.” He turned to K. “I guess we should go, and let Solo get moving again before Command figures out what he’s been doing.”

“What I’ve been doing? Ship repairs. Always seem to need ship repairs at unusual times.” He was quite pleased with himself.

“Right. How unfortunate for you.” Cassian chuckled as he turned away. “See you around, Solo.”

“Likewise, Andor.”

xxxxx

Melshi had contacted Onoran while they were in hyperspace. Though he remained calm and collected during the conversation, Jyn could hear yelling several times, even from where she was seated on the corridor benches.

When Melshi finally closed the connection and came to the back, she raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“He’s letting me keep my team members.”

There was obviously more to it than that, but it did cover the material point. “I heard my name mentioned.” Her mouth tweaked with amusement.

“Yeah, probably several times. It appears that General Draven blames you for the recent spate of insubordination among some of the officers. He was nearby and felt the need to voice his opinion to Onoran about this reassignment.”

She shrugged. “I admit nothing; I deny nothing.”

The man didn’t smile often, but that broke his reserve and he grinned. “You’ll understand if I don’t mention that to Draven any time soon?”

She smiled and changed subjects. “Any progress on the evacuation from Yavin?” Baze and Chirrut turned to listen in.

“The blockade is holding, but we’re still slipping some small ships through. And losing a few. We got most of the heavy equipment out before they set it up, so it is more personnel and small stuff now. With so much of the Alliance Fleet off-planet, the Empire doesn’t seem to want to risk a full out attack on the base for fear it will allow us to make a devastating raid somewhere else. And they’re right – we would. But if they ease off the blockade to chase us down elsewhere, that could enable us to break the blockade and get more people out. So, for now, there are skirmishes both on and off the planet, as each side tries to gain the upper hand.”

“Any luck finding somewhere for a new base?” Baze asked.

Melshi shook his head. “Still looking. Let’s face it, the Empire controls more planets and systems than they do not. Staying off their screens isn’t easy to do. Yavin was nearly perfect in that regard. I doubt we’ll be so fortunate a second time.”

“So what do we do?” Chirrut inquired.

“Same as SpecForces has always done – sabotage, information gathering, supply acquisition. Whatever opportunity presents itself, we step in and make use of it.”

“We’re still a rather small team,” Jyn observed. “Granted, the four of us are good, but you’re the only one who can fly the ship, and that will limit what we can do.”

“There are others I’m working on getting assigned to us. You three just happened to be the first ones readily available to grab. I’m hoping to have a pilot within the week. I already put in a request.”

Jyn didn’t dare hope that it might be Bodhi. He had already indicated they kept him busy shuttling supplies and personnel as needed. Still, what the SpecForces team did was also essential, so perhaps that would make a difference – though she didn’t want to count on Bodhi joining them.

“What’s next, then?” Baze leaned back against the wall as he posed the question, hands behind his head.

“For the moment, we return to the fleet. If we get our pilot, there may be a mission immediately afterwards.”

xxxxx

After so long separated, it took a little time for Cassian and K to get back into a familiar routine between them. Cassian had always been quiet, but now it seemed to K that he was even more so than usual, and the droid was uncertain what to make of it. Further, he did not talk about their former companions. When he had been recovering, Jyn had kept K-2 apprised of any contact with Cassian or the others, and even made sure he could speak with Cassian several times. Now they seemed to be completely cut off from the Rogue One team, particularly Jyn Erso.

“Cassian, I notice that you have not mentioned Jyn Erso in the past 8.4 days. Have the two of you quarreled? I understand that is often the reason humans do not speak to one another.”

Cassian sighed. “No, K, we haven’t quarreled. I’m not sure I can explain it so you will understand.”

K’s circuits whirred as he processed this response. “When last I saw Jyn Erso, she indicated that she missed you. Do you not miss her? Is that not what friends do? I am your friend and I missed you.”

“K…look, I’ve done too much. Gone too far. Jyn doesn’t know me – not well – it would make a difference if she did. Now, please, can we not talk about this anymore?”

“As you wish.” But even as he fell silent, K continued trying to run the data to understand what had changed to make Cassian’s behavior toward Jyn so very much different from before. For that matter, Cassian was much moodier than he had previously been, and K was concerned that there was some problem he was not voicing. His movements were more lethargic, and he had no enthusiasm for anything he did. To K’s visual sensors, he was merely going through the motions of his tasks. How could the droid help if he did not know the issue?

It took another two weeks before Cassian was willing to talk about anything that had to do with Scarif. Only then did he finally ask about the details of K-2’s escape. “I didn’t realize you could be so persuasive, K. How’s the stormtrooper doing? Tag, did you say?”

“Affirmative. I assume he is well. I have not been in contact with him since I left the tech ship, but he seemed satisfied with the chance to work repairing droids. I believe Jyn convinced someone to let him do it. Until then, he mostly only did odd tasks when they required it.”

Cassian did not react to the mention of Jyn, though K had hoped he would. Initially, he had not liked the woman, any more than she had liked him, but that had changed. For all her recklessness and argumentative talk, she had gone out of her way to assist both Cassian and K. The latter had greatly surprised him. And then she had done the one thing no one else would – entrusted him with a blaster. He understood why the rebels were mistrustful of him, and Cassian had pointed out that he sometimes misunderstood human interaction and responded inappropriately, but still it had annoyed him that he was left somewhat defenseless while entering dangerous situations with Cassian. Granted he was never entirely defenseless, with his droid strength and quick reactions, but that was not always enough for safety. Only Jyn had been unwilling to leave him to defend himself as best he could without a weapon. He supposed he could have taken a blaster from one of the stormtroopers he downed, but it had never entirely occurred to him to go against orders. Minor instructions, yes, he sometimes ignored those, but ‘no weapon’ had always been a much stronger restriction. Jyn chose to defy the order and give him every possible chance of survival.

When they had worked together once they were off Scarif, she had not found another blaster for him, adhering to the Alliance’s edict in that regard. But he had always suspected that if she deemed it necessary for him to be armed at any given moment, a blaster would be thrust into his hands. Perhaps he did not always understand the subtlety of not shooting the enemy on sight when trying to be inobtrusive, but when there were no such strictures she would let him fight. That was important to him.

Just as Jyn had proven herself with regard to him, she had also proven herself with regard to Cassian. It was ‘frustrating’, as the humans put it, not to be able to make Cassian see that. Some of what Jyn had done for K, while Cassian was in the medbay, he knew was more in consideration of Cassian than the droid. For some reason, Cassian did not seem to understand that, or appreciate it as he should. It would seem that human relationships were even more complicated than Jyn or Cassian had ever explained to him.

xxxxx

It had taken some effort, but slowly Melshi managed to build his team and get them working effectively together. It was a more disparate group than he was used to having, but with a little consideration he was able to figure ways to use them for the best benefit on missions.

He hadn’t been disappointed with the skills Erso brought with her from her time in the Partisans. Those had been very useful. They were two months in and he was comfortable knowing everyone’s capability. Certainly they were all willing to deliver whatever he asked of them.

The new mission assignment wasn’t a great deal different from many others they had done. After closing out the line with command, he called back into the ship, “Erso, I’m gonna need some of your whizbangs.”

“Okay, how many?”

“At least three, but six would be better. Fifteen minutes.”

“On it.”

Jyn rooted through the extra duffel with supplies that she carried, setting out the items she would need.

“Would you like some help?” Chirrut had, once again, silently materialized behind her. At least she had mostly stopped jumping when he did it.

“Sure. Have a seat and hold these.” As he sat down, she pressed an orb into each hand.

“These feel like thermal detonators.”

She grinned. “And what would a Guardian know about thermal detonators, hmmm?”

Innocently he replied, “I have merely heard of them.”

“So well described that you can imagine what they must feel like, huh?”

“Exactly!” They both laughed.

“They’re similar – same shape, but the ingredients and function of them is somewhat different. Both explode, though.” As she spoke, her hands were working, compiling the pieces into the whole. Baze had joined them, and was now holding two devices also.

“You learn this from Saw Gerrera?” Baze asked.

She nodded. “We had to know a little bit of everything, but I was particularly good with explosives. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing, but it was useful.”

“How are you able to put them together so fast?” Baze persisted.

“I compile parts of them during off hours, and then just do the final assembly prior to using them. That keeps them from being a danger, lying around, but produces a finished product quicker when they’re needed.

“Those ready?” Melshi came up behind Jyn.

“Got four. Give me another two minutes and you’ll have all six.”

“You got two.”

Melshi took the ones Baze was holding and Jyn handed the Guardian two more as she completed their assembly. When she finished, the Sergeant stooped down, briefly explaining their mission goal. “We’ll need a distraction on the north side, so Baze and Chirrut can move in through the south entrance. Once Erso and I have set these, I’ll blow them to draw attention away. As soon as they go off, we’ll swing back around and cover your exit, hopefully with the information we want. Tonc can stand ready to provide cover for us returning to the ship if necessary. All clear?”

Everyone nodded and each began to gather what items they needed to take with them, while the ship landed, and then they set out. It actually turned out to be one of their easier missions. Everything went as planned – that didn’t happen too often – and they were away in short order.

Back on board, Chirrut decided to take a nap, but Jyn and Baze settled in the hold they had repurposed for relaxing and socializing, sprawled on benches. “Those things don’t do much damage, do they?” Baze observed.

Jyn shrugged. “Depends. These didn’t, but it all depends on what I put into them. There’s a mix for when you just want flash and noise, and then there’s another one for when you want a more harmful effect. Melshi calls them ‘whizbangs’ when he just wants the flash and noise; he’s dubbed the others ‘nutcrackers’.”

Baze chuckled and then fell silent. As they sat there, lost in their own thoughts, a beep sounded. Both looked around. “What was that?” Baze asked, standing to walk around, listening for the sound. It came again, but he still was unable to place where it was coming from.

Jyn rose. “Don’t know. Maybe something with the ship. Excuse me for a minute.” She turned toward the ‘fresher before he could respond.

Once inside, she fished around in a pocket and brought out the comlink she had tucked there. It beeped again as she held it in her hand, eliciting a frown. She should have given this to K before they parted company, but she had forgotten she had it. When she found it among her things, she had stuck it in a pocket. It had stayed there ever since, through each change of clothing. There wasn’t any reason to carry it, or to use it to contact K. To do so would just be awkward, and what would she say anyway. Cassian didn’t seem inclined to stay in touch with her, and she was still trying to figure out what to make of that.

While he was recovering, he had been eager enough to hear from her, but since he was released and went back to work – silence. Likely Draven was at least partially responsible, but Cassian could have… The comlink beeped again, and decisively she pressed the button. “Yeah, K, what’s up?”

The response was a series of beeps – short and long, and made no sense, except that it almost sounded like some sort of code. She chewed her lip a moment, then said, “Hang on, K – let me see if Melshi recognizes this code you’re sending.”

It would be embarrassing that she had the comlink, but on the off chance there was something wrong with Cassian and K, she would have to risk that. She found the Sergeant in the cockpit, chatting with Bodhi. Just Bodhi’s presence gave her a warm feeling – she was glad Melshi had been able to secure him as the team pilot. He brought Tonc on first, but it took longer to persuade command to assign Bodhi to the SpecForces. That kept some of the Rogue team together anyway, all but two.

“Melshi, you recognize this?” She spoke into the comlink, “Go ahead, K.”

The beeping started again and Melshi cocked his head listening attentively. When it stopped, he caught hold of it and answered, “On our way, K-2. Bodhi, set course for Coyerti.”

Baze had followed Jyn to the cockpit when she hurried past him, and now all three eyed Melshi questioningly. “Distress signal. They need assistance. Andor explained it to me once – the droid can receive messages either silently, so only he hears them, or aloud so anyone standing near him can hear. But the only way he can respond is either verbal, which anyone could overhear, or if that is too dangerous, with a coded signal like this.”

“Does he say where they are on Coyerti? I, uh, spent some time there,” Jyn admitted.

“He was keeping his signal brief in hopes it would go undetected. When we’re closer, we’ll try to lock onto his comm to find them. But it might help if you know your way around.” Melshi looked at Bodhi. “Expected arrival?”

“About forty minutes.”

“All right, then, rest while you can, grab something to eat. If they’ve been forced to hide, this extraction might not go so smoothly as our last mission.”

xxx

A blast struck the building above Jyn, showering her with debris. Well, better that than her head.

“Little sister, go!” Baze dropped to one knee and began his rapid fire, enabling her to bolt from cover and continue toward the ship. Once she was behind him, she turned and took shots of her own covering his retreat.

“Chirrut make it?” she asked, taking down two more stormtroopers who hadn’t stayed behind protection.

“Should be onboard now. Just us, I think.”

He backed away, and Jyn turned to cover their rear as they moved. When they neared the ship, she saw Chirrut by the ramp controls. “Chirrut,” she called, “how many?”

He understood her meaning. “You two and then we’re gone.”

“Get to the ship, Baze. Then cover me.” He nodded and made a dash for the ramp as she threw blast after blast toward their pursuers, discouraging them getting a clear shot in return.

An instant later, Baze yelled, “Now.”

With that, she turned and ran, ducking low and allowing him to pick off anyone who tried to get a bead on her. The ramp started rising even before she reached it, but she leaped on as the ship was already lifting off.

She, Baze and Chirrut stumbled to seats while the craft rose in the atmosphere and then made the hyperspace jump. As soon as it steadied, Jyn was on her feet, moving to the cabin area to find Cassian. K stood outside the door, making the correct room easy to locate – his size made it difficult to fit inside the small space. She squeezed past him, and examined Cassian’s injury.

“He lost a great deal of blood – I would estimate it is nearly a liter by now, though otherwise I do not think the injury would be so severe. However, we were forced to conceal ourselves and there was the potential the blood loss would take his life before we could escape and properly treat it. He has been awake once or twice.”

“You did the right thing in contacting me, K.” She fumbled through the medpac, digging out supplies to rebandage the wound. She found the Coagulin hypo and injected him, followed by Antishock, to be on the safe side. “Just get us to the medical frigate as fast as possible.

Without another word, the droid headed for the cockpit. He was replaced in the doorway by Melshi, grasping the frame above his head as he watched her work. “How is he?”

“If K’s estimate of blood loss is accurate, and everything seems to indicate it is, I would say he risks going into shock. K says he’s been awake, so that’s a good sign. Hopefully the Coagulin I gave him will slow the bleeding.” She shrugged helplessly. “That’s all we can do until we get him to the medbay.”

Melshi nodded his understanding. Before he could move away, she asked, “Did Bodhi and Tonc get clear with Cassian’s ship?”

“Yeah, they’ll rendezvous with us back at the fleet. No other injuries; just a few minor cuts and scrapes.” 

He disappeared from the doorway and Jyn leaned back against the bunk wall, catching hold of Cassian’s hand. “Can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?” she murmured.

To her surprise, she felt slight pressure against her hand and a moment later, Cassian’s eyes struggled open, staring blearily at her. “Jyn?”

“I’m here.”

“H..how…?” He didn’t have the strength to even finish the question.

She held up the comlink where he could see it. “I forgot about this when I gave your things to K. I had been carrying it around, using it on missions with K and didn’t think about it still being in my pocket. He called for help.”

Cassian’s hand lifted and made a couple of weak attempts to bat at his chest, but then dropped to his side and he faded out again. Jyn sighed and brushed his hair back from his face. It didn’t seem fair for him to be so injured such a short time after recovering from Scarif. She was just glad K had returned to his side before it happened.

At least the two hypos appeared to stabilize Cassian’s condition sufficiently for the time it took to reach the medical frigate. Melshi went off to report in to Draven and Onoran about the extraction, and Jyn settled next to K in the waiting area so she could hear what the doctors said after they examined Cassian.

The two sat in silence quite some time, but finally K ventured, “How much is too much? And how far is too far?”

Jyn blinked. “What?”

The droid turned to gaze at her. “When I asked Cassian why he had not mentioned you, he said it would make a difference to you if you knew him better. He seemed to suggest you would not like him because he had ‘done too much’ and ‘gone too far’. He would not explain it further. I am curious to know why you would no longer wish to be his friend.”

Jyn drew in a long slow breath and carefully exhaled it. “I don’t know, K. As he said, there are things in his past that…he’s done things for the Rebellion that might be considered cruel and cold-hearted. Ruthless. On Eadu, when he was supposed to kill my father, I accused him of being no better than a stormtrooper, because he obeyed orders blindly and did terrible things. He probably thinks if I knew more of the things he’s done I would…hate him.”

K’s circuits whirred, processing this new data. “Is it true that you would?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t exactly lived a pure life either, especially when I was with Saw. I know Saw shielded me from the worst atrocities he committed, but that doesn’t leave me entirely blameless. Even if I didn’t help, I knew – or at least suspected – they were happening. And I made mistakes that had horrific results whether I intended them or not.”

They were both silent for several minutes more, and then she added, “What Cassian forgets is that I know the things he’s done aren’t the sum total of who he is. I’ve seen his concern and his compassion. Maybe there were times he lost sight of those things in himself, but they are still a part of him. I might not approve of some of what he did for the Alliance, but I don’t think I could ever hate him.”

“Are these things he’s done the reason he sometimes has bad dreams and does not get proper rest? Why he sometimes weeps?”

Jyn pressed her lips together, biting back tears. She knew K was genuinely concerned about Cassian, but she was sure the man would be mortified to know they were having this discussion. Still, maybe it was necessary. If K was asking her about this, then likely he had never felt he could ask anyone else, and Cassian probably avoided speaking of such matters. “Yeah, K. Those are the reason. He does whatever he is ordered to do, whatever he has to do, but it comes at a cost. Each time he does something questionable, he wounds himself in the process. And there is no medical treatment to heal those wounds.”

“Are you saying there is nothing I can do to help Cassian, then?”

She smiled at the droid. “You’re doing as much as you can. You’re with him, no matter what, watching his back, doing your best to keep him safe. He feels unworthy of friendship with other humans, so having your companionship fills a need in him.”

The doctor appeared then, interrupting further conversation. “We have Captain Andor stabilized and comfortable. He was dangerously close to more serious repercussions. You got him here just in time.”

Jyn made a face. “We seem to do that much too frequently.”

“Indeed.” He gestured behind him. “He’s sedated, but if you’d like to see him for a moment, that would be all right.”

“I will wait here. Looking at someone who is asleep serves no purpose,” K announced, causing the other two to smile.

“Yeah, well, humans tend to do it anyway, K. Be back in a few minutes.”

After Dr. Lesorid left the room, Jyn stood staring at Cassian from the foot of the bed. It wasn’t right that he looked younger and at peace only when in a drug-induced sleep. K had once mentioned that Cassian was just twenty-six years old. Most of the time, looking at him, that seemed impossible. The weight he carried on his shoulders added a good ten years to his appearance. 

What would he look like if his life had been unburdened by the cares of fighting in a Rebellion? For that matter, what would she look like, if her parents had lived and she had grown up in a normal family environment? Both of them had their childhood stolen, and had little choice but to grow up fast and hard if they wanted to survive. Without that, would he be married now, settled quietly on some planet with a wife and children? Would he be happy?

Her imagination wasn’t strong enough to envision such a scenario, for him or for herself. Their past couldn’t be undone, and it would shape their future – as little as there might be of it – no matter what.

She moved up alongside the bed. Could two wounded souls help each other heal, or would they merely tear each other apart even more? Until Cassian, she had never truly considered sharing her life with someone. True, she’d had feelings for Hadder when she was younger, and given time, that might have developed into more. The Empire had made sure nothing came of it, and ever since Jyn had been careful to keep other people at a distance. She could tolerate a lot of pain physically, but emotional pain was too overwhelming. It was much easier to keep it at bay from the outset.

Then along came Cassian and K, followed by Baze and Chirrut, then Bodhi, then the entire Rogue One team. There hadn’t been time to get to know most of the team before they were lost on Scarif – more guilt and pain to eat at her – but she still had that core of a family in the others. And family was something she had never thought to have ever again, something she wasn’t entirely sure it was wise to have. Yet some part of her could not turn it away when offered the chance. Cassian’s words to her of ‘welcome home’ had struck a much deeper chord than he could possibly have imagined. And she had wanted, desperately, to hang onto her family this time, to keep them close and safe. They had been separated from one another in only a week.

Her jaw clenched, fighting to hold back tears. This again – she would not cry. She did not cry. She had stopped a very long time ago. The conversation K mentioned having with Cassian confirmed what she had suspected, that he was pulling away from her. Whatever they shared before and during the events at Scarif was being trampled under the expediency of war. He had said that he and the others on the Rogue One team wanted their past sacrifices to count for something, that they wanted something good to outshine their history. In death, hopefully they had found that. Even Melshi and Tonc had appeared more reconciled to their past now that they were back in the thick of fighting. Cassian…Cassian looked to have gone deeper into himself than ever before, if he was even shutting her out.

She drew a chair near and sat down hard, discouraged. She would gladly help him, if she could, but Draven and orders and war would separate them again soon, and there would be no opportunity for it. For that matter, what could she offer to help him heal? She was no less damaged than he was, except that perhaps she still clung to hope. That now eluded him, if his remarks to K were any indication.

Her knuckles whitened as her hands fisted. She wanted to scream, to punch something, kick something, break something. Now would be the time to turn her loose on a squad of stormtroopers with her truncheon. That just might be enough to bleed off some of this frustration. Or maybe it would require two squads. But this sitting here, doing nothing…it was maddening.

Her jaw clenched tighter and she stood decisively, striding out of the room. When she did not stop in the waiting room, K rose and followed her. “Jyn Erso, where are you going? Is there a problem?”

“I have something to do, K. It might be best if you don’t come with me – you won’t approve, but I can’t allow you to prevent me from doing it.”

“Does it have to do with Cassian?”

Her step faltered. “Yes,” she admitted.

“Am I correct in assuming that it might be considered ‘illegal’ what you intend to do? Perhaps you think to access information that would not readily be given to you?”

“K…don’t. You can’t stop me. This is something I have to do, that I have to know.”

“I was not going to stop you, Jyn. I was going to offer my assistance. If you are this determined, I am certain you think it might be helpful to Cassian.”

She didn’t look back at the droid. “You could get into trouble if you help me, K. They expect _me_ to do such things.”

“I will only get into trouble if we are caught, and with my assistance, the likelihood of that decreases by 18% over your acting alone.”

She smiled, then said firmly, “Let’s get started.”

K guided her to the best spot to work without being detected. As his hands moved over the terminal keys, he inquired, “May I ask why you believe it necessary for you to do this? What purpose will it serve?”

She didn’t answer for several minutes, watching him work, but also keeping an eye out for anyone who might be approaching. Finally, she told him, “If I’m going to tell him that everything he’s done can be forgiven, or at least accepted, then I have to know within myself that it’s true. If I don’t know it, he’ll know I don’t know it, and he won’t believe me.”

“Understood. All of it?”

She straightened with determination. “Yes, all of it.”

The download took far less time than Jyn had expected, but K was soon handing her a datacard. “I thought it best to give it to you in this form, in case you are required to leave before you have time to go completely through it.”

“Thanks, K.” She stared at the datacard in her hand. Part of her felt guilty about invading Cassian’s privacy this way; she was sure he wouldn’t want her looking at this. But she also thought it absolutely necessary if she was to help him at all. He’d read of her past, at least the part that was recorded in a file, and had accepted her. Now it was her turn.

She glanced back toward the medbay. “Are you going to stay with him a while longer? He isn’t likely to wake for some time.”

“There is not a great deal else that I can do. I will wait. Perhaps he will waken and wish to speak with me.”

She nodded. “See you later – if I can. I’m not sure how long Onoran will let us stay here.”

“Was our ship recovered?”

“Yes. I’ll find out if it’s returned yet.” She held up the comlink. “Guess I ought to hang onto this for the time being.”

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 7 note: The ship Melshi ends up with for his team is a VCX-100 (same as the _Ghost_ in other stories and seen at the Battle of Scarif) and I’ve based my details off what little we know from the other stories that include it.  
> 
> 
> Based on the Ghost, the ship’s armament comprised a dorsal turret and a frontal-turret, the latter being controlled by a gunner in its seat or from the cockpit. The cargo bay and main entrance ramp of the VCX-100 was mostly located in the front of the freighter, below the forward-turret. VCX-100s also had a slot in between its main engines, into which a VCX-series auxiliary starfighter could dock. The VCX-100 was also outfitted with a magnetic cargo clamp on its ventral plating, capable of holding several bulk containers. From a labeled picture, it appears that there are 4 cargo holds in the ship (or it may be 1 single hold running along the belly of the ship below the main floor) – I’ve gone with 4 separate smaller holds.  
> 
> 
> The Ghost had the captain and a crew of 8 people + 2 droids (so 9 people total). It had sleeping quarters and since they often lived on board, a kitchen and at least one ‘fresher are likely. The only mention seen of shared rooms is that Zeb and Ezra shared, so possibly there are 8 private rooms, but they are big enough that 2 could share. [I’ve assumed 4 cabins on each side of the central corridor, with a ‘fresher in the middle of each. There is also a ‘fresher near the cockpit for ready use of the piloting crew. I’ve placed the kitchen at the back end of the central corridor.  
> 
> 
> A picture on Wookiepedia seems to show 4 seats in cockpit: pilot and co-pilot, then a chair behind each of them.  
> 
> 
> The smaller VCX-100 Starfighter had crew of 1 and could carry at least 4 passengers, so larger freighter would hold more. All pictures that seem to show the Starfighter docked on rear of the Freighter have it very small in comparison, so freighter is much larger.
> 
> Ch 7 note: Hypovolemic shock, also known as hemorrhagic shock, is a life-threatening condition that results when you lose more than 20 percent (one-fifth) of your body's blood or fluid supply. [20% of 5 ltr = 1 ltr]
> 
> Ch 7 note: The details of bomb making/use are essentially accurate but they have been slightly modified to the Star Wars universe. Things that might not be possible in our world are in that world, mainly in what could or could not trigger them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian's back in the medbay, and those around him respond in various ways.

“How is Captain Andor?” Chirrut barely waited for her to enter the ship before asking. It was uncanny how he could tell who was approaching.

“Stable. Resting. Looks like he’ll make it.” She wasn’t sure what else to tell them, so instead she turned the conversation. “What’s our status? Melshi done reporting in yet and getting new orders?”

Baze shook his head. “He hasn’t come back, so no word on that. Bodhi commed in a few minutes ago that he and Tonc had docked. They’ll be here shortly.”

“Okay. I’ll let K know their ship is here.”

“You are worried?”

Jyn could wish Chirrut wasn’t so astute. “Yeah, a little. Things are kind of a mess right now. I…I’ve got a lot to think about.”

“You have a good heart, Jyn. You will make the correct decision.”

Her brow knit at Chirrut’s cryptic words. It sounded as if he knew what weighed on her, without her explaining. She gave a slight shake to her head. She would almost believe he did. He might claim not to be a Jedi, but there were times she couldn’t think of any other explanation for what he said or did. “Uh, yeah, thanks.”

Before anything more could be said, Jyn continued on to her cabin and closed the door. The datacard was in her hand without her even noticing she was pulling it from her pocket. For several seconds she merely stared at it, torn between wanting and not wanting to see what it contained. Then she straightened and took a seat, picking up the datapad.

She had been reading for nearly an hour when there was a soft tapping at the door. “Yes?”

“Jyn?” It was Bodhi. “Did you want to come with us to the mess hall to eat?”

She marked her place in the file and ejected the datacard, slipping it into her pocket. Not something she wanted to leave laying around. It startled Bodhi when she opened the door. “We’re not leaving?”

He shook his head. “Melshi sent word that Onoran put us on standby, and said stay here for the time being.”

That was odd, but then Jyn didn’t understand a great deal that command did. She hesitated, but Cassian’s file made for heavy reading. It was probably wise to step away from it for a while and spend time with friends. It would be easy to drown in the horrors Cassian had lived through in his short life. She was only maybe a third of the way through it and already she had a better idea of why he was so troubled. Already she had greater anger toward Draven for training him to go that far, ordering him to go that far.

“Yeah, let’s eat.”

xxxxx

Jyn switched off the datapad and removed the datacard, staring at it resting in her palm. Such a tiny thing, but it held an entire planet’s worth of hurt. A drop splashed on her wrist, and she suddenly realized she was weeping. She brushed at the tears, something virtually unknown to her.

When Krennic had killed her mother and taken her father, Jyn had sat hidden in the cave waiting for Saw to come for her. And she had wept until she couldn’t weep anymore. That was the last time she had permitted herself the luxury. There was no room for tears in Saw’s camp among the Partisans. Any emotion that might lead to tears was channeled into the Cause, into vengeance. She had learned that lesson well.

Throughout her life there had only been a few times when moisture sprang to her eyes, but it never fell. She tamped it down as firmly as she did the packing in her explosives, kept it under full control. But now, the tears streamed freely from her eyes and she could not check the flood.

She had never wept for her own lost childhood, for everything she had sacrificed. She had mourned it, but not wept. Yet she sat here sobbing over the life Cassian had been forced to live. The file told the details of his time with the Alliance, but it did not tell everything. It did not even allude to what the toll would have been on his soul to do some of the things he had done. Cassian was a good and loyal soldier, and his hatred of the Empire completely fixed. He would have done whatever was necessary to stop them, and the Alliance, particularly Draven, had taken advantage of that.

She understood now what he had meant when he said he and the others he recruited for Rogue One had done ‘terrible’ things on behalf of the Rebellion. For all the Alliance liked to believe themselves ‘better’ than Saw, in some ways they were not so different – willing to compromise to achieve their goal. And soldiers like Cassian were the ones to suffer for it.

But she had come to know Cassian and despite his hardness and fixed loyalty, he was not untouched by the things that he did. Like she had told K, every questionable thing he did also created a self-inflicted wound. There was no going to the medbay after a mission to heal those wounds. They treated the outward injuries, but did nothing about the hidden ones, the ones festering away inside. It was difficult to even conceive how he had survived twenty years of such torture.

Scarif was supposed to have been a cleansing for those soldiers, even if it had to be their final act in life. They ended their lives doing something of which they didn’t need to be ashamed. But what about Cassian? And Melshi and Tonc? They hadn’t been fully absolved. They had returned and were being sent right back out to commit more questionable acts. She didn’t know Melshi or Tonc’s history, but because they seemed to have adjusted back to working in the Rebellion, Jyn had assumed Cassian would also. Now she was not so sure of that.

He had tried, it was clear, but the report K had given of this last mission indicated a lapse in focus. K hadn’t said it that way, but she could read between the lines. K would never say or do anything to make Cassian appear negligent or incompetent, but there was just the slightest difference in this report from the previous ones. It wasn’t the first time Cassian had run into trouble, or been injured – no one could be so lucky as to always escape cleanly. But K had known that Cassian wasn’t at his best and there was a note of worry. Likely Draven wouldn’t notice it, but Jyn did. She had come to know K the past couple of months, something Draven had never bothered to do. She heard more than what was said. Draven wasn’t even listening.

What now? Melshi’s team had been fortunate not to be deployed yet, but she didn’t doubt they would be soon. The frustration she had felt standing in Cassian’s hospital room returned. It all came back to this – how could she help Cassian from a distance? For that matter, how could she even help him if she was standing in the same room? She wasn’t trained for this sort of thing. She hadn’t grown up learning compassion and empathy, or how to soothe those who needed it. Her life had been spent emotionally separating herself from others, not drawing near and sharing their pain, easing their burden.

She slammed her fist down on the table. No. She was a fighter and she was not going to back down. Over and over Cassian had come back for her, made sure she was safe. She was not going to leave him to cope with this alone. Maybe she didn’t know how to help, but she’d find a way. She’d read, she’d ask questions, she’d even beat an answer out of someone if that’s what it took. Jyn Erso had been abandoned repeatedly in the course of her life, but she was never guilty of abandoning anyone else. Cassian would _not_ be the first.

xxxxx

“General, may we speak?”

Draven raised an eyebrow at Mon Mothma, but nodded. “Of course.”

She gestured toward his small office where their conversation would be private. Once they were both seated, she met his gaze. “This is regarding Captain Andor. And Jyn Erso.”

Draven’s features hardened, but he made no comment.

Ignoring his evident resistance, she pressed on. “Captain Andor has been fighting with us since he was a boy, as you know. And we have increasingly asked…difficult…things of him. It has always been a challenge accomplishing what needs to be done without destroying ourselves in the process. Captain Andor, even more than most, has been willing to take on that burden, I suspect partly so that others won’t have to.

“However, since Scarif, I have seen a change in him. How much of it is conscious and how much of it he is unaware, I do not know, but he has…lost his center. He expected death on that mission, had accepted that inevitability, as I think the others who went also had. For most of them, it proved to be the case. But for…Cassian, it did not end as expected, and now he is faced with the continuation of his life. I spoke with Sergeant Melshi and Corporal Tonc, and both indicated that they had volunteered to go in part to redeem themselves for some of their past actions in our behalf. With the Council refusing to act, they didn’t want the Alliance to disband with them having done so many questionable things only to give up at the end. Scarif was the opportunity to make sure that everything they had done counted for something, and in that I think they succeeded.”

She fell silent, and Draven avoided looking at her, reluctantly pondering her words. They had spoken of this issue before, in more general terms. It did not bode well that she was being more specific now.

“At any rate, you are much too astute, General, to have missed the connection that Cassian has formed with Jyn, and vice versa. You have thought to separate them in order to get him back to what he was before all this began and Jyn Erso came to us. I believe that is a mistake. I do not think he can go back to that – he is changed. He can still be an effective member of the Alliance, possibly even as an agent, but to do that, I think you must bring the two of them together and let them figure out where they stand. When you separated them, you also separated their focus. And I do not think it wise to have an agent who has some portion of their focus on anything other than the job he or she is doing.”

“And you don’t think that together they won’t be even more distracted, unfocused?” he argued. “Part of why Andor has been so effective has been that he kept himself apart from others. ‘Socializing’ might be good for him, but I seriously doubt it will be good for the Alliance.”

“Perhaps not, but I think we owe it to him to let him make the choice. If he has more to give us, then he will, I am certain. No matter what, he is devoted to the Cause. It simply may be that he needs now to find other ways to assist us. And while Jyn Erso may not be what you would consider an ideal recruit, under Captain Andor’s influence, she could prove herself a valuable asset for us as well. She has already contributed greatly on Melshi’s team. The sum may prove greater than the parts.”

Draven wasn’t convinced, but he did understand that this was not entirely a mere suggestion for him to consider. “If that is what you want, I’ll do it, but I am going on record as disagreeing with this decision. As I said before, Erso has no loyalty to anyone or anything except herself. She’s a common criminal and would have been better left in prison on Wobani. Their rogue mission to Scarif didn’t change my mind about that.”

“I understand. I hope you are pleasantly surprised. Thank you.” With an enigmatic smile, she rose and departed, leaving Draven to stew alone.

xxxxx

Even though they were still without assignment the next morning, Jyn found herself reluctant to go to the medbay to check on Cassian. She trusted Dr. Lesorid about his recovery from this, but that just made it easier not to confront the difficult conversation that needed to be spoken between them. She told herself it would be too soon anyway, that he would be weak and not up to such a discussion, but the truth was that it scared her to death even thinking about it. Jyn wasn’t known for her communication skills. Usually she allowed her fists or her weapons to do the talking for her. Speaking freely about emotions and fears and things like that terrified her, made her feel vulnerable. She had spent her life trying to get to a place where she never felt vulnerable.

For that matter, she had no clue what to say to Cassian. What words would ease his pain or help him heal in any way, particularly what words that she might speak? Unfortunately, she had become a member of the Alliance and was assigned to a team. Onoran was not going to let them sit at their leisure for very long. If she didn’t approach him now and try to do something, the opportunity would pass and no telling when another might come – or what might happen in the interim.

Well, there was one thing she was reasonably good at – improvising. Walking into an unknown situation and making up a plan on the fly. It looked like that would be her only option here. Even with that realization, Jyn still did not go to see Cassian until that afternoon, and part of her half-hoped he would be asleep. Not unconscious – that would suggest greater injury than recovery – but asleep would buy her more time.

Probably she should have been glad that he wasn’t, when she knocked on his door, but at that moment she found it difficult to be grateful. He was pale and weak, but while he favored her with a wan smile, there was no light in his eyes. Hard as this was, it needed to be done.

Clearing her throat, she stepped into the room and moved a little closer to the bed.

“You once told me that I wasn’t the only one to have lost everything in this war, and you were right. But neither are you the only one to have done things they regret, things they would wish un-done.” She sighed. “Cassian, war is ugly. Even just a rebellion is. Sometimes…sometimes it feels like we become the very thing that we hate in an effort to make things better. Maybe the difference is that we care, and the enemy doesn’t. We would gladly find another way if we could, but sometimes there isn’t any other way. And there are those like you and me and Melshi and the others who went to Scarif who do it so someone else doesn’t have that weight on their souls. So they can live in peace.”

She plopped down in the chair next to his bed, picking at a ragged fingernail. “You’re right that not everyone would be able to accept what we’ve done without thinking us monsters, and maybe you’re right in thinking what you’ve done is worse than what I’ve done, but you’re wrong that people can’t still care about you. I guess K might not count, but there’s Melshi, Baze, Chirrut, Bodhi, Tonc…even me. All of us have your back, Cassian. We know of your darkness and still we have your back.”

He turned on his side, facing away from her. After a moment, she noticed tremors of his shoulders, his body. Was he weeping? She abruptly stood and stretched out a hand, but hesitated to touch him. Obviously he didn’t want her to see this, but… She chewed her lip for a moment, then settled her hand on his shoulder. He stiffened at her touch, but could not hold back the emotion that filled him. There wasn’t much room, but she laid down on the bed pressed close behind him, draping her arm protectively over his waist. At a time like this, she would not want to feel alone. She wasn’t going to let him feel that way either. Suddenly a warm hand grasped hers and gripped it tightly. Jyn closed her eyes, and smiled.

When at length he seemed to calm somewhat, she told him, “In case you were wondering, K doesn’t like to feel powerless to help when you are in need.” She was rewarded with a thin laugh, as she had hoped.

A slight noise drew her attention to the doorway, though Cassian didn’t appear to have noticed. Dr. Lesorid stood there, and she met his gaze evenly. After a moment, he gave her a smile and moved away, leaving them as they were.

Jyn didn’t know how long she stayed there beside Cassian, but at length his breathing deepened and he slept. Her arm was cramped between the two of them, so she carefully slid off the bed to get circulation going again. Hopefully her discomfort had been worthwhile. Probably she would only know that when he awoke and they could talk.

With a sigh, she walked out of the room. When she reached the waiting area, Dr. Lesorid was standing there, and looked up at her. “Oh…um…I’m sorry about…” She gestured vaguely in the direction of Cassian’s room.

He faced her squarely. “Why are you sorry? I’m not.”

Her puzzled expression made him sigh. “Come with me.”

He led her to a small office and closed the door. Once they were seated, neither spoke for several minutes. At length, he steepled his hands on his desk and told her, “When a person has suffered great trauma, physical or mental, it can affect the way that they think. Some become so lost in the trauma in their mind that they feel like a shell, a ghost. Usually people believe that medicine cures illness, but I have found that the mind can play a tremendous role as well. I’ve seen people, who should have died, literally will themselves to live, refuse to give up. That’s when you hear whispers about ‘miracles’. But I’ve also seen people who should have survived injuries die anyway because they mentally gave up on living.” He stopped, pondering his next words.

“I’m not saying that Captain Andor is near death, not physically, though that could still happen. But I am saying that mentally he is reaching the breaking point. I only overheard part of what you said to him, but the fact that it could make him weep, and cause him to allow you to hold him while he wept…well, I judge that to be a good sign. A sign that, at least for now, he is holding on. He isn’t ‘well’ by any measure, but that is progress for him. You haven’t given up on him, and your force of will is pressing him not to give up on himself. So, no, I’m not sorry for what I just witnessed. Keep it up. Do it more.” He smiled. “Doctor’s orders.”

Jyn bit her lip, but hesitantly returned the smile.

“I don’t know you well, Sergeant Erso, but I suspect you have similar issues and trauma to those of Captain Andor, and need to do some healing yourself. Perhaps you feel what I am asking of you is too difficult. But I have not seen any evidence that you shy away from a fight that might be hard, or painful to you personally. Please, if you possibly can, don’t shy away now. Not only could it help Captain Andor, but it might help you in the bargain.”

xxx

When she arrived at his room the next day, Cassian was propped up on pillows, though his eyes were closed. She wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or not, and for a moment she hesitated, not wanting to disturb him. Just then his eyes blinked open, and brightened slightly at seeing her. “Jyn.” He smiled.

“You’re awake, then.” A rather obvious statement, but she wasn’t sure what to say to him now. Between her efforts at comforting him, and Dr. Lesorid’s comments afterwards, she felt even more out of her depth. ‘Nurturing’ wasn’t a skill Saw taught to his followers, or even encouraged at all.

“For a little while now. They said I should sit up some, that the change in position would be good for me.”

His features were still drawn though he had a little more color in his face; certainly he looked much healthier than he had when they brought him in. “I’m…I’m glad you’re feeling better.” She winced. Dr. Lesorid thought she could help Cassian when she couldn’t even manage to hold an intelligent conversation with him?

His head was leaning back against the pillows, but his eyes were watching her closely. It was somewhat unnerving. She almost thought he seemed to be looking for something, or anticipating something. It was how he’d looked during her interrogation.

“I half expected you to have left by now,” he said quietly. “After Scarif was finished.”

Her lips pursed. “Where would I go? Besides, someone told me this could be my new home, if I wanted it.”

He nodded and smiled again. “Yes. I hope you want it.”

“I guess maybe I do. I’m still here all these months later.”

They both lapsed into silence, not entirely able to meet one another’s gaze. Finally, he said, “I hear you’re on Melshi’s team now. I sort of thought Solo’s way of operating would suit you more.”

She shrugged. “It does, in general. It’s better than being expected to follow military discipline and procedures. But Melshi’s been good about letting us be a little more…rogue, at least when we’re away from base. I guess he liked how we all worked together on…Scarif. And he’s gathered the team that survived, so I’m with family. Mostly. There are still two members absent.”

He shifted position in the bed, wincing slightly as it pulled on his injured shoulder. “I’m not sure having us all together will ever be possible,” he said quietly.

More silence blanketed the room. At length, she reached in her jacket pocket. “I guess I should return this to you.” She pulled out the comlink. “I’m sorry I overlooked putting it with your things.”

He made no move to reach for it. “K contacted you for assistance, using that. Maybe…maybe you should hold onto it. I…I made another. K can tell the difference between them.”

After a moment, she nodded and slipped it back into her pocket.

“I’m surprised your team hasn’t been sent back out.”

She gave him a look that said she didn’t understand it any better than he did. “For now, Onoran has told us to stand down and remain here. Not sure why. If he explained it to Melshi, he didn’t pass it on to us. I don’t know how long it will last. I doubt they can keep us out of action very long.”

“That’s true. But I’m glad to get to see you. Hopefully the others will also drop by to visit before you have to leave.”

“I’m sure they will.”

Jyn couldn’t believe how inane their conversation had become. They sounded like polite strangers passing the time of day. This wasn’t them – her and Cassian. After all they’d been through together, this was not them at all. Why could they not seem to return to the ease and closeness of before? The ease two people shared in the Citadel Tower, and when they thought death was unavoidable? Was that it? Had that closeness been an illusion brought on by the nearness of death? Was it never meant to continue into a living world? That was a depressing thought.

She stood. “I should probably let you get some rest.”

As she reached the door, he called out. “Jyn?”

“Yeah?” She didn’t look back at him. Idly she rubbed her finger over a rough spot in the door frame.

“Did…did you mean it?”

He didn’t explain his question; he didn’t need to – she understood. She glanced over her shoulder and nodded. “Yes. Yes, I meant it.”

He stared down at the blanket covering him, then asked quietly, carefully, “Do you know? You know, don’t you?”

Again, she understood what he left unsaid. “Yeah. I know. I wanted to…be sure, before I said anything to you.” She looked up and he met her eyes. “I wanted to be certain I spoke the truth.”

After a moment, he nodded, dropping his gaze. Without another word, she slipped out the door and left him to his thoughts.

Cassian was sorry to see her go, but perhaps for the moment it was best. He needed to do some thinking, not easy when he felt so numb. Physically, he was tired, but otherwise on the mend and fairly comfortable. The numbness wasn’t due to his injury, then, at least not his physical injuries. He knew Jyn Erso well enough by now to realize she had likely sliced into his file. He grinned ruefully – he wouldn’t be at all surprised if K had helped her do it. Whatever animosity they had initially had for one another, it seemed to have been mutually set aside in the interest of looking out for Cassian.

She’d said he had friends who cared about him, and it was difficult to dispute that – at least with regard to her and K. She had discounted the droid, but he wasn’t sure that could be done. K might not be human, but in many ways he was Cassian’s closest friend. And Jyn… He rubbed wearily at his forehead. What about Jyn? His hand slid down to press at the kyber crystal still around his neck. He should have offered to return it when she mentioned the comlink, but part of him hadn’t wanted to lose that connection to her. There was something comforting in feeling it resting against his chest, almost as though she was with him even when several star systems separated them.

But now what? Draven wasn’t much interested in catering to friendships for his agents. Likely the General viewed such relationships as unnecessary distractions. He had always only tolerated K’s presence, after Cassian acquired the droid, and probably only agreed to his remaining because of the uses to which he could be put.

He growled softly. His thoughts were just chasing in circles, but answers were elusive. One thing he was beginning to know, though, was that he might not ever be able to go back to what he had been before Scarif. Draven wouldn’t like it; he’d say that Jyn had ruined one of his best agents. But it wasn’t Jyn’s doing, at least nothing she had consciously done. Draven had brought this on himself. He was the one to send them off to Jedha and then Eadu, together, even with a kill order on her father given to Cassian. How had he thought that would turn out? Had he really believed she wouldn’t object to Cassian killing the man? If it had come down to it, likely she would have directly fought Cassian to prevent it. She hadn’t followed him off the ship on Eadu in order to see her father, she had done it to stop him from completing his mission. She had realized his intent, just as Bodhi had while on that ridge. It just hadn’t played out so that they confronted one another, and the matter was taken out of their hands by Alliance bombs.

There was a tap at his door. “Come in.”

Bodhi’s head appeared, hesitant. “I..I don’t want to disturb you.”

“No, not at all. Come in, Bodhi.” He shoved his thoughts aside for further examination later.

“I just…just wanted to see how you were doing. Jyn said you were awake now.” He eased a little farther into the room.

Cassian gestured to his bandaged shoulder. “Aside from this, I’m doing pretty well. Thanks for helping get me back here.”

Bodhi nodded. “Sure. We’d never leave you behind if we could help it. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“So, any news?”

“Nothing much. Until something changes at Yavin, we’ll be hindered. Hopefully they can break the blockade soon. Did Jyn tell you we recovered your ship? While they got you and K out, Tonc and I went after it.”

“Good. We can’t afford to lose any more ships if we can avoid it.”

“It feels strange not having you with us. On the team, I mean. Everyone else is from Rogue One so it just…just feels like you and K should be there, too. But I guess they need you for other things.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. My missions usually were different from what Melshi did. Maybe if we can find a new base we’ll at least see a little more of each other.” Cassian had been with the Alliance too long to think a base would quickly be found and established, but it was the only hope he could offer Bodhi.

“Yeah, maybe. I guess K’s glad to finally be back with you again. Jyn was pretty mad that Draven hadn’t even told him that we had survived and were rescued.”

Cassian smiled, imagining Jyn’s fury. Draven must not have been in her general vicinity when she found out, or likely she would have acted first and worried about the consequences later. And he wouldn’t blame her too much either. Draven should have had the courtesy to let K know, even if he was just a droid. With as long as he had been Cassian’s companion, he deserved to know. He was glad Jyn had interceded on the droid’s behalf.

“How are the others doing?” he asked, leaning back into the pillows. “Baze, Chirrut, Tonc. I haven’t seen Baze and Chirrut since we left the medical frigate the first time after I was back on duty.”

“They’re good. They…they seem to like working with our team. It’s kind of strange, all of us working together. I mean, it’s not like we all have similar skills or anything, but Melshi knows how to use us together to accomplish what needs doing. Somehow it just sort of works.” He blushed slightly. “And…and Jyn insisted on teaching me to defend myself. I’m not very good at it, but I guess I’m better than I was when I met all of you on Jedha.”

“Jyn would be a good one to teach you. At the very least, it might help you not get hurt if someone attacks you, or if you need to help someone who is being attacked. It’s easier to act if you have some idea what to do to help.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. Tonc’s been teaching me to shoot a blaster, too. That’ll probably be good to know. Up til now, he’s sort of provided blaster cover when I’ve needed it. The Empire didn’t particularly want their shuttle pilots armed.” He grinned ruefully, causing Cassian to force a hollow chuckle.

“No, I guess not. But it sounds like you’re doing well, learning a lot of new things. You’re turning into quite a rebel.”

Bodhi looked down at his hands, his face flushing. “Well, I’m trying, you know?” He looked back up. “I want to be useful.”

Cassian nodded his understanding and they both fell silent, until Bodhi asked, “Your shoulder – is it mending? Will you be up and around soon?”

Cassian averted his eyes. “It’s getting there. I lost quite a lot of blood so I need to regain my strength. Once the wound is fully healed, I’ll need therapy to get the shoulder flexible again.” He carefully kept his tone neutral, not wanting to discuss a return to duty or how soon it might happen.

“I don’t know that we’ll be around for..for long, but if you need anything while we’re here, just say the word. One of us will see that you get it.”

Cassian smiled at his earnestness. Yes, certainly he could add Bodhi to his list of friends also. In some ways, he thought Bodhi needed the friendship even more than he did. “Thanks, Bodhi. I’ll keep that in mind.”

They talked a little while longer, until Bodhi noticed his flagging energy and struggle to keep his eyes open. “Get some rest. I’ll come back later if I can. Maybe bring Baze and Chirrut with me.”

“Yeah, good. Thanks.” As Bodhi left the room, he relaxed into the pillows with a long sigh.

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 8 note: From Wookieepedia: “Mon Mothma stated that she didn't particularly like working with Intelligence, adding that agents like Davits Draven had a chilly moral pragmatism that they could use to justify any crime.”; “Mothma, however, worried about the terrible things Andor and other Rebel agents were asked to do in the name of the Rebellion. Mothma wondered if command was doing enough to help agents like Andor to cope with the psychological damage inflicted by their actions.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team continues to run missions while Cassian recovers in the medbay, but K-2 accompanies them temporarily.

“Hey, Jyn.” Bodhi settled at the table across from her. He looked at her hands wrapped around the cup of caf and her eyes barely open. “That all you’re having for breakfast?”

She let out a long breath. “No, I’m just starting with this before I eat.”

Just then Tonc arrived and took a seat beside her, handing over the second plate of food on his tray.

“And I might have talked Tonc into getting something for me while he was in line.”

Tonc didn’t look up from his own plate. “Yeah, but next time you go for the food while I sit and wait.”

She pouted. “I thought you guys loved me.”

Tonc continued stirring all his food into one mass, a peculiar habit he had, or maybe he thought it made it taste better. “We do,” he replied. “We’re just not willing to wait on you hand and foot.”

Baze and Chirrut came to join them and she said, “I bet Baze would.”

“Would what?” he grunted.

“Wait on me hand and foot? Tonc says no.”

“Nope, not me. I already do that for Chirrut. One’s enough.”

She chuckled and fell to eating. “You lot are no fun.”

None of them were especially chatty, so the rest of the meal was mostly eaten in silence, and then Baze and Chirrut drifted away, soon followed by Tonc. Only Bodhi lingered, and Jyn got the impression something was on his mind. She waited for him to work up the nerve to speak as she finished her caf.

“Jyn, can…can I ask you something?”

She nodded. “Sure.”

“It’s about…it’s about Cassian.” She stiffened slightly, but let him continue.

“He…it just seems like he’s different now. Changed. I’m not sure how to explain it. I mean…I guess we don’t really know him well – I only spent about a week with him, but still…I just…” He shrugged. “I’m worried about him.”

She blew out a slow breath. “Yeah.” How to explain without saying too much. “He’s struggling right now. There are things he’s done in his life and they’re messing with his head. He’s trying to sort himself out, but it’s not the kind of fight he’s used to, you know?”

Bodhi considered, then asked quietly, “Is there anything we can do to help?”

She smiled. “Just keep being his friend, and let him know you’re there to talk or listen or whatever he needs. But some of it he just has to work out for himself. We can’t do it for him.”

“You’d tell me if there was, though, right? I mean, it’s not like I’m the most observant guy or anything, but if I missed something, you’d tell me, right?”

She reached over and caught his wrist in her grasp, squeezing it reassuringly. “Of course I would. For him, for you, for any of the team. Count on it.”

He smiled in relief. “Good. We on later for fight training?”

She glanced at the wall chron. “Yep, two hours. See you then.”

After he disappeared, she chewed her lip thoughtfully. Cassian. She couldn’t imagine they’d stay here much longer – she was running out of time. The problem was, what to do in the time that she had. Should she even attempt anything while he was recovering physically? If she left and he got well, Draven would have him right back in the thick of it, whether he was ready or not. And she wouldn’t be around to fight for him.

She shoved to her feet and set down her cup on the tray Tonc left. Whatever, she couldn’t waste the time. If nothing else, she would simply sit with him and let the conversation go where it would.

xx

“Still here?” Cassian asked, smiling as she stepped into the room.

“For the moment. Maybe Onoran forgot we were here and has overlooked us for the time being. He’ll get over that soon enough.”

“He will that. And I doubt he forgot. More likely he’s just trying to decide how to use the team.”

She pulled a chair around so she could sit facing him. “You bored yet? You’re awake and not bleeding, so I assume you’re ready to get moving again. You usually are.”

Jyn didn’t miss the tension in his smile, his attempt at good humor. “Maybe not yet.”

“Good. I know you had two months off, but you still need the rest, and the break from it.”

“Jyn…”

“No point arguing with me. You won’t change my mind about that. They keep patching up the obvious stuff and ignoring the more severe hidden wounds. It isn’t right. You don’t put a bandage over a tiny cut and leave broken bones untended.”

He looked away, but his mouth pinched into a narrow line. At length, he reminded her, “They do when you are at war.”

“Then they’re wasting their resources. Using defective weapons only gets more people killed, it doesn’t win wars.” She sighed. “I know sometimes it’s unavoidable, but not always.” She looked closely at him. “You kept going on Scarif despite all your injuries because you had to, because it was the only way to accomplish our mission. The same reason I left you lying there and kept going rather than coming down to check on you, help you. But that isn’t always the case, Cassian. Sometimes there’s a choice.”

“Would you have come down for me if you could choose?” He avoided looking at her as he asked the question.

“Absolutely. If Krennic hadn’t appeared and I got the plans sent, I would have come back to you. You…just beat me to it, that’s all.” She blew out a breath. “Much as I didn’t like it, if your injuries – or death – were to have any meaning, we needed to succeed. You wanted to give up when we lost K. I wanted to give up when I lost you. But we didn’t, we couldn’t.”

Both fell silent, looking anywhere but at each other. After several minutes had passed, Cassian admitted, “I’m not sure I know how to stop. I haven’t stopped moving since I was six years old. It always seemed like one more mission might make the difference. When it didn’t, then maybe the one after that would. If I stop, will I stop just short of the one that would matter? What if I stop too soon?”

“Don’t stop, Cassian, just go in another direction. They don’t need you to be willing to do _anything_. They need to find other ways to accomplish what needs doing, ways that don’t compromise your sanity and health. It can be done, if they try a little harder. You’ve become their easy way out too often.”

“I’m not sure I can leave the past behind, Jyn. It seems simple when you are here, but afterwards…”

“You’re not alone, even when I’m not sitting here with you.”

His hand moved slightly where it lay on the bed near her, causing him to wince as the motion tugged at his shoulder injury. Jyn noticed the movement, though, and reached over to clasp his hand in hers. Softly she told him, “Rogue One made a good team on Scarif. We still are. If not me, you still have the others, even K. You’re not alone.” She sighed. “You and I, we’ve carried our pasts on our backs since we were small. We really need to find a way to lay down our burden so we can move forward.”

“I…I never said it, but…I’m sorry that I lied to you about your father, Jyn. Until I met you, orders were something to be followed without question. But after those hours of coming to know you, there just wasn’t any way I could follow through on that order. Your father’s death was my fault. I knew the Alliance would send a squadron when they lost contact with me, would assume that I had failed and would go to a backup plan. It was my fault your father died, and I’m sorry.”

“No! Don’t lie to me or yourself, Cassian. It was Draven’s fault. Mon Mothma said bring my father back to testify and I believe she fully intended that. Draven gave you a different order to follow, one she likely did not know about. It was natural for you to follow that order as you always had. In the end, when you realized the situation had changed, you balked and didn’t follow through. They sent the squadron because they lost contact with you, but without contact how could you tell them not to come? It was wrong to follow an order that you knew wasn’t right, but in the end, you didn’t.”

Cassian had closed his eyes, but his expression left Jyn in no doubt that he was still tormented by the part he had played. She rose and stepped close, laying a hand on the side of his face. His eyes came open in surprise. “You chose the right. Maybe there were plenty of times through the years when you didn’t, but don’t take the blame for my father. That one isn’t on you.”

His eyes flickered, dead, listless. “Why are you here?”

It might be considered a rude question by some, but what Jyn saw in his face wasn’t annoyance or rejection; he truly didn’t understand.

“Because whether you believe it or not – yet – you’re worth it, Cassian. I know you’ve done terrible things. I even know what they were. But nothing in the entire galaxy will convince me you aren’t a good man here.” She pressed a hand to his chest.

He closed his eyes again, his jaw tightening in disbelief. After a moment, she leaned toward his ear, causing a shiver to run through him at her nearness. “You’re wasting your time fighting me on this. I’m going to keep saying it until you believe me. Until you can see it for yourself even when I’m not around to remind you.”

She pressed a kiss to his temple. “Rest. I have to go meet Bodhi, but I’ll come back later.”

He merely nodded without opening his eyes.

At the door, she paused to look back, but he had not changed position in the slightest. They had gone from a fairly lighthearted exchange to some dark things rather quickly. Not exactly what she had intended, but they did need to be discussed. If he was feeling unworthy then she needed to know that so she could counter it. She hadn’t been able to save her mother, her father or Saw, but she had no intention of losing Cassian also.

xx

“You okay?”

Jyn blinked. “What?”

“Are you okay?” Bodhi asked again. “You’re a good teacher and all, but I shouldn’t have been able to land as many strikes as I have unless you aren’t paying attention.”

She smiled weakly. “Sorry, Bodhi, my thoughts were somewhere else. Maybe we ought to end this now, before you really clobber me and totally ruin my reputation.”

He attempted a hesitant smile in return, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “What’s wrong? Is it Cassian?”

She looked at him, then quickly away. “Just a lot on my mind. Leave it at that, okay?”

“Okay. But you know I’m here for you, right? We all are.” He moved slowly over and gripped her shoulder.

She reached up and caught his hand. “I do know, and thank you.”

When Jyn returned to visit with Cassian after lunch, Baze and Chirrut accompanied her. She wasn’t sure if she was grateful for that or not. They wouldn’t be able to talk freely with the Guardians there, but the morning visit had drained her and she wasn’t ready for another round just yet.

Cassian was subdued during the visit, and to Jyn he looked tired. He had once remarked to her that he didn’t like to take anything that knocked him out, so she doubted he would mention to the doctor if he had trouble sleeping. Her only consolation was that she didn’t think Dr. Lesorid missed much. He’d notice and probably even slip something into Cassian’s food, drink or medicine under a different guise if that was what it took. Normally, she wouldn’t be pleased by that, but Jyn knew about nightmares and sleep loss. If he was to get better both physically and mentally, he needed healing sleep.

It turned into quite the gathering. Melshi and Tonc came by after they had been there an hour, and K-2 arrived a short while later, though he didn’t remain once he saw all the people in Cassian’s room. While the conversation stayed fairly light, by the time the visit had stretched to more than two hours, Jyn decided they should break things up and let Cassian rest.

Before she could follow the last of them out, Cassian called her back. “Jyn?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. I…enjoyed the company.”

She smiled and cocked her head. “Well, you probably needed the company, though I’m not convinced you enjoyed it all that much at present.”

“Did you…tell them anything? About me?”

“I told them what your doctor said about your injury and expected recovery. That’s all. The rest of it is just between you, me and K.”

He nodded and leaned back with a sigh. “Thanks.” His eyes slid shut and she slipped out.

Her hand rose to her chest, but then she dropped it again. She still hadn’t gotten out of the habit of reaching for her mother’s kyber crystal necklace. Cassian hadn’t mentioned it, though she had seen it around his neck when she treated his shoulder wound. Hopefully that meant he found it comforting. She missed it, but she wouldn’t begrudge that to him. Maybe when she couldn’t be with him it would remind him that he was in her thoughts, and that all was not bleak.

xxxxx

Baze nudged Jyn and gestured toward the middle of the mess hall. She looked over to see Melshi approaching. Judging by his expression, they had a new assignment. She wondered if he knew he always had that ‘look’ when they got a new job.

“Hey, Melshi. Grab some food and join us,” Tonc called, also spotting their leader.

The man shook his head, but settled at the table anyway. “Okay, listen up, We have work to do.” Everyone kept eating, though their eyes watched Melshi with interest. “You know the blockade continues to hold at Yavin. We’re going to help make it more difficult for them to focus on that. Despite all the skirmishes on the surface, the Empire hasn’t thrown their full weight behind destroying the base. Intelligence has picked up chatter suggesting they might be waiting for Vader’s new flagship to be completed and used for the assault. If that’s true, we need to take advantage of their delay. We have three targets we’re going after – valuable resources to the Empire, but remote enough that the Imps think them relatively safe from our notice. They’re wrong about that.”

He paused a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Erso, I’m gonna need nutcrackers – lots of them. A few whizbangs, but mostly we want to do some damage. A lot of damage. The more, the better. Oh, and get K-2. I want him along this time. Captain Andor doesn’t need him at the moment and he could be useful to us.”

“Does Cassian know about this?” Jyn asked. “K answers to him, not me.”

He looked at her. “Arrange it. Whatever you have to do.”

She nodded.

“Okay, then. If there are no questions, gear up. We depart in two hours.” He rose and moved away when no one made any effort at questions.

Jyn stood also. “Better go find K and get that worked out. Baze, can you do an inventory on my bomb supplies and let me know what I have so I can restock?”

He nodded. “Your bag on the ship?”

“Yeah, usual spot.” He raised a hand of acknowledgement as he took the last bite of his meal.

Cassian’s door was open when she arrived. He was stirring food around on his plate, but not really eating. “No better than mess hall food?”

He looked up and smiled. “Not especially. And I guess I’m just not hungry.” He looked at her more closely. “What’s up?”

Her mouth twisted in amusement. Hardly surprising he could read her so well. “We’ve got a mission. Three, actually, so we might be gone for a little while. Blowing stuff up – one of my favorite things.”

He chuckled. “You came to say goodbye then?” Despite the easy conversation, he looked disappointed that she was leaving.

She leaned her hip against the bed and folded her arms, looking down at the floor. “That too. We, uh…Melshi wants K to come with us. I told him you would need to clear it.”

He set down his fork and stopped pretending to eat, reaching to set the tray on the nearby table. It was a stretch and she stepped forward to move it the rest of the distance for him. “Thanks. So, have you told K yet?”

“Not until you agree to it,” she stubbornly insisted.

“Of course I agree. Despite what others say, he’s good to have along. If no one else, I know you appreciate that’s so.”

She nodded. “I do. Everyone on the team is good, but each has their specific skills and K’s are different than theirs. He more than proved himself on Scarif.”

“Yeah, he did.” He lapsed into thought, then realized his attention had wandered. “Good luck. Blow up something for me.”

“Will do, Captain!” She gave him a mock salute. There was a momentary awkwardness until Jyn added, “I guess I better find K and get moving. We leave soon and I have work to do before then.”

“Yeah.” His jaw tightened with frustration. Cassian wanted to say more, but there was too little time for anything much and nothing important could be said quickly.

Jyn’s fingers suddenly wrapped around his hand where it lay on the bed, and he looked up in surprise. “I’ll see you again,” she told him firmly. “I’ll find a way, no matter what. Count on it.”

He let out his breath, his tension easing. “I look forward to it. I’ll be watching.”

xxxxx

The first foray went reasonably well, and everyone made it back to the ship without a stormtrooper escort. Inexplicably, though, Jyn grabbed a couple of nutcrackers and bolted back down the ramp.

“Erso! Stop!”

She was gone without even acknowledging she had heard Melshi’s command. With a sigh, he asked, “Does she ever listen to anyone other than Andor?”

Bodhi shrugged helplessly at the question, but a smirk slid onto Baze’s face. “What makes you think she listens to Captain Andor?”

K-2 advised, “I have not observed that Jyn Erso heeds instructions from others any more than 47.3% of the time, regardless of who is giving them.”

“That high?” Chirrut asked. “I would have thought it much lower.”

“She listens,” Bodhi protested, then amended, “when she wants to.” He was honest enough to admit that much.

“Okay, spread out. Let’s go see if we can bring her back in one piece. I’ll circle around to the right.” Melshi headed down the ramp, letting the others sort themselves out.

“Sergeant Melshi – no need,” Chirrut called after him.

He looked back questioningly as suddenly Erso raced past him and slid onto a bench. The others surrounded her. Glancing up, she told them, “We should go.” When none of them moved, she arched her eyebrows for emphasis and added, “Now.”

Melshi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Bodhi, K – get us out of here.”

“What did you do, little sister?” Baze asked, knowing he spoke for them all.

“What makes you think I did anything?” From anyone else, the innocence she was trying to project might have worked.

“In that case, we _really_ need to get out of here now,” Baze agreed.

An explosion sounded, so loud it might have been right outside the ship; the force of the blast caused the ship to buffet as it lifted off.

“What did you blow up?” Tonc gasped, half question, half astonishment.

“It might have been a fuel dump.” Another explosion rocked them as they continued their ascent.

As the others glanced at one another, she added, “Next to an ammo dump.” Their eyes twitched back to her, wide with disbelief. She gave a small smile. “Probably next to a guard station…”

“Mother of Moons! What did you use?” Tonc didn’t conceal his awe of her skills.

She gave a jerk of her head. “Just a nutcracker.”

“A nutcracker did _that_?” He gestured back toward the planet.

“Not exactly. The fuel only needed a spark, and then, unfortunately,” – he noticed she didn’t look particularly regretful despite her choice of words – “the fuel ignited the ammo. That’s what did _that_. Saw always said, ‘make the most of what you’ve got’.”

xx

At least the second sortie was more by the book, and Melshi was pleased with the outcome. Naturally, that meant their luck would run out on the third one. Well, not run out so much as they either had bad intel or there was another reason that the Empire had increased security over what they expected to find.

“Bodhi, stop trying to target them!” Tonc called, startling him. “Just rapid fire in a spread – you’ll hit something. This isn’t target practice.”

It sounded kind of crazy to him, but he trusted Tonc so he tried to do as directed. It felt strange at first, but after he saw two troopers fall, he was more convinced.

Just then Tonc let out a yelp and collapsed onto one knee, holding his other leg. Bodhi grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him farther behind the crate they were using for cover.

“Damn,” Tonc muttered, pressing his hand over the wound to slow the bleeding.

Panic welled in Bodhi’s chest. What now? They were pinned down, they were—

Repeating blasts sounded off to their left and more troopers fell. Baze! He grabbed Tonc’s arm. “Let’s go!” Dragging him to his feet, they set off back toward the ship. A minute later, an explosion went off behind them, shaking the ground enough that Bodhi stumbled. Steadying himself, he pressed on as fast as Tonc could manage.

Baze’s cannon kept firing periodically, but the sound wasn’t getting farther away as he moved, so the big man must be retreating also. Another explosion shook them, but Bodhi steeled himself and sprinted for the ramp. Chirrut was standing ready to close the door as soon as all were aboard, and he could hear K-2 bringing the engines online.

Baze caught up with them just as Bodhi settled Tonc onto a bench, and the Guardian took up position by the ramp to cover the rest of the team.

“Go,” Tonc told him, nodding toward the cockpit. “I’ll be okay.”

Bodhi ran forward and settled in the chair beside K. “Is everyone in?”

“Not yet. Stand by.”

He heard feet on the ramp and then Melshi shouted, “Let’s go! Punch it!”

K-2 quickly had the ship aloft and Bodhi trained the guns behind them, pinning down the troopers from doing any damage while they gained altitude. Once they slid into hyperspace, everyone breathed easier.

Melshi came to stand behind Bodhi and K. “Well, that could have gone better. But only one wounded is a good thing. What were those explosions as we took off? Did you hit something important?”

Jyn sidled up next to him. “That would have been me. I left them little parting gifts and triggered them as we lifted off.”

“Nice,” Melshi said, chuckling. Changing direction, he said, “Let’s talk.” With that, he led them back to join the others while K stayed to monitor the controls.

Baze and Chirrut had helped Tonc into the hold and tended to his leg; he was reasonably comfortable. “Assessment?”

“It’d be nice to know why there were so many more of them than we thought,” Tonc remarked. “Did you even get close to the facility itself?”

Melshi shook his head. “I didn’t. Erso?”

She sprawled on the seat next to Chirrut. “Close enough to leave my calling cards laying about. They would have triggered along with the ones near the ship. Can’t be sure exactly how much damage was done, but it’s bound to inconvenience them somewhat at the very least.”

“Took out a lot of stormtroopers, too,” Baze said. “That’s always worthwhile. Whatever the reason it was that well guarded, it’s less so now.”

“True. So, not a total loss. And presumably that much trooper presence means the Empire won’t like that we were here and are aware of this facility. They thought these three places wouldn’t be on our scanners – we’ve just proven them wrong in a big way. That will have pulled at least some of their attention away from Yavin.” He stood. “Okay, Bodhi, get us home. I’ll go call it in.”

The return trip took several hours. Some of the team slept; a few played sabacc for a while. It had been a tiring mission assignment with three sorties back to back, so they were willing to simply relax, lounging around the hold area.

Jyn had elected not to get involved in Bodhi’s sabacc game, and a half hour into the flight, Melshi approached. “Can we talk, Erso?”

She had never liked that kind of question. It usually meant she wasn’t going to care for what was said, but he was her commanding officer. She nodded and a jerk of his head indicated she should follow him. He led her to a cabin, and gestured for her to close the door behind her. He took a seat on the side of the bunk and she reluctantly dropped down next to him.

Leaning his elbows on his knees, he contemplated his hands while deciding on his words. “Mind you, I’m not complaining about your work at all. You’re good, very good. And I know your experience has been working in a more open system with the Partisans or on your own, but I’m a military man. I’ve spent a lot of years fighting as a soldier.”

He paused and Jyn’s brow wrinkled, unable to determine what he might be getting at. Finally he sat up and looked at her. “Could you just please give me some clue what you’re doing? Taking out the fuel and ammo dump was great, far beyond what I could have hoped for on that mission, but it’s hard to have your back when you act without warning or explanation. It could put others in danger trying to scramble to cover you.”

She met his eyes and her lips pursed. While it was uncomfortable hearing his words, he made a valid point. She gave a quick nod in agreement. It wasn’t going to be easy, getting used to working that way, but she didn’t want to risk the others on her account.

“Good.” He rose and stepped out the door, leaving her to her thoughts. Ruefully, she realized only with Cassian had she ever felt completely in sync when they worked. She blew out a breath and stood, deciding rejoining the others might be best.

After the sabacc game ended, Tonc stretched out on the floor for another nap. He seemed to sleep as enthusiastically as he ate, and possibly the painkillers were helping also. The others did not find it so easy to do.

“You’re very quiet, little sister.” Baze eyed her from where he lounged against the wall, hands behind his head, and his comment broke the silence, making her look up.

“Lost in thought.”

Bodhi was chewing on a ration bar next to her, but after a few moments, he remarked, “When I’ve talked to some of the pilots, they said the guys who went with us to Scarif, that many of them were spies and assassins. Cassian said that, too. The pilots told me they would kill people for the Alliance, sometimes even an informant. Do you think that’s true?”

“It’s what assassins do, take out any target,” Baze growled. “Does it make you squeamish, little brother?”

Bodhi met his eyes. “Yeah, a little. I can’t imagine doing that. Shooting at someone who’s shooting back is one thing, but to just kill someone? I’m not sure I could.” He hesitated. “Do you think Cassian has done it?”

“It’s what assassins do,” Baze reiterated. “So he probably has. He was going to kill Galen Erso – we all know that.”

“But he didn’t,” Bodhi argued.

“Not that one person, no. But that wouldn’t have been the first and only one. He disobeyed orders to avoid it. Up until then, I don’t think he ever had.”

“So…so you think he’d have been given…given other orders to kill people?”

“Probably.”

Jyn had remained silent through the discussion. She wasn’t much inclined to talk about this particular topic, especially as it touched on Cassian. She suspected he was the reason Bodhi had brought it up. Likely Bodhi would never be able to cope with the idea of simply killing someone outright. She could understand that. She had killed people, but mostly they were stormtroopers or other Imperials. Still, some of them had been innocent people who accidentally got caught in the middle. Perhaps not the same thing as a sniper specifically taking a shot, but she had taken lives. Lives of those who had no particular reason they should have died. But death wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe Bodhi needed to understand this better.

“Have you ever been in an Imperial prison, Bodhi? Or a prisoner of the Empire at all?” Jyn asked, turning to look at him.

“What? No! Of course not. I…I mean I’ve gotten in trouble, when I was younger, on Jedha, but not prison.”

“I have,” she told him quietly. “Sometimes death is preferable to capture. Remember what happened to you when you were being held by Saw? Not everyone survives, before or after they’re broken. Most Alliance targets would be Imps, those that could cause many more deaths if they remained alive. But sometimes killing an innocent person or an informant, to keep them out of Imperial hands, is an act of kindness, whether it feels like one or not.”

Baze met her gaze when she looked away from the pilot. She knew he understood what Bodhi was struggling to comprehend. The pilot was still trying to cope with Saw’s torture; she hoped Bodhi never had to experience anything more than that.

 

_to be continued_


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team returns to the medical frigate in time to learn that Cassian has a new assignment.

The ship docked with the medical frigate around midnight, so most merely settled in to sleep until morning. Sleep was always welcome when it could be had. Melshi went with Tonc to the medbay to have his leg treated properly.

They all began to stir early, and once everyone was gathered, they wandered to the mess hall for breakfast. K-2 disappeared toward Cassian’s ship, having no need of food. “It was nice having K with us this trip,” Bodhi commented, watching the droid walking away. “Almost like before.”

No one disputed his remark and the conversation lapsed. After a cursory meal, Jyn rose. “Think I’ll go check on Cassian. He should be up and around by now, considering how long we’ve been gone.”

When she appeared at his door, Cassian looked up. “Oh, you _are_ here. I thought I heard your voice a little while ago, but then you didn’t turn up so I figured I was mistaken.” He was sitting on the side of his bed, carefully easing his arm into a shirt to pull it on.

For a moment, Jyn watched, but when he didn’t seem to require assistance, she sat down in the chair. “I stopped to talk to Dr. Lesorid about something.”

“Lesorid? Why? K said only Tonc was wounded.” Cassian’s gaze raked over her, searching for an injury.

“We didn’t leave the ship at the same time, so K didn’t see me limping.”

His gaze narrowed. “Didn’t see you or didn’t see the limp because you hid it from him?”

She fingered her gloves, noting how worn they had gotten. “Mmmm, maybe that.”

He drew a slow breath. Part of him understood her attitude toward injuries – he was the same way – but it concerned him to have her conceal them so her team members couldn’t assist her if needed. But he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t appreciate anything he said about it, and really what right did he have anyway. Instead, he asked, “So how did you get hurt?”

Her tension eased at the more benign question. “Jumped down from a wall. It wasn’t that high, but I landed wrong or something and it twisted. Just a slight strain. Nothing’s broken.”

“Same ankle you injured on…before?” He still avoided talking about Scarif.

“Yeah, same one. They said it might always be a little weaker, more susceptible to reinjury. I can manage.”

“Hurts, though, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it hurts. But I’m fine.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t fine?” he half smiled, but he’d like to think she wouldn’t seek to hide things from him.

She met his eyes. After several seconds, she said, “I might. Depends on the situation. I wouldn’t if there wasn’t anything you could do about it. There wouldn’t be any point to it other than worrying you.”

That much was true – he could accept that. “I’d still want to know, though,” he replied quietly.

An awkard silence fell and Cassian returned to getting his shirt in place and tucking it in. After a moment, she noted, “You’re doing much better. The shoulder’s still stiff, though?”

He nodded. “I go to rehab twice a day to work it and regain some range of motion.”

She grinned. “Can’t reach your face to shave yet, I take it.” His scruff had gotten appreciably bushier than when she last saw him.

He slowly ran a hand over it, not meeting her eyes. “Just haven’t felt like bothering with it, I guess.”

More uneasy silence. Then, “You brave enough to let me have a go at it?”

His gaze jerked up from the boots he was pulling on. After a moment, he lowered his eyes and told her, “You don’t need to do that.”

She leaned forward. “I don’t need to do a lot of things, but I do them anyway. I’m willing if you are.”

“I’m dressed now.”

“I’ll try not to make you have to change clothes.” She hesitated. “Unless you really don’t want me to do it.”

“No. No, that’s not it.” He sighed. “Yeah, okay. If you want.” He looked around uncertainly. “How do we go about this?”

She moved toward the small ‘fresher. “Is your razor in here?”

“Yeah.”

She glanced over the room and decided it would be too cramped a space in which to maneuver, so she ran some hot water into a water pitcher and brought it back with the razor. Moving the chair near enough to the table to reach it, but leaving space to move around him, she gestured for him to sit. She found a clean towel and wrapped it around his neck, covering his shirt front and shoulders.

“How was the mission?” he asked distractedly.

“Mmmmm, we did plenty of damage. Got the Imps’ attention anyway. Hopefully enough to allow for more ships to evacuate.”

He pointed to a bowl on the table. “That’s clean. You can use it.”

She poured some water into the bowl and set it at hand. “Soap?”

He shook his head. “The medbay has shave gel. In the ‘fresher cabinet.”

When she returned with the tube, he ventured, “Have…have you ever done this before?”

She grinned. “Nervous?” At his twitchy head shake, she laughed. “Yes you are. But relax – I have done it before, when I was with Saw. One of the guys burned his hands. I agreed to do it. Wasn’t the tidiest job, but it got it done.”

“When you were with Saw?” He swallowed quickly. “That was a long time ago.”

“Yes, several years. As I recall, though, it’s mostly common sense.” She paused in her preparations and set a hand on his shoulder. “Relax, Captain. I promise not to slit your throat.”

She studied his face for a moment. “I know you usually just trim it down, but I’m not sure I can manage anything that specific. Okay if I shave you clean? At least then you won’t have to bother with it for a little while.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.” He gestured toward the ‘fresher. “A hot towel on my face, before you start, will make it easier.”

She nodded and fetched one, then let him press it to his face while she got everything else set at hand. When he lowered the towel, she dropped it in the sink and returned. “Ready?”

He swallowed but gave a quick jerk of his head. Jyn squeezed some gel onto her hands and worked it into a lather before spreading it onto his face, thoroughly covering his beard. He had inhaled sharply when she first touched him, but was gradually relaxing under her touch, his eyes closed maybe a little more tightly than normal. “Breathe, Cassian. I won’t hurt you.”

She cleaned off her hands and picked up the razor. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Her hand settled on his head, drawing the skin upward to tighten it. Despite trying not to move, Cassian shivered. “Easy,” she murmured, and he wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or herself. A moment later, the razor was gliding down his face. She moved slowly and methodically, taking great care. Meticulously she worked her way down each side of his face and neck, and then positioned herself to get at the front.

He closed his eyes again, to reduce his awareness of how near she stood and the gentle touch of her hands. A few nicks were unavoidable, but he only flinched slightly and she quickly muttered, “Sorry”, as she tended them. She paused and he blinked his eyes open in question. It didn’t feel as though she was finished, but she was staring at his face and chin, lost in thought. Before he could ask her about it, she tipped his head back and told him to stiffen his chin.

He could tell she was missing areas, but instead of focusing on those, she relathered and went over the shaved areas one more time. After a moment, she stepped back and went to rewet the towel with hot water, bringing it to wipe his face clean and see if anything needed correcting.

“You…” He had to clear his throat and try again. “You didn’t do my mustache or parts of my chin.”

She ran a hand over each cheek and up his neck, looking satisfied. “No,” she said quietly. “I wanted you to still look like you. I’m used to the mustache and chin hair.”

She bit her lip and stepped back, realizing she was staring. After a moment, she ran a hand through his hair. It felt nice; he could wish she wouldn’t stop. “Your hair could do with cutting, too, but I’m not very good at that. I can’t ever seem to get it even. I guess for now we should leave it long.” She smiled. “It looks okay. Different for you.”

Embarrassment claimed her, and she hastily took the towel from around his neck and the bowl he held for rinsing off the razor. She disappeared into the ‘fresher to put things away.

Slowly he raised a hand and ran it over her handiwork. She had done a good job, and probably nicked him fewer times than he usually did. He had enjoyed the feel of her hands on his face, in his hair. He could wish for more…but she was just helping him out during his incapacity. It didn’t mean anything beyond that. Still, reminders of how she had looked at him on Scarif as they left the tower made him wonder. It had seemed then as though they were headed down a different road than the one they had been on. All that evaporated with their escape and recovery, and then the evacuation and separation. She was still…a friend, but more? He could not presume that.

She came back and rested her hands on his shoulders from behind. “Did you take a look? How did I do?”

“You did great,” he murmured. He didn’t need to look. He didn’t care what it looked like. He could wish it would all regrow overnight so she could return and shave him again. He shook himself mentally. A foolish notion. He shoved to his feet and went to look in the ‘fresher mirror and examine her handiwork, then turned and smiled. “You’re hired.”

She laughed. “Have you eaten yet? I ate with the guys, but I’ll go and sit with you if you haven’t.”

“I ate. I was going to rehab to work the shoulder some. You could sit with me there. If you want.”

While he exercised, she told him about their recent missions. When she finished, she watched him a moment, then said, “It looks like the shoulder is still a little sore. Does Dr. Lesorid say how long he thinks it will take for you to fully recover?”

He shook his head. “Not soon enough to suit Draven, I’m sure.” His eyes darkened. He didn’t want to think about that, about returning to work.

Jyn could feel his mood deteriorating and changed the subject. “Did Bodhi tell you that he’s been having us teach him things? Fighting, shooting and all? I don’t think he’ll ever be much of a fighter, but maybe he’ll learn to block attacks anyway. Tonc says he’s doing pretty well with shooting, though.”

“He mentioned that.” He wanted to say more, to shake off the melancholy trying to wash over him, but he was too tired to manage it. Abruptly he stood. “I think maybe it’s time for my nap. I’m a little worn out.” He hadn’t actually been taking naps for the past week, but it seemed a reasonable excuse to escape and be alone. Even though part of him didn’t want to be alone, at least not separate from Jyn. But Jyn’s presence led to thought and talk and ideas swirling in his head that he didn’t want to address.

“I’ll walk you back.” She didn’t question it, just strolled in companionable silence beside him. At his door, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Sleep well.” She ran her hand over his smooth cheek and smiled, before turning away.

It was all he could do not to call her back, to pull her into his arms and never let her go. Somehow she anchored him, and when she wasn’t there he felt adrift. But he couldn’t count on that. Her team would be called away again soon enough and then he’d get a new assignment. No, he couldn’t expect her to steady him.

He did lay down, for about ten minutes, but was too on edge to actually sleep. Instead his thoughts just chased through the maze of his mind without accomplishing anything. The med-droids let him take his meal in his room at midday, and then he went back for more exercise since he had cut it short that morning. Anything to distract himself from thinking.

Cassian had been in the rehab room only about fifteen minutes, when a sound caught his notice. He glimpsed movement from the corner of his eye, and looked up. Baze stepped through the doorway, and he automatically watched for Chirrut to follow, but the Guardian was apparently alone this time. He continued the exercise, working his shoulder, as he waited for Baze to cross the room and join him.

The big man gave a slight grunt as he sat down facing him, sprawling back in the chair. “Captain.”

“Baze.” He raised a questioning eyebrow. “I’m not used to seeing you fly solo.”

Baze chuckled. “Sometimes it does seem we are joined at the hip, but it isn’t true. Besides, this time around it was better if it was just me.”

That did pique his curiosity. He released the exercise grip to give Baze his full attention.

It took a couple of minutes before the Guardian began to speak. Finally, he rumbled, “You aren’t the only one, you know.” When Cassian again raised an eyebrow asking for further explanation, he added, “I’ve been an assassin. After I lost my faith when the temple was destroyed, I followed that course for several years. I’m not proud of it, but it let me focus my anger somewhere, and that was what I needed. I can’t give back any of the lives that I took, even now that I see more clearly. All I can do is make more certain any future lives I claim deserve it. Well, as much as that sort of thing can be judged by another. Doesn’t bother me to mow down Imps, but even in that – look at Bodhi, and there was a pilot I met last month named Wedge who had defected. Probably there are others, so can I say that there’s nothing wrong with killing Imps?” He shrugged in answer to his own question. “If they’re shooting at me or harming others, then I’ll do it. But I have to allow for the possibility they might want to change.”

Cassian’s wrinkled brow hinted at his confusion about Baze’s point, so the Guardian clarified, “You can’t change what you’ve already done, little brother. The past is past. All you can do now is choose your path more carefully as you move forward.”

“How did you forgive yourself for what you had done?” Cassian asked, studying a spill of something that had dried on the floor.

“Who says I did? But Chirrut reminds me often that I’m still worthwhile, and that I’ve also done good. If I keep doing good things, maybe one day they will offset the bad, or at least even the scales somewhat.” He shoved to his feet. “Think about it.”

As Baze turned toward the door, Cassian said, “Thanks, my friend.”

He grinned. “Just listen to Jyn. She’ll tell you when you’re out of line. Count on it!”

Cassian chuckled as he left. He would never have expected such a conversation with Baze, but it made a difference talking to someone who _knew_ , really knew, what was in your head. Jyn had a pretty good idea; Bodhi wanted to help but hadn’t a clue about these things. Maybe that’s why he needed more than one friend. Each of them brought something different to the relationship.

xx

“Is something the matter, Sergeant?”

Melshi was so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed Chirrut sitting silently in the cargo hold by himself.

“What are you doing here?”

“I find when we are docked, that the ship can be the quietest place for meditation. The others tend to find things to do elsewhere. But you did not answer my question.”

Melshi sighed and sat down next to him. “Nothing’s wrong, exactly, just perplexing.” He hesitated, then asked, “Do you know if the rest of the team is planning to eat together in the mess hall for supper?”

“It has not been discussed, but they usually do take their meals together. I was intending to join them. In about an hour.”

Melshi nodded, forgetting Chirrut couldn’t see the motion. At length, he said, “It might be better if I talk to everyone then. They’ll all want to hear.”

“As you think best.”

xx

Everyone else was gathered and had already gotten their food when Melshi arrived. He quickly got a tray for himself and then settled with them. For several minutes, they mostly ate in silence, with only an occasional remark made. Finally, though, Melshi paused, staring down at his food. “I have news.”

All eyes came up to watch him as they continued eating. After a moment, he looked up and glanced around the group. “We have two new crew members coming onboard.” A slight hesitation and then he added, “Captain Andor and K-2SO.”

Everyone quickly stole looks at one another, but all were equally surprised. Bodhi recovered first. “Really? They’re actually going to let them join us? That’s great!” When the others didn’t immediately agree, he faltered. “Right?”

“It’s not what he usually does, is it?” Tonc noted. “But he’s good at a lot of things. We can always use his skills.”

“Draven didn’t give much explanation for it,” Melshi admitted, “just said they had decided that was best for the time being.”

“What about their ship?” Tonc asked.

“It will be redeployed to other uses for now. Ours is more suitable of the two to handle a team this size.”

“When?” Jyn was torn at this news, glad to have Cassian and K back with them, though unsure if Cassian was ready to return or if he would wish this change. She suspected the decision had been made for him rather than discussed with him.

Melshi shrugged. “Undetermined. He’s still recovering. Until that happens, we may run missions without him, but using K-2. Then when he is ready, we’ll pick him up.”

“Does he know yet?” Baze asked. All eyes shifted to Melshi for the answer.

“I don’t know if they’ve told him or not. I just found out a couple of hours ago. I guess we keep it quiet until he says something or we’re told that he’s been informed.”

As they returned to their meals, the air was a mixture of elation and solemnity at this change. Certainly none minded welcoming Cassian and K-2 to the team, but the assignment did raise a lot of questions in their minds. Still, there wasn’t anything they could do but wait and see how things developed.

For Jyn’s part, she wasn’t so inclined to merely let it play out. This could have all sorts of implications, and some of them might not be in Cassian’s best interest.

As soon as she could after dinner, she slipped away and headed for the medbay. The droid on duty was reluctant to disturb Dr. Lesorid, but she was insistent enough that it finally contacted him and got his approval to send her to him. He responded to his door chime promptly. “Sergeant Erso. Come in.” He studied her closely, then said, “I take it something important has arisen.”

Her earlier bravado seemed to have fled, leaving her fidgety and embarrassed. But she was here, and so pressed on. “It’s about Cassian – Captain Andor. I wanted to ask your opinion about something.”

“Very well.” He gestured to a pair of chairs at a small table and they each seated themselves.

She took a moment to choose her words. “Understand, it may be that you aren’t supposed to know this yet.” At his nod, she continued, “Instead of sending Cassian back out to do what he’s been doing, they’re adding him to our team. Presumably when he’s recovered enough for you to release him.”

She hadn’t actually asked a question; for that matter, she wasn’t entirely sure what her question was, but the doctor didn’t appear confused.

He let out a sigh. “A mixed blessing, I suppose. It will mean he is with you, and I suspect his assignments might be – shall we say, less overwhelming, than previously. Will those factors be sufficient to aid his mental recovery despite being back to working? I cannot honestly tell you that. However, if he is to return to work, I think this situation is more optimal than his merely returning to what he has always done, what has caused these problems in the first place.”

“I just don’t want to make anything worse,” she admitted, slouching in the chair.

Dr. Lesorid smiled. “I think it unlikely that you would, that you could. It is my considered _professional_ opinion that your presence nearby will only be to the good. He may not improve, but I do not think he will decline.” He reached over and patted her hand. “Have faith in yourself. I know you do not feel confident, or even comfortable with all of this, but I believe you are the best person for the task in Captain Andor’s case. He has cut himself off from most emotional attachments, save for you. He seems to count the others on your team as friends also, judging by his reception of them when they have visited him. Surrounding himself with friends will be to his benefit. He spends too much time alone, with only his own thoughts for company.”

xx

Dr. Lesorid had given Jyn a great deal to think about. She paused outside Cassian’s door, then took a steadying breath and knocked.

“Come in,” a voice called and she pushed the door open.

“Hey. Feel up to some company?” she asked.

“Sure.”

She noted his dinner tray, barely touched. Settling in the chair, with its back facing him, she rested her arms along the back and placed her chin on them. “You need to try to eat more. You’re already too thin.”

He gave her a wan smile, but didn’t argue the point. Instead, he fidgeted with the datapad in his hands, drawing her notice there.

“Draven hasn’t got you working again, has he? Not yet.”

He met her eyes, and seemed to be trying to read her. If he knew about his new assignment, probably he wondered if she did also. At length, he said, “I’m not back to work yet, but he did tell me what I would be doing when I am. But I think you know that.”

She jiggled her head in the affirmative. “Melshi just told us, though he didn’t have a lot of details about it.” She gazed into his eyes. “How do you feel about it? We’re glad to have you, of course, but what do you want?”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. Right now I can’t seem to get my head focused on work.”

“Then when you join us, we’ll take it slow. We can manage with or without you – we’ve been doing it. When you’re ready to contribute, just say so and Melshi will put you to work. Though, I’m not sure how that will go since you outrank him.”

“He’s the team leader. I would follow his orders. But he would listen carefully to any of my suggestions or arguments.”

“Do you _want_ to stay in the fight, Cassian? Or have you reached a dead end? No one could fault you if you were ready to stop. You’ve more than done your share for the Alliance.”

His face clouded with thought. “The idea of leaving is appealing – I’m just so very tired – but I’m not sure I could simply walk away. It’s all I’ve ever known. And the outcome is still important to me.”

“Then if you’re staying, we’ve gotta find things for you to do that don’t weigh so heavily on your spirit and your conscience, don’t we?”

He smiled at her. “How did the tables turn and you are so eager to fight while I am so reluctant?”

She shrugged. “Guess I just got inspired by my father’s sacrifice, and the words of an Alliance recruiter.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “Your father maybe.”

“And you, Cassian. Avoiding the fight was always my way of avoiding the pain. Not that it ever particularly worked. Going to Scarif for the plans was terrifying, but also exhilarating. Suddenly I had a purpose in life other than merely surviving each day. Suddenly I had something, and people, to live for.”

He looked down at his hands resting in his lap, but didn’t respond.

“Do you remember why you joined the fight?” When he didn’t look up, she nudged his leg to get his attention.

“I…my parents were part of it from my earliest memories, and even as a child I picked up on their views, their anger toward the Empire. I told you I’ve been in this fight since I was six years old. That was true, you know? I couldn’t do much when I was that young, but I threw stones and bottles at stormtroopers.” He became lost in thought and Jyn didn’t interrupt. Finally, he continued, “When they killed my family, they gave me a reason of my own to hate them, not just one that I inherited. The fear, the rage – I needed somewhere for it to go and the Alliance gave me a focus, and taught me to be an effective tool.”

“Being a spy isn’t the only way for you to be effective. Even if you just serve as one of our pilots, that helps. Then if you see something more that you can and want to do, you’re there to do it. Right?”

His mouth twisted. “You make it sound easy.”

“It is easy, if we make it be.”

His head tilted slightly as he studied her. “Why are you not bothered more by…things? Your past?”

Her expression darkened somewhat and he sensed her retreating from the questions. For a moment, he wasn’t sure she would even answer him, but finally she said, “I am bothered. I just…I just started running a long time ago, and I keep outrunning the pain of the past.”

“You can’t keep running forever, Jyn. Sooner or later, it will catch up to you.”

“I know,” she said softly, “but for now it lets me cope. I guess eventually I have to figure out another way.”

“Maybe…” He paused, and she watched him curiously, waiting for him to finish. “Maybe being a part of something, of a group, of friends, will help. Maybe having a home.” He smiled encouragingly at her.

“A home. That _will_ take getting used to.” She met his eyes. “But I’m liking it so far.”

After a moment, his face clouded again. She gave him time to speak before urging anything from him. “I don’t know if I can do this, Jyn. Even just pilot. Everything…everything feels like too much right now. I want to join your team, I want to spend time with you and the others again, but…”

She reached over and caught hold of his hand. “One day at a time, Cassian. One hour at a time, if necessary – or even just one minute. Melshi isn’t going to push you to do anything if you are reluctant, and we’ll all be there. We’ve got your back.”

“Draven—”

“Draven can go to hell,” Jyn told him, earning her a sharp glance. “Don’t give me that look – whether he likes it or not, he created this problem for himself. I don’t care if he is a general, it was wrong for him to put you and the others in this kind of position. Two dozen of his men were willing to sacrifice their lives on a suicide mission to absolve themselves for the terrible things they’ve done on behalf of the Rebellion. That does not speak well to his leadership. I’ll keep my mouth shut – maybe – and not tell him that to his face, but I firmly believe it. I understand making hard decisions – Saw did that, too, sometimes. But you can’t just mow down your own people in pursuit of your goal. He was shooting the enemy, and if any of you stood in the way, he shot them through you. That isn’t right, Cassian, and you’ll never make me believe that it is.”

“We did it willingly, you know. He didn’t force us.”

“He gave you orders that he knew you would follow, that you would believe you should follow for the good of the Rebellion. He should have recognized the toll it would take and found other ways whenever possible. But it was much easier to just keep sending you all back out there to do anything he wanted done. Don’t think I don’t understand, Cassian. Taking out Imperial leaders with a sniper’s shot, sabotaging Imperial compounds, even sometimes doing someone a kindness by killing them rather than letting them be taken captive. But he went beyond that. Leave people behind to keep yourself safe because you were more valuable to him? Kill innocent people because they _might_ be a problem at some point? Sabotage civilian sites without regard to who besides your target might be killed? Giving orders like that can’t be justified while still claiming you are better than the Imps. There are other ways.”

From the look on his face, Jyn wasn’t sure she had convinced him of anything, but at least he did seem to be considering her words.

“But what does that make us that we followed those orders?” His eyes met hers, not in challenge, but curiosity, confusion.

“Initially, you were probably overly eager to help the Alliance, and you convinced yourselves that your leaders wouldn’t order something that was wrong. Later, you had deadened yourself to it so that you acted without even consciously thinking about it much. Only, at night, your dreams replayed your actions without that filter and made sleep difficult to come by, even unwelcome. And once you were trapped in the cycle of orders and actions, it was hard to see a way out.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and she suspected it was to restrain his emotion.

“Hey.” She nudged him to make him look at her. “Thanks to Scarif, you and the others were able to break that cycle. Now those of you who remain of Rogue One get to move forward making better choices. Scarif didn’t blot out all of your sins any more than it did mine, but it was redemption of sorts. Don’t let the past eat you alive, Cassian. There is so much good in you, and so much good you can still do in your life. Don’t let it end on this sour note.”

He leaned back with a ragged sigh. “You have more confidence in me than I do, Jyn.”

“Maybe so, but I won’t let you give up. I’ve seen people that I doubted would ever climb out of their hole, and you are not one of them. You can do it, and K and I and the others will keep tugging and boosting and doing whatever else we need to do to help you accomplish it.”

“I don’t deserve it.” He gazed at her, weariness etched on his face.

“Too bad. You’ve got it anyway.” 

Her jaw was set with determination, and it drew the slightest smile from him. No, he didn’t deserve it, but he was more than grateful that they cared enough to try. He nodded his acceptance, and she reached out her hand. After a moment, he clasped it firmly.

They sat like that a very long time, but eventually Cassian ventured, “Did you ever think about what you would do if we survived Scarif? I mean, I know we didn’t expect to, but did you think about if we did?”

She shrugged. “Not really. When…when I was little I would dream about what I wanted to have happen, and it never did – something bad did instead. By the time I was with Saw, I’d learned not to hope for anything that wasn’t certain, and there was precious little of that.” As he pondered her words, she admitted, “But I did sometimes wish for certain things. I just never believed the wishes would come true.”

“Did you wish for something on Scarif?” he asked softly.

She nodded. At his prompting eyebrow she said, “More time.”

 

_to be continued_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian is reassigned and finds the change daunting.

“K!” Cassian grinned as the droid stepped through his doorway. “It’s good to see you.”

The droid moved over and settled on the chair next to the bed so Cassian did not have to strain to look up at him. “I am told your wound is healing quickly. I assume you have heard about our new assignment.”

“Yes.” Cassian glanced away, then his gaze flicked back. “How do you feel about it? I know you prefer not to be around large groups of humans.”

“Affirmative. However, it will be pleasing to see Jyn Erso and Bodhi Rook. I have found them to be tolerable.”

“Jyn?” Cassian asked, eyebrow raised. “I thought you two didn’t get along…”

“At first we did not. The woman can be quite troublesome and uncooperative. However, I have learned there is often merit in having her present.”

Cassian smiled. “She’ll be overwhelmed by your sentiment, my friend.”

“I was not attempting to be sentimental. I was speaking factually.”

“Fine. I’ll accept that. And I think we both can agree now that she can be counted on to look out for us.”

K said nothing for several minutes, and Cassian watched him curiously. Usually when the droid went silent in his company, he was working out something that he wished to say or did not understand. “Does that mean that you no longer fear losing her friendship over the things you have done in your past? I asked her about that, and I have not noticed her shunning you now that she is aware of your previous activities.”

“You shouldn’t have helped her get that information, K.”

“I thought it necessary, and so did she. She appears to be more understanding than you expected. Therefore, I urge you not to be troubled by it any longer.”

Cassian lowered his head, gazing at his hands, then let out a heavy sigh. “It isn’t that easy, K. Humans can’t simply delete old programming the way that droids can. It continues to affect us despite our best efforts to prevent it. But I’m trying to get better about not letting it overwhelm me.” His features softened slightly. “And you’ll be pleased to know that Jyn is being quite persistent regarding this just as you are.”

“Of course. I would expect no less from her. Fortunately, she seems to be one of the few fellow humans that you will listen to and maybe heed.”

Cassian chuckled. “Yes, I suppose I do.”

“Is there an expected time when you will be released from medical care?”

He swung his legs off the bed and sat up. “Not officially. The wound is essentially healed. It is just a matter of restrengthening the arm and shoulder after the lack of use. I think I can probably be back on duty within the week.”

“And you are ready to do so? I would not have you hasten your return prematurely.”

“Truthfully, I don’t know how all this will work, K. I have good days and bad days. Jyn suggests I just serve as pilot or co-pilot to Bodhi for now, and then do more if I feel inclined. I guess I could do that, but it will feel…odd.”

“Have you ever flown a VCX-100 before?”

Cassian shook his head. “No, but I’ve flown enough other ships that I’m sure I’d pick it up quickly.” He looked up at the droid. “They might make more use of you, if I am sitting things out.”

“That should not be a problem. I will do what is asked of me, if you wish it.”

“You do know you can decline to do something, no matter what I say, don’t you? I’ve never wanted you to simply follow my orders because you had no other choice.”

“Understood. But it is my choice to do what you ask, except when I think it not in your best interest.”

Cassian raised his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. Just so long as you know I’m asking, not demanding.”

“Shall I move your belongings to the new ship or wait until you are released from the medbay?”

He considered. “Go ahead and give them to Jyn. She’ll stash them somewhere for me. I have what I need now here in the room, but I can get anything else from the new ship as easily as from our U-wing.”

They lapsed into silence until Cassian asked, “K, if this war ended, if we won, what would you want to do?”

K-2’s processors whirred. “I am unable to select a likely outcome to my existence. There are too many variables.” He paused, then asked, “If the war ended, would I belong to the Alliance or to you?”

“You would belong to you, but I guess out in the world it isn’t that simple for droids. They are bought, sold or assigned to organics for their use. I think, if you wanted, I could convince the Alliance that you ‘belonged’ to me, since I am the one who reprogrammed you and brought you into the rebellion. But I would try to make it possible for you to do whatever you wanted to do.”

“I believe I would want to stay with you, if you have need of me.” A simple, straightforward answer, but Cassian found it humbling. K-2 had never judged his actions as to right or wrong, only concerning himself with the risk they were to Cassian’s health and safety.

“What is it that you would want to do with your life if the war ended, Cassian?”

He looked up, a little surprised at the question, at least coming from K-2. “I really don’t know. I’ve spent my whole life fighting in this mess. I don’t think my skills will translate well to anything else. I guess I could work on droids and droid programming to earn a living. Or get a job as a pilot. Beyond that, I don’t know. For that matter, I’m not even sure where I would want to live. Fest isn’t home anymore, after all this time away, but then neither is anywhere else.”

“Perhaps Jyn would have some suggestions for you.”

Cassian blinked, certainly not expecting that remark. “Why Jyn?”

“Because you have seemed to be friendlier with her than any other organic. At least that is my observation. I have no data for comparison of friendships you had prior to our meeting. And she appears to enjoy spending time in your company.”

“Are you trying to play matchmaker, K?” That would definitely be a first in his life.

“If you mean you think I am trying to bring you and Jyn together in a ‘romantic’ sense, then no, I am not. Although Captain Solo thinks there is already something like that in existence.”

“You…you discussed this with him?”

“Not specifically, and not me. He mentioned it to Jyn several months ago when we were on his ship. I believe he was attempting to provoke her – a foolish effort that did not go in his favor, I might add. When I asked her about it afterwards, she indicated that she missed your company, but that the two of you had not known each other long enough for any sort of romantic feelings to exist. But I have observed that she goes out of her way to spend time with you. I would therefore extrapolate that she would wish to do so after the war also.”

“Did you ask her what her plans were for after the war?”

“That did not come up in our conversation. If you wish to know and do not want to ask yourself, I could do it for you.”

“Uh, no, that won’t be necessary. I was just curious.” And now he was even more curious than he had been.

“Will you be joining the rest of the team in the mess hall for supper? Bodhi says they usually eat meals together there.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. I suppose I should get in the habit.”

“Very well, then. You will need to depart soon for that, so I will go see to moving your belongings to the new ship as you requested.”

“Thanks, K. And thanks for coming by to visit.”

Just as the droid was exiting, Jyn appeared at the door. “Hey, K.”

“Jyn Erso, Cassian wishes to know what your plans are for after the war.”

“Uhhh…what?” Her question took too long in coming and K was down the hall and around the corner, so she turned to look at Cassian for a response.

“K…” he groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Am I missing something?” Jyn asked hesitantly, moving farther into the room but watching him closely.

“No.” He lowered his hands, but avoided looking directly at her. “We were talking about what he and I might do if the war ever ended, what kind of work I might be fit to do. He said you might have some suggestions, so I asked if you had mentioned your plans. He misinterpreted my question, that’s all.” Despite his disclaimer, he could feel his face flushing slightly and hoped she wouldn’t notice his embarrassment.

“Hmmm, well, I’m not sure I’ve ever thought about it. I’ve never expected to live long enough to worry about future plans. I’d probably have to learn to do something legal if I needed to make a living, and there wouldn’t be a lot of call for a bomb maker. I suppose I could find fights, if I want to continue to get bloodied and bruised to pick up some credits, but it wouldn’t be my first choice.”

Her casual response eased his discomfiture. “No, I think both of us will have had our fill of injuries and wounds if we get that far,” he agreed. His head tilted slightly. “Have you ever thought about where you wanted to live? I was born on Fest, but I was so young when I left that I don’t remember it all that much. The Alliance, whatever planet they’ve been on, has been my only home for most of my life. Though I guess if the war ends with us winning, that will mean more planets to choose from since they’ll lack Imperial occupation.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “True. The only planet I think I might want to go back to would be Takodana. It was green, and away from the Castle it was quiet. I think that would appeal to me. If not there, maybe somewhere like it. On Lah’mu, my father turned to farming, but he wasn’t especially good at it. Mother did more to keep the plants alive, so that it was enough to eke out a living. I could maybe figure out how to farm a piece of land, I suppose.”

She had sobered since arriving and being faced with K’s remark, and he didn’t want to pull her down further into sad or unpleasant memories. “Well, the war’s end won’t come any time very soon, so I guess we’ll have plenty of opportunity to consider our options.” He stood. “Now, then, K said the team meets in the mess hall to eat?”

He seemed to be in a better mood than she often found him – that was good. “Yeah, come on. They’ll be starting to gather about now.”

When they arrived, Bodhi and Tonc were already seated across from Baze and Chirrut. They loaded their trays, but as they approached the group, Cassian overheard the conversation between the younger men. They had their heads bent over a datapad.

“What are you two talking about?”

Baze didn’t look up from eating. “Reprogramming your droid.”

“Excuse me?” Cassian said, startled. He slowly set his tray down next to Chirrut.

“NOT reprogram,” Bodhi insisted, with a glare at Baze that went unnoticed. “It was Tonc’s idea. We think it might be possible to write a program that K controls and can pull up to access when he needs to act like he is still an Imperial droid. You know, so he says and does the things a KX unit would do. Jyn mentioned that he wasn’t very good at it; she’d seen him try on Jedha. If he could tap into a program, he wouldn’t have to figure out the correct things to say or do.”

Jyn was already eating, but looked up. “Is that even possible? I mean, he won’t know what he’ll be asked in advance, or told to do. Can ‘standard’ answers work in situations like that?”

“Well, we don’t know, do we. That’s what we’re trying to figure out. Cassian could help, of course, and would have to approve of it before it was installed. It was a thought anyway,” Bodhi explained.

“I just figured then he wouldn’t have to only stay on the ship and be a pilot. He could do other things, too,” Tonc added.

“K might like that,” Jyn pointed out. She grinned. “So he doesn’t get bored.”

Cassian chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably true. We’ll see.”

It took most of the meal, but gradually Cassian began to feel comfortable with the others again. Oddly enough, despite the mission they had served together and their eventual escape, they had not spent time socializing prior to Scarif. It appeared he had much to catch up on; the others clearly were already well settled into a team. In some ways, he felt distinctly like an outsider, though probably part of that was his own reserved behavior, but he could not fault them for their efforts at including him. There was no hesitation. He was there; he was one of them. They were fine with that. It might take a little while, but he thought eventually he could be fine with it also.

Even after everyone finished their meal, they continued to sit and talk informally for some time. Cassian was the first to tire and excuse himself from the gathering, and the others took his exit as the signal to head off to their own beds for the night. Outside the mess hall, they were going in separate directions, but he watched the team walking off toward their ship. He could do this. It would be okay. Probably.

xxxxx

This was the last thing she wanted to do. She took a deep breath. It needed to be done. For Cassian. It was probably bad form or breaking some regulation telling a commanding officer what to do, but she would do what was necessary. She opened the communication line to the General.

“Draven.”

“General. Can we talk?”

Apparently he had no difficulty recognizing her voice. “Erso. What’s this about?”

Digging her nails into her palms to stay calm, she said, “It’s about Cassian.” She hesitated. “I know that you want him back to work doing what he was doing before, but at present that just isn’t possible. And, truthfully, I’m not sure if it ever will be again. At the moment, he struggles at even the thought of going out on a mission of any kind.”

Draven’s mouth tightened, but he kept silent until she had her say. He knew her well enough to know there was more.

“I…I’ve suggested that he simply be our pilot. We can make use of K-2 to assist with the missions themselves. Maybe after a while he will be ready to do more. At least he’ll be there with us and the opportunity will be at hand.”

When she fell silent, he asked, “And why are you telling me this?”

She cleared her throat nervously. “I don’t know what your reason was for putting him on our team, sir, but I hope you won’t try to take him away now that he is there. If he ever gets back to a point where he could return to his former duties, he’ll let you know, but until then… Well, you would lose him entirely if you tried to push him in that direction.” More softly, she added, “I think there is a chance he can get better. I don’t want anything to make that difficult. Or impossible.”

“Believe it or not, Erso, I’m not the enemy.” 

“No, sir, but if we behave like the enemy and use their methods, are we any better than they are? When we’ve become just like them? Doing the wrong thing for good reasons still doesn’t make it right.”

There was a long pause before he responded. “I’ll take your words under advisement, Sergeant. Dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.” She closed the line reluctantly. It didn’t feel as though she had accomplished anything, but she could hope her words would sink in at least a little. And she would fight to protect Cassian in any way that she could.

Draven sat staring at the far wall of his office after the line went dead. He raked both hands through his hair as her words replayed in his mind. She had no idea – none of them did. He tugged open the bottom drawer on his desk and withdrew a bottle and a glass, pouring a small measure. Carefully he stoppered it and returned the bottle to its usual spot. There were those who drank to excess, trying to forget, but he wasn’t one of them. Alcohol could dim memories and pain, but they always returned when it wore off. A single drink took the edge off without incapacitating him mentally or physically. He tossed it back quickly, relishing the burn as it moved down his throat.

Erso, Mothma and others like them couldn’t understand someone like him. He didn’t like his methods any more than they did, but no one would deny they were effective. Had he become the enemy that he fought? Perhaps. But he wasn’t convinced that goodness alone was sufficient to withstand the kind of power and evil found in the Empire. And whether they believed it or not, he felt guilty at sacrificing men like Andor to the battle. But not all men were equipped for the job, could hold up to the pressure. Andor was one of the best. Or had been. It appeared now that he was finished. When they began to question their actions, there was no point in sending them back out.

And what Erso failed to realize was that the men who followed her to Scarif were likely the only ones who could have gotten the job done – men with nothing left to lose. The self-preservation instinct was usually too strong in the rank-and-file soldier for them to go off on a suicide mission of their own volition. She’d had a team only for that reason. He regretted the loss of those men, but he could appreciate what they had accomplished against impossible odds.

Another sigh, and swipe of a hand over his face. No point rehashing this. Others would never understand even while they enjoyed the benefits of his efforts. Someone had to make the tough calls, and he had taken on the task. There was no turning back now.

xxxxx

Cassian exhaled a slow breath. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this yet, but Dr. Lesorid had cleared him medically and Melshi’s team couldn’t sit here forever waiting on him. It had already been four days since he was assigned to the team. It was really only the regaining of strength and range of motion in his shoulder that was holding him back. The doctor had given him a resistance band that he could use to continue the exercises of his rehab. If only everything else was so easily overcome.

At least Jyn would be with him. He didn’t know whether Jyn had discussed it with Melshi, or he had just decided on his own, but Cassian was presently designated as co-pilot to Bodhi. For the moment, there was no expectation of anything more from him unless he chose to offer it. Still, it felt like a demotion, or a shirking of his duty. He had always given more – if they asked for him to work four hours, he had done six; if they asked for volunteers, he was the first on his feet. For that matter, could he even sit idly on the ship and simply watch the others go off to do something dangerous while he waited for their return?

He swiped a hand over his face. Looked like he would find out soon enough. Maybe that would be the difference. He wasn’t being ordered to do anything, given any assignment, but he could still volunteer for anything he chose, and know that his help was welcome. Maybe with the pressure off, he would find he had more to give. With that thought in mind, he moved into the ship.

Melshi looked up, the first to notice Cassian coming toward them, and called out, “Good to have you aboard, Captain.”

At his comment, all eyes turned in Cassian’s direction. Melshi added, “I believe you know everyone here, so I won’t bother with introductions.”

They smiled at that and Cassian replied, “We have met.”

“Bodhi,” – the pilot started at having Melshi call his name – “it’s your ship. Why don’t you show Captain Andor around?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” He stood, thinking, then gestured to his right. “Guess we can start with the cockpit, Cassian.”

As the two moved away, the rest settled on the benches lining the corridor behind the cockpit, their traditional place for brief meetings. “We should have an assignment any time now. Are we fully stocked, fueled and ready to go?”

In Bodhi’s absence, Tonc confirmed, “We fueled up yesterday and have done a flight check. The ship is ready to go. While the ship was being fueled, we restocked on weapons, charger packs and such that we needed. Food stores are good, but we can always use more of those. Same with medical – though we’ve been pretty lucky and injuries have been low. We’re go.” He grinned. “I recommend we put K-2 in charge of procurement. He rounded up med supplies he thought essential for Captain Andor to have. I don’t think anyone dares tell him no when he asks for something.”

They all chuckled.

“Erso? Your supplies?”

“Still stocked from the last mission, for the most part, since we didn’t use as many as we intended. I did replenish a few things I was low on. Good to go.”

“Everyone else – anything we need, that you think has been overlooked?” The rest shook their heads. “Okay, then stay close or in comm contact. I’ll notify you when we hear from Onoran with specifics.” He hesitated. “Anyone seen K-2? He wasn’t with Captain Andor.”

“Not a problem. I have a way to contact him if he doesn’t turn up before we leave,” Jyn assured him, patting the comlink in her pocket.

Baze and Chirrut drifted away, possibly to their cabin, and Tonc made for the terminal in the starboard front cargo hold to continue working on his program for K-2. After a moment, Melshi sat down next to Jyn. “How’s he doing?” he asked quietly. “Is he good to go?”

Jyn met his eyes. “He’s good to pilot. Beyond that, he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

Melshi nodded, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Our jobs have been different, though what he told you before Scarif was true. Everyone who went had things in their past, things they had done, that they didn’t feel good about. But…maybe it’s the same for all Intelligence operatives – nightmares from the questionable things they do – but in many ways he wasn’t a good choice for that kind of work. Most seem to harden themselves and cut off the emotional trauma of their acts, but he never has. Well, he does, in the moment he is doing them – otherwise he wouldn’t be effective – but he’s never been able to keep them from coming back to haunt him.”

“You’ve known him a long time?”

“Several years. Watched him grow into manhood, if he ever actually had a childhood at all. He needed help with a job and I offered to be the one. Guess he felt like he needed to repay me, so he volunteered when I needed someone with his skills. We worked well together and gradually included each other more when something came up where it was appropriate.” He grinned. “And I’m one of the few he’ll lend K-2SO to, mainly because I’m not overly intimidated by him.”

Jyn chuckled. “Maybe you should be.” She rubbed her throat. “He can be a little overwhelming even when helping.”

“Yeah, I guess so. But the Captain – he always treated K-2 as a friend and equal, rather than just a servant in droid form. I’ve tried to do that also and maybe K tolerates me better because of it.”

They sat watching as Bodhi told of the sleeping quarters, then led Cassian off down one hallway of cabins. Just then Melshi’s comm beeped and he stood. “This may be our new assignment. Stand by.”

Bodhi had chosen the side of the ship where his quarters were, for further explanation about sleeping arrangements. “There’s two rows of rooms, one on each side. On the port side, you have Melshi in the front room, an empty room where we’ve set up a sort of armory for easy access, a common ‘fresher and then Baze and Chirrut. Actually, they share a room, but we leave the other one in case they need it. Then on the starboard, there’s me, Tonc, the ‘fresher, an empty room and Jyn.”

“Where did K put my things that he brought from the ship?”

“Uh, probably in the room next to Jyn. She kind of secluded herself off at the end, but I’m sure she knew that room might eventually be used. And she wouldn’t expect to take the other room from Baze and Chirrut.”

“Anywhere is fine. I just wondered where my things were so I can drop this with them.” He gestured to the bag on his shoulder with his few belongings from his time in the medbay.

“Come on, then. Let’s check.” Bodhi led the way and, sure enough, his things were sitting on the bed. “I’ll let you get settled. Rest if you want, or rejoin us. Until they give us a mission, we’ll be here. If you leave the ship, just stay in comm contact so we can find you if necessary.”

“Thanks, Bodhi.”

He lingered in the doorway. “I’m really glad you’re joining us, Cassian. This means Rogue One is finally back together. Our family is back together.”

Cassian squeezed his shoulder. “Yeah, it finally is. It’s good to be home.”

_“All hands – briefing in fifteen minutes, departure in half an hour.”_

When the announcement ended, Bodhi shrugged apologetically at Cassian. “Guess resting is out. You may have time to put your things away, though. Meet back in the open area where you first found us for the briefing.”

Cassian nodded, and the pilot departed to make his own preparations. When he was gone, Cassian shoved his belongings out of the way and sat down on the side of the bed. He was completely disoriented in these circumstances. Bodhi showing him around and guiding him on where to go and what to do? It should be the other way around. He raked both hands through his hair. He had to get it together. For now, this was for the best. He was among friends, and not under pressure to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. He could do this. And Jyn was here. That certainly counted for something. He just wasn’t sure exactly what.

He rose, glanced at his gear, but decided to deal with it later. As he neared the central corridor of the ship, he heard Bodhi talking to Jyn. Going to join them, he asked, “Anyone seen K?”

Jyn held up her comlink. “I was just going to call him for a location.” She switched it on. “K, where are you? We’ll be leaving in half an hour.”

The line crackled. “I am in the port rear cargo hold, in a charging station. I am secure for departure.”

“Guess you heard the announcement then. If you don’t want to disengage yet, Cassian can fill you in on the mission details later. Or I can keep the line open so you can listen in.”

“Keep the line open, if you would. Cassian has arrived onboard?”

“I’m here, K.”

“Acknowledged. I should be finished recharging in another two hours, then I will check in with you – unless you need me sooner than that.”

“Probably not, K, but now I know where to find you if I do.”

Bodhi had disappeared into the cockpit, so after Jyn tucked the comlink away, he asked her, “What now? I’m not exactly sure how this works.”

She gestured to the bench beside her. “There’s nothing I need to do to prep, and neither do you, so we just wait here for Melshi’s briefing. I guess as we go along you’ll figure out other things you might want to do. For now, we just…work with whatever comes.”

He leaned his head back against the wall. “Yeah. I can manage that much.”

“Hey, it’ll be okay. We’re here with you. You’ll figure things out.” She nudged his arm, leaving her arm against his.

As he looked down where they were pressed together, he asked quietly, “Why are you so sure of that? Of me?”

“Because I know you. And because I won’t let you fail. I won’t.”

He smiled. He had to. He had seen Jyn’s fierce determination in action a time or two; with that behind him, he would be hard-pressed to fail even if he tried.

They lapsed into silence as the others slowly gathered. Melshi was the last to arrive, and Jyn thumbed the line open to K-2.

“We’ve been given several more targets. Some are straight up sabotage and destruction, but we do have at least two where we hope to procure either information or supplies from our raid. First target is a biological weapons facility. Destroy what we can so they can’t make use of it. Onoran sent over the intel file and I’ll be reviewing it in transit, then I’ll give you mission specifics when we make atmo. Questions?”

When no one responded, he added, “Secure for launch. Bodhi, set course for Coyerti.”

Jyn’s head came up and she felt Cassian stiffen beside her. “Coyerti?”

Melshi flicked a glance at Cassian, but then met her gaze. “Yes, Coyerti. Despite Captain Andor’s injury there, he and K-2 managed to bring back worthwhile intel about the place. We’re going to make use of that information.” He hesitated a moment, then said, “Erso, secure the hatch.”

The others were already moving away to prepare for their departure. As she stood, Jyn asked quietly, “Are you okay with this? Going back there?”

Cassian nodded, his tone even and his face expressionless. “I’ve been shot before, on many planets. I just usually don’t return this soon after, that’s all.” She lifted a hand toward his shoulder, but then let it drop and moved away in silence, not entirely reassured by the dichotomy of his appearance versus his words.

When she reached the hatch, she glimpsed someone hovering just outside and took a closer look.

“Dr. Lesorid? What are you doing here?”

“I heard your ship was about to depart, and I was hoping to speak with you before it did.” He reached out a hand, and she extended hers, thinking he wanted to shake it, but instead he gripped it between both of his. “You can do this, Ms. Erso. I have confidence in you. But if you have questions or need to talk to someone, feel free to contact me. Any time day or night. You’re not alone in this. Trust your instincts.”

She nodded and gave him a faint smile. “Thanks for everything.”

He returned the smile, released her hand and stepped back.

“Jyn? Is something wrong?” Bodhi’s voice came through the ship’s com wondering at the delay.

“No problem. Closing the hatch now.”

“And if you would be so kind, no offense but I would just as soon not see any of you back here any time soon requiring my attention. Particularly him.” Lesorid gave her a rueful smile.

She chuckled. “Understood. I’ll do my best.” She gave a wave to the doctor before stepping inside to secure the door.

As it slid into place, her thoughts were already elsewhere. Coyerti. This was likely Draven’s doing. He probably hadn’t even told Onoran what happened there. Really, she hadn’t expected anything more. It would’ve been nice, but she hadn’t expected it.

When the panel blinked green, she said, “Hatch secured.” She caught hold of something. Disengaging from dock with another ship was much smoother than a ground launch, but it could take you to your knees if you weren’t ready for that initial release.

Slowly she made her way back toward the cockpit. And now the true challenge began.

 

_to be continued_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian struggles to settle in with his new team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting on the downslope toward the end of the story now. Hope you're still enjoying my not-so-little tale.

“Uh, maybe I should stay here and let you all handle this one.” Bodhi eyed the satchel of bombs uneasily. “I might accidentally—”

Jyn held up the detonator, anticipating his concern. “Each of these is matched to a specific bomb group. The only ones you can detonate are the ones in your satchel. You can’t trigger any of ours by accident.”

“Are you sure? Maybe I should just go with Tonc—”

Jyn shook her head. “No, not this time. You heard Melshi. This is gonna be a tough nut to crack. We need as wide a spread of bombs as possible if we’re going to do any appreciable damage.”

“But—”

“You can do this, Bodhi. I wouldn’t even let you have these if I wasn’t sure of it.” Jyn grasped his shoulder, making eye contact.

“Jyn’s right, Bodhi. If you can pilot a shuttle, you can do this,” Cassian added, realizing the man needed extra reassurance.

He took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. Okay, if you’re sure. I won’t let you down.”

She smiled at him. “I know you won’t. Just be careful since you’ll be on your own. You’ll need to keep an eye on your surroundings. If it comes down to your being shot or taken prisoner, abandon the bombs and get away. Preferably chuck the entire bag at any pursuers and blow it in their midst. That will buy you more time to escape. Be safe.”

“Yeah, okay. You, too.” Jyn gave Melshi a tiny nod.

“All right. Everyone knows what to do. Split up, work your way to your position and get the bombs set. Once mine are in place, I’ll do a check in. When everyone is ready, get to a safe position – I’ll call the timing to detonation. Then return to the ship as quickly and safely as possible. Let’s go.”

It was much harder than Cassian had expected watching everyone else set out on a mission while he remained behind. It was one thing when he had stayed on base due to healing injuries, but this… This was hard. What if something went wrong? He wouldn’t be out there, watching their backs, helping make sure the mission was a success without any losses on their side. It was important to have a good pilot at the ready for a hasty departure, but K could do that as well as he could. He should be doing…more.

He sighed. This had been expected. In spite of everything, it was not in his nature to sit back and let others take the risks. He was going to need to re-evaluate his role on the team.

xx

“Team report. Leader – set.”

“Uh…pilot…pilot – set.”

“Support – stand by.”

“Guardians – set.”

“Thief – set.”

“Ready. Support – set.”

“Copy that. Team set. Team go.”

Jyn was farthest from the ship and Melshi waited for her detonation, before activating his own – a little extra assurance that she was in motion. She was due to sweep down the east side of the facility while he came along the west side, keeping watch for any of the team in trouble along the way. Already he was hearing the other explosions rending the air. Time to move.

As soon as the explosions began to sound, Cassian took up position by the ramp, his weapon in hand in case they needed cover fire. “K, get ready. They’ll be here soon.”

“Acknowledged.”

He almost smiled when he saw Bodhi, pelting for the ship as fast as he could move. There had been no indication that he’d faltered in doing his job or failed to accomplish his assignment, but clearly he was eager to take safe refuge aboard ship. The Guardians appeared next, and Baze stationed himself on the other side of the ramp to assist if needed.

“Any problems?”

“Don’t think so. Nothing anyone has reported, anyway,” the older man assured him. “Who’s still out?”

“Melshi, Tonc and Jyn.” As he spoke, Tonc appeared and dashed inside.

“Come on, Jyn,” Cassian muttered. “Don’t mess around.”

Baze chuckled, having heard despite that not being Cassian’s intention. “Don’t worry, Captain. She’s gotten better about staying focused on the task and not being distracted by other opportunities…as much.”

Cassian scowled at the questionable reassurance, but Jyn and Melshi both came into sight just then, so he let it slide. “K, almost ready. Last two are in sight.”

At his words, K began bringing the engines online in preparation for launch and he kept an agitated watch for any pursuers until the two were safely aboard. “They’re in, K. Let’s go.”

Once the ship was aloft, the team gathered on the benches nearest the cockpit for the debrief. “Any problems, anyone?” Everyone shook their heads, but Melshi pressed, “Tonc, why the delay with you?”

“A patrol was going by so I couldn’t get to my setpoints as fast as planned. As soon as they passed, I was able to finish planting the devices.”

“Okay, then. Good job everyone.”

Cassian cleared his throat and all turned to look at him. “You can’t be sure how much damage you were able to do unless you have eyes on the ground doing a visual.”

“Yes,” Melshi agreed, “but I’d rather not risk setting the ship down again, or take the chance anyone noticed it or us being there just prior to the attack. Not after getting away clean.” He raised an eyebrow at Cassian, as though suspecting the captain had more to say.

Part of him was reluctant to pursue this, but Cassian had been on too many missions to not understand what needed to be done. And it happened that he was the best positioned to do it. “I…could take the starfighter and go. That won’t stand out like the freighter will and no one saw me on the ground.”

“Are you sure about this?” Melshi asked quietly.

Cassian shrugged, going for nonchalance, though the others didn’t seem to buy the act. “It wouldn’t be any sort of a dangerous mission where I engage the enemy. Just walking around collecting information or seeing the damage for myself.” More than them, he needed to persuade himself that he could manage this.

“That could work, if you’re up to it,” Melshi conceded.

“Not alone,” Jyn insisted. “It may not be a true mission, but anything can turn dangerous when dealing with the Imps. You need backup.” And she didn’t like the impassive way he carried himself. He might be doing this because he thought it should be done, but there was no purpose in his effort. Just do the job, without thought. That was exactly the sort of thing she was trying to prevent. He had become deadened to everything around him.

“K can—”

“K can fly or provide backup, but he can’t readily do both. With another person, there would be more options. I’ll go with you.”

Melshi noted it wasn’t a request, and bit back a smirk. Cassian had better get used to having a handler once more, something he’d not dealt with in many years. “That’s a plan, then. Prep for departure and leave when you’re ready. But make the recon as short as possible.”

They had been settled aboard the starfighter within half an hour, detaching from the main ship after arranging rendezvous later. Not until they were headed back toward the planet did Cassian again protest Jyn coming along. “You really did not need to come with me. It isn’t necessary.”

“No? So, if our positions were reversed you wouldn’t have done exactly the same thing?”

“You know I would.” He sighed. “That’s not the point. You don’t have to watch over me.”

“Someone has to do what you won’t do for yourself, Cassian. You might as well accept it – I’m keeping an eye on you, and K will do it when I can’t be around. We don’t want to lose you.”

He wasn’t annoyed by her words; he just couldn’t feel…anything. Some part of him knew he should be grateful for her concern, but all of his emotions seemed just out of reach. Yet, when he saw her trying to pull him back from the darkness, he couldn’t help but want to let her do it. The conflict in him seesawed back and forth, pulled toward her and drifting away again, like a tide ebbing and flowing on a shoreline.

He fell back on the familiar – emotional shutdown. Don’t think about it. Just do the work. Get it done. Don’t think about anything.

Suddenly Jyn’s arms wrapped around him from behind, snugging him to her, as though she sensed the direction of his thoughts. She reiterated, “We don’t want to lose you, Cassian, and we are both very determined. Stop fighting us; let us help.”

Despite himself, he leaned into her embrace. Not since he was a child had he found comfort in the arms of another person. He couldn’t even truly remember what it had felt like to be held by his father or mother. When they were killed, he’d started building the wall that surrounded him, and over the years he had added to it and reinforced it until it was nearly impregnable. Nearly. It couldn’t keep out a seven-foot droid becoming a companion and friend. And apparently it couldn’t keep out a very determined thief who insisted on scaling it to breach the interior. As much as he resisted, deep inside he still hoped she would succeed.

He couldn’t work up any enthusiasm for the mission ahead, but he was committed to doing it now. And part of him was eager to spend time with Jyn, without too much else to focus on. They’d had so little time together since Scarif; a stroll on Coyerti wasn’t ideal, but it got them away from ships and soldiers and war ever so briefly. Assuming, of course, the Empire didn’t do something unexpected and have them running for their lives again. He couldn’t quite convince himself that wouldn’t happen.

On the ground, Jyn wrapped her head in her scarf. It wasn’t much of a disguise, but it might be sufficient to avoid anyone remembering seeing her prior to the recent attack. At least blasters were commonplace on Coyerti, so it would not seem unusual for them to be armed. Even so, Cassian knew Jyn had other weapons tucked out of sight. Normally he did also, but…well, he hadn’t prepared as much as he usually did for a venture such as this. Jyn’s preparations would have to suffice.

Just outside the spaceport, Jyn slipped her arm around his, giving the appearance of a couple on a casual walk around town. The gesture brought a smile to his face, unrelated to it being a cleverly deceptive action for her to take. His thoughts kept trying to dwell on that pleasant sensation, but the underlying emotions kept skittering elusively away from him, making it difficult for him to enjoy the simple pleasure of her company.

Forcing himself to focus on the task at hand, Cassian steered them into a holonet shop under the guise of shopping for a new holo projector. In actuality, it gave them a chance to hear the broadcasts tuned in to the various news channels.

“There seems to be a bit of a commotion in the streets,” Jyn observed to the shopkeeper. “We thought this would be a rather quiet visit to town.”

“Aw, someone went and blew holes out at the plant. Done a lot of damage, they did.”

“Plant?” Jyn asked.

“Yup. Bioweapons. Empire does research on ‘em here. Means big business for the town. Least it did until that slime blew things up. Probably that Rebel scum, making things hard for folks.”

“Well, was it really bad? Can’t repairs be made to continue the work?” Cassian’s mouth twitched in amusement at Jyn’s naïve female act. Certainly the shopkeeper was buying it.

“Not so simple as that, Miss. They got to evaluate the damage to see how bad it is, but I hear several labs were pretty well destroyed. Took down a lot of the compound wall, so they’ll have to rebuild that, see, for protection. Big headache. Lousy Rebels.”

“I hope they caught the people who did it, at least.”

“Nope. Got clean away – no one even really saw ‘em. Pity that – they deserve to rot in a cell, if you ask me.”

Cassian had been pretending not to listen in on the conversation, but now interrupted to say. “I don’t see anything here we can afford right now. Maybe next month we’ll come back.” He nodded to the shopkeeper and steered Jyn toward the door. After they were out of earshot, he murmured, “Nicely done.”

She smirked up at him. “I may not be a superspy like some people, but I do know how to get information from others.”

“That you do,” he conceded. “Let’s walk toward the plant and see what we see – try to confirm what the shopkeeper said about damage. The news reports were similar.”

They paused for a cup of caf at a food vendor, adding to their cover before continuing on. They had turned down a sidestreet that ran parallel to the plant when Jyn realized Cassian was no longer beside her. A glance back found him stopped, staring fixedly into space, his breath coming rapid and harsh.

It took a moment to understand the problem – either this was the street where he and K had hidden from pursuers, or was very similar to it. It must have triggered something. Quickly, she went back to join him, clasping his hand in hers. “Cassian, look at me.” When his gaze remained fixed over her head, she repeated more firmly, “Look at me, Cassian!”

The sharp note in her voice did what her gentler entreaty had not, and his gaze flicked down to meet hers. She brought her hand up to his cheek and stroked it gently. “Breathe. Slowly. Steady. You’re with me, you’re safe. We’re going to stroll back to the ship now.”

He swallowed hard, but let her lead him in the opposite direction. Gradually his tension eased and his breathing evened out. Jyn had continued to hold his hand, while rubbing her other hand up and down his arm. Without realizing he was doing it, he pressed closer against her, seizing on her presence to anchor him.

They were almost to the ship when he croaked, “We didn’t examine the damage at the plant.”

“We found out enough. We’re leaving now. It isn’t worth it to stay longer.”

“I’m disappointing everyone. Failing to—”

“Cassian, listen to me. You gave as much as you could today. Just as you have every other day of your life. Some days we can do more than we can on others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t fail. No one is going to be disappointed.”

He came to a shuddering halt and rubbed a shaky hand over his face. “How did I get this bad? I never realized…”

“You’ve tried to bury everything you were feeling, but it has festered below the surface. The best we can do is lance the wound and drain the toxins so you can heal.”

She bit her lip, then decisively turned to face him and raised up on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck and draw him close. “You’ll get through this,” she whispered. “I’ll be here to help.”

Reflexively his arms tightened around her, so snug she could barely breathe, but she made no complaint. They stood there for several minutes in silence, with Jyn merely stroking his hair as soothingly as she could manage. It rather surprised her how natural it felt to do this. Some part of her vaguely remembered being held by her parents when she was frightened or simply needed reassurance; her father and mother each holding her that last day on Lah’mu. She had not thought she had it in her to offer that kind of solace to another person all these years later.

When finally Cassian released her and drew back, his embarrassment was evident. For probably the first time in her life, Jyn tried to put someone at ease with her nonchalance. She turned back toward the ship, caught hold of his hand and said, “Let’s get back. K will be getting worried, and we don’t want him coming to look for us if he’s bored.”

That earned her a weak smile; better than nothing. Back aboard ship, Jyn answered K’s questions as Cassian silently worked at getting them in the air and on course for the rendezvous point. If K-2 suspected more had happened than he was being told, at least he didn’t question it. Jyn would be willing to tell him more later, but not in front of Cassian.

Rejoined with the main ship, Cassian was quiet and withdrawn. Jyn noticed the others glancing at him periodically, but she was grateful they didn’t ask any questions. He excused himself early to turn in, pleading weariness and no one argued. After he was gone for some time, Baze moved over and sat down next to Jyn.

“You okay, little sister? I don’t know what happened down there, but you seem worried about Captain Andor.”

For several minutes, she didn’t respond, but Baze was patient. Finally, she blew out a breath and looked at him. “There were problems. He didn’t cope with it very well. It was too soon for him to return to Coyerti. I should have argued against it more.”

“The captain is a capable soldier. I’m not sure you can take that away from him.”

“I don’t want to take it away from him, Baze. It’s just…” She rubbed her face. “He’s been a soldier since he was a boy – most all of his life. Cassian’s never had a chance to just be…a person. His whole life has been about the Rebellion. He needs time to just be himself for a while. Maybe find out who exactly that is.”

“The same is true of you.” Baze raised an eyebrow to emphasize his comment. “You’re so busy trying to fix him, but don’t forget to spend time on yourself.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll manage. I always do. It’s Cassian that has me worried. He’s too near a precipice, and I refuse to let him fall.”

He laid a hand on her shoulder. “I’m not telling you to let him fall. I’m just saying not to fall over the precipice yourself while trying to prevent it. If you did, I think he might jump after you. That wouldn’t do either of you any good. Worry about him, but worry about yourself, too.”

The Guardian moved away and Jyn watched him thoughtfully. With all Chirrut’s wise pronouncements, it was easy to overlook the steady wisdom of Baze hovering in the background.

Much later, as the ship was mostly shut down for the night save for Bodhi on duty watching over the helm, Jyn was just heading to her cabin and encountered Cassian leaving the ‘fresher. He was still fully dressed, despite his earlier claim of weariness and an intention to turn in.

“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping,” she remarked.

He gave a slight shake to his head, not even bothering to offer an excuse, but not meeting her eyes.

“Do you want to talk? Would that help?”

She sensed more than saw his hesitation. “You’ll want to get some sleep. You’ve had a long day.”

He turned toward his cabin, but she caught his arm to stop him. “I wouldn’t have asked if I minded. Do you want to talk?”

Sheepishly, he nodded. He glanced down the hall, back in the direction of the communal gathering space in the cargo hold.

“Maybe your room would be better than out there. Even if everyone else is asleep, I don’t think you want them overhearing should they wake and wander out. Besides, maybe after we talk, you’ll be relaxed enough to rest yourself.”

He yielded to her suggestion, though she thought it might be due more to a disinclination to resist than an active choice. The room told Jyn more than Cassian realized. She had seen his quarters on Yavin – neat and tidy, everything in its place. Cassian had been onboard more than long enough to have gotten his quarters squared away, but instead he had tossed his bags in a corner and some clothes and needed items just sat haphazardly on one of the pull-down shelves that served as a table. She wasn’t sure he had bothered to even open any of the drawers built in under the bed.

She wasn’t exactly known for being conscientious about order when it came to her room, but on a whim she asked, “Want me to help you get your things put away?” Maybe having someone work with him would be incentive to make the effort, and he might feel better if his surroundings were organized. Jyn really couldn’t claim the offer as being much more than a delaying tactic. Heart-to-heart talks weren’t exactly her strong suit. Maybe the shared activity would make this easier for the both of them.

Whether he recognized her purpose or simply felt his arguments would fall on deaf ears, he allowed her to set to work emptying his bags on the bed. At first it seemed he would merely watch her work, but his innate orderliness kicked in and he began rearranging his belongings where he preferred them.

“At least not having to share the room means you have plenty of storage space.” She grinned teasingly at him. “Even if you replace all the many jackets you had before.”

His only response was a solemn nod, and Jyn rose from her knees as she closed the last drawer. She pushed at his shoulders. “Sit, Cassian.” He dropped obediently onto the bed behind him, and she climbed up next to him, sitting cross-legged where she faced him. After a moment, she caught hold of one of his hands. “Talk to me. What are you feeling?”

At first he was silent, but finally he slid back to lean against the wall and closed his eyes. Jyn readjusted her position for the change and then waited.

“It all just hit me. I was back on that last mission. The stormtroopers were pursuing us.” His face scrunched as if in pain. “I had already been hit and K was trying frantically to find cover for us.” He went silent again, then his eyes blinked open, staring at the wall across from him, filled with anguish.

“I should be able to shake this off—”

“No, Cassian. No. This isn’t just a single traumatic event you’re trying to overcome. It’s… It’s… I once spent time on a planet, Sullust, that had active volcanoes, and I learned a little about them. The hot lava boils and churns, pushing toward the surface until the building pressure finds a weak spot, and eruptions spew out the lava. It usually doesn’t just do it once, and then end. The volcano may erupt repeatedly, sporadically, for days or weeks, even years.”

She took a steadying breath. “That’s what’s happening to you. All this hurt and guilt has been trapped inside too long, and the pressure has been building. Now fissures are opening at weak moments, allowing it to expel the venom that has been poisoning you from within. You can’t expect to prevent it any more than you could prevent a volcano from erupting. And like most wounds, you can’t begin to heal until the pus is removed.”

“There’s too much. It can never be removed.” He rubbed the palm of his free hand frenetically on his thigh.

“Maybe not, but we’ll keep draining it off so the pressure doesn’t build too much for you to function.”

She stood up and his eyes went wide with alarm. “You’re leaving?”

Without answering the question, she pressed on his shoulder. “Lie down.”

Reluctantly he obeyed, and then she reseated herself next to him. One thing she did remember from her childhood was her mother sitting with her, stroking her head and humming to soothe her back to sleep after a nightmare. She didn’t know if it worked for adults, too, but it was the only thing she could think of to try.

Stroking his head was awkward from that position, but that was the easiest part. She couldn’t say that she remembered any childhood songs, and music wasn’t a part of her life after leaving Lah’mu. She settled for a tuneless humming, and hoped for the best. It seemed to work in getting him to relax. She wondered if his mother had done the same when he was a boy.

It was impossible to know how long she kept it up, but the wall chrono told her it was now some three hours later. She must have dozed off herself and had lain down beside him. Cassian had wrapped an arm around her in much the way she had drawn comfort from her stuffed toys when she was frightened or alone.

Jyn was reluctant to disturb him, but she was desperately in need of a visit to the ‘fresher, so she gently slipped out of his hold. There was a second blanket at the foot of the bed, and she covered him with it since he was laying on top of the bed covers. At length, she couldn’t delay any longer and she exited from the room.

xxx

Jyn had never been much for sleeping longer than five or six hours at night, when she was lucky. She listened at Cassian’s door on the way to the ‘fresher the next morning, but heard nothing. She hoped that meant he still slept.

The others were gradually trickling into the hold as they awoke, food in hand, and as usual, conversation was minimal. None of them were particularly chatty, and all were even less so in the early morning. Jyn hadn’t yet ventured to the kitchen for food, but she glanced around. Baze and Chirrut usually drank tea so that didn’t tell her much. “Is there caf made?”

Melshi appeared through the doorway at that moment and caught her question. “Yeah, just made some.”

She nodded and rose to make her way to the kitchen. It was located at the back of the ship; not the most convenient placement, but it put it out of the way for the more typical activity of a freighter. They had discussed making modifications in the team hold area to allow at least some food storage and prep there, but so far no one had moved forward on obtaining what was needed for the job.

A sense more than a sound alerted her to someone else approaching, and she turned to find Cassian standing in the doorway.

“G’morning,” she said, offering the cup of caf she had just poured for herself.

He took it, but eyed her warily. Belatedly, he murmured, “Good morning.”

She poured another cup of caf, then turned to lean against the counter, blowing to cool it. He was still watching her, so it was evident they needed to clear the air. “Did you sleep okay after I left last night?”

He nodded, still uncertain and hesitant, so she smiled at him. “Glad to hear it.”

He looked down at the cup of caf, rolling it back and forth in his hands, his fringe of hair falling forward to cover his eyes. “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have…”

“Hey.” She set her cup on the counter and took his from his hands also. “Look at me.”

After a moment, he followed her instruction. Once she had his attention, she told him, “We’re a team, Cassian. You and me. The others, too. There’s no need for embarrassment or guilt for having to rely on us sometimes to carry you. And maybe there will be times it seems like we carry you more than you carry us, but we’re okay with that. We help whoever needs the help, whenever they need it, whether it is one person or several or all of us. There’s no maximum number of times we’ll be here for you, there’s no one doing a tally to see if anyone is getting more than an equal share.” She paused, then reiterated, “We do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, for whoever it needs to be done.”

He didn’t look convinced, even though he nodded in response to her words. Abruptly she stepped forward and slid her arms around his waist, drawing him close and laying her head on his chest. “We’re with you, Cassian. All the way.”

He expelled a ragged breath. “It’s hard. I don’t know how to do this.”

“Neither do I,” she whispered, “but we’ll figure it out. Trust me.”

His arms tightened around her. “Always.”

“If you’re going to hug in the galley, at least move to the side so the rest of us can still get food.” Tonc’s face appeared over Cassian’s shoulder, startling them both.

Jyn stuck out her tongue at the corporal, but drew Cassian off to the side without relinquishing her hold. “When it comes to food, Tonc, you’re as bad as a Wookiee. And, trust me on that. I know.”

He chuckled as he rooted through the cupboards for food, poured some caf and then left them to their privacy.

Jyn’s hand slid down Cassian’s side. “You need to eat. You’re way too thin, Captain.”

His mouth tweaked into a slight grin, reluctantly releasing her as she began to offer him some food options. It was a small improvement, but she’d take what she could get.

After a moment, he told her, “Too bad we don’t have much real food on board. I could make something that tasted better than rations.”

Retrieving her caf as she tucked a ration bar in her pocket, she glanced at him in surprise. “You cook?”

He nodded. “When they first brought me to the Alliance, I was too young to fight or anything, so I helped in the kitchen.”

She wrinkled her nose. “I thought you said you could cook. I’m not sure mess hall food qualifies any more than rations.”

He dipped his head a moment, then explained, “Usually they don’t have a lot to work with so it is pretty non-descript. But sometimes when we would get unexpected supplies, we could make something better. Especially if we managed to get spices to add. There were several different species working the kitchens, so I learned a little about food from different cultures.”

“Can you make anything from Fest?”

He bit his lip and she thought maybe it was a mistake to ask about his home planet, but then he said, “One thing. My mother used to make it, and then after she was killed I lived with an uncle who also did. His wasn’t as good as my mother’s was, but I learned how from him and kept the recipe. When I could, I practiced making it until it tasted more like hers than his.”

She grinned. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll find it for you. I could use some decent food.”

His tension had eased, so she steered him back to the common area and they settled down with their teammates to eat their meal. Chirrut had wandered back to his cabin a short while ago, but reappeared with clothing in his arms and a small leather packet. “Anyone have anything that needs mending?”

“I’ve got a shirt,” Bodhi said, going to fetch it. No one else spoke up.

Cassian watched the Guardian settle down and pull out needle and thread. An eyebrow quirked up in surprise. “The blind man does the mending?”

“He’s actually quite good,” Baze answered. “Better than me, certainly. The only thing he needs help with usually is the colors. If you have something, give it to him.”

“Uh, no. Not right now, but I’ll keep the offer in mind.”

Bodhi returned in the middle of the conversation, dropping the shirt next to Chirrut. “Dark gray.” Chirrut nodded an acknowledgement.

Taking his seat again, Bodhi smiled at Cassian. “You’ve been away from us for a while, so you haven’t had time to discover the hidden talents. Chirrut sews, Baze does a crazy good massage and Tonc knows a lot about droid programming.”

“Cassian cooks,” Jyn volunteered. “We have to find some decent ingredients for him and check it out. Maybe Tonc will even learn to eat properly and not mash everything together.”

“Hey!” he protested, from his spot at the terminal, working on a program.

Cassian nudged Jyn with his foot, where she had sprawled on her back on the floor. “What’s your hidden talent?”

She shrugged. “Still hidden. I’ll let you know when it surfaces.”

“Is that one of your bombs?” Baze was watching her toss a ball in the air and then catching it.

“Nervous?” she teased, then admitted, “It’s just the shell. Nothing inside it yet.”

Melshi rejoined them from the cockpit. Jyn twisted her head around to look up at him, then remarked, “New mission.”

“What makes you think that?” Melshi asked, noting it was a statement rather than a question.

“You get a look every time.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” Baze agreed. “We’ve all noticed it.”

Melshi scowled momentarily, then admitted, “Okay, we do. HQ got details on an Imperial supply line. The specific supplies can vary, so we won’t know for sure what we’re getting until we raid them, but since the Alliance can use just about everything, it’s bound to be worthwhile.”

“That mean Erso doesn’t get to blow anything up?” Tonc called over his shoulder.

Everyone chuckled at that, including Melshi. “We’ll see. At the very least, she may get to do some fireworks as a distraction.”

Not long after that, the team began to separate so as to make individual preparations. With nothing he needed to do, Cassian wandered back to his cabin. Once there, he flopped down on his bunk, hands behind his head. The group that formed as the original Rogue One hadn’t had much time to get to know one another. Some of the men had worked together at various times, but likely knew very little about each other personally. He couldn’t really say that he knew much about any of them, other than Melshi, and most of that was obtained from their personnel files.

The trip from Jedha to Eadu to Yavin and finally to Scarif had formed a connection between the five main proponents of the unsanctioned mission. But even they were not well acquainted at that point, save for Baze and Chirrut. During the course of his time with the Alliance, he had rarely been part of a team. He had gone on training missions, but usually only with one or two others. If he was honest, he had concertedly avoided being on a team, not wanting to get that close to anyone as he feared he might.

After what he had just witnessed of the current Rogue One, he had to think maybe that had been a mistake all these years. Part of him felt disconnected from their warm camaraderie, even though they had drawn him into their group readily enough. But more importantly, for the first time in his life he wanted a team. A family of sorts. This family. He had expected to come onboard to find the usual military discipline in place, but that wasn’t so. Melshi and Tonc were still military-minded and more formal in their address toward those of rank, but this was the first time he had ever really seen Melshi bend a little.

Doctor Lesorid had told him he thought this assignment would be good for him. A good setting in which to continue his recovery. He hadn’t paid much attention to that assessment, but now he thought perhaps the doctor had known what he was talking about.

 

_to be continued_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian finds it more difficult to sit out missions than he expected.

_“Team, form up. We’re coming out of hyperspace now.”_

Cassian jolted awake at the announcement. He sat up, somewhat in a daze, and looked around. It wasn’t like him to take naps, but clearly he had drifted off while lying here thinking. He shoved to his feet, ran a comb through his hair, then stopped in the ‘fresher to splash water on his face before heading to the meeting area in the main corridor.

Melshi outlined the plan, and showed a rudimentary map of the town. “Erso will go west of the area and plant some whizbangs. When everyone is ready, she’ll draw attention there. Work fast. We won’t have a lot of time to collect as much stuff as we can carry.”

“How strong is the Imperial presence? Is it safe for K-2 to come and help, or would he be out of place?”

Melshi considered Bodhi’s question, then asked one of his own. “How’s that program you’re working on, Tonc? Ready to go yet?”

“For K-2? Not yet. Still have more programming to do, and then testing to be sure it even works.”

“Bodhi, you think you could bluff your way in as an Imperial cargo pilot and provide cover for K-2’s presence?”

Bodhi’s hesitation was evident. Taking a breath, Cassian said, “I could bluff my way in.”

All eyes turned toward him, and he stifled his reaction to the attention. At length, Melshi asked, “You sure?”

Cassian knew the reason for the question. He hadn’t exactly done a stellar job on his last outing; of course Melshi would wonder if he was going to freeze up again. He swallowed hard, then replied, “I can do it. I’ll have K with me if there are problems.”

Melshi studied him a moment, then flicked his eyes to Jyn who gave him a subtle nod. “Okay, then. Bodhi, looks like you sit this one out. The ship is yours. Erso, is our ship registration solid?”

“All set. It will pass muster.”

“Landing in ten minutes,” K called from the cockpit.

“Erso, with me. I’ll tell you what I need.” Melshi moved toward the armory cabin and Jyn followed, suspecting the real reason for this conversation.

Once inside, Melshi asked quietly, “Can he do this? Really?”

Jyn considered a moment, then nodded. “I think so. Coyerti was an odd situation. He had just been there recently and wounded. This should be simple enough not to trigger anything. And K will be with him if it does. He’ll make sure Cassian gets out.”

Melshi sighed. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it. I had thought he intended to just pilot, but so far he’s volunteered to participate in both missions.”

She grinned. “Did you really think he could manage to sit idle while everyone else went out? He might want to, he might think he could, but it was never very likely he wouldn’t feel the need to help. We just have to make sure someone is with him, and that the part he plays is relatively safe so he doesn’t endanger others. At least until he’s ready for more.”

“Right. Anyway, as I mentioned, a few whizbangs to draw attention. The more confusion you create a good distance from the warehouse, the better. But, then, you’re good at chaos.”

“Oh, yeah! Lots of practice. Melee and mayhem, too.”

The first order of business on the ground was for Cassian to acquire an Imperial outfit. That proved a little tricky, finding a suitable ‘donor’, but finally one was located, and he made the clothing change after the body was bound and concealed. He and K continued on to the supply storage warehouse as the others took up position nearby.

It took longer for Jyn to get in position than they expected, but finally she reported she was set.

“Team ready. Thief, light it up.”

Jyn’s bombs went off and immediately drew Imperial notice. Two squads left the warehouse and set off at a jog toward the site. Not nearly so many as they had hoped, though, to make this less likely to devolve into a firefight. Fortunately, Jyn wasn’t done yet. Another, larger explosion went off a little ways north of the first, and the second one raised more concern. This time, they got the response they had wanted.

Cassian made his move, entering the facility. A squad of troopers were gathered at the door, looking in the direction of the explosions, but came to attention at the sight of him and the KX unit. “Is there a reason you men are not responding to that attack?” he snapped.

The squad leader replied, “We thought we should stand guard here, sir.”

“If those are rebels or insurgents, and they do much damage, ‘here’ won’t matter a great deal. Get over there and help. This KX unit can keep watch over the supplies.”

“Yes, sir. With me.” The leader set off, and the others fell in behind him.

As soon as they rounded a corner, Cassian drew his comlink. “Warehouse clear. Let’s go.” He turned to K-2. “Take a quick look around to make sure there isn’t anyone else. We don’t want any surprises.”

Another explosion was heard, this time farther east, and Cassian smiled. Jyn would lead these Imps on a merry chase. He just hoped she wouldn’t take too many risks to do it.

It proved to be a good haul: medical supplies, that were always sorely needed, and numerous weapons to help restock the armory. The team worked efficiently, loading as much stuff as they could into whatever could be carried quickly back to the ship. Chirrut and Baze made a trip while the others were loading up, and returned just as Melshi and Tonc set off with a load. They managed two more trips before Melshi called it. Baze grabbed another crate that had been readied, Chirrut shouldered several bags of supplies, and then Cassian and K followed them out with the last load.

Jyn skidded on board just as they were dropping the final haul in the cargo bay, and Bodhi began liftoff.

Once in the air, they convened for a debrief.

“Any problems?”

Everyone shook their head, but Baze reached over and dropped a satchel in Jyn’s lap. “Present for you, little sister.”

Bodhi leaned over to take a look as she opened it. “Ooh! You do love me, Baze.”

“What are those?” To Bodhi, they weren’t recognizable as anything useful.

“They’re what make my bombs go boom.”

“Detonators?”

“Initiators. The detonators trigger these and these trigger the bomb to explode. Nice find, Baze. Thanks.”

Tonc snorted. “Seriously, are there any other women in the galaxy who would be excited with a gift like that?”

“I could introduce you to a few,” Jyn retorted. “We’re not so uncommon as you think.”

She reached into her own satchel. “Speaking of gifts, I have one for Cassian.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because I’m tired of rations. I want something good to eat. Next stop at a planet with what you need, you get to go shopping.” She handed over a bag of credits.

“Where did you get that?” Melshi asked, his eyebrows scrunching together. “I thought you were busy blowing things up.”

“I multi-tasked. Bombs and pickpocketing Imps. They very courteously funded the restocking of our kitchen. Though there’s quite a bit, so I guess we should spend at least some of it on Alliance stuff, too.”

“Untraceable?”

“Of course. Pulled coins off the chips at an automated system. They’re easier and no trail.” She looked mildly affronted by the question.

“Good work. Figure out how much we’re keeping, and we’ll turn the rest in with the other supplies when we drop them off. Anyone else have extra bounty to share?”

“I suppose since I neglected to return the uniform to its owner, that could be considered ‘bounty’. I’ll keep it handy in case we need it again,” Cassian told him, removing the hat, and shaking out his hair.

“Okay, then. I’ll go call it in. Dismissed.”

Jyn started toward her cabin, and Cassian fell in behind her. “Is it always like this?”

“Like what?” She glanced back, but kept walking.

“So…relaxed? It’s almost as though none of you are taking the mission seriously, but yet you are. It just seems like you’re also having…a good time?”

She laughed. “Yes, I suppose so. I guess…I guess we’re just comfortable with each other, and we trust the others to be doing what they’re supposed to do. And that thing with Baze grabbing initiators for me and me snagging credits on the side, well, if we see little extras that we can do without compromising the mission or each other, we take advantage. This one went pretty smoothly, but some fall apart and some we just manage to get done what is needed and get out.”

“And the…teasing? Like with you and Tonc.”

She paused outside his door, considering it for the first time. “I don’t know. With Bodhi, because he knew my father, I guess he always kind of felt like a brother to me. But Tonc, well, we just kind of fell into that, the teasing. I suppose he feels like another brother to me now. Considering I was an only child, I guess it’s a little strange that I suddenly have two brothers.”

“What about the others?”

“Oh, Baze and Chirrut, they’re more like…like father figures, in a way. And Melshi… I’m not sure what Melshi is. He doesn’t fit into any category as yet, at least none of the ones that already exist. Maybe because he’s the boss.”

She didn’t mention where Cassian fit into the picture, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk asking, so he stepped into his room as he removed the Imperial jacket. She stood at the door a moment longer, then moved on to her cabin.

Once she was gone, he pushed the door closed and sat on his bed, staring unseeingly at the Imperial hat in his hands. Being on this ship, on this crew, wasn’t like anything he had previously done. Had Scarif bonded them all in some indefinable way that superceded military protocols? They still worked missions, and behaved in roughly a militaristic way, but he almost thought this camaraderie must be more akin to being a Partisan. The rest of the Alliance was still out there, supporting them as they supported it, but their intimate group was an island in the midst of that.

His thoughts still were deadened, along with his emotions, but pinpricks of feeling were starting to come through. For the first time since leaving the medbay after Scarif, he was eager to do something, and it wasn’t related to the Alliance. He glanced at the bag of credits sitting on the table and smiled, thinking of what meals he could prepare for the team. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed cooking. There had been little opportunity for it in recent years, but now the thought of sharing that ability with the others was pleasing. He wasn’t sure how Draven had been convinced to let him shift to Melshi’s team under Onoran, but he didn’t want to question the providence either. He needed to be here, wanted to be here, for as long as possible.

Jyn had been right. He could stay on the ship or offer whatever he felt capable of doing, and no one questioned either decision. He knew Melshi was still a little hesitant when he volunteered, and he had seen the glances at Jyn for approval. But he also knew it only meant they were concerned for him, and wanted to make sure he was safe. Like Jyn had said, they all had his back.

Abruptly he stood, and finished changing into his own clothes so he could rejoin the team. To his surprise, he wanted to seek out the company of others. Maybe he could help Tonc with that program for K-2.

xx

“Prepare to spend those credits I gave you.”

Cassian looked up from the terminal screen, raising an eyebrow at Jyn.

“Melshi just told me. We’re to layover on Chalcedon for a few days, before rendezvousing on Takodana to hand off our cargo. Then we’ll have another mission out in this area.”

“Too bad,” Bodhi commented from where he sat tinkering with some part of the ship he was improving. “I wouldn’t have minded seeing that Castle on Takodana again, for longer this time. How come we’re not just laying over there?”

Melshi joined them just then and explained, “Too risky. With the Empire hot on our heels after Scarif, we don’t want to bring that kind of attention there. Maz Kanata would have our necks and then ban us for life. Quick exchanges is one thing, but lengthy stays are inadvisable.”

“But Chalcedon has a good marketplace with lots of variety. You should be able to find something to suit your cooking skills,” Jyn remarked, returning to her original conversation.

Cassian nodded. “I haven’t been there, but I’ll have a look around to see what they have.”

“Anything good to see or do?” Tonc asked, continuing his work at the terminal without looking up.

Jyn leaned back in her seat and shrugged. “Not so much, unless you’re looking to buy, sell or trade. The planet is pretty nondescript and the atmosphere barely breathable, so the only thing of interest are the starports for ships traveling along the trade route. They can refuel, make purchases of supplies or sometimes pick up crew. You might be able to find a decent bar, if you look hard enough. Just watch out for thieves and pickpockets – spaceports like this always draw those in abundance.”

“You’ve been there before?” Melshi asked, settling down to join them.

“I’ve been a lot of places before, but especially the Mid and Outer Rim – it’s easier to escape Imperial notice out here. And busy spaceports usually meant I could find some kind of work.” The conversation was tending in a direction that Jyn didn’t particularly care to go, so before any more questions could be asked about her past, she shoved to her feet and wandered out. If anyone thought it strange, at least they didn’t attempt to follow her.

That left her a little at loose ends though. After a moment, she made her way to the back of the ship.

“Hey, K.” Jyn sauntered into the cargo hold the droid used for recharging, and escaping the humans. When he had worked with the team while Cassian was still recovering, he had claimed this hold for his own unless it was needed otherwise, and everyone understood to give him his privacy there just as they had in their cabins.

“Jyn Erso. Is there something you require?”

“No, not at all. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Other than when you’re working, you don’t spend much time up front with the rest of us.”

“I have found that humans do not prefer interacting with me any more than I do with them.”

Jyn grinned. “Well, you do have a strong personality sometimes, and your size intimidates them. But we’re your friends. We’re more used to your quirks.”

“Quirks? Droids do not have quirks.”

“Sure they do. Same as people. I suppose the techs usually call them ‘glitches’, but that suggests something is wrong. Quirks are just part of different personalities. You know that’s why Cassian doesn’t do memory wipes on you, right? Most people do those to prevent their droids from developing personalities. They’re afraid the droids will get too smart and stage a rebellion of their own against sentients.”

“I knew memory wipes were standard procedure, but I never gave much thought to why Cassian did not employ them. I assumed he never found it necessary.”

“Exactly. He’s never felt there was any reason to take away your memory. So don’t lead a droid uprising or you’ll make him look bad.”

She settled down on the floor next to him, not surprised when he didn’t react to her teasing. When he didn’t respond at all, she asked, “So, what’s really going on, K? You’ve been awfully quiet since you and Cassian came on board officially as part of our team. Have you decided you don’t like being on a ship with so many humans?”

His photoreceptors focused on her. Finally, he said, “I thought it would help Cassian if you knew what was in his file.”

Jyn sighed, and leaned her head back against the wall. She could guess the rest of the question – why hadn’t it helped him on Coyerti?

“It does help Cassian that I know what he’s done, but maybe not in the way you were expecting. My knowing can’t fix all the things that are broken, all the messed up stuff going on in his head. What it does is make me aware of what those thoughts are, and what his reactions might be and give me some idea of how to help him cope. It may take a long while, but eventually I’m hoping he won’t be as troubled. I’m hoping he can be more himself, just at ease.” She drew her knees up to lean her arms on. “Coyerti was a bad place for his first mission. That’s part of why I insisted on going. I knew he’d leave you on the ship and go into town alone, and I…I just didn’t think that was a good idea.” She rubbed a hand over her face, remembering. “Unfortunately, I was right. But I was able to get him back to the ship.”

Silence intruded again. Finally, she looked up at K. “It wasn’t all bad, though. Afterwards, Cassian and I had some talks – talks I don’t think we would have had if Coyerti hadn’t happened. It seems like those talks helped. He’s not well at all, but he’s a little better. For Cassian, ‘well’ might always be a relative term.”

“And there is nothing I can do to help?”

She reached over and patted his arm. “Just keep being his friend, K. And you did the right thing after Coyerti – when we came back aboard the starfighter and I told you what happened while Cassian stayed silent? Not insisting on asking questions, asking him questions, was the right thing to do. Sometimes you have to stay silent and ask me later, rather than insisting he explain things. Okay?”

“Very well. But I must say, dealing with broken humans is extremely complicated and unpredictable.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, it is. Sorry for the inconvenience.” She sighed. “It’s better for everyone if we don’t get broken in the first place, but few of us manage to avoid it.”

xxxxx

It took nearly a full day to reach Chalcedon, and Melshi decided to stay in orbit until morning so they could arrive fresh and ready for anything they might encounter.

The Imperial presence was light on this planet, so they left K-2 aboard rather than have him draw undue notice. The Guardians elected to stay as well and keep an eye on the ship, though they sent a shopping list with Cassian on the off-chance he could locate a few items they were interested in having.

Tonc wanted to explore, so Melshi accompanied him since he preferred no one going alone. He could always see what information he could pick up as he tagged along.

That left Bodhi and Jyn to go with Cassian in search of groceries. “Didn’t expect you to come with us for shopping,” Bodhi remarked. “You don’t seem the type.”

Jyn shrugged. “I’m not, really, but it’s better than sitting on the ship.” She grinned. “And I like the company.”

As she was the only one who had been here before, Jyn led the way to the area where foodstuffs were most likely to be obtained, and then trailed along as the other two perused the wares offered by various vendors. While he didn’t know much about cooking, Bodhi proved to be a good haggler for getting them the best price possible.

They had been out about half an hour when Bodhi noticed a Zabrak following them, paying them more attention than he liked. “Uh, Cassian? Should we be worried about that fellow?”

Cassian barely glanced at the alien who was trying to blend in as their gazes turned in his direction. “No. Just a pickpocket.”

 _“Just_ a pickpocket?” Bodhi thought that was a very good reason to be worried, considering the coins they carried.

“Take another look without being obvious. Sweep your gaze behind him.”

It took a moment before he saw it – Jyn. He had wondered where she wandered off to when she disappeared a couple of minutes ago. He thought she merely got bored.

“What’s she doing?” he asked quietly.

“Tracking him just like he’s tracking us, only she’s less obvious. He hasn’t noticed her trailing him. Don’t worry – she’ll deal with him.”

Bodhi fidgeted nervously as Cassian completed his purchase, but finally couldn’t resist another look. He turned just in time to see the Zabrak beat a hasty retreat in the other direction while Jyn strolled toward them. He couldn’t suppress a grin. When she joined them, he blurted, “What did you do?”

She glanced back a moment, then shrugged. “Just convinced him that you two were the last ones he wanted to be stealing anything from, if he valued his life at all.”

“How come I saw him sneaking around, but I didn’t see you?”

“Because she’s better at it than he was,” Cassian interjected. Jyn looked rather pleased with the praise.

“Much better. If they see you, you could end up dead or in prison.”

Bodhi was again struck by the sort of life she must have had to live. He’d noticed she retreated whenever the conversation turned toward her past. Maybe it was better if he didn’t know too many of the details.

“Where to next?” Jyn asked. “What else do you need?”

“Haven’t found any of the things on Chirrut and Baze’s list yet. Do you know of any place that sells teas?” Cassian glanced around at the nearby vendors.

“Hmmm, down that way, I think. I never paid much attention, but I think I remember there being several of them.”

“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Bodhi risked the question.

She shook her head. “We were refuelling on a cargo delivery, but the captain wanted to get a drink and I had some things I wanted to pick up. With an hour to kill, I wandered around, and ate at the foodstalls so that I could skip at least one meal of ship’s rations.”

Cassian smiled. “You really don’t like ration bars, do you?”

She wrinkled her nose. “They’ll keep you alive, but most anything else is preferable. I’m not a picky eater, but why settle when you don’t have to, right?”

“I’m with Jyn on that,” Bodhi seconded. “Ate far too many ration bars when I was flying shuttles. They often didn’t give us time to go to the mess hall for food before they wanted us to leave again. If I have to, yeah, but if I don’t, all the better.”

“Well, I’ll see if I can’t give you at least an occasional break from that,” Cassian promised.

The sky that had been overcast until now chose to finally divest itself of its moisture, so they passed on looking for tea in favor of returning to the ship. Chalcedon tended to have cooler temperatures in general, but the frequent rains caused the temperature to go even lower, leaving them chilled by the time they made it back. Ten minutes later, Melshi and Tonc put in appearance as well.

Cassian went to put away his purchases while Jyn convinced Bodhi to spar with her. “We’ll be working up an appetite, Captain. Keep that in mind for tonight’s dinner!” She grinned teasingly at him and he chuckled as they parted ways.

They had just finished their warm-up and were preparing to actually spar when Cassian showed up to watch. He settled on a bench with a drink in hand. He was glad of the chance to see Bodhi in action. Jyn was always worth watching, a highly skilled fighter, but he had only heard about the sessions with Bodhi. He automatically slipped into eyeing the action as an Alliance leader assessing a new recruit. It was evident Jyn had been correct – Bodhi was never going to excel at fighting, it wasn’t in his nature. Even so, he could see that the man was doing better than expected. His biggest weakness seemed to be lack of confidence, causing him to back off from what he started to do rather than follow through on a move.

Cassian had been there some thirty minutes, with the hold getting more chill from the external weather. The drumming rain on the exterior almost felt like it was drumming the cold into him. Dr. Lesorid had warned about this – a susceptibility to cold.

“Are you okay?” Jyn’s question pulled him from his thoughts.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you okay? You seem to be…in pain. Or at least discomfort.”

She was unwrapping her hands, so apparently the session had ended, and the two combatants were making their way to the team hold.

“Just kind of sore. Those broken ribs I had, along with other injuries through the years. The cold settles in my bones and joints, making me uncomfortable.”

“You should have Baze give you a massage,” Bodhi suggested. “He’s really very good. That might help you feel better.”

“No, it’s not that bad, but thanks.”

“You sure?” Jyn encouraged. “Bodhi’s right.”

“I’ll be fine. I just need to dress more warmly.”

Jyn’s lips pursed, but she didn’t argue further, though Cassian suspected she wanted to. “Well, I’ll make use of his skills even if you won’t. Baze, how about one of those massages?”

Baze had been cleaning his gun, but glanced up and nodded. “Sure. Give me a couple of minutes to finish this.”

Cassian used that as a diversion to slip away to his cabin and decide what to cook first for the crew. He had told them he could cook – he needed to make a good showing for himself.

 

_to be continued_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The team still faces the need for physical and mental healing._

The rain continued mostly unabated for the duration of their stay on Chalcedon. Even so, Cassian and Bodhi braved the rain to go after the teas Baze and Chirrut wanted, not knowing when their next opportunity might come.

With the gloomy weather, they were not sorry to move on to Takodana for the rendezvous and drop off of their lucre. They weren’t due to stay long on the planet, but Melshi did agree for a group to go for a drink at Maz Kanata’s Castle. Only the two Guardians and K-2 declined.

At least in a group, Cassian was spared another encounter with Maz like the last time he was here. He didn’t need any more of her strange observations. And part of him didn’t want to risk having her see in his eyes too much of what was in his head lately.

They returned after dark to find Chirrut sprawled on the floor while Baze gave him a massage. Chirrut would never admit it, but Baze had told them that his injuries from Scarif sometimes left him stiff. Usually his meditation and exercises sufficed, but sometimes he wanted or needed more.

“We really need to get a table or something where you can work, maybe one that folds down from the wall like the tables in our cabins. That would be easier for you than having to kneel beside us on the floor.” Jyn stood looking around the hold, considering the possibilities.

“Yeah, that would be a lot better,” Bodhi enthused. “Even attached to the wall it could be a comfortable height for him. And we could change direction when he needed us to. Only thing is, I’m not especially good at building stuff. Jedha was more desert and rock, so wood wasn’t used all that much. What about the rest of you?”

Heads were shaking, but Cassian pressed himself to participate rather than sit silently on the sidelines as he so often did. “Melshi is good at that sort of thing. Maybe he could make a table like you want.”

“Rostok was really good at it, too,” Tonc added from the spot he had resumed at the terminal, where he spent much of his time. “He had some nice stuff in his quarters that he built.”

The chatter rolled on, but the mention of Rostok was like a door slamming in Cassian’s face. He fell back on what he knew: an impassive expression and silence. Melshi’s arrival drew everyone’s attention there, discussing the suggestion of making a table for Baze, and Cassian used the diversion to stand, fake a yawn and say good night.

Alone in his room, he stretched out on his bed. He wasn’t entirely sure why talking about Scarif bothered him so much. They had lost a lot of good men, many invited to join the strike team by him personally. Yet, they had all been volunteers, knowing exactly what the situation was. Yes, he felt guilty about surviving when so many did not, but that was more of a fluke than anything else. He had expected to die the same as everyone else had, it just hadn’t worked out that way. And he wasn’t the only survivor – that would have been much worse. He couldn’t even say that Scarif was where he lost his closest friend, because K-2 had been restored to him, and Jyn had also survived.

Despite all that, however, there was something about Scarif that was…different. That was hard for him to…even think about for very long. Maybe he was afraid of where his thoughts would lead him if he considered that mission too much or too deeply. It was supposed to have been a good thing, a mission he didn’t have to feel ashamed of leading. So why didn’t it feel much like a victory?

xx

Cassian gave a prolonged gasp and sat up. He blinked in the darkness of his cabin, then lurched for the light, needing to drive the shadows back. Involuntarily, his gaze repeatedly darted around the room, and some part of him was searching for danger lurking there, even knowing he would readily be able to see if anyone else was present. He began counting slowly, timing his breaths in and out to match the rhythm until he could feel his heart begin to slow its frantic beating.

He must have drifted off sometime during his troubled, rambling thoughts last night. Tonight? He wasn’t even sure how much time had passed. He was still in the clothes he had been wearing when he returned to his cabin. He turned blearily to the chrono – shortly after midnight.

He pulled off his shirt with shaky hands and rubbed it over his face and neck to wipe away the sheen of sweat that covered him, then fumbled with one of the drawers beneath his bed to find a clean one to put on. The dirty one he tossed in the corner to deal with later.

It had been a while since that particular nightmare had bothered him, and he wasn’t sure what had triggered it this time. Maybe Tonc mentioning Rostok? Reminding him of Scarif? He scrubbed hard at his face as though trying to erase the remaining tendrils of dream physically from his body. It had changed slightly this time. He had almost gotten used to nightmare visits from his victims, and from others he had failed to keep safe or save. Their names and faces were as familiar to him as his own. Only this time, his shipmates joined the throng, accusing him of putting them at risk, of worrying he would shoot them in the back if he thought it was necessary. And Jyn stood at the front of the team, looking the most betrayed of them all. _I trusted you_ she’d said with disappointment, _and this is how you reward that trust?_

With a groan, he fell back on his bed, curling in a ball and wrapping his arms around his head. It hurt to think; he was so tired of thinking, of remembering. Baze had suggested that doing good things could help offset all the terrible acts he had committed for the Cause, but he was mistaken – there was too much. Way too much. How could he ever make up for even a tiny portion of it, much less all?

xxx

_“Team, form up. Briefing in ten minutes. Repeat, briefing in ten minutes. Form up.”_

It wasn’t the first time Melshi had awakened them with such an announcement, but the early hour still caused some grumbling. Slowly they dressed and stumbled toward the corridor where they met. Unfortunately, breakfast would have to wait, but at least Melshi usually made caf when he did this, and had it waiting.

They pretty much all arrived about the same time, so other than a mumbled ‘good morning’, there was little conversation and Melshi quickly began the meeting.

“Sorry about the early call, but we got orders and it is only a little over an hour flight from here. This will give you all time to eat and prepare what you need.” With that, he launched into the details of where they were going and what they hoped to accomplish. They had spent enough time together that these meetings didn’t usually take long, unless someone had questions.

While he was clarifying something for Tonc, Jyn glanced away, her mind already considering what she needed to do in preparation for her part of the mission. Bodhi, sitting across from her, caught her eye, then twitched his gaze quickly to Cassian next to her, and back to her. Her brow wrinkled and he did it again. Only then did she become aware of the tension holding Cassian’s body taut, his gaze fixed on the wall across from him rather than on the meeting.

Uh oh. He had become withdrawn yesterday evening and went to bed early. She hadn’t heard anything from his cabin or seen him, but apparently there was something she had missed. She had noticed this body language from him before – he was wandering somewhere in his mind, and it was not a healthy place for him to be.

Jyn reached over, wrapped her arms around his left arm, and pillowed her head against his shoulder. “Take notes and fill me in later,” she muttered, feigning sleep. The action and her words jolted him from his tumultuous thoughts, and she could feel him begin to relax against her. Across from them, a slight smile twitched at Bodhi’s mouth before he turned his attention back to Melshi. If anyone else noticed, they made no comment and kept their eyes turned away.

When the meeting concluded, Baze looked at her. “Not much I need to do to prepare. I’ll check on your supplies for you, if you like.”

She nodded. “Thanks, Baze.” She was grateful the team had all grown so close and could anticipate each other’s needs. If he handled the inventory for her, and did the pre-prep, it would give her a little time to talk to Cassian. She nudged him, not letting go of his arm just yet. “Cassian, give me a hand?”

Fortunately he didn’t question her and she made no effort to elaborate. She kept hold of his hand, as he trailed behind her down the hallway. At her cabin, she led him in and pushed the door closed, then drew him over to the bed and shoved him down to sit on it. That put him somewhat at eye level with her. “Look at me, Cassian.”

He didn’t move, his gaze fixed on the floor at her feet. Moving closer, she caught his chin and nudged it upward as she reiterated, “Look at me.” When he finally relented, she had to fight to stifle the sharp inhale of breath she wanted to take. The lost, confused expression had returned.

Though he had looked tired this morning, as though he hadn’t slept well, her own mind was too sleep fogged to take sufficient notice. Clearly it wasn’t merely a sleepless night. She brushed his hair back from his forehead. “Tell me. What’s going on in your noggin, Cassian?” When he didn’t reply, she said more forcefully, “ _Tell_ me.”

His jaw worked, but nothing came out. Finally, he murmured, “Scarif. All those people died. What did we gain? I led them to their deaths.”

Jyn stilled, willing herself to calmness. This she understood. She felt guilty, too, that so many had died there when she did not. After all, her father built the weapon that made that effort necessary. But she wasn’t her father, and the Death Star wasn’t her fault, even if she had taken on the responsibility of seeing it destroyed using her father’s design flaw.

At length, she leaned her forehead down to touch his. “All those people who followed us, followed _me_ , to Scarif, did it voluntarily, Cassian. They weren’t ordered there. They were only compelled by their desire to destroy that monstrosity, and their belief that the plans on Scarif were the only way to make that possible. They came because they wanted to make a difference, do something good and worthwhile – we ALL went for that reason. And the Alliance fleet didn’t have to come help us once we went, but they _chose_ to do so. In spite of the Council’s refusal to act, others besides us understood that it was necessary. I’m sorry they died, too. I feel guilty about it, too. But it wasn’t our fault. The Empire was going to build that thing with or without my father’s help, but thanks to his part in it we had a way to defeat it. And that is what we gained. Destruction of the Death Star at Yavin was a victory, and a very bloody nose for the Empire. We showed them, and the galaxy, that they were not invincible. That if people were willing to stand up and fight, they could be defeated. Yes, you and I led a mission where many died. But if we hadn’t, Alderaan would have been the first, not the last, planet to face utter destruction. That is what we gained.”

He didn’t resist when she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly to her. “You have done bad things in your life, Cassian. You and I both know it. But Scarif was not one of them, and you can’t carry that weight on your shoulders. If you’re to blame for those deaths, then I am even moreso.”

She could feel dampness on her shirt, and she pressed a kiss to his head. She lingered as long as she could but, unfortunately, she had work she needed to do. “Stay here. Lie down and rest. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I…I have to—”

She cut him off. “You don’t have to do anything. Melshi will understand, and so will everyone else. We have this under control. Stay here, or I’ll get K to make you stay.”

She had hoped that would win her at least a tiny smile, but he only nodded and laid down with a sigh. She brushed his hair back again and pressed another kiss to his forehead. “Rest. I’ll be back.”

Jyn felt the many eyes on her when she returned to the main section of the ship, but now was not the time for explanations. They’d just have to trust her. “Let’s do this,” was all she said to them, pulling on her gloves, and they accepted that as sufficient.

They were lucky it was not a complicated mission, and that they ran into few difficulties. It was clear to Jyn, if no one else, that she wasn’t at her best this time around. Her thoughts persistently kept turning to Cassian, despite knowing how dangerous that inattention might be.

Perhaps Melshi had suspected that might turn out to be the case, as he sent Bodhi with her even though she normally worked alone. Likely it was so she had someone watching for trouble if she was distracted. While she thought she probably would have been fine without the escort, she was glad to have Bodhi along. Somehow she always found his companionship soothing, even in the middle of an op.

Back aboard ship, though, it was more difficult to focus on the debrief and not turn her attention toward Cassian who was absent.

“What was that explosion?”

Jyn suddenly realized no one was answering, and everyone was looking at her questioningly. “Not me. I didn’t do it.” She raised her hands in denial.

“Did you know,” Baze asked, while idly cleaning dirt from under his fingernails, “that one of your bombs, placed inside a trash incinerator, will explode even if not detonated by hand?”

There was utter silence for an instant, and then Tonc snickered and it contagiously spread through the group.

“How would you know that?” Jyn chuckled, glad for the laughter to ease the tension in her shoulders.

He shrugged. “I was just curious to see what would happen.”

She gave a mock bow. “I have taught you well, my young apprentice. You make me proud.”

Chirrut wrapped an arm around his companion’s shoulders and quipped, “Young?”

“Don’t start that again. I’m less than two months older than you, as you well know. You don’t let anyone call you old.”

“Boys, stop your bickering. You’re both of you young at heart,” Jyn assured them. Then with a wicked grin she added, “And you both can thrash opponents as well as, or better than, men half your age.”

Before the conversation could continue, Melshi interjected, “Meeting dismissed. Debate this on your own time.”

As the group began to disperse, Jyn considered her next move. She glanced toward the kitchen. Odds were that Cassian hadn’t eaten anything. If no one else had gotten to them already, there might still be leftovers from two nights ago to tempt him with.

She was in luck and warmed them up. On her way to her cabin, she met Bodhi in the corridor. He eyed what she held. “I was kind of hoping no one had beat me to that. Guess I’ll have to move quicker next time.”

She smiled. “Tell you what, if I can’t entice Cassian to eat it, you have dibs.”

He looked skeptical. “Not unless you hand it to me and I eat it immediately. With this lot? You set that plate down and turn your back, it will be gone.”

“It is nice having decent food for a change, isn’t it.”

“Yeah.” His expression sobered and he glanced where she was headed. “Good luck.”

She squeezed his arm as they passed, and continued on. Outside her door, she took a steadying breath and entered. Cassian was turned toward the wall. He might be sleeping, but she couldn’t be sure. And somehow she would think a spy unlikely to sleep through someone entering the room. Still, she decided to let him acknowledge her presence when he was ready. Quietly she divested herself of her gear and then settled on the pulldown bench to peruse her datapad.

The silence stretched on a mere ten minutes or so before his voice drifted to her, though he didn’t turn over. “How did it go?”

“No problems. Baze blew up a trash incinerator.”

“Why?”

“Curiosity, apparently. He wanted to see what happened if he tossed one of my bombs in there. The heat was enough to trigger it.”

Finally, he rolled onto his back, but still did not look at her.

“I brought you the leftovers from what you made the other night. You missed breakfast. You should try to eat.”

“Maybe later.”

“Can’t guarantee it will still be an option later. You’ve turned out to be too good of a cook. I disappointed others that I got to the leftovers first.”

He managed a weak smile, and she set the datapad aside, going to sit on the side of the bed. He didn’t look up at her, so she brushed his hair back from his forehead to draw his attention.

“Cassian, so long as people have been given a choice, you can’t begrudge them the choice that they make. Everyone who went with us to Scarif chose to do so. Mourn their deaths, if you will, but you can’t carry the weight of everyone who dies. Not those men, or your parents, or even my father. We didn’t cause those deaths, we simply couldn’t prevent them, much as we would have liked to. We didn’t cause the destruction of Alderaan. We simply weren’t able to prevent it. In war, and even in life, people die.”

He sighed and closed his eyes. “I see them. In my dreams. Blaming me.”

“I know. And maybe some of them have that right, but you made the best choice you could at the time. You didn’t kill indiscriminately – there was always a reason for it. You did what you were trained to do, and taught to believe was right to do because it would save many other lives. Second-guessing yourself won’t change that. All you can do now is evaluate things differently as you move forward. That’s all any of us can do.”

Tentatively he slid his arm around her. “Thank you for sticking with me.”

“You kept coming back for me. Now it’s my turn. I won’t leave you behind either.”

His arm tightened, but he didn’t answer.

xx

It took several hours, but Jyn finally had Cassian up, fed and showered. Whether those things or something else, his spirits were lighter than before, and she persuaded him to come join the others in the hold. She was grateful the team understood not to draw attention to his presence.

“Where do we go next, Sergeant?”

Melshi looked up from his datapad at Chirrut’s question. “Rrulinn. Do some recon, and determine if it would be possible to get a toehold there. The Empire controls it now, but their presence is fairly light.” He lapsed back into silence.

Finally, Bodhi stretched and asked, “Anyone interested in playing pazaak?”

“Sure, I’m in,” Baze replied.

Jyn nudged Cassian questioningly and rather reluctantly he nodded agreement. “Us, too,” she said. “How about you Melshi? I doubt we could pull Tonc away from that terminal.”

“Heard that,” the corporal muttered, without paying much attention.

“Yeah, okay,” Melshi relented.

The others settled down on the matted floor in a circle with Bodhi, who had begun to set things up.

“You as good at this as you are at sabacc?” Baze asked, sprawling on his side.

Bodhi shook his head. “Not quite. But I do okay.”

“We’ll see about that.” Jyn grinned at him.

“You’re good?” Cassian asked.

“Spent nearly a year on Takodana. It was my preferred game for keeping myself in credits. Came in handy elsewhere, too.”

The game stretched on until K-2 announced their coming out of hyperspace. “Okay, briefing in ten,” Melshi told them as he headed for the cockpit.

xxx

Bodhi dashed on board gasping for breath. Finally he got enough air in his lungs to tell them, “Tonc is in trouble. He’s pinned down and I couldn’t do anything to get him out. I came to get help.”

Jyn’s hand dropped to her truncheon as she listened, drawing Cassian’s eyes there.

“Why didn’t you just comm for help?” Melshi asked.

“Couldn’t. My communicator, it got smashed. A stormtrooper, he caught me by surprise and we fought. Somehow the comlink got knocked to the ground and he stepped on it.” Before they could ask, he added, “Tonc was too busy fighting to have a chance to do it, I guess. Or maybe he thought I had.”

“How did you get away?” Knowing Bodhi wasn’t much of a fighter, Cassian would have expected him to lose. Stormtroopers weren’t the best shots around, but that armor made them difficult to fight hand to hand.

Bodhi looked sheepish, then admitted with some pride, “I, uh, I used a move Jyn taught me. It actually worked. I mean, even with me being the one doing it instead of Jyn.”

“Of course it did,” Jyn told him. “You aren’t inept like you think. Anyway, Tonc…”

“He’s over by the warehouses that we were checking out. Pinned down behind some cargo bins, but no good escape path. He was keeping them at bay with blaster fire when I left, but I don’t know how long he can keep that up.”

“Send Jyn.” It wasn’t what Cassian would have liked to say, but he knew better than anyone she was most suited to the task. “With her fighting skills, she has the best chance of getting to him to help.”

Melshi didn’t hesitate. “Agreed. Erso, go.”

Instantly, Jyn sprinted down the ramp as Bodhi settled on a bench to further catch his breath.

Cassian paced nervously near the top of the ramp, then turned on his heel and hurried to the armory. A moment later he reappeared with a blaster rifle in hand. Melshi stepped in front of him and caught his arm, eyeing him questioningly.

“They may need cover fire in order to retreat. I can provide that. I’ll find a roof and configure this for sniper.”

Melshi’s mouth twitched, but finally he stepped aside giving a quick nod of consent. Cassian disappeared out the exit and was soon out of sight.

Finding Tonc was easy enough – the blaster fire led Jyn right to the place. She had been able to dodge stray troopers without difficulty, or needing to fight thus drawing attention to herself. Then things got tricky. She could see why Bodhi had chosen to come for help. Tonc was pinned down behind a solo stack of crates, and any attempt to move away from it would put him out in the open.

She worked her way closer staying behind similar crates with better cover, until finally he noticed her. Unfortunately, it didn’t give her a sightline on the enemy, making cover fire impossible.

Her comlink crackled. “Erso!” It was Tonc and she glanced over at him, only twenty feet away, but a deadly twenty feet.

He gestured to her satchel that she hadn’t dropped in the ship and put his hands in a catching position. “Toss me one! I can get it right in the middle of them from here.”

She winced and shook her head. “I left the detonator on the ship. I wasn’t expecting to need these. There’s no way to set them off.” His scowl matched hers, and she looked around for another option.

A new voice joined their conversation. “Give him a couple of your bombs to throw. I’ll detonate them in the air.”

“Cassian? Where are you?”

“Nearby. Have him toss a few and let’s see if this works.”

Tonc clearly had been listening and readied himself to catch the bombs she tossed. She held up three fingers to let him know what to expect, and then started sending them his way. One got past him, so she tossed a fourth. She wanted to give Cassian several chances to pull this off – it wasn’t going to be an easy shot, even knowing how skilled he was.

Her assessment was correct. Cassian’s shots missed the first two that Tonc lobbed toward the enemy. Jyn got ready to give Tonc more if Cassian missed the last one, but finally he nailed it. She heard the yells amid the explosion, but couldn’t see how clear an escape path might be. Cassian apparently had a better vantage. “Tonc, go – toward Jyn. I’ll cover you briefly and then follow.”

Tonc took the lead, and Jyn was close behind when suddenly she spotted four stormtroopers appear from a side alley between her and Tonc. Their focus was on him, having seen him run past, so she came at them with blaster and truncheon, quickly taking them down. As she prepared to follow Tonc, one of the troopers still had life in him and grabbed her ankle. She crashed to her knees, as the blaster and her truncheon skidded away from her hands. Both were out of her reach, as the trooper was able to get a firmer hold on her leg. She rolled over, kicking at him, and was rewarded with the slash of a vibroblade across her midsection. She pushed aside the pain and slammed a boot to his head, making him release his grip on her, but then a blaster bolt shattered his helmet and he went still.

Cassian appeared beside her, hauling her to her feet. She snatched up her weapons and began to run, just as Tonc reappeared to assist. The three raced for the ship, piling inside even as the ramp rose. They stumbled to benches while the ship broke atmosphere, slipping into hyperspace a few minutes later.

“Thanks,” Tonc said wearily, bent over with his elbows on his knees, but looking at the other two. “Wasn’t sure I’d get out of that one. Nice shot, Captain.”

Cassian nodded, but turned to Jyn as she raised her shirt to examine her wound. Melshi appeared with a medpac, and Cassian took it as he knelt down in front of her. “Let’s see that.”

He examined it briefly, then began to root in the medpac for the supplies he would need.

“How bad is it?” She craned to see around the clothing bunched up above the injury.

“Well, it looks like it hurts. A lot.”

“Yeah? In this case looks aren’t deceiving.”

He smiled. “You’ll live.”

Somehow his words were more comforting than they should have been.

He pulled out the antiseptic wipes from the medpac. “Unfortunately, this will make it hurt worse, at least briefly.”

She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. “Do it.”

He opened one of the packages, and then caught hold of her side to manipulate the skin for complete cleansing. She hissed and flinched at his touch. He quickly released her, fearing she had an unnoticed injury. “What? I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Your hands are cold.”

He chuckled. “Sorry about that. Here goes.” He regrasped her side and set to work.

Admirably, she kept silent through his ministrations, but once he had the wound bandaged, she let out a relieved sigh. “Thanks. I think.”

He looked over at Tonc. “What about you? Any injuries?” His gaze raked over the man, but found no sign of evident damage.

“I’m good.”

After the day’s excitement, Cassian wasn’t really in the mood for cooking, so they settled for their usual ration meals. Bodhi chewed his thoughtfully, then announced, “You know, these are even more tasteless now that I’ve been reminded what good food can taste like.”

The others murmured agreement as Cassian flushed slightly at the praise. Certainly he had never anticipated serving on the team as cook, but it wasn’t a bad responsibility.

Most of them turned in early that night, weary from back-to-back missions, but since Cassian had slept earlier he stayed up a while, keeping K-2 company in the cockpit. It made him realize how much he missed their time together now that it wasn’t just the two of them. He resolved to change that. K had been his friend too long to be forgotten now.

It was after midnight before Cassian made for his own bed. At least for the moment, he felt more relaxed and at peace. Perhaps he could manage to sleep the night through for a change.

Just as he reached to open his door, a sound caught his notice. He cocked his head, listening, trying to identify what he was hearing. Abruptly, he realized it was the sound of distress and coming from Jyn’s cabin. He moved closer and pressed his ear to the door. It was louder now; this was definitely the source.

There was only a moment’s hesitation. After all she had done for him, he couldn’t walk away and leave her to cope alone. He knocked firmly, making sure he would be heard. It took three times knocking, though, before the sounds subsided; he had finally managed to waken her. He listened to her feet hit the floor and stumble over to open the door.

For a few seconds, neither spoke. It had seemed simpler before they were face to face.

“I thought I heard you, maybe having a nightm—”

“I’m fine,” she said, too quickly, not meeting his eyes. Her sweat-soaked clothes and restless agitation told a different story.

They stood in silence for a moment, but then he pressed on. “Jyn, it’s me. You don’t have to hide from me.”

She ran a hand through her hair, distracted, and he suddenly noticed it wasn’t tied back as usual. For some reason, he had a strong urge to also run his fingers through it. When her brow wrinkled in confusion, he realized he had been staring, and flushed slightly. “Your hair. I, uh, I’ve never seen you wearing it down before. It’s…nice.”

She pinked at the compliment. “It’s a mess, you mean.” She finger-combed it a couple of times, but then gave up on the task.

To Cassian’s surprise, he realized she felt awkward accepting help from him, even after all she had done on his behalf and seeing him at his worst. “Can I come in?” He kept his voice pitched low and soothing, and after a moment she jerked a nod and stepped clear of the doorway.

Once inside, he considered the options. The pull-down seats were at opposite ends of the room, so that wouldn’t work. Jyn never hesitated to plunk down on his bunk next to him. He followed that example and seated himself there, gesturing for her to join him.

He had never seen her so twitchy before; he could guess at the reason – whatever nightmare had troubled her. Likely some of the things that haunted him also troubled her mind at night, but he suspected she had a few unique fears as well.

“What woke you – the wound? Do you need painkiller?”

“No, I’m f—”

“You’re fine, I know. Same as I am.” He raised an eyebrow when she gave him a sharp look. “Of all the people in the galaxy, I’m the last one you could convince you enjoy blissful sleep any more than I do. The things we’ve seen and done and lived through visit us when we let down our guard in the night.” He pursed his lips, then looked up at her through his lashes. “Let me try to help you, at least a little, as you’ve been trying to help me. Let me try to return the favor.” He raised a hand to forestall any protest. “I know I don’t have to repay you, but I want to, if I can. I want to help.”

Jyn fell back on the bed and pulled the pillow over her face, but Cassian just slid back to lean on the wall and sat quietly waiting.

Finally, from under the pillow, he heard her muffled explanation. “It was the injury. Well, the way I got it.”

He reached over and pulled the pillow up slightly. “Tell me.”

She didn’t resist when he tugged the pillow away from her face completely, but kept her eyes closed. “One of the troopers I downed wasn’t out of it yet – he grabbed my ankle; I tripped and fell.” Her voice was flat and toneless, but he could tell she had the emotion under a tight rein. “Tonc kept going – he didn’t notice I wasn’t still with him. I hit my knees and it made me drop my weapons. They skidded away from me. Before I could reach either of them, the trooper had hold of my leg and we were fighting. You know what happened after that.”

When she made a lengthy pause, he asked, “Having to fight someone who was fighting back surely wasn’t new to you. Why was this time different?”

“Tonc k..kept going.” Her voice broke on the words.

He sighed heavily. She had once explained how Saw hid her in a bunker at sixteen, and didn’t return as promised. “And you were left behind, abandoned.”

She nodded.

He caught hold of her hand and pulled her up, then over into his arms. “Always remember that the people who have left you behind never wanted to do so. There were reasons why it was necessary, or that it happened accidentally, but it was never their preference. Your father had no choice, and maybe your mother didn’t either in wanting to protect her family. You told me Saw did it because others had learned your identity and wanted to use it – he also wanted to protect you. And Tonc, well, he just didn’t realize the situation had changed. He turned back when he saw you were no longer behind him. I just got there first to help, but he came.”

She curled into his side, seeming to find comfort in his embrace and reassurances. He suddenly understood how much it would have meant to her that he kept coming back for her when there was no reason that he should. _I’m not used to people sticking around when things go bad_. She had meant that more literally than he guessed. He fed her back her own words. “We’re a team, all of us, and we have your back. We’re with you all the way.”

Jyn never allowed herself to display such vulnerability; he doubted she had ever let herself be seen like this. It touched something inside him that she had permitted him to see past her walls, glimpse her weakness, trusting he wouldn’t abuse the privilege. It had been over six months since Scarif. Had she been suffering silently all this time? Bodhi said she had chosen this cabin to put herself well away from everyone else. Was that so no one would hear her distress in the night when she couldn’t contain it? And that would only have been the more recent traumas of Jedha, Eadu and Scarif, plus anything since then. Who had held her after her parents were taken, after Saw abandoned her? Or had she been holding it inside all this time, and only now was it boiling over, unable to be concealed any longer?

She clutched his shirt like a frightened child, and his arms tightened around her. He wondered when was the last time she had been held and comforted by anyone. He doubted Saw Gerrera was the type to do it, even when Jyn had been a child under his care. After her efforts to help him, he now understood the difference that human contact could make. At least she seemed to find this soothing, to have found a modicum of reprieve from tormenting thoughts. Hopefully she could still manage a little worthwhile sleep in the remaining hours until dawn. He would stay as long as she needed him here.

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 14 note: I could only find birth years for Baze and Chirrut. The idea that Baze was born late in the year and Chirrut was born early in the next year so that they are only 2 months separate in age is my choice for this story.
> 
> Ch 14 note: From Wookieepedia: “Serchill Rostok, nicknamed "Rostok the Rock" was a human male soldier that served in the Alliance to Restore the Republic during the Galactic Civil War. During the war, Corporal Rostok became a member of Rogue One.” I randomly chose him here since I needed someone of the same rank as Tonc, so they were likely to associate in off hours.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Cassian begins to settle more into the team, but he can’t shake the nightmares that plague him._

Cassian drifted awake to a weight on his arm and tried to shift to a more comfortable position. The movement sent pain radiating along his back, eliciting a groan. The weight on his arm shifted and then disappeared, causing him to open his eyes. For a moment, he didn’t know what exactly he was seeing, but then realization hit him. Jyn’s room, the nightmare. He must have fallen asleep, and judging by the discomfort, he had not drifted off while laying properly on the bunk.

“Cassian?” Jyn’s voice sounded as fuzzy as his mind felt. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just stiff and sore. Falling asleep sitting up wasn’t a good idea.”

She sat back down beside him. “Get up and moving, change into clean clothes and then let Baze work on you. I guarantee you will feel better.”

He wasn’t sure why he had been hesitant to make use of Baze’s skill with massage prior to this, particularly when the others set a ready example for him. Looked like now he needed to get over that reticence unless he wanted to continue to be uncomfortable all day. He’d fallen asleep in the pilot’s seat more than once and he knew it wasn’t easy to work out the kinks when that happened.

“Maybe I will.” He slowly sat up and looked at her more closely. “You okay? Did you get any sleep?”

“Some.” She ducked her head, to hide her pink cheeks giving away her embarrassment. “Thanks for talking, and staying.”

“We do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, for whoever it needs to be done,” he told her with a grin.

Judging by her bright smile in response, he suspected she hadn’t known if he had listened to what she’d told him then. He was a little surprised himself at how much he remembered of what she said. He hadn’t thought he was paying that close of attention either.

He pushed to his feet, managing to suppress another groan, and waved a farewell as he continued out the door.

Normally, regardless of how he was feeling, Cassian actively made the effort to conceal it. A limp, stiffness, a weak arm – he knew how to compensate to keep others from noticing. For the first time, he didn’t bother trying, trusting his friends wouldn’t judge him for his ‘old man’ walk.

He shuffled toward the kitchen in search of caf and something to eat. Bodhi was just exiting the room and eyed him. “You…don’t look good,” he carefully remarked. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Cassian gave him a vague wave of the hand. “Just slept wrong. Jyn suggested having Baze work on my back.”

“Yes, do that. It will help, I’m sure.” He had caf and a protein bar in his hands, but held them toward Cassian. “Here, take these and I’ll get another. You should go sit down.”

After a slight pause, Cassian nodded. “Thanks.”

The morning appeared to be off to a slow start for everyone. Usually Tonc would have been in the hold sitting at the terminal by now, and Jyn would already be moving. Instead, it was just Cassian, Bodhi and Melshi. Their leader was settled in a corner reading, a favorite pasttime of his, Cassian knew. Bodhi was idly eating his breakfast and playing solitaire. Cassian sat gingerly on a bench eating his own meal.

Eventually, the Guardians arrived, followed soon after by Jyn, but still no sign of Tonc. More than usual, the hold was quiet, a subdued atmosphere enveloping them. Cassian caught Jyn’s eye and raised a questioning eyebrow. She gave a shrug and a slight smile of reassurance that she was at least partially recovered from the previous night’s upheaval.

“Baze,” Cassian said hesitantly, “could I trouble you for a massage? I seem to have cramped things up a bit during the night.”

The big man nodded, indicating his food as a way of saying after he was finished eating so his hands were free. Silence resumed, but Melshi had looked up at the question and then glanced around at his team. Finally, he asked, “Where’s Tonc this morning? I thought he said he wasn’t hurt yesterday.”

Bodhi paused in his game. “Migraine. I passed him in the hall. So, still in his bunk. I took him something to eat.”

After a moment, Melshi set down his datapad and left the room. K-2 was in the cockpit keeping an eye on the controls, and he slid into the other seat, turned toward the droid.

“Did you need something, Sergeant?”

Melshi sighed. “I…need a favor.” He glanced back toward the hold, then said quietly, “I suspect Command will try to contact us soon with new mission details. Can you simulate comm failure and make it appear we are not receiving their contact efforts?”

“Why would you wish me to do that?” K’s processors whirred at this unexpected request.

Melshi again glanced toward the hold. “Several of the team are not feeling up to their usual standards. We could manage if one, or maybe even two, were a little off, but I think I’ve got at least three. I want to give them more time to get their feet back under them. Command isn’t likely to heed a request for down time, but if they can’t reach us, we can’t be redeployed.”

“You realize this would be going against Alliance protocols and could result in punishment.”

“Yes. And if it comes to that, I’ll take the blame. But if you manage to make it look real enough, they may never know. Don’t worry – I won’t let them come after you.” He looked down at his hands. “I really think this is necessary, K-2.”

“Very well, I will grant you this favor.”

“Thanks.” Melshi smiled with amusement and stood. “Do let me know when they attempt contact, though. I’ll have to decide how long I think I can realistically push it.”

“Understood.”

xx

Okay, Cassian would admit it – to himself, at least. He had been an idiot. He moved his shoulders, far easier than he probably had in months. Whatever reason he’d had why he was reluctant to let Baze work on him, he had been missing out. The man was a genius with those hands. It didn’t seem like something such a big, brusque person would know, but when he had asked about it, Baze indicated that the training at the temple in Jedha’s Holy City often left the trainees sore. Another Guardian had known how to do this, and after feeling how good it felt to an aching body, he had actively pursued learning it.

He dropped into the seat next to K-2. “Hey, K. How’s it going?”

“All is quiet. No problems.”

“Do you want a break? I can sit here for a while if you do.”

“I am presently working, so I cannot leave. But thank you for the offer.”

“Working?” Cassian’s brow wrinkled at this unexpected response. “What do you mean? Keeping an eye on the controls isn’t something you’re tied to – you can have a break if you want.”

The panel lit just then with an incoming comm and automatically Cassian reached to respond, but K bumped his hand away. “I will handle this.”

He watched as the droid manipulated controls and even jiggled some wiring, making the comm cut out abruptly. “K! What did you do that for? You lost that comm signal. See if you can get it back. It might be important.”

“Cassian, I must ask you to leave the cockpit while I work. I am under orders from the team leader, and I cannot permit you to interfere.”

“What! K, what’s this about?”

“Sergeant Melshi has instructed me to block incoming messages from Command for the time being.”

“Maybe you misunderstood, K. I’m sure he wouldn’t have told you to do that.”

“I assure you, I understood him completely. He has concerns for the team at the moment and does not wish to be given a new assignment as yet. They cannot deploy us if they cannot reach us.”

For several seconds, Cassian just stared at the droid, who continued to block any incoming comms. “I’m beginning to think Jyn has ruined you for following orders and keeping to the rules.”

“Why would you say that? I _am_ following the orders I was given by my team leader. The Alliance handbook does not specify a rebel is not allowed to block a comm signal from Command. I see no reason to blame Jyn Erso when I am, in fact, being obedient. Or perhaps you object to my not following _your_ instructions to ignore Melshi’s orders?”

“Uh, no, not that. I see your point. I appreciate that you are willing to follow my instructions, but you are right that Melshi’s orders supersede mine for the team. My apologies for challenging you on it.” He hesitated, then asked, “Melshi has concerns for the team?”

“He indicated that several of you were operating at substandard levels and he did not wish to take you on a mission in that state. It is a reasonable decision. It would reduce the likelihood of successful mission completion significantly.”

“Yes, it would. Though now I’m thinking Jyn might have ruined Melshi. He’s never been the type to question orders before she came along.”

“Perhaps not, but it is my observation that Jyn concerns herself more with the rationale of the orders than the orders themselves. If the orders do not make sense, she is reluctant to follow through on them. Had she – and you – followed orders, none of us would have gone to Scarif. The Council’s decision was not reasonable.”

“You’re right. I guess we needed that reminder to not blindly follow such orders. Discipline and obedience are good, but sometimes it is wise to go off script.”

He stood. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He patted the droid’s shoulder as he departed.

Jyn was entering the corridor, wrapping her hands, and he raised a questioning eyebrow. She gestured toward their makeshift training room. “Thought I’d get in a workout. Care to join me? I haven’t seen you doing your exercises for your shoulder, but after Baze’s massage, maybe you feel up to more than that?”

He considered and then nodded, going to get in more suitable clothing. Over his shoulder, he called, “Just go easy on me until I’m fully recovered.” He heard her chuckle as he continued on.

Tonc was just exiting the ‘fresher as he approached and the man looked miserable. His features were pinched with pain and his eyes barely open despite the low light in the hallway.

“Hey. Can I get you anything?” he asked.

Tonc waved him off. “No, thanks. Just need to try to sleep it off, let the medicine do its thing.”

“Keep your comlink handy and let us know if you want something – food, water, more medicine.”

“Thanks.” He stumbled back to his cabin and Cassian continued on to his own room.

To his surprise, working out with Jyn was remarkably invigorating. With everything else going on, especially all his recovering from injuries, it had been some time since he had actually had a true workout. It was nice to resume that routine, and though Jyn was careful not to push him too hard or fast, she also didn’t make it easy for him either. He appreciated both.

The workout appeared to lift her spirits as well, whether the exercise itself or she had just finally shaken off the last vestiges of the nightmare.

With Melshi holding to radio silence still, it proved to be a lazy afternoon, and most took advantage to talk or get some extra sleep. Cassian had found that although his friends had hidden talents, only Melshi and Tonc really seemed to have what could be called hobbies. Possibly his cooking would qualify, except that he didn’t pursue it actively enough, until recently, for it to seem in that category. Bodhi played card games, often solitaire, but that seemed more out of boredom than any eager interest.

Tonc didn’t rejoin them until the evening meal, looking tired and drawn, but evidently in far less pain than before. He eagerly tucked into the meal Cassian had prepared.

Melshi was the last to sit down with them. “New assignment.”

Apparently he had finally allowed their comms to be ‘fixed’.

“It will take twelve hours to get there, so tomorrow. I’ll brief you then.”

There were murmurs of acknowledgement, but no one bothered with questions. Glancing around at the team, Cassian had to agree that he had been right to postpone this. Everyone did look much better than they had this morning.

Later, when Cassian headed to bed earlier than usual, he noticed Jyn’s door open. Usually she kept it closed, whether she was inside or not, so his curiosity got the better of him as to why now was different.

He found her sitting on the bed, leaning on the wall and playing idly with her fingerless gloves. Her expression suggested her thoughts were anything but peaceful. She didn’t look up when he moved into the room, nor when he took up a seat next to her, mimicking her position.

After several minutes, she finally spoke. “I hate being weak.”

“Jyn, you are the last person I would ever call weak,” Cassian assured her.

She scowled in frustration. “Okay, not weak, but I hate having a weakness. I’ve lived my life trying to avoid anything that could make me vulnerable.”

He eyed her sympathetically, silently urging her to continue. When she remained silent, he prompted, “Is this about…about feeling abandoned?”

She stared at her hands, worrying at a loose thread on her vest. It didn’t appear that she was going to answer him; maybe she didn’t have an answer.

“Remember how you found me last night? After Tonc kept going when the stormtrooper grabbed me?”

He nodded.

She pinched her lips together, suppressing emotion. “I wanted him to keep going, to get to safety. That was the whole point of going to help him, after all. But I also...I desperately wanted Tonc to notice and come back to help me. And I hated that…that weakness, that need in me. People are always leaving me behind, but I still can’t stop clinging to this desperate need to have them stay with me.”

He slipped an arm around her shoulders and drew her close, pressing a kiss to her hair. “It’s not so strange,” he said softly. “All of us want a home, a family of sorts. When my family was killed, I found the Alliance as my substitute. It filled that need for me. But you kept going from one unstable situation to another. Until now.” His embrace tightened. “You have us now, and we will move mountains not to leave you behind if there is any way at all to manage it. We… _I_ will never give up so long as I think you are still alive.”

He let out a humorless huff. “Even if I think you’re dead, I still will probably keep looking until I find your body as proof. We may not be _able_ to come for you, but it won’t be because we didn’t try everything we could think of in the effort.”

They sat in silence for a while longer, Jyn trying to repress her tears and Cassian pretending he didn’t notice them. Finally he added, “You know, even Bodhi didn’t abandon Tonc. When he realized there was nothing he could do to help him escape where he was pinned down, and with a broken comlink, Bodhi ran back to the ship for help. You’ve said it yourself – this team is your family, and they are there for you no matter what.” He smiled slightly. “We’ll help you – we’ll _find_ a way to help you. Until the chances are spent.”

She smiled gratefully, slipping her arms around his waist, but was content to say nothing more.

xxxxx

Melshi’s scowl as he left the cockpit drew Cassian’s notice. “Something wrong?”

The other man met his eyes. “Another skirmish on Yavin.” He hesitated, then added, “At least a dozen dead, including Nioma.”

Melshi watched him carefully for a reaction, but Cassian was too practiced in controlling his outward expressions. “That’s…too bad. She was a good officer.”

Melshi nodded. “We really need that blockade broken so the rest of the base can evacuate, but the Empire isn’t making it easy. Vader in particular is keeping up the pressure. If they can hold the blockade until his monster of a flagship is ready, he’ll use that in a final effort to destroy us.”

“What are we going to do about it?”

Melshi shrugged. “Us? Just the usual raids and missions – keep their attention split. Others are doing the same thing. For the moment, there isn’t much we can do to assist with Yavin directly.”

Cassian nodded, though the information was troubling. He couldn’t help thinking he should be there, doing his part. Not floating around the galaxy as little more than a pilot and cook. As much as he’d hated some of the things he’d done on behalf of the Alliance, they had been necessary. His absence put more pressure on fellow Intelligence officers like Nioma. More guilt to eat at him, make his stomach churn and cause lost sleep. He felt as though he was being swallowed by a sarlacc.

Even remaining on the ship during missions wasn’t as helpful against his nightmares as Cassian had hoped. The tendency now was to replay old missions during the night, waking gasping and sweating. Part of him wanted Jyn to hear, to come to him with her soothing ways. But the more reasonable part knew that she would, even if it meant going on a mission worn out from little sleep. He couldn’t be that selfish.

Though she hadn’t heard him in distress, neither had he heard her. Knowing his dreams still took him to dark places, he doubted that Jyn was sleeping any more blissfully than he was.

His thoughts chasing in circles, looking for a rational solution, kept him up even longer after the nightmare itself woke him. Sometimes he could tell what had been said or had happened to trigger a specific dream – references to Scarif invariably did it. But he hadn’t slept much more than a couple of hours the last four nights and it was becoming more difficult to conceal his exhaustion from the others.

He couldn’t believe none of them had noticed, which would have to mean that they simply hadn’t mentioned it, rightly assuming he would be uncomfortable talking about it. At least they weren’t counting on him during missions; he wasn’t sure he’d be of much use to the team until he was more rested. And that wasn’t likely to happen until he got a break from the dreams. He didn’t like taking anything to make him sleep, but it might occasionally come to that if he couldn’t manage to shake free of this.

The news about Yavin, and Nioma’s death did not improve matters.

_“Did you even tell her I was dead? Or how I died?”_

_Cassian couldn’t meet Tivik’s accusing glare. “I didn’t get the chance. Your sister wasn’t at the Temple. I looked for her, but I never found her before…before Jedha was destroyed.”_

_“And you didn’t save her either. You could at least have done that, a poor attempt at an apology, but no. Your life was more important. What do the rest of us matter to you?”_

_“You mattered! You did. I had no choice. I knew what would happen to you in an Imperial prison. I had to shoot those troopers.”_

_“You didn’t even try to find a way to get me out. You just shot me and ran. Don’t pretend otherwise.”_

_“The Alliance needed to know about the planet-killer. It was the only way. One of us had to escape and I had the best chance.”_

_“You keep telling yourself that, and maybe one day you’ll believe it. And then you’ll feel better about killing innocent people.”_

Cassian woke, curled in a tight ball, tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Tivik. I had to do it. I truly did. But I am sorry.” His whispers felt cold and empty in the darkness. What good was an apology to a dead man anyway?

He got no more sleep that night.

xx

“Hey, Tonc. I’ll take over for a while.” Cassian dropped into the co-pilot seat, checking the readouts to avoid looking at the other man.

“Uh, okay. Thanks.” Tonc rose hesitantly, suspecting something was wrong, but the man did outrank him. He was within his rights to relieve the corporal. Still, Tonc thought it best to alert Erso.

Jyn had gotten a late start on the day, but now she and Bodhi were continuing his training in defense. Since that fight against a stormtrooper had been successful, his confidence was greater. It was a relief to see it as she had worried about him before.

Just as they were concluding, Chirrut appeared. “May we join you?”

“Sure,” Jyn replied, unwrapping her hands. She eyed Baze. “You’re actually going to spar with him?”

The Guardian shrugged. “I do have to keep in practice, even if it makes him insufferable.” They ignored Chirrut’s chuckles behind them.

“Want to watch?” Bodhi asked her.

“Yeah.” She took a seat on a bench and Bodhi plopped down beside her.

“I’ve never seen Baze fight. Just shoot his gun.”

She laughed. “If you’re good enough with a gun, they may never get near enough to you that you have to get physical.”

“Yeah, guess that’s true,” Bodhi agreed with a smile. He sobered and added, “I’m sorry to see this be necessary, though.” He gestured to the two men squaring up on the floor. “Their skills in fighting were supposed to be used to defend the Temple and the pilgrims. Not battling the Empire. I mean, their skills are useful for that, but it isn’t what they were intended for.”

Jyn had forgotten Bodhi was native to Jedha. She slipped her arm around his. “Maybe someday, when we defeat the Empire, a new Temple can be built and they can return to their original purpose.”

Bodhi smiled. “I hope so. I hope I live to see that.”

It was nearing time for the midday meal when Chirrut and Baze concluded. “Dibs on the ‘fresher,” Bodhi told Jyn, before she could claim it.

“A gentleman would let a lady go first,” she retorted.

“We’re okay, then,” he teased, “since I’m not a gentleman and you’re not a lady.”

She smacked his arm playfully. “Hurry up then. I’m hungry and I want a shower before I eat.”

They parted in the hallway as Jyn continued on to her room, calling over her shoulder, “Knock on my door when you’re done.”

As ship and Alliance resources were difficult to come by, sonic time was kept to bare minimum. It was less than ten minutes, before Jyn had her turn, and another five before the two of them headed for the kitchen.

“I wonder if Cassian cooked anything.”

Jyn shrugged. “I haven’t seen him today, but I don’t smell anything so I’m guessing not. His cooking is usually pretty fragrant.”

“True.”

They settled for ration packs and drinks, then headed for the hold to eat. Tonc looked up as they entered, but before he could speak to Jyn, Melshi arrived. “We’ll be setting down in an hour to refuel and pick up what supplies we can, and then we’re off on a new mission.”

Tonc decided maybe he should talk to Erso later. There wasn’t enough time just now to let her know of his concerns about Captain Andor.

The refuel and supply run only took a couple of hours and they were quickly underway to their new assignment. Cassian hadn’t cooked anything for supper. In and of itself, that wasn’t entirely unusual – he didn’t cook for every meal. However, as Jyn left the galley with her food in hand, Tonc pulled her aside.

“Hey. What’s up?”

He glanced around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “I…I thought you should know…this morning Captain Andor relieved me in the cockpit. I mean he can do that, but I was scheduled to be there so it was a little…odd.” He rubbed at his neck. “Maybe I’m making too much of it, but he avoided looking directly at me and I sensed he was…tense.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought maybe something…” He trailed off, not voicing a specific concern.

Jyn could guess anyway. She grasped his arm, reassuringly. “Thanks. I’ll look into it.”

They continued on to the hold, where Bodhi was seated, eating. “Bodhi? Aren’t you on duty?”

He looked pointedly at her. “Supposed to be, but Cassian offered to take my shift. So I could rest in case I was needed for the mission tomorrow.”

Jyn’s lips pursed. Alone, Tonc’s concerns might have meant nothing; this put it in a new light. “That was nice of him.” She sat down without saying anything more, and ignoring the glance between Tonc and Bodhi. As soon as she had scarfed down her meal, she stretched and excused herself.

She wasn’t surprised that Cassian was alone in the cockpit. If he was avoiding people, he would also distance himself from K-2 so the droid wouldn’t notice that he was troubled. It was easier to get away with that on the ship than at other times.

“Mind if I join you?” She sat down in the second chair without waiting for an answer.

“No, of course not.” His voice was toneless, devoid of all emotion.

“You’re working pretty hard – first finishing Tonc’s shift and now taking Bodhi’s.” She watched him from the corner of her eye, but there was no visible reaction to her words.

“It is part of why I’m here. I ought to do some work, and this frees them up to be put to other use.”

“Yes, it does that.” She sat silently for a couple of minutes, eventually feeling him shift beside her. Tonc was right – he was tense. “It also lets you hide from us when you are troubled and don’t want anyone to know.”

He went still in the chair, before carefully saying, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Despite his words, his hand was agitatedly rubbing at his thigh. She had seen him do that before when he was troubled. _Almost as though he hoped to wipe them clean of something_.

She leaned back in her seat and swiveled to face him. “Well, that’s not going to happen. So why don’t we talk instead.”

His jaw clenched. “What did you want to talk about, Jyn?”

She reached over and caught his chin, tugging him to face her. “I want to know what’s bothering you. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”

“You can’t help anyway.” He pulled free and turned forward again.

“No?” She stood and then abruptly moved behind him, bending down to wrap her arms around his neck. “Too bad. You don’t mind if I stay and waste my time, do you?”

“Jyn…”

“Cassian. Talk to me. I know it’s hard and I know it hurts, but holding it all inside just makes it worse.”

“I’ll be okay,” he murmured, even as he leaned into her touch.

“I know. And I’m going to stay here until you are.”

He rubbed a shaky hand over his face. “Jyn…I can’t.”

“Tell me,” she said softly in his ear. “What happened? What did you dream?”

He stayed silent, but she waited him out. “Tivik. He…he was an informant, one of Saw’s Partisans. He’s the one that told us about the cargo pilot that defected, about the planet-killer.”

“Tell me.”

Slowly, stumbling over his words, he explained what had happened on the Ring of Kafrene. What he had done.

“Was there any other way, Cassian?”

“Yes. I mean, I should have helped him climb – it was the only way out of that alley.”

“Would that have worked?”

“Maybe, if I helped him…”

“ _Would_ that have worked?”

Reluctantly, he admitted, “No. We both would have been caught if I hadn’t left him behind.”

“Could he have escaped from them, from an Imperial prison? Could he have withstood the torture?”

Softly: “No. He would have tried, but, no.”

“It wasn’t a good choice, but it was the only one you could make under the circumstances, Cassian. You at least spared him the horror of the Empire’s methods for extracting information.”

“I didn’t save his sister either. She was on Jedha. I told you we were going to see her, at the Temple.”

“I remember. I never saw you speak with a woman, though.”

“I couldn’t find her. I spoke to someone else instead.”

“So how could you have saved someone you couldn’t find? In the middle of a Partisan skirmish with Imperial forces? If she had been with us at Saw’s hideout after the Death Star fired, I’m sure you would have taken her with us, just as you took Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze. There wasn’t time to search for anyone, and when K got to us, the Holy City was already destroyed. If she was there, she was dead.”

He knew, rationally, that she was right, but it couldn’t entirely drown out Tivik’s words from his nightmare replaying in his head.

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

He shrugged. “A while.”

“I want you to take something and get some sleep.” He started to protest, but she covered his mouth to stop him. “I know you don’t like to; I don’t either. But exhaustion is not your friend, Cassian. It makes it harder to cope with everything, and really, an exhausted man has no business flying a starship.” She raised a pointed eyebrow. “I’ll get Bodhi, and something to help you sleep, and then stay with you until you drift off, okay?”

He closed his eyes, but gave an accepting nod.

xx

“Jyn Erso. What are you doing sitting in the dark at this time of night? Is there a problem? Do you require assistance?”

“No, K, I’m…fine.”

The droid came farther into the room. “I find that answer unconvincing. It has been my experience in dealing with Cassian that ‘I’m fine’ usually means that he is not ‘fine’ at all, but does not wish to admit it.”

She couldn’t avoid a soft snort. “I’m sure that’s true.”

“The same is true for you, isn’t it?”

K-2 could be annoyingly persistent sometimes, but Jyn knew he meant well. “Maybe so.”

The droid moved over and sat down beside her. “I have heard humans say that ‘it helps to talk about it’. Would you like to talk about it? I will listen if that is your wish, though I am not adept at ‘comforting’ anyone.”

“Thanks, K.” She sighed. “It’s just… The last time I talked to Dr. Lesorid, he mentioned that…that Cassian can’t be ‘fixed’. That what he struggles with will always be with him. The goal is more to help him cope with the memories of the past, do things to lessen his thinking of them, but they’ll always be there.” She stopped and rubbed her face. “I just thought…I hoped to see more improvement than I do. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too impatient and it’s too soon for any improvement, but it seems like nothing I’m doing is making any difference. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this nurturing stuff. Maybe I’m even doing more harm than good.”

The silence blanketed them like the darkness for several minutes. Finally, K-2 said, “I believe you are mistaken. Cassian appears to find your presence, your nearness…soothing. He has been sleeping more and eating better than before he joined Sergeant Melshi’s team. Well, for the most part he does. I must attribute that to you as I do not see that he has the same closeness with others. And when he does have a difficult memory, he seems to recover more quickly when you are with him than he did before. You may not be able to see it, but my impartial observation would be that you have helped more than you think.”

Jyn’s head thunked back against the wall, and she smiled. “I think maybe you are better at comforting someone than you know, K-2. Thanks. I’ll…try to keep that in mind when I get discouraged.”

“Good. Then you should return to your bed. Loss of sleep will harm you as much as it does Cassian.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going.” She stood, then turned to where she could see little of the droid other than his photoreceptors. “Thanks, K. For what it’s worth, you help him, too. I’m not sure he would have lasted as long as he has if you hadn’t been beside him along the way.”

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 15 note: Nioma was a female individual who served as a Captain in the Rebel Alliance Intelligence. She is mentioned in the Rogue One novelization.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The team begins to mesh into a family._

“How does it look now, K-2? Good?” Bodhi waited for the expected answer before closing the panel, even though he felt sure all was well.

“Affirmative. Readings are registering in the upper portion of the acceptable operating range.”

“Okay, what’s next on our list?” He tightened the bolts back into place as he waited for the response.

“What are you doing?” Bodhi jumped a little when, instead of K-2 on the comlink, he heard Cassian’s voice behind him. He grinned sheepishly at his reaction.

“Oh, ah, routine maintenance. The kind of stuff that has to be done on the ground while the ship isn’t running. Being without an official base means we fit it in wherever we can. K’s helping me from the cockpit.”

“I hadn’t realized you were a good mechanic as well as a pilot.”

Bodhi shrugged. “They liked us keeping to our schedules, and it could be unpleasant if we didn’t. I found it was best to know as much as possible to ensure the ship kept running so I didn’t have any delays.”

“Well, I’m more familiar with smaller ships, but if you have something I might be able to help with, just ask.”

“Thanks.”

Bodhi’s smile was as warm as ever. He had blossomed in their midst. Cassian had never had such a determined and unabashed friend before. He knew at least some of Cassian’s flaws and failings, but he refused to let the bad aspects color their friendship. Almost more than anyone else, Cassian felt unworthy of this man’s brotherly affection. At a loss for words, he just nodded and moved away while he could still conceal his emotions.

“Bodhi? Are you there? Did you check those relays?”

K-2’s voice pulled the pilot from his reverie. “Sorry, K – someone stopped to talk for a minute. I’ll get on that now.”

Half an hour later, Bodhi entered the cockpit, wiping his greasy hands on a rag. “Is that everything?”

“I am running system checks now to see if there are any issues remaining.” K-2’s fingers danced over the buttons as he spoke, so Bodhi dropped into the pilot’s seat to await the verdict.

After several moments of silence, K asked, “Bodhi Rook, do you consider me ‘comforting’?” He continued working without looking up.

“Uh…what? Comforting? That’s not a word I would normally use to describe you, no. Why? Did you want to be?”

“It is not a skill I have ever felt the need to have, but Jyn Erso indicated that I was more comforting than I thought.”

Bodhi raised an eyebrow at that, wondering what conversation had prompted such a remark from Jyn. “Well…well, if you say something that a person finds helpful, then it can be considered comforting, so it isn’t impossible that you were. I mean, if I were going to do something and wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but you told me that there was a 95% chance of a successful result, I would find that reassuring. That’s a kind of ‘comfort’. Being told something that makes you feel better about what you are doing.”

“I see. Then I suppose perhaps I was comforting with Jyn. She found my response to be pleasing, even though I only stated the facts.”

“Yeah, well, you find the facts reassuring, don’t you? Unless they support what someone is doing and you are trying to stop them? You like data to back up what you believe or hope to be true. So do people.”

“Understood. Thank you for explaining.”

Bodhi grinned. “Any time, K.” Even so, he wondered what had happened for Jyn to need comforting, and why it had been the droid to assist her rather than one of the human members of the team.

xx

Jyn responded to the knock at her door. She seemed surprised by his visit. “Oh, hey, Bodhi. Is something wrong?”

“Uh, no, not exactly. Can I, uh, come in?”

“Sure.” She stepped aside for him to enter and then pushed the door closed, assuming he would want privacy. “What’s up?”

Bodhi nervously seated himself on the side of her bed, twisting his hands. Taking a deep breath, he looked up. “I was talking with K-2 earlier, and he said you had told him he was comforting. I…I just wondered if there was anything you needed to talk about. You know, with a human. You do know you can talk to me about anything, right? I don’t want you to think you don’t have anyone who will listen and try to help if you have a problem.” He blushed, but then pressed on, “I may not be too helpful, but I do care.”

Jyn smiled softly and took a seat beside him, wrapping an arm around him. “Thanks, Bodhi. I do know that you care.” She looked thoughtful. “It wasn’t so much that I was looking for someone to talk to as that I was off by myself and K found me. I ended up telling him what was bothering me and his response was…helpful.” She shrugged.

“Are you okay, though? I…I know you’re worried about Cassian. We all are. But mostly he seems to be doing okay.”

“Mostly,” she said quietly. “But he struggles sometimes, and I just wasn’t sure I was helping. K thinks I am.”

“I’m sure you are.” Bodhi’s response was instantaneous and firm. “I’m sure I don’t know everything that’s going on with him, but I do know that when you are around, he’s calmer and more in control of himself. And he’s more relaxed. When we first met him, he was wound so tight I was sure he would break. But he seems…better…now.”

“Yeah, maybe. It helped getting him away from Draven and the work he was doing in Intelligence. That was eating him alive.”

“He’s a good man, inside. I believe that. I mean, yeah, I kind of know he’s done some…questionable things, bad things, but I think he did them for the right reasons. He was trying to do good, even when what he was doing was bad. Just…when he met you and you challenged him on it, I think he began to see things differently.”

They were both silent several minutes, then Bodhi added, “We’re in a war, so I guess all of us have to do bad things – shooting people, blowing things up. It isn’t how we would want to live, but if we don’t stand up to oppressors, well, everyone suffers more. What we do, we only do to try to make things better for all, right?”

“Right.” Jyn squeezed his shoulders. “War is never a good thing, but letting the Empire have their way would be even worse.”

She eyed him more closely. “It’s harder for people like you, isn’t it? You and a lot of folks like you just aren’t used to standing up and fighting when things get bad. You’re having to learn that.”

He shrugged. “It’s hard, but I do believe in what we’re doing. I’ve been on both sides, after all. I’ve seen the world under Imperial control, and being with the Alliance, I can see how it could be better without that. I want to be a part of helping bring that about.”

“And we’re glad to have you. Rogue One wouldn’t have been successful without your help, and there probably wouldn’t be any survivors from Scarif. Shooting people, blowing things up, meant we got the Death Star plans and destroyed it, so other planets wouldn’t suffer the fate of Alderaan and other cities wouldn’t end up like Jedha. What we do does make a difference, Bodhi.”

He grinned ruefully. “I thought I was here to cheer you up, not the other way around.”

She laughed. “So, we cheer each other up – yes?”

“Yes!” He sobered. “But do come to me if you need to talk – whether you think I can help or just want someone to listen. You don’t have to hide out alone until K-2 finds you. Unless you just want to, I mean.”

She chuckled. “It might disappoint K if I don’t, but I’ll keep you in mind.”

xx

They remained planetside, awaiting new instructions, and the team enjoyed the chance to breathe fresh air and walk on actual ground for a change. Roxuli wasn’t an ideal planet, but it was remote enough to be of little interest to the Empire and the citizens were not troublesome. They had landed away from the largest city, preferring to stay as unnoticed as possible.

“I could hope it takes a while to get a new assignment,” Tonc remarked. “I’ve almost forgotten how to walk on land, or what sunshine feels like on my face.”

“Yeah,” Bodhi said as they re-entered the ship. “This has been nice.”

Most of the team was in the hold, and they turned in that direction. Just as they arrived, a thump overhead drew all of their attention, then there were quick glances at each other.

“Everyone accounted for?” Melshi asked quietly.

“Yes. Those aren’t ours,” Cassian replied. “Bodhi and Tonc were the only two outside.”

“How many are up there, do you think?” Tonc asked, looking upward.

“Chirrut?” Melshi didn’t turn toward the blind man as he made his query.

“At the moment, I’m hearing three distinct sets of feet.”

Those who hadn’t been in the hold already began to scurry in, carrying weapons for the others.

“Okay, Baze, go back and cover the top and bottom hatches – make sure no one gets in. Andor, protect the starfighter. Rook, get to the cockpit and manipulate whatever you need to from there. Chirrut, you’ll stay aboard near the entrance ramp and take care of anyone who tries to enter. Erso, Tonc and I will head outside and deal with those up top or around the ship.” He hesitated as he noticed K-2SO looming in the doorway. “K-2, stand by in case we need your assistance. Go with Bodhi for now but we’ll use you elsewhere if necessary. Let’s go.”

The three crept outside, their blasters at the ready. Melshi signaled Jyn and Tonc in one direction as he moved in the other. A quick search told them no one was on the ground, but that still left three unknowns on top of their ship. Melshi could hear quiet conversation from where he had taken up position; at least one of them sounded like a woman. He edged out, keeping the ship as partial cover until he could get an eye on the interlopers. He suspected they were discussing how to take control of the ship without damaging it. He got a bead on the one that appeared to be the leader. “Weapons down, or you’re dead.”

The three wheeled toward him, crouching lower, but there was nowhere to hide without moving and risk being shot. Slowly the trio dropped their weapons to the ship top.

“Kick them off, away from you,” Melshi instructed. From the corner of his eye, he saw Erso had managed to get on top of the ship also and was concealed behind the starfighter dock. He assumed Tonc was at the ready somewhere outside of his visual field. “Who are you?”

The woman unwrapped a scarf from around her head, dropping it to her shoulders. Before she could speak, Melshi’s brow knit with recognition. “Des?”

The woman’s eyes narrowed as she studied him, then his identity registered. “Sergeant Melshi.”

“I heard you left the Alliance and joined the Partisans.”

She nodded. “I was needed on Jedha.” She considered a moment. “This is your ship, then?”

“Yes. Looking to steal it?”

She grinned and made a ‘sorry’ gesture. “We need supplies and this looked to be easy pickings. Guess we were mistaken.”

Melshi stood up more, then called to Jyn. “Erso, tell the others to stand down.”

“Erso?” Des turned to follow his gaze to where Jyn was hidden. “Jyn Erso? Of Rogue One?”

Jyn was speaking into her comlink with those inside the ship, but looked up as she finished. “What of it?”

Des inclined her head respectfully. “It is an honor to meet you. Had I not been confined to sickbay, I gladly would have accompanied you to Scarif.”

“All of you, come down from there.” Despite the friendly discourse, Melshi kept his blaster at the ready.

“You needn’t worry, Melshi,” Des said as she and the others dropped to the ground, soon followed by Jyn. “Knowing it’s you, we mean you no harm. It’s a pleasure to meet two members of Rogue One.”

Melshi and Jyn shared a look. “It isn’t just us,” he answered quietly. K-2 came up behind him, drawing the captives notice.

“So I see. This is K-2SO, I take it. I heard of him. Wait, is your crew all members of Rogue One?”

“All that survived,” Jyn said, keeping guard while Tonc collected their blasters. Jyn’s eyes roved over the captives, looking for other concealed weaponry.

“Introductions are in order, I think. I am Ubin Des of the Partisans of Jedha. This is Saurval and Chulco Gi.”

“Partisans, of Jedha? So some of you escaped, then.” Jyn knew the devastation firsthand; deaths were inevitable.

Chulco Gi answered. “More of us than the Empire would have liked. They still seek kyber crystals. We still seek the Empire’s destruction.”

“I was born on Jedha,” Des said quietly, “and I will die there if that is what it takes to defend it.”

“Come inside.” Melshi gestured toward the ramp. “We have some other people you might like to meet, also from Jedha.”

Of the team, only Melshi, Cassian and K-2 had known, or at least known of, Ubin Des when she was still with Alliance SpecForces. But with three native Jedhans onboard, there was no lack of conversation. The trio enjoyed catching up on their homeworld, even if the news was not especially cheering. At least, unlike Alderaan, the moon still existed, and so there was hope.

They had little surplus of supplies, but Melshi invited them to eat with them, and allowed Jyn to give them a handful of stolen credit coins. It wasn’t much, but anything helped. As they were saying their goodbyes, Melshi was called away to receive their next assignment.

Bodhi and Jyn watched the Partisans disappear from sight, and then Bodhi smiled ruefully at her. “Back into the fray, I guess. Shall we go see what our new mission is?”

Landfall had been nice while it lasted, but now they were being sent across the galaxy and they settled in for the fourteen hour trip. Most everyone had retired to their cabins already, but Jyn went scrounging for a late snack. On her way back, she noticed the lights were still partly on in the hold, unusual since she’d thought everyone had turned in. She poked her head in and found Bodhi sitting alone, wrapped up in his thoughts.

Bodhi didn’t look up as Jyn sat down beside him, seemingly too lost in contemplation to notice her. She nudged him with her shoulder. “Hey. Why so quiet? You okay?”

He blinked, coming out of his musings to focus on her. “I…well, I was just thinking about Ubin Des and the Partisans on Jedha.”

When he didn’t elaborate, Jyn urged, “Yeah? What about them?”

He sighed. “I was born on Jedha, grew up there. My family had lived there for several generations.” 

He agitatedly twisted his hands together, and after several moments of it, Jyn laid her hand on top of his. “Tell me what’s bothering you, Bodhi.”

“She…Ubin Des…she left the Alliance to go fight for her homeworld…our homeworld. I…I keep thinking…thinking maybe I should be there, too. Doing whatever…whatever I can to help.”

Jyn nodded and slid her arm around his shoulders, drawing him close to lean her head against his. “You could do that, Bodhi, and I’m sure your help would be appreciated, but I’ve been both a Partisan and a member of the Alliance now. I think this setting suits you better. Partisan life…it’s rough, and you have to be aggressive, even heartless at times, if you are going to survive. I’m not sure you could ever be like that. They are more ground troops and have less need for shuttle pilots. Pilots, in general, yes, but they have to contribute much more. You’d need to broaden your skillset a lot.”

They both fell silent, but then she added, “I’m not saying you shouldn’t go, or even that you couldn’t do it, but I don’t think it’s the best place for you, the place where you can do the most good. It seems to me that you are most effective when you have us as a support system behind you. You wouldn’t have that with the Partisans. You’ve risen to every challenge we’ve set for you, no matter how hard or dangerous, but I think you needed our encouragement behind you to believe you could do the things you accomplished. With Partisans, a lot of it is every man for himself.”

After several minutes, Bodhi asked, “You really think I’m useful to the Alliance, to the team?”

“I know you are. Who used their knowledge of Imperial practices and procedures to help us infiltrate Scarif? Who knew where and how to make a comm connection that would get through the shield to alert the fleet we were trapped and they needed to get the shield gate down? Who obtained another ship and a vast store of extra medical supplies, all while having a broken arm, after our shuttle was destroyed? Meaning who rescued the survivors of Rogue One? That was you Bodhi.”

“Tonc helped me. I didn’t do it all by myself.”

“Tonc helped, but he had to follow your lead in some cases. We could not have succeeded without you there, and you’ve continued to provide that support ever since. Yes, you are definitely useful to the Alliance. And that means you are also helping Jedha, even if you aren’t fighting with the Partisans there. They can’t win their battle to regain Jedha from the Empire unless we manage to destroy the Empire. They’ll annoy the Empire, and prove a nuisance, but they can’t win against the greater numbers unless the Alliance succeeds.”

He smiled weakly. “Thanks, Jyn. I guess I’ll stay then. Since you need me so much.”

She grinned. “Good. You can’t leave anyway – you’re the only one onboard who can give me a run for my money at Pazaak.”

He laughed more heartily now. “Well, could there be a better reason to stay?”

“Come on, pilot. Let’s get some sleep.” She tugged him unresistingly to his feet and they made for their rooms in amicable silence.

xxxxx

“K-2, K-2, are you there?”

“Affirmative, Jyn. I’m here. Is there a problem?”

“A wall collapsed and Baze is trapped under it. We can’t dig him out on our own. Lock onto the comm signal and come help.”

“Copy that. On my way.”

“And, K, be careful – there’s still a squad of stormtroopers after us. I’ll leave this comlink with Baze so you can find him, but we’ll lead them away from this location, try to take them down. Contact me on the team comlink when you’re clear and we’ll return to the ship.”

“Acknowledged.”

“I cannot leave him, Jyn. Go on without me.”

Jyn had never heard Chirrut sounding so broken. “Chirrut, listen to me. If you stay, it will draw attention to him. A fight might mean he is injured more, or that K can’t get to him. We have to draw them away from here, then eliminate or elude them. It’s Baze’s only chance. K has to be able to get here and dig.” She gripped his hand tightly until he reluctantly nodded. “Okay, let’s go. Tonc, we have to make sure they get a periodic glimpse of us so they stay on target.”

xx

“You, droid, where are you going?” The most direct path between K-2 and Baze had led him into the path of the stormtroopers. 

K’s circuits whirred. Though he knew they were not finished with Tonc’s program, he had downloaded it just prior to leaving the ship. It looked as though now was the time to test it. He only hoped it would not override any of his programming. “There is a rebel incursion at the factory. I have been instructed to assist with containment.”

“Very well, move along. We’re tracking some of the rebels responsible for the attack. We’ll report in when we’ve got them.”

“Understood.” As the troopers turned away, K spoke again. “Captain, I am programmed for strategic analysis. If you split your squad and send half your troopers around to the northwest, they will be able to intercept the fleeing rebels. It will increase by 14% the chance that you capture or kill them before they can reach their ship.”

“What makes you think they have a ship?”

“They are moving in the general direction of the spaceport. It is therefore reasonable to assume that they have a ship there, or intend to steal one for their escape.”

The Captain hesitated, but decided a droid knew better than he did, especially if programmed for strategy. “SR-421, take those four with you and intercept from the northwest. We’ll continue to push them in that direction and catch them in the crossfire.”

“Yes, sir.” The five moved away, and a moment later the Captain led his remaining troopers on.

Once the intercept party had disappeared around a corner, K-2 turned toward the ones nearest him. With droid efficiency, he smashed and bashed until all lay unmoving. For just a moment, K-2 stared at the stormtroopers littering the ground around him, then scooped up a blaster from one of the fallen, and stalked off toward the northwest.

xx

“I can’t see them. Do you think we lost them?” Tonc asked.

“If we did, they’re even dumber than I thought. We made it easy enough for them to keep on our trail.” Jyn scowled at this unexpected development. “Maybe I ought to backtrack and try to pick them up again.”

“Jyn, wait.” Chirrut had been silent until now, and both looked at him in surprise.

Suddenly Tonc grinned and pointed. Two stormtroopers had run into view, but they were shooting at something behind them, not toward the rebels. A moment later, a KX unit appeared, blaster in hand and taking down troopers with deadly accuracy. “Looks like Andor’s droid convinced them to leave us alone.”

The last trooper fell and the team comlink crackled. “Jyn, I believe it is now safe for you to assist me in recovering Baze.” At that, K turned and loped off in the direction of the wall.

The other three hurriedly followed. With K’s help, the debris was quickly pulled from over Baze. “It would appear that his armor protected his torso from receiving much damage, but there are injuries to his extremities and head. He requires immediate medical attention.” Gently K lifted the big man into his arms and set off toward the ship.

“Tonc, grab his cannon. I’ll cover us.”

They were soon following K shipward and, as they climbed the boarding ramp, they heard Melshi call, “Captain, let’s go.”

While Cassian was navigating the takeoff, K had laid Baze in the common room where there would be more space to get at him for medical treatment. Melshi brought the medkit while Tonc and Jyn were busy removing Baze’s armor. An antishock shot soon steadied the Guardian’s breathing, though Jyn thought Chirrut was only barely breathing as he waited and prayed. She dampened a cloth and pressed it into Chirrut’s hand. “Clean off his face and check his head for bleeding.” Being given a task seemed to steady the man, and Jyn turned back to assisting Tonc.

“Feels like the lower right leg is broken. Otherwise, I’m just finding crushing damage,” Tonc announced.

Jyn’s hands worked down the left side. “Nothing seems broken over here, but left arm doesn’t look good. I think it may have caught the brunt of the collapse. Not seeing much blood, other than scrapes and bruises.”

“Likewise,” Tonc acknowledged. “That armor really helped. Probably saved him.”

“Painkiller.” Melshi handed Tonc a hypo to administer.

Bodhi had relieved Cassian at the helm, and he came to kneel down nearby. “How is he?”

“Fairly stable, for the moment. Are we en route to the medical frigate?” Tonc asked, sitting back on his heels.

“Yes, but it will take a couple of hours. We’ll need to keep a close eye on him.”

“We’re lucky K-2 helped out so we could leave quicker. Him taking out those troopers simplified it.” Tonc rose, shoving Baze’s damaged cannon farther out of the way. “Kind of surprised me to see him shooting troopers. Took out half a squad, by my count.”

Cassian looked up at the droid standing nearby. “K? A blaster? Where did you get it?”

“Affirmative. I told the squadron captain to split his forces. Once he had done so, I was able to subdue the smaller groups. A blaster seemed the most expedient way of accomplishing it, and since all of you were already shooting at them, I didn’t think it would be a problem if I did.”

“You spoke to the stormtroopers?” Cassian rose, his face flushed with concern. “And they weren’t suspicious?”

“Correct. Tonc will be pleased to know that his program worked, and apparently made me appear sufficiently ‘Imperial’ as to be believable.”

“Tonc’s program?” Jyn stood also. “I didn’t realize they had installed it yet. I didn’t think it was ready and tested.”

The droid’s receptors focused on her. “Prior to leaving the ship, I downloaded the program, in case I had need of it in order to assist. A wise precaution, as it happens.”

“K, that was risky. It could have damaged or overridden your programming. We were proceeding slowly so nothing would happen to you.” The droid’s initiative was impressive, but still it worried Cassian. He’d thought he lost K-2 once; he didn’t want to go through that again.

“Risky, yes; there was a significant probability it could alter my programming in some undesirable way. However, as I find myself in the midst of humans who continually ignore high odds not in their favor, and subsequently beat those same odds, I thought it was time I do so as well. Besides which, I did a full backup of my programming this morning. I have been more attentive to that since Scarif.”

Cassian was still scratching his head uncertainly, but Tonc was thoroughly pleased. “They weren’t suspicious of anything you said or did?”

“They did not appear to be so. I recorded the entire exchange in case you wished to review it. I will download it to the computer for you. Nevertheless, I believe your efforts have proven successful. And I thank you.” He looked down, then held out the blaster he still retained. “I suppose you will be wanting me to give this to you.”

Everyone glanced at one another, made awkward in light of the conversation. Finally, Jyn stepped forward, and laid a hand on the blaster. “Keep it stored away for now, K, but it’s yours whenever you need it. Saw always told us we got to keep anything we captured, if we wanted it. That means the blaster belongs to you.” Melshi cleared his throat behind her, so she added with a grin, “Just don’t carry it on the rebel bases and other ships. You already make people nervous without a weapon in hand.”

“Understood. Thank you, Jyn.”

xxxxx

Cassian couldn’t say that the medical frigate was his favorite place. He’d spent far too much time there since Yavin. At least this time, he wasn’t there for any of his own injuries. Even so, Dr. Lesorid asked him to come by for an exam anyway, just to check how everything had healed from his various wounds. He might have declined, assuring the doctor that it was unnecessary, but Jyn had been nearby at the time and gave him that look. With her hands on her hips and steely gaze, he knew he could either consent on his own or consent under duress from her until he finally gave in.

He supposed it was something that the doctor was satisfied with the results, even though that was largely due to Cassian’s not having done much on missions that put him in harm’s way.

“That shoulder is still a little weak. Have you been doing your exercises?”

Cassian suspected he already knew the answer, but shook his head. “Not so much as I should. I’ll try to get back on a regular routine of doing it.”

The doctor nodded, and then met his gaze. “And how are things with you otherwise, Captain. How are you coping?”

He could guess the reason for the questions; he had gotten the impression that Jyn might have spoken to Lesorid about his struggles and how to help him through them. That didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to discuss his issues with anyone. It was hard enough talking to Jyn about what was in his head.

“I’m fine,” he replied automatically, then winced inwardly. It was unlikely the doctor would find that assertion convincing. “Well, I’m doing okay. And it helps to have Jyn there to talk to when I need it,” he amended.

Lesorid sighed. “She’s worried about you, you know, and doesn’t feel adequate to helping you. I think perhaps she does more good than she realizes. At least she is determined. All of us could use more friends like that.”

“Jyn…Jyn has enough problems of her own without worrying about me.”

“Possibly so, but I doubt she will stop worrying about you simply for that reason. And the truth of it is, her trying to help you is actually helping her as well, in a round about way. I think she tells you things in an effort to help you find peace, and only as she speaks does she hear the words for herself and recognize the truth in them. They strike two targets, if you will.”

“Sometimes, but she has concerns unique to her. Those are not so easily uncovered and resolved.”

“No, but she also has good friends. I’ve seen her interact with various of your team members and everyone seems supportive of each other. That can make all the difference. And for you, if you let it. She doesn’t have to be your only confidante.”

Cassian shrugged, unsure how to respond to that. Likely a good idea, but more difficult in the implementation. “Are we done here?”

“Yes, you may go. Thank you for taking time for the examination.”

“How is Baze doing? Can I see him?”

“He’s resting comfortably, presently sedated. It will be a few hours before he awakens. Chirrut is with him, but I don’t think he will mind company in his bedside vigil. Come, I’ll show you the way.”

xx

Baze’s recovery was going to take some time, and so they continued running missions without the Guardians. Their absence was felt. Whether it was Baze’s massages or Chirrut’s humor and obscure pronouncements, the two men had found their place in the team’s midst.

When they had a little extra time on a supply run, they visited the marketplace. Tonc found a tech stall, and stopped there while the others browsed nearby. Jyn had acquired more credits for their use, so Cassian restocked foodstuffs for the kitchen.

“Hey, look. Here’s that tea that Baze and Chirrut like. Let’s get some for them.” Bodhi was already looking through the offerings for the flavors they favored.

“I found some Jogan fruit. Baze is partial to those. They aren’t quite ripe yet, so they should be perfect by the time we get back. He’ll be glad of something other than medbay food.” Jyn tilted her tote to show the fruit inside.

Cassian grinned. “Are we only shopping for them or for ourselves also?”

“Both,” Jyn retorted, wrinkling her nose at him. He found it inexplicably adorable.

“Time to be heading out.” Melshi appeared behind them with Tonc in tow.

Cassian completed his purchases and they made their way back to the ship.

K had them quickly underway, and those who had acquired things put them away before joining the rest of the team in the hold.

“Erso!” Tonc appeared in the doorway. “You got nails?”

“What? Why? What do you want to build?” She wasn’t the only one giving the corporal puzzled looks at the odd question.

“No, nails. Fingernails.” He advanced toward her.

Jyn shrugged and held up her hands. “Sure. Everyone does.”

“I don’t.” K’s voice drifted to them from the cockpit.

“All _humans_ do!” Jyn revised loudly, laughing.

Tonc caught hold of her hand and examined the nails, then said, “These’ll do. I’ve got an itch on my back that I can’t reach. Help a guy out.” He plunked down on the floor with his back toward her.

“Hey! I’m not your personal servant!” She swatted the back of his head lightly.

In response, he just wriggled his back at her in a remarkably demanding way. “Come on! I’d do it for you!”

“Fine. Lift your shirt. Backscratching works better if not done through clothing.”

“Wow. If I’d known it was that easy, I’d have gotten Jyn to scratch my back long ago,” Bodhi remarked teasingly. She glared at him, making them all laugh.

“Oh. Oh. That’s the spot. It’s been driving me crazy.”

“Yeah? So what’s my payment to be?”

“The pleasure from doing a good deed.”

Jyn stopped scratching and dug her nails into his sides.

“Ow! Cut it out. Play nice!”

“Play nice? How about this instead?”

With that she set to tickling him and he lurched away from her. “You’re a cruel woman, you are. I don’t know how Andor puts up with you.” He hastily scuttled back farther when she reached for him again.

“Who says I do?” Cassian asked, restraining a smile.

“You do more than the rest of us,” Tonc replied, climbing to his feet. “Thanks, I guess. I’d be more enthusiastic in my gratitude if you hadn’t gone off course there at the end.” He jerked his shirt into place and tucked it in. As he turned toward the computer terminal, he gave her a grin that belied his words and let her know he appreciated her efforts.

As everyone settled again, Bodhi observed, “I miss Baze. And Chirrut. I know it’s only temporary, but it just feels strange when they aren’t here.” The others nodded agreement, but no one else commented as they turned to whatever activity interested them.

Jyn took herself off for a nap and Cassian went to his cabin to decide what he would make for dinner. When they were two hours out from rejoining the fleet, Cassian knocked on her door.

A couple of minutes passed before he heard her stirring and she opened the door, stifling a yawn.

He hesitated, studying what she had on. The shirt was much too big for her, and it had a stain on the left side, exactly where he’d had a stain on one of his shirts back on Yavin. His eyebrow arched and he cocked his head quizzically. “Where…where did you get that shirt?”

Jyn blinked sleepily and looked down, not expecting the question. When she realized what she wore, she struggled to provide a reasonable explanation.

He watched with surprise as the color rose in her cheeks. Jyn? Blushing? He hadn’t thought that would ever be something she would do.

“I…well, it’s just…I didn’t have any clean clothes and I borrowed some of yours, but then we evacuated and this got put in with my things rather than in your bag. So when I gave you your bag later, I forgot that I had it and so I…I forgot to give it to you.”

Her answer made sense for all of three seconds, but then it occurred to him there had been more than a month’s time between her evacuation and returning his bag. In that time, she had obtained more clothing, so it was odd that she wouldn’t have put his shirt in his bag during that period…unless she purposely didn’t.

“You need it back,” she said quickly. “Let me change into something else and you can take it.”

He raised a hand to stop her. “No, it’s okay. I have other shirts.” He paused, then rubbed at his neck, a grin twitching at the corners of his mouth. “Besides, I kind of like the way you look wearing my shirt.” He could feel his own face taking on color, but it was true. The instant he had known that was indeed his shirt, a pleasant warmth had shot through him. Maybe she had been reluctant to give up the shirt for the same reason he hadn’t wanted to return the kyber crystal necklace – it allowed each of them to keep some tiny bit of the other person close when the miles separated them. He could hope it meant something like that.

Quickly he changed the subject. “I was just going to start dinner, and wondered if you wanted to help.”

“Me? Cook? I might ruin your reputation,” she teased, grateful for the reprieve.

“I’ll keep an eye on you so you don’t. At least it would be nice to have your company while I work.” He felt his face growing warm again.

“Well, I could do that. Give me a minute to change and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

He nodded and moved away as the door closed. What had begun as an innocent invitation had somehow turned into something more intimate, though he wasn’t sure how that had happened. Not that he minded all that much, but he wasn’t sure Jyn would be so eager. That wasn’t the direction their relationship had been tending lately. Still, she hadn’t objected to the suggestion and, after all, they were good friends as Dr. Lesorid had said.

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Dr Lesorid – kind doctor caring for Cassian
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.
> 
>  
> 
> Ch 16 note: Ubin Des is a canon character, a Rebel confined to the sick bay, but she revered Jyn and regretted not being able to go to Scarif with the Rogue team. She defected to the reformed Partisans (under Benthic, Saw’s lieutenant) on Jedha, her home planet, and fought there. Only NiJedha city and the surrounding area to it were destroyed/damaged by the Death Star blast, though it had negative effects on the climate of the planet. Saurval and Chulco Gi are canon characters, though officially Saurval was killed in 0 BBY. I bumped it into 1 BBY, since I have him meeting the Rogue team on Dec. 30th. See Wookieepedia for more details on the characters and the planet Jedha after the DS blast.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Yavin is finally fully evacuated, but as the team runs a mission planetside things get eventful._

Their return to the medical frigate brought a pleasant surprise, after a momentary shock. Baze’s room was empty when they arrived, but a med-droid passing just then advised them that he had been discharged and was presently housed in the Rehabilitation area. They were given the room number and made their way there. Melshi was already in the room when the other four appeared. A mini-celebration took place, despite the cramped space. Chirrut told them Baze had been cleared to return to limited duty, but would be in a walking cast for a few weeks to protect the bone while it knit.

The two Guardians returned to the ship the next day after Baze had been given one last check by the doctors, and even K-2 seemed pleased to have the team reunited in full.

A few hours later, Melshi had their new assignment and they undocked from the frigate.

Cassian had decided what he wanted to make as Baze’s homecoming meal, but had to make sure he had the right ingredients. As he was leaving the kitchen after doing an inventory, he met Jyn coming in.

“Is there any left of that Jogan fruit cake you made? I was going to give Baze a slice.”

He smiled. “I think there’s one slice left, if you move quickly to claim it. But good luck keeping the others away while you give it to him.”

She smirked over her shoulder. “Who’s going to dare try to take it away if I call dibs on it?”

He chuckled. “Good point.”

He waited for her to get the cake and fork, and they returned to the hold together. As she offered it to Baze with a flourish, she cast a glare around at the rest of the team as she said, “Everyone wants you to have the last piece as a welcome home. _Everyone_.”

Chirrut laughed and Baze smiled, but didn’t decline the honor. “I should get hurt more often.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Chirrut snapped. “If you attempt that nonsense, I’ll make sure Jyn never treats you special again.”

The big man just shrugged as he dug into the food with relish.

Satisfied, Jyn wandered off to her cabin.

Cassian leaned back against the wall and smiled. “I wasn’t sure Jyn would stay with the Alliance, but I’m glad she did. Certainly it’s been to our benefit.”

Baze snorted at his declaration, making him turn in that direction. “What? Do you know why she chose to remain?”

“Of course I do. We all do,” Baze told him, raising a pointed eyebrow as he took another bite of cake.

“Really. Did she say something to you?” Part of him was curious, but Baze’s behavior made him a little wary of asking too many questions. Maybe it was enough that she had stayed, for whatever reason.

“She’s in love with you, Captain,” Chirrut offered. “Even a blind man can see it.”

“Just as you are in love with her,” Baze added. “That isn’t the entire reason she stayed – she also believes in what we fight for – but it figured into it.”

Cassian glanced at Bodhi, but the pilot was nodding his head in agreement. “She told you that?” He didn’t address the second part indicating he reciprocated the feelings.

“Cassian, she doesn’t have to say anything. It’s evident. To all of us. We’ve always known.”

Tonc entered the hold just then, and Bodhi sought his opinion, seeking to bolster their claim. “Tonc, do you think Jyn is in love with Cassian?”

The man didn’t even bother to look in their direction as he went to sit at the terminal and inserted a data card. “Sure I do. And he loves her.”

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. The conversation had gotten a little too personal. He could see Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut taking such a view; they were sort of romantics at heart, so he wouldn’t be surprised at their hoping such feelings existed. But if Tonc had seen something to convince him as well…

When Melshi joined them, he grasped at his last chance for an ally. Melshi was too military-minded to pay much attention to such things. “Melshi, these guys think Jyn is in love with me.” He cast a skeptical look at his friend.

Melshi eyed him speculatively, then took a seat. After a moment, he said, “If you’re wanting an argument from me, you won’t get it. I knew it on Yavin before we went to Scarif. Sure, you believed in the mission and that it was necessary; so did I. But you also gathered a team and went because you loved her. Frankly, even K-2 probably knows the two of you are in love, and he doesn’t even grasp the concept of love. What I have trouble understanding is how you don’t know it. Spies are supposed to be better at reading people.”

How _was_ it possible that everyone could be so sure about this except for him? Was Jyn aware of it? Was that the reason she had been so determined to help him? She’d never said anything suggesting they were more than friends. The occasional kiss to his head had just seemed to be an affectionate way of reassuring him. Between Scarif and all her help since then, he did not question their friendship, but that wasn’t the same as love, was it? Only the way they looked at one another on Scarif had hinted at more, but that was long since past. Or did he not recognize the truth because he didn’t want to, didn’t think there should be more?

Little got past Chirrut. “If you’re wondering why she has never spoken of her love, it is very simple, Captain. She is no more comfortable discussing such a thing than you are. But Jyn shows her feelings in her behavior, not in her words. That is the only way she knows how to express it. Trust us, though, her feelings for you are strong and steadfast. Now you must decide what to do with this new realization we have given you.”

Silently he stood and walked out. He needed time alone, to think and evaluate everything. On Yavin, he sometimes went for long walks, or runs in the jungle, when he needed to clear his mind and work out a problem. Space freighters didn’t exactly allow for that. He had two options: his room or the one empty cargo hold that they hadn’t repurposed for anything else. That seemed the better choice, where others were less likely to come looking for him.

He didn’t even bother with turning on the lights, just used the emergency lighting to find his way to a bench on the far side of the room and settle there in the dark. Months ago, just after he finally awoke from Scarif, he had thought there might be something between the two of them. There had been moments when they seemed so close to going beyond friendship. He had convinced himself that they both would be better off if things didn’t progress in that direction, if Jyn even still wanted them to. But that had been when he was facing a return to his duties in Intelligence, to committing acts that left him deeply scarred, no matter how he tried to justify them as necessary. He hadn’t wanted to entangle her in that, and had believed she would want no part of it or him if he returned to it.

He tugged Jyn’s kyber crystal from under his shirt and fingered it thoughtfully. He knew it had belonged to her mother, who had given it to Jyn just before she was killed on Lah’mu. He had never thought about such a gift being anything more than one friend to another, her way of encouraging him in his recovery. Yet she had not requested he return it once he was out of the medbay. He supposed he always assumed it was because they were separated and it was meant to be a reminder that he had someone pulling for him to overcome his demons. Could it be more than that? And if it was, was Jyn consciously aware of the something more, or had she just acted on instinct without questioning her motives too closely?

He let it drop onto his shirt as he rubbed a hand over his face. So, what now? Confront her and ask if she was in love with him? He wasn’t sure he could manage that. For that matter, though he cared deeply for her, he had never fully believed it was love, or even that it should head in that direction in the middle of a war. It had always seemed a case of the circumstances that had thrown them together creating a close bond, nothing more. With everything else he was facing just now, had he missed the signs that were there all along?

“Captain?”

“Careful, it’s dark in here,” he warned, even as he wondered why Chirrut would put this much effort into seeking him out.

“I hadn’t noticed.”

Cassian could almost hear the smirk in Chirrut’s voice, and he smiled despite his heavy thoughts.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“No, come ahead.” That wasn’t the absolute truth, but he couldn’t find the will to turn Chirrut away. Whatever else, the Guardian meant well.

The man settled beside him, and then said, “Tell me something, Captain. I do not know the whole of your time spent with Jyn, but I do know much of it. Why did you and Jyn come to Jedha?”

“To find the Imperial pilot that defected – Bodhi. It was said he had a message from her father about the weapon being built.”

“So, once you had found Bodhi and knew where Galen Erso was, Jyn Erso was no longer of any real use to you. Yet when the building began to collapse, you raced off to find her and make sure she got safely away with you. You did that even knowing that you had been ordered to find and kill her father. Surely having her along with you when you found her father would prove to be a problem – no doubt the reason you attempted to leave her on the ship.”

Cassian considered his words, then replied, “Bodhi hadn’t seen the message he carried. Only Jyn had. Even if I no longer needed her for anything else, and she would have been a hindrance, I couldn’t simply leave her there to die. As she probably would have if I hadn’t found her and gotten her out.”

“Possibly. But when you saved her, you didn’t know she was the only one to see the message. And you went to Eadu fully intending to kill Galen Erso, not question him. Any message would then have been lost.

“For that matter, how were you expecting to find and kill her father? Had you any reason to expect him to be out in the dark and the rain on an Imperial landing pad where you could get a clean shot? I think not. There is no evidence that you had any actual plan for finding and killing him other than merely hoping to get lucky. Which, in a sense, you did. But when you could not pull the trigger, and then saw Jyn in danger on the platform, rather than attempt to escape leaving her to her fate, you again risked yourself to ensure she eluded harm.”

“I…yes, I suppose so.”

“Even knowing that she would have recognized your intent toward her father, and would very likely confront you about it. As she did.”

Cassian’s jaw tightened. “At that point, I knew she was the only one who had seen her father’s message and knew what it said. With him dead, by my hand or otherwise, she was the only chance we had. Just because I twice put myself at risk to keep her from being injured or killed does not mean I am in love her.”

“Not just twice, Captain. You then followed her on a suicide mission to recover purported plans based solely on her word of what her father said.”

“It was the right thing to do, Chirrut. There was nothing purported about the Death Star – it was real, and I had proof of that with my own eyes. Whether she or Galen Erso was telling the truth or not about a flaw, it was our only hope of defeating it.”

“I get the sense, Captain, that you are a man who overthinks things. Possibly that is a result of your work for the Alliance, but in matters of the heart, usually simpler is better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Love is not based on logic and reason. It all comes down to what your feelings tell you. How she makes you feel when you are with her. Do you miss her when you are separated? Are you elated every time you see her after an absence? Is her happiness and welfare foremost in your mind above all others? Could you be happy if you never saw her again? Would you wish to see her with another man? I suspect you can readily answer these questions. Love is found in your heart more than your mind, Captain.

“Perhaps all you need do now is allow the possibility that you are in love, and that she is also, and make a greater effort toward nurturing that. Too long have the both of you lived solitary lives, even when you were in the midst of others. Do not miss the opportunity to change that because of your fears. The unknown will always be a little frightening, but it can also be exciting to discover. In these uncertain times, we must take whatever happiness we may find, for however long we may enjoy it.”

He rose and then turned back to place a hand on Cassian’s shoulder. “Do not try to make love happen. Merely allow it to enter your life.”

Almost before Cassian noticed, he was gone, but somehow the room didn’t seem as dark as before. How was it possible that this could be love when he hadn’t even known Jyn for six months, and spent even less time in her company. Some believed in love at first glimpse, though he was too practical for such notions. Still, he had once overheard Kes Dameron say 'when it’s right, you know'. Almost from the moment they met, he had found himself breaking the rules for Jyn, both those of the Alliance and his own personal ones.

Even when he didn’t feel worthy of love, or the friendship she and the others offered, still it was given. Jyn believed he was worthy of it no matter his own opinion, and willingly gave her friendship. Could there possibly be more? Could he trust her in that regard, to care in spite of knowing what he was and had done? Shouldn’t he make a greater effort to dissuade her? To help her find someone…better?

He sighed and let his head thunk back against the wall. Could, should? If nothing else Chirrut said was true, there was no denying to himself how he would feel if Jyn did turn away, or found love with someone else. Even if it was better for her, it might well destroy him. Other than K-2, she was the best thing to come into his life since he lost his parents.

He had managed to largely keep friends at bay rather than taint them with the blood on his hands. Maybe that was why it had been so easy to make a best friend of a droid. A droid’s conscience was the result of how it was programmed. Unless his programming specifically told him Cassian’s actions were objectionable, K-2 would never question them. Beyond the droid, only Melshi had made much of a dent in his armor against friendship, but the sergeant was also someone who operated on the fringes. He was less likely to be appalled at what Cassian did for he sometimes committed similar acts in his own work with SpecOps.

His hand went to the kyber crystal again. One thing he did know – if Jyn had chosen to be his friend, or to love him, he wasn’t apt to be able to dissuade her. She had a steely determination that was alarming at times. She knew what he had done, and she had chosen to stand by him. Maybe if he let her instead of resisting, he might actually find a little of the redemption he sought. He still wasn’t certain it was in her best interest, but there was no denying it would be to his advantage. Unless she decided otherwise, that might be all he could hope for. Maybe, for once, it was okay to be selfish.

If nothing else, with the others airing their opinion about this, he didn’t think he could simply ignore his feelings any longer. They weren’t going to allow that now that they had made clear their knowledge of what was between him and Jyn. Sooner or later, he was going to have to talk to her about this.

Knowing a conversation needed to take place with Jyn didn’t make it any easier to initiate. Admittedly, he tried to watch her, when she wouldn’t notice, to see if he could detect what the others thought perfectly clear. But Jyn was just…Jyn, as she had always been. For all her hard edges and prickly attitude, she was a caring person. He knew she would fight to the death to protect anyone on the team, but each day he saw the thoughtful things she did for all of them, not just him.

His thoughts were just chasing in circles again, but not reaching any firm conclusions. And that made it all the easier to avoid addressing the issue directly. So he did. If they were meant to discuss this, the right time would present itself. At least that’s what he told himself.

xxxxx (January 15, 1 ABY)

A week later, his attention was drawn to other matters. He met Melshi coming out of the cockpit wearing a deep scowl.

“Melsh? What is it?”

The other man looked up and sighed, rubbing a hand over his close-shorn hair. “We picked up sketchy reports from Yavin. The details aren’t all clear, but word is we managed to delay Vader’s flagship using a power gem picked up somewhere. Skywalker was in on that. They say Verlaine was able to take over a Star Destroyer, but something about the controls were locked. Still, she succeeded in damaging it so its aim was off when it fired on the Yavin base. That bought more time for the evacuation also. Anyway, whatever the full details of all the battles, the rest of the base did evacuate, so now we find a new one or remain transient.”

He shook his head. “One rumor says Skywalker is recommending Hoth.”

“Hoth? Isn’t that an ice planet?”

“Yeah, but it’s remote and not an obvious choice given the frigid environment. Even if they decide to go there, that same environment will mean that it takes a while to make it habitable. Guess we’ll see. Until then, we keep doing what we’re doing.”

More of the same. They didn’t lack for targets, and command kept them busy with raids and sabotage. Certainly they knew the supplies they picked up were needed. Since they were spending so much of their time on the ship, they put even greater effort into making it more comfortable, but they all appreciated making planetfall. None would pass up the opportunity to get their feet on solid ground and breathe unrecirculated air. A couple of small, temporary bases were still operational so they at least had that.

All that transience and mission activity meant Cassian found it easy to come up with reasons not to approach Jyn. There wasn’t enough time for that conversation, he told himself. It would distract them both from the work. So nothing changed in that regard. Sometimes he caught the others looking at him speculatively, but it was evident they felt it was something he needed to act on without their interference. They had made it clear how they saw the situation, but it was up to him what he did with that information. Before he knew it, days had bled into weeks, and the longer he delayed the conversation, the more difficult it became to initiate it.

With Bodhi doing more, Cassian often stayed behind, overseeing the mission while standing ready to do a hasty extract if things went bad. Part of him balked at being so useless, but he knew full well it wasn’t entirely true. Melshi trusted him to be able to judge a situation and know what needed to happen, whether a fast retreat as soon as everyone was accounted for, or Cassian moving to assist anyone in difficulty. He couldn’t deem that flexibility to be of no value, even if it was far less than he was accustomed to doing.

The current mission had gone pretty much as intended, but as the team was returning to the ship, Cassian got an inexplicable feeling that something was wrong. “Team, report.” Strictly speaking, it wasn’t his place to do a headcount, but he wanted to hear that he was letting himself be rattled for no reason.

Each member dutifully checked in. Except one.

“Leader, report. Leader, you there?” No response came.

“Team, any eyes on Leader? Thief, you should be near.”

“No eyes. On my way.”

“Team, stand by.”

There was a stifling silence while they waited for Jyn to do some recon on Melshi’s position. Finally, she reported.

“Spy, found Extract. Injured, need help.”

“Copy that, who’s closest?”

“Probably Guardians, maybe Support.”

“Guardians, assist. Pilot, return.”

“Pilot – negative. Staff, coming to you.”

“Cannon – understood.”

“Spy – rest of team report.”

“Support – backing up Cannon.”

“Thief – working.”

“Guardians – standing by.”

“Leader, report.”

“Leader, report.”

“Uh, copy that. Leader, uh, ready.”

“Copy Leader.”

“Thief, check in with Blaster.”

“Thief – copy.”

K-2’s comlink came to life. “I’m here, K.”

“Jyn, you heard that check-in?” Cassian asked over the secure line.

“I heard. Looks like Melshi got robbed, maybe a street thief. Took a knife to the back, barely conscious. As soon as Baze arrives, I’ll go after Melshi’s things.”

“Be careful. Stay in contact.”

“Copy.”

Tracking Melshi’s attacker was simple enough; getting Melshi’s possessions back was equally simple. The street thief did not enjoy his conversation with Jyn; indeed, he never even saw her before he ended up crumpled against a wall in an alley. That was where ‘simple’ ended.

“Well, well, well. I thought that was you. Tanith Ponta. This is my lucky day – you’ve quite a price on your head, little girl.”

Jyn turned slowly and stood, keeping her eyes firmly on the Nikto. “Isk-Gun Jul. You’re a long way from Hutt territory.” Her mind was racing to find the best course of action. Niktos in general were tough, but this one in particular.

“Everywhere is Hutt territory if they wish it to be. And bounty heads may be found hiding anywhere.”

“Look…” She dropped her hands lower, but saw him grip his weapons more firmly in response.

She hadn’t really thought talk was going to help. Nikto thugs were usually too single-minded for such a distraction. With that she bolted down the alley and around the corner, ignoring the outraged yell and spitting blaster fire that followed her. Her only chance was putting enough distance between them so she could either lose him, or stop long enough to get a bead on him with her blaster. A laser bolt struck the building next to her as she swerved around a corner, anything to keep obstacles between her and the Nikto. A second bolt clipped the arm of her jacket. It stung slightly, but she didn’t pause to check the damage.

Another corner, but she slipped on some gravel and momentarily lost her footing. She heard Isk-Gun getting closer and sprinted on as soon as she could get traction. She was already starting to tire in the heavier gravity; she knew that would not adversely affect her pursuer, though. Just then a blaster bolt clipped her shoulder, and when she lurched to the side she overbalanced and crashed against some storage containers stacked along a wall.

Suddenly, two more blaster bolts were heard, but nothing came anywhere close to her. The Nikto gave a roar of pain behind her, and she turned to see that he was down himself. Then Tonc stepped into view, his gun at the ready. “You okay?” he called to her.

“Look out! He has discblades!”

“Has what?”

Too late – Isk-Gun had raised an arm and threw the weapon. “Hit the dirt!” she screamed. Luckily, he instantly heeded her and the discblade just missed him.

Unfortunately, he was in the open and nowhere near cover. Already, the Nikto was preparing to throw a second blade. She struggled to get her blaster out, but he got the blade thrown before she could get a shot off. At that moment, however, a KX unit stepped into view in front of Tonc and snatched the blade from the air. After a momentary glance at it, he fired it back to its owner. Isk-Gun never had a chance to dodge the unexpected projectile and it lodged in his throat. He gasped, pawing at it, but then slid to the ground and went limp.

“If the two of you are finished interacting with the locals, perhaps we should return to the ship before anyone else sustains an injury.”

With a groan, Jyn shoved to her feet and Tonc was up an instant later. “What about Melshi?”

“Baze got him back to the ship. They only await the three of us.”

Jyn pulled out her comlink. “Thief, Support and Blaster returning. Be there shortly.”

They were silent on the return trip, and traipsed on board to drop onto the benches. “Bodhi, let’s go,” Cassian instructed, then took a seat on a bench across from them for the liftoff.

“How’s Melshi?” Tonc asked. “I never made it to him.”

“Bleeding’s stopped. Baze and Chirrut are keeping an eye on him.” He gestured toward the team hold. His eyes came to rest on Jyn, noting her dirty clothing and evidence of injuries. “Anything serious?”

She shook her head. “He only clipped me. As soon as we’re in hyperspace, I’ll see to them.”

They felt the ship make the jump and Bodhi emerged a moment later from the cockpit where K-2 had taken over the controls. Cassian rose and gestured into the lounge. “We’ll talk in here so everyone can hear.”

While all were settling on benches, Cassian retrieved a medkit and brought it to Jyn. “Report. Baze, Chirrut?”

“No problems for us. Bodhi came for Chirrut and I went on alone to see to Melshi. I thought Tonc was coming to help, but I suddenly saw him go running by with his blaster at the ready, so I got Melshi up and back to the ship on my own. I figured I better not stick around and find out what he had spotted. I commed you and I guess you sent K-2 to help Tonc.”

“Tonc?”

“I was on my way to Melshi and Baze when I saw Jyn being chased. Bounty hunter?” She nodded. “Anyway, I went after them. He almost had her, but I managed to hit him in the leg and bring him down. Then he threw something at me…”

“Discblade,” Jyn supplied, as she eased her jacket off.

“Yeah, that. Jyn said duck so I did and he missed, but he was going to throw another one when K-2 showed up. He intercepted it and threw it back. Got the guy in the throat. I think it killed him almost instantly.”

“Discblades?” Cassian raised an eyebrow at Jyn before inspecting her wounds.

“What are they? I’ve never heard of them,” Tonc commented.

“A rare, old weapon. I think a group of force-users or something used to use them. A nasty little thing – a ring with 4 blades on it. It spins and cuts through a lot of things, particularly flesh, and thus does quite a bit of damage. You don’t see many of them around, but somehow Isk-Gun learned about them and thought they’d be a nice addition to his arsenal for bounty hunting. They can really make a mess if they hit you, and yeah, they can kill if they hit you just right.”

“Bounty hunter?”

Jyn sighed. “Tanith Ponta stepped on some toes in her day, and made some enemies. Someone put a price on her head.” She hissed as Cassian dabbed with an antiseptic cleaning pad at each of the blaster wounds.

“How did he get the drop on you?”

“Came up on me suddenly while I was dealing with Melshi’s attacker. I knew he could drop me before I got close enough to strike or get my blaster out, so outrunning him was the best option.” She turned to look at Tonc. “You just repaid that backscratch I gave you.”

He gave a nod. “Glad I was there.”

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Isk-Gun Jul – bounty hunter
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.
> 
>  
> 
> Ch 17 note (also ch 12): The team uses minimal conversation even though they are on a supposedly secure comlink. They each have a main designation call sign, but an alternative one can be used at need. When you see “Spy – xxxx” that is Cassian speaking, and then what he says. If you see “Spy, report”, then someone (usually the Team Leader Melshi) is telling Cassian to report in. They can hear the voices on the comlink and recognize who is speaking, especially since it is mostly responding to Melshi. When the conversation becomes more involved with more people volunteering information, they indicate who is speaking before they give their message. When Jyn found Melshi wounded and apparently robbed, she assumed the thief took his comlink and could hear their conversation. She then shifted from calling him Leader to calling him Extract, so the thief wouldn’t know what exactly the others were doing or even how many there were. This got amplified when the thief attempted to ‘report’ in to throw them off his trail. In fact, doing so made it easier to go after him. Jyn switched to her direct comlink with K-2 to talk to Cassian privately, so the thief wouldn’t hear the conversation.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Cassian steps into Melshi’s shoes as team leader while Melshi is recovering, but the Captain falls back into old habits._

(March 6, 1 ABY)

Cassian had spent the majority of his life serving the Alliance in some capacity. He was used to long hours and exhausting work, but he had to admit that it was that little bit easier when he was part of a team. When he flagged, someone else picked up the slack and vice versa.

He had never given any thought to it when he stepped into Melshi’s shoes. Melshi was down and he was the best able to fill that role. So, while Melshi recuperated on the medical frigate, the team continued to run missions. Losing a soldier, even temporarily, didn’t mean the work could be suspended as well.

Though missions for SpecOps was different from what he had done in Intelligence, it had its own stresses. It wasn’t long before those stresses added to his existing ones, and had him awake long hours. Everyone was tired; he knew that. Whether for that reason or something else, he avoided letting them know how little he was sleeping. In particular, he knew it would concern Jyn and spur her to action.

It was too much to hope that she wouldn’t notice, but the wearier he became, the more adamant he was that he not be coddled. Melshi was sidelined; he needed to step up to that responsibility. He couldn’t afford to be cowering in his bunk from nightmares, or drugged into a dreamless sleep. He could manage. He had done it many times before.

Which was a fine decision for him to make, except that Jyn was far too apt to take matters into her own hands when she decided he needed it.

Most of the crew had gone to bed hours ago, but he had kept busy, kept moving. The ship was in order, he had just checked on K-2 in the cockpit, so it was looking like reading and writing reports would have to be what occupied him for the next several hours. If he loitered too long near K, word was sure to get to Jyn about it.

It was a good plan, until Jyn suddenly appeared, arms crossed and looking determined. They were too near the cockpit; if K-2 overheard their conversation then he’d also have to deal with that later. He didn’t hold out much hope it would work, but he attempted deflection. “I thought you’d gone to bed when everyone else did. You should rest while you can. These next two missions will be tiring.”

If she’d heard what he said, she completely ignored it.

With a sigh of frustration, she said, “Cassian, look, I know you’re not sleeping again. You can’t keep going like this. Come on, I have more of that sleep aid. You can get a good night’s sleep.” She tugged on his arm, trying to nudge him toward his cabin.

“Look, Jyn, I appreciate that you mean well, but I don’t want to get in the habit of using drugs to induce sleep. I’ll…I’ll manage on my own.”

“But, Cassian—”

“No!” He jerked his arm away and raised his hands, taking a step back from her. “You can’t fix everything, Jyn. Just…just stop trying. Go help someone else for a while.” He turned on his heel and stalked away toward the back of the ship.

Jyn swallowed hard, watching him go as tears welled in her eyes. She had been right all along – she wasn’t meant to nurture anyone. She had pushed too hard and now she had made things worse, just as she feared. Why had she ever thought she was good enough to help anyone? Abruptly she wheeled toward the training room. She needed a work out.

A couple of minutes later, Chirrut appeared from the darkened team hold, his brow knit with concern. The children just didn’t seem able to put their pasts behind them and be their best selves, especially with each other. With a sigh, he moved quickly to his quarters.

He heard Baze’s soft snores. It was a shame to wake him, but Chirrut felt sure he was the best one to talk to Jyn. Cassian…well, perhaps the Captain needed a chance to calm down and realize what he had done.

“Baze.” There was no answer, so he tried again, giving his shoulder a shake. “Baze.”

With a groan, Baze rolled over to peer at him in the darkness. “What?”

“Jyn needs you.”

“What? Now? It’s the middle of the night. Did she have a nightmare?”

“No, she and Captain Andor quarreled. I think she pressed too hard and he balked, sharply. You know her too well to think that didn’t bruise her feelings. I am sure she is feeling inadequate just now and needs some guidance.”

Baze rubbed at his face. Tired as he was, and much as he wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, he also knew Chirrut too well. He wouldn’t be waking him if the need were not great. “Fine.” He shoved to his feet with a grunt. “Where is she? In her cabin?”

“I believe she has gone to the training room, to work off her frustration and hurt.”

“Mmmm.”

He could hear her before he could see her. She hadn’t turned up the lights, but he could hear the frenetic punches to the bag. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could also detect her stifled sobs.

“Is it helping?” he asked quietly, and the noise stopped.

“Not really.” Her voice was ragged and watery, but she revealed little else.

He moved into the room and went to stand beside her. After a moment, he put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s sit down, little sister. We need to talk.”

“Says who?”

“Chirrut. He may be an old fool, but he’s usually right. Come, sit.”

He was a little surprised that she actually obeyed him. The lighting along the wall was enough for him to get a glimpse of her hands. He took one into his own to examine it more closely. “You’re going to regret this tomorrow.” She hadn’t bothered taping her hands and now the knuckles were bleeding. Probably would be bruised, too, come morning.

“I already regret it,” she muttered softly.

He gave a soft grunt of acknowledgement as he rose to get the medpac.

“I always drive people away. I used to think they simply chose to go and I didn’t matter at all, but now I think they just got tired of me. I wasn’t good enough for them to want me around. I always mess things up.”

He returned with the medkit, and as he worked, he said, “None of that is true. Whatever reason people have for leaving without you, that’s their problem. It isn’t your fault. You mean well. The people who left knew it, and so does he. And this is about him, isn’t it? Not all that came before. You have to remember that sometimes he is going to need to work through things on his own. You can’t shoulder all of his burden, or remove it from him entirely. It is never going to go away completely.”

“How do I tell? When to push and when to step back? Until now, when I’ve pressed him it has worked out well. Why was this time different? Why did it make him angry with me?”

“I don’t know the answer to that. I’m not sure he does either.” He finished cleaning her hands and wrapped a bandage around each of them. “Think about if it were you. What do you do when people push you too hard toward doing something that you’re not sure you can or want to do?”

“I…run,” she admitted. “At least, I used to.”

Baze nodded. “So does he, even if it is only in the confines of this ship. You have to keep in mind that he feels unworthy of your friendship and concern. He believes every moment of suffering he endures is just part of his penance. He doesn’t think he deserves to be forgiven or have that pain eased. Sometimes it all becomes too much.”

She played with the bandages, then nodded. “I guess I can understand that. I’m the same, sort of. I’ve got a lot of things in my past that I’m not proud of. But…but what do I do? How do I help? Surely leaving him all alone isn’t the answer.”

Baze set aside the medpac and leaned against the wall beside her. “Most of the time, probably not, but sometimes you’ll have to step back and try again later. Sometimes he won’t be ready or able to hear what you are saying.”

Jyn wrapped her arms around his left arm and pillowed her head against him. “Thanks, Baze.”

He patted her arm. “I know it hurts, a lot. And maybe a workout will help at those times, but just don’t let it stop you from doing what you know is right. He needs us to stand up to his demons when he isn’t able to do it himself.”

She swiped at her eyes and then at her runny nose. “Thanks.”

“Come on,” he said, rising and pulling her up with him. “We both need sleep. Things will look better in the morning. If they don’t, we’ll send Chirrut after him.”

She favored him with a wan smile. He was grateful for it; he hadn’t expected to pull even that much from her.

xxxxx (March 18, 1 ABY)

Cassian kept to his cabin the next day until it was time for the mission briefing. It did not go unnoticed by the team any more than Jyn’s evident tension. But noticing and being able to help were two very different things. Just as Bodhi started to approach her, Baze caught his eye and warned him away. He was reluctant to not do anything, but he trusted Baze. The Guardian wouldn’t stop him if he didn’t think it for the best. Maybe later would be better. Maybe after the mission when there was more time. 

They were an hour out when Cassian put in appearance for the briefing, though he left immediately afterwards. During the entire briefing, he never looked directly at Jyn, even when detailing her role. Her eyes followed him as he left, but she was quickly on her feet to go after him. Instead of returning to his cabin, he was headed to the back of the ship; perhaps all the better.

For a moment, she thought he was going to talk to K-2, still recharging, but to her relief, he turned toward the empty cargo hold. She trailed behind him, but halted near the doorway. “Cassian?”

He was silent so long, she thought he might not answer. Finally he replied, “Yes?” His tone was flat, not at all encouraging, but she pressed on anyway. She wanted to clear the air between them.

“I’m…I’m sorry I was too pushy. I just really wanted to help, and I forgot that you should have the right to choose.” She kept her eyes focused on the fastener of her vest rather than look at him.

“Jyn…”

Moving closer, she raised a hand to forestall his speaking. “It’s…it’s just…well, sometimes you seem reluctant to accept help when you need it, and when I’ve insisted before, it seemed to be okay and to help a little… Well, anyway, I’m sorry. And…and I’ll try not to be too bossy again.”

“I want you to be…bossy.” He rubbed the back of his neck, then murmured dejectedly, “I don’t know why you waste your time on me.”

She shoved her hands in her pockets and shrugged, not looking directly at him. “I don’t feel like it’s time wasted, not if it helps you.”

He pressed his fingertips to his eyelids. “How did we get here?” he muttered. Letting out a slow breath, he told her, “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I did know you were trying to help. Just, sometimes I can’t…” He shrugged, unable to explain.

After a moment, Jyn nodded and turned away.

“Please don’t stop,” he entreated softly.

She turned her head slightly to say over her shoulder, “I won’t.” With that she again moved toward the door.

“Jyn…wait.” His voice was stronger, more determined.

“Yeah?” She turned back, looking somewhat surprised that their conversation wasn’t finished.

“What…what do you want to do about…this?”

Her brow knit. “About what, Cassian?”

“Well, about us, if there even is an ‘us’. The entire team believes there is. Melshi says he’s known since before Scarif.” He hesitated, then said more quietly, “At one time, I thought so, too.”

“But now you don’t?”

Her arms slowly wrapped around her middle. He recognized the defensive actions: seeking physical protection, answering a question with a new question. He needed to speak quickly or she’d retreat behind her walls and shut him out.

“I don’t know. I…I want there to be…something. Everything else sort of overshadowed whatever was maybe there – my long recovery, being separated.” He blew out a breath. “I convinced myself that probably it was for the best, that neither of us would want to get so attached to someone who might easily be taken from us. So I stopped thinking about it. Mostly. But it keeps circling back to that. And if the team is right, there’s still something there, even if we have chosen to…ignore it.”

He hadn’t meant to say that much, to expose himself that much, but if he couldn’t trust Jyn then he couldn’t trust anyone. And he did want this resolved. One way or another, he wanted to know rather than just guess.

At least her arms had relaxed back to her sides, but she kept her gaze turned away. “You were so different after Scarif. Not at first, right after you awoke, but after a while I saw you going back to what you had been doing before. I…knew that was partly Draven’s doing, but I thought…thought maybe you regretted your lapse, and were trying to get back to what you had been before you met me.”

“The only thing I regret since they pulled you off Wobani is my part in your father’s death. But I could never regret you, regret what you brought into my life.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m good at what I do, what I _did_ , Jyn. But, this? I’ve got no experience with this.” He gestured between the two of them.

“And you think I do?” She raised a surprised eyebrow.

“No,” he admitted ruefully. “Neither of us, neither of us ever had the chance to worry about…about love and romance and all that. For us, the only thing of importance each day was survival. Only, now, I’m thinking that no longer is enough, doesn’t have to be all there is. We still need to survive, and we’re caught up in a war, but maybe…maybe we can find a little happiness, before whatever end comes for either of us.”

“Maybe find it together?” she asked cautiously. 

He nodded, looking hopefully up at her through his lashes.

A smile tweaked her mouth. “I think I’d like that. A lot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She reached for his hand, and he finally allowed a grin to break through. “Good. That’s good.”

“You two are pathetic.” Baze’s deep voice rumbled from the shadows behind Jyn and they both jumped. “Just kiss, already. You are long past tentative hand holding.” He snickered and walked away.

“I’m not sure I trust him as a reliable source of guidance in these matters, but, yeah, a kiss sounds…good?” Cassian eyed her carefully for a reaction.

“Yeah. We can do that.” Jyn went up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. She drew back as she slipped her arms around his neck. “We can definitely do that.”

Cassian pulled her back to him. After several pleasurable minutes, they settled for merely holding one another. At length, Jyn observed, “It’s strange. On Scarif, when death was near, everything seemed so clear.”

He nodded. “And then when we survived, it no longer was.”

It wasn’t the most opportune moment for their reconciliation. Duty still called, and they had to turn their focus to the pending mission. The easing of tension, however, was a relief to the entire team as they geared up.

xxx

Jyn and Cassian were the first ones to the hold the next morning, but Bodhi arrived soon after. On seeing them, he grinned broadly and went to sit by Jyn.

“So, you two talked, and you’re together now? That’s great to hear.”

At her look of consternation, he stumbled. “Uh, is that not so? That’s what Baze said…”

“Well…” Jyn looked at Cassian and faltered, then asked, “You think it’s great? Both of us have lost so many people important to us…” She twisted her hands together. “It just makes me kind of worried to care about people too much, you know?”

“Jyn, I get it. I do. I’ve lost a lot of people, too. But you can’t think like that. Sure, we don’t want to lose someone who is special to us, but the important thing isn’t that they’re lost – everyone will die eventually anyway. The important thing is the time you get to spend with them until that happens. My family’s gone, too, and I miss them a lot, but I have such wonderful memories. I know you guys maybe missed out on that, losing your families when you were so young, but now you both have a new family. You could cut yourself off from caring about people so you won’t get hurt, but I think it’s much better to just enjoy whatever time you get with them and build as many good memories as you can.”

He eyed them both sheepishly. “Well, that’s what I think, anyway. I know not everyone would agree.”

Jyn reached an arm around him and laid her head against his shoulder. “No, you’re right, Bodhi. I’ve spent most of my life running from that kind of pain and not letting anyone get close. But I think yours is a better way to live. I’d rather enjoy my time with Cassian and the rest of the team than to shut you all out in order to avoid possible pain later.”

“Thanks, Bodhi.” Cassian gave him a warm smile also, engendering a blush of embarrassment.

xxxxx (April 24, 1 ABY)

It was over a month before Melshi was allowed to return to duty with them. He had been fortunate that the damage done by the knife was not overly extensive, but it had taken considerable time to recover and regain full utility of all his body parts. His stamina still needed work, but the doctor had assured him that would only come with time.

His physical disability had not hampered his staying current on events throughout the Alliance, and he returned ready to get back to work. If he was surprised by the change in status between Cassian and Jyn, he did not remark on it.

It amused Baze to observe the pair as they navigated the waters of this relationship. When he had first met them on Jedha, neither had been particularly demonstrative people. Even as it became evident that the two of them were developing feelings for one another, they had been reticent about any public displays of warmth or intimacy. A slight touch of hands or quick clasp of an arm was all they had allowed themselves. That didn’t change now, despite the certainty of their affections.

With the team, Jyn had been easy and relaxed with an embrace or touch, but never so with the Captain, and that did not change appreciably now. The most they seemed to allow themselves was to sit close together, with an arm or leg lightly pressed against the other. Ah, well, if that’s what they were comfortable with, so be it. Maybe eventually they would lose the timidity.

And so life on their ship resumed with the team reunited. In some ways, Melshi’s absence had helped ease Captain Andor fully into their routine. Always before he had hovered on the fringes. Having to step in while Melshi was gone better integrated him into the group. Even once Melshi was back, he took a more active role than before. There were still nightmares, for the Captain and others, but the family feel seemed to help all of them suffer less than they otherwise might.

Even the person Baze had thought least likely to have trauma-induced sleep problems – Bodhi – was not exempt.

“Bodhi? You’re still up?”

“Oh, hey Cassian. Yeah…I…I couldn’t sleep.” He fidgeted nervously in the doorway, not moving farther into the hold.

Cassian set aside his datapad and sat up straight. “Nightmares or just insomnia?”

“Uh, well, yeah…nightmares, I guess.”

Cassian tilted his head to motion the man to come sit, and after a brief pause he did, blowing out an unsteady breath.

“You’re not alone. Probably most, if not everyone, on this ship has nightmares. At the very least, Jyn and I do also. Things can happen in life to cause them, but in war…well, it’s almost guaranteed to happen.”

Bodhi’s tension eased slightly. “Yeah, I suppose so. Probably others have better reason than me—”

“No.” Cassian cut him off. “Your reasons are no more trivial than anyone else’s. Trauma is trauma. Some may have suffered more, but that doesn’t mean any of it is trivial.”

“I always kind of thought nightmares resulted from something that was happening to you, like right now or recently. But…well, mostly I think about when I was a prisoner of Saw.”

Cassian nodded slightly in understanding. Jyn had mentioned Bor Gullet and how Saw used it for torture. “Nightmares and anxiety attacks often are related to memories, not things that are presently happening. Jyn says it is supposed to help to keep your mind more focused on the present and not to dwell on the past. Keep your mind engaged with here and now. Doing enjoyable activities to shift your focus. I guess the doctors told her that.”

“Learning stuff seems to help distract me from…thinking about the past. When…when I was with the Empire, they always acted like I didn’t measure up, that I was stupid and couldn’t do much of anything very well. I wasn’t good enough to be a fighter pilot, and I barely scraped by to be a shuttle pilot. But since I’ve been with you guys I’ve learned new things and I’m not sure I’m as bad as they said.”

“You aren’t. On…Scarif, even though it was mostly your first time in a battle situation, you rose to every occasion. When we needed to land, you got us through the security check. When we needed a message sent to the fleet, you made sure it got done. And when they blew up our ship, you went and found another one, rescued six people and saved us from the Death Star’s blast. That’s hardly incompetent. Maybe…maybe they just intimidated you too much for you to concentrate on the work. Maybe they made you fail by their actions.”

“Yeah, maybe. I could see that. They always hovered over you, looking disapproving of everything. It made it hard to concentrate. Even when you weren’t in training, you always felt like the people around you might stab you in the back at any given moment, just so they could get ahead.”

They were both silent for several minutes. Then Bodhi added, “Actually, now, I like learning new things. I mean, I may not be all that good at them, but I like learning. And it’s easier when Tonc or Jyn is showing me something than it was when the Empire was doing it.”

Cassian raised an eyebrow. “You forget, I’ve seen you train with Jyn. Your biggest problem in defending yourself is your lack of confidence. Instead of taking the initiative and following through, you back off, almost before the other person can block you. But you already told us you managed to use one of Jyn’s moves to take down a stormtrooper. Trust me, Bodhi, those guys are not easy to fight hand to hand. Likely you had no choice but to attack in order to defend yourself, and didn’t second-guess your moves. Tonc says you’re getting good with a blaster, too. Once you start trusting us when we say you are doing well at something, you’ll probably do even better.”

“I was thinking maybe I’d ask Baze to teach me that massage thing he does. That would be good to know.” He grinned and canted a sly glance at Cassian. “And maybe I can talk you into teaching me to cook…”

“Absolutely. I’d be happy to teach you. I can get Jyn to keep me company sometimes, when I cook, but she isn’t much use in food preparation. She probably could be, but so far I don’t think she’s developed enough interest to bother learning.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Maybe between you, Baze and Chirrut, you can come up with some Jedha recipes for us to try.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” He dipped his head, then smiled at the captain. “Thanks, Cassian. For, you know, everything. This helped. Maybe now I can get a little sleep.”

Cassian scooped up his datapad. “I probably should turn in myself. Thanks for getting me away from the work for a while.”

 

_to be continued_


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A steady stream of missions causes the team to look for ways to unwind._

“Ma’am? The report you wanted.”

“Thank you, Marika.”

Mon Mothma skimmed through the file, looking for one unit in particular. It was near the bottom – Rogue One. Her military leaders had not entirely agreed with her about keeping the survivors together as a team. General Draven, in particular, had objected, especially since it meant removing Captain Andor from his command. But Mon paid more attention to the personnel than anyone realized, at least when she could. It was helpful knowing who she was working with and what their capabilities were.

Rogue One’s list of successfully completed missions was impressive, not that she had doubted that it would be. But even more pleasing were the good reports on Captain Andor. She had worried about him. She still remembered seeing him as a youth, a member of Bail’s resistance movement. That was when she first became aware that they were beginning to employ children in the fight. She and Bail had many discussions over the years on that subject, but he always reminded her that no one, not even children, would escape from the effects of the Empire. The sooner they understood and helped to eliminate it, the sooner children could again enjoy a childhood. Even his own daughter, Leia, had grown up knowing far more of war than Mon would have liked.

But there had always been something about Captain Andor. She respected him, and his accomplishments, but she had never become accustomed to the deadness in his eyes. Their resources were stretched so thin already that it was impossible to even contemplate including counselling for such men and women, if any would even cooperate with the effort.

Operation Fracture had changed a great many things. But to her mind, one of the best rewards to come from that was Jyn Erso. The life she had led was not unlike Captain Andor’s – a childhood ripped from them, replaced with a blaster in their hand and lessons in killing. Yet Jyn had somehow managed to retain a…quality about her. General Draven had never trusted her, but Mon had sensed something strong and extraordinary in her. Her force of will had drawn Captain Andor and a motley crew to her, and they had accomplished the impossible in stealing the Death Star plans.

Despite all that, however, Mon was most pleased with the effect Jyn had on Captain Andor. The girl very likely had saved him from himself, and she was glad General Draven had been persuaded to release him to join the rest of the Rogue One survivors. He was doing well there, and she did not think that would be so if he had remained in Intelligence.

Maybe he was just one of many, but she was glad they were doing something for someone. It made the whole unpleasant situation slightly less distressing. If she spotted other opportunities, she fully intended to make use of them.

xxxxx

“Okay, I’d better let you go. It’s been nice talking with you.” He closed out the line.

“Hey, Bodhi, who was that?”

Bodhi involuntarily jumped at finding Jyn behind him. “Oh, uh, just one of the scan-com operators on Home One. She was on Yavin before that.”

“She?” Jyn settled into the co-pilot’s seat.

“Yeah. She’s, uh, she’s Tonc’s cousin. That’s how I met her.”

“Really. So…are you interested in her, then?”

He looked away, trying to hide his flushed face. “She’s Tonc’s cousin, Jyn.”

“So what? Are you interested in her?”

“I wouldn’t…it wouldn’t be right.”

“Tonc!” Jyn yelled in the direction of the hold.

“Shhh! What are you doing?” Bodhi hissed.

“Trust me on this.”

“What do you want, Erso?”

“Come here a minute.”

“I’m busy.”

“Come here anyway!” She paused and then teasingly added, “Don’t make me come and get you!”

“What!” he demanded, looming in the cockpit doorway a couple of minutes later, his arms propped on the side panels.

“Okay if Bodhi and your cousin get together?”

Tonc shrugged. “Fine by me. He’d be a big improvement over a lot of the guys who have approached her. They were mostly jerks.”

“See? Not a problem.” Jyn turned back to Bodhi who was studiously pretending to check his controls.

“You like Marika, Bodhi?”

“Uh, maybe. Yeah, a little.”

“Well, good luck with that. If we don’t find a base you won’t get much time with her.” At that, he turned and left, his attention drifting back to what he had been doing.

“Hey, Bodhi, just tell her you’d like to get better acquainted. If she’s not inclined to pursue it, she’ll tell you. Then at least you’ll know. You can just continue on as friends, unless either of you finds that impossible.”

“Okay, maybe. I might mention it.” 

It wasn’t much of a promise, but who was Jyn to point a finger at someone else. “Do it, Bodhi. Like you told us, life’s too short. You deserve a little happiness while it lasts.” She rose and gave him a hug around the neck before departing.

xx

Jyn was nothing if not tenacious. An hour later, she camped out in the hold near where Tonc sat working at the terminal.

“Stop staring at me, Erso.” Tonc didn’t even turn around when he said it.

“How do you know I’m staring at you? You aren’t even looking this way.” She had been staring, but that was beside the point.

“I can feel it,” he retorted. “Your gaze is like a laser bolt.”

She laughed. “Well, that’s the first time I’ve been accused of that, so I give you points for originality.” She walked over and pulled down the seat next to him.

“What?” He kept typing at the terminal, still not looking at her.

“So, tell me about this cousin of yours that has caught Bodhi’s notice. What’s she like?”

He sighed. She could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “You’re not going to leave me alone until I do, are you?”

She crossed her legs, put her elbow on her knee and propped her chin on her hand. “Nope. Start talking.” When he didn’t respond, she held out her hand. “I have the last slice of that bread that Cassian made…”

His eyes twitched left to where she sat, then with another sigh he closed the program he was working on and turned to snatch the treat. “Don’t think you can always bribe me.”

“Ha! Food will tempt you every time. I don’t know how you stay as skinny as you are. So, start talking.”

He moved over to a more comfortable seat while he ate the bread and she followed impatiently. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything. Everything. Who is she? How does Bodhi know her? All of it.”

The man shrugged. “She’s my cousin. Well, more like my sister, really.”

“Oh, please don’t tell Bodhi that. He was hesitant enough about approaching her as your cousin.”

He snickered and continued, “We grew up together. Her mother died of a fever when she was young, so she spent a lot of time at our house. I think my mom liked having a daughter since she only had two sons of her own. Now it’s just the two of us left.”

“Bodhi says she’s a scan-com operator. Don’t they usually work SpecForces rather than on base? What’s she doing on Home One?”

He shrugged. “Mon Mothma requested it. She oversees all the scan-com traffic, and collects the reports from the teams in the field, summarizing them for the Chancellor. I guess Mothma wanted someone at a little higher level than just a radar tech doing that for her. At least it means I occasionally get to talk to her. If she was assigned to a team, it would be harder.”

“Her name is…Mar…Marka?”

“Marika. Marika Tonc. Bodhi met her after we got back from Scarif. She came to see me in the medbay while we were there getting checked before shipping out again.” He finished the bread and wiped his hands on his pants.

“Most people don’t know it, but we – Rogue One – weren’t the only ones who helped to accomplish getting the Death Star plans. Marika and others heard you speak to the Council but, like Rogue One, they knew what had to be done. They helped us…kind of invisibly. Getting supplies and information and anything that might be useful to us.”

“She was okay with you going off on a suicide mission? When you were all the family she had left?”

He met her gaze. “She knew it had to be done. If she thought she could have helped, she’d have come with us, but her skills lie in another direction.” He looked down at his hands. “We…we don’t want to lose each other, but we know it might happen. But fighting against the Empire is too important for us to hide in the shadows to try to stay safe.”

“Did your family die in the fight, too? And hers?”

“Not exactly. The Empire decided to occupy the town where we lived. Some of the people resisted, so they mowed down the protestors and everyone else in the vicinity. Only reason Marika and I weren’t killed is that we were away at university. When we heard what had happened at home…well, we never liked the Empire, but we knew then we had to do more than we had been doing. So we left school, she sliced our parents’ financial accounts and we emptied them, then we used the funds to track down the Alliance and join. She was studying communications when she was at school. She’s brilliant at that stuff.”

They both lapsed into silence for several minutes. Finally, Jyn laid her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry if I dredged up painful memories.”

The corporal gave a slight jerk of his head. “It’s been a few years. Yeah, it still hurts some, but mostly I can remember the good times more. And at least I have her. A lot of people don’t even have that, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said softly, “I know.” Then she smiled at him. “But we’ve built a new family, a good family. That helps when things are hard.”

“Yeah, it does.” He slapped his hands on his knees. “So, if no more questions, can I go back to what I was doing?”

“On one condition.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I want an introduction first chance we get.”

He grinned. “Yeah, that I can do.”

xxxxx

Unfortunately, it wasn’t looking likely that Bodhi would be seeing Marika anytime soon, or that Jyn would get to meet her. Missions kept them busy, with no reason to rendezvous with Home One.

At least as June approached they learned it had been decided to set the new base on Hoth. Even so, it was going to take quite some time to build the infrastructure and make it habitable. Alliance Command hoped they would be able to begin moving in by the new year. But that was still six months away, so the Rogue One team didn’t dwell on that eventuality. A lot could change in six months. Until then, there was plenty of other work to be done.

xxx

“Ah, dag!” Bodhi scrabbled for his communicator. “Team – pilot alert. Abort. Abort. Repeat abort. Drop everything and return immediately for urgent business. Respond.”

“What are you doing?” K clumped up behind him.

He gestured toward the display panel as explanation, simultaneously depressing the talk button again. Before he could speak, though, a response came back.

“Team – leader. Do as instructed. Rendezvous immediately. Pilot stand by.”

K-2 settled into the co-pilot seat. “When did the Star Destroyer arrive?”

“Just now. I was bored just waiting, so I was running scans to see who was coming and going. Suddenly that showed up.” He stood quickly. “Figure out the best route to take and a destination to name. It’s better if we don’t have to try to fight our way out. I’ll go get clearance for us to depart early.”

At the bottom of the ramp, Bodhi took a couple of deep breaths to steady his nerves. As nonchalantly as he could manage, he strolled into the flight-control office. He was glad the place was nearly empty, but despite clearly not being busy, the personnel still took their time before acknowledging him.

“Yes?”

“Oh, hey. My crew is reporting we will wrap things up here sooner than expected. I was hoping we could depart within the hour? Is that possible?”

“Isn’t this rather sudden?” the port official sniffed.

Bodhi forced himself not to display his tension, and gave a shrug. “Not really. Sometimes we have better luck on one planet than on another. This trip didn’t turn out as fruitful as we hoped it would.” He shrugged again. “It happens.”

In his earpiece, K-2 quietly advised, “Suggest we claim our destination is now Hosnian Prime.”

“Destination?” the officer asked.

Bodhi pretended to think for a moment, then said, “Hosnian Prime. We’ve done well getting work there. Since we’re close, that should be worth a stop.”

The official dutifully entered their intended course, and reached for Bodhi’s datapad to upload the necessary clearance codes. Handing it back, he offered a disinterested, “Safe travels.”

“Thanks.” Bodhi waved the datapad in the man’s direction, but he had already turned away to attend to other matters.

Back onboard, he dropped into the pilot’s chair, letting out a relieved breath. “We’re cleared for departure in the next hour. Let’s hope all goes well and they all make it back safely by then. I don’t want to have to explain any delays.”

x

“Halt! Who are you two and what are you doing?”

Chirrut caught hold of Baze’s arm and turned toward the voice. “Good morning. It is still morning, I assume. I am Chirrut, a Guardian of the Whills. I am seeking to share the wisdom of the ages with new pilgrims. Might you be interested, young man?”

“We don’t believe in that Force nonsense, old man.” The stormtrooper turned his attention to Baze. “He may be some religious nut, but you don’t look like one.”

Baze shook his head. “No, I am merely a caretaker. A blind man can hardly travel to other planets on his own. I find food and shelter, and do my best to keep him safe from harm.”

“Hmmmm.” The trooper considered them a moment, then waved them on. “Move along. No loitering, and no bothering the citizens with your nonsense.”

Just then an explosion roared some distance to their right, and Chirrut cringed, gripping Baze’s arm more tightly. “Oh dear – what was that? Are we in danger?”

“I said move along. Go on. Let’s go men. It came from over there.” The five troopers hastened away and Baze wasted no time in retreating in the opposite direction.

“That explosion was remarkably close,” Chirrut observed with quiet amusement.

“Maybe that’s because I detonated our bomb supply and we are not that far from it yet,” Baze growled. “It should keep them busy for a little while and give us time to disappear without more questioning. I wanted to make sure they lost interest in us. Not to mention that I dropped the satchel near an Imperial guard station we passed.”

“Ah, you are such a good caretaker!” Chirrut teased.

Before they reached the ship, Tonc appeared beside them and joined in their casual stroll into the spaceport. “Any idea what’s going on?” he asked Baze softly.

“None, but Bodhi wouldn’t raise an alarm needlessly. It must be something big.”

Just as they reached the bottom of the ramp, another explosion was heard, this time farther to the west. All three turned to look curiously in that direction as everyone else nearby was doing. “Jyn?” Tonc muttered under his breath.

“Should be,” Baze agreed. “Hope she found a target and didn’t have to just waste them as a diversion.”

“Had to dump mine and leave them. I couldn’t get anywhere safe to detonate without killing a lot of civilians.”

They moved into the ship. It took another ten minutes before Jyn and Cassian appeared, sipping at cups of caf as though it was just another day. They joined Bodhi and K in the cockpit. “Leader, report. Team set.”

There was silence and Bodhi glanced at Cassian. “Try again?”

“Not yet. Give him a few more minutes. He may simply not be able to answer at the moment.”

Tonc came up behind them. “Secure for launch as soon as Melshi arrives.”

“Bodhi, go out and do a walk around of the ship. Pretend to check on a few things outside. That will help explain our delay.” Cassian slid in to replace Bodhi in the pilot’s seat as he exited.

Another five minutes ticked by, and Tonc went out to seemingly assist Bodhi with the inspection, but finally they returned to avoid looking suspicious. “Anything?” Bodhi questioned nervously.

“Not yet. Stay calm.” Cassian gave no evidence of concern and Bodhi tried to let that reassure him.

“Maybe I should—”

“No, Jyn. Stay here. Give it time. Give—”

“Leader in sight. Be there momentarily.”

Jyn and Tonc moved to the ramp to watch for pursuit, but Melshi was soon aboard and the ramp closed.

“Where are we headed?” Cassian asked.

“I plotted a course for Hosnian Prime. The routing will take us farthest from the location of the Star Destroyer in orbit,” K-2 advised.

Melshi came up behind them. “Star Destroyer?”

Bodhi squeezed in also. “Yeah, it just suddenly showed up. No idea why, but I thought it best that we cancel the mission and get out of here.”

“Good thinking,” Melshi acknowledged. “I heard two explosions. Did we at least do a little damage?” He turned to look where the rest of the team was gathered on the hall seats.

“I got an Imperial guard station, so maybe a few Imps, too. Was the other one you, little sister?”

Jyn nodded. “Unfortunately, nothing of consequence. There was an abandoned building nearly collapsed. I just finished the job.”

“Okay, everyone write up their report on what they encountered or saw that might be of use. We’ll let others try to work out the reason for the Destroyer’s visit. Dismissed.”

xxx

“Hey, Melshi. Any chance we’ll get a little down time? We’ve been going at it pretty hard.” Jyn was again sprawled on the floor, apparently liking the space to spread out unrestricted.

The Sergeant looked up from his datapad and shook his head. “Not in the immediate future, no. Until we get a base going, I suspect we’ll need to keep at it.”

She turned away. “Yeah, I was afraid of that. Seems like I spend most of my time either sleeping or blowing things up. It almost – _almost_ – makes me hope they hurry up and get the base built on Hoth. Not crazy about spending time on an ice planet, though.”

“With Cassian onboard now, at least we get some decent meals. That helps, right?” Bodhi suggested.

She smiled at him. “Yeah, it helps. Overworked _and_ bad meals – not good. I’ve had too much of that in my life.”

“Hey, listen. Remember that marketplace where we stopped? I found an old holoprojector for sale, cheap but I got it working. They also had a few holodrama disks – not much of a selection, but I got the adventure ones since I thought everyone might enjoy occasionally watching one of those. We could have a holo night now and then.”

Everyone sat silently looking at Bodhi, making him suddenly less certain about his suggestion. He had thought they would like the idea…

“What disks did you get?” Tonc finally asked, not looking up from the terminal. “There were some space adventures that my family would watch together every so often. Not sure you could still find disks of those, though.”

The question eased Bodhi’s discomfort. “I got about a dozen disks. I’ll let you look through them to see if anything interests you.”

“The only holo I ever remember seeing was when I was a child. It was called…’The-something-Stair’…no Stairway…Octave. It was Octave. The Octave Stairway. Once I was with Saw, holos were a thing of the past unless they were instructional.”

It was rare for Jyn to reveal so much of her past. To make her less self-conscious, Cassian replied, “You’re still up on me. I don’t recall ever seeing a full holodrama. I maybe caught glimpses over the years, but never watched one all the way through. They weren’t really something we did on Fest.”

“Sounds like maybe I’ve got the upper hand here,” Melshi said. All heads turned in his direction. “I loved all stories as a kid – whether in book form on a datapad or visual on a holoprojector. Watched everything I could, sometimes even multiple times.” He became thoughtful. “I haven’t done that in years. Books were easier to come by and enjoy during downtime.” He turned to grin at Bodhi. “Thanks. That should be an enjoyable break for us. If K-2 will watch the controls, maybe we can find something to watch before we sack out.”

“I’ll go get them.” Bodhi climbed to his feet, relieved at the interest. When he returned, he teased, “Sorry, Jyn, no Octave Stairway, I’m afraid.”

She made a face at him. “Well, then, find some Spaceman Spiff or such for Cassian, since he’s never seen one.”

“Spaceman…Spiff? What? That’s not a real holo, is it?” Bodhi handed the disks to Tonc as he stared down at her.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Don’t all the heroes have names like that? Spaceman Spiff, Captain Courageous, Vax the Vanquisher?”

“Ooookay… Looks like you need to watch a few more holos than Octave Stairway yourself. Spaceman Spiff? Really?”

Everyone chuckled, but Chirrut chimed in, “I would agree with Jyn. I would enjoy watching the adventures of Spaceman Spiff. He sounds as though he would live an exciting life.”

“Don’t encourage her,” Baze retorted. “No Spaceman Spiff. That’s the end of it.”

“Spoilsport,” Jyn sniffed, not looking particularly bothered by it. “Fine, you shot down my suggestion, so one of you will have to choose. Just no romance.”

“You got something against romance, Erso?” Tonc asked as he walked over to join them, still sifting through the disks.

“Not for its own sake, no, but I occasionally glimpsed a bit of a couple of those and they are so fake. No one in love acts like that. _Oh, Reg, if you leave me I’ll just die!_ ”

“They have to do that stuff so you’ll know what they think and feel,” Tonc replied. “If they all acted like you and Captain Andor, they’d just stand close together, and occasionally cast fond gazes at each other while barely touching or admitting to any feelings. Boring to watch, even if you’re satisfied living it.”

She stuck out her tongue at him. “Sorry we aren’t entertaining enough for you, Corporal, but since you barely ever look at anything other than a computer terminal or food, how would you even know how Cassian and I act?”

“Well, actually—”

“Shut it, Baze. Don’t back him up on this for your own amusement!” Jyn snapped, feigning irritation.

He grinned at her then reminded, “We were going to watch a holo, not enact one amongst ourselves…?”

“Got one.” Tonc held up a disk. “As I recall, I enjoyed this the few times I saw it.”

“I’ll set up the projector. We’ll do it near the doorway. K-2 said he would watch the controls if we played it so he could listen as well.”

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Marika Tonc – cousin of Rogue One team member Stordan Tonc
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.
> 
>  
> 
> ch 19 note: Kudos to you if you recognize the origin of Spaceman Spiff. If you don’t, you’re missing out! Google ‘Spaceman Spiff’ and check out the wiki article. [Spaceman Spiff, "interplanetary explorer extraordinaire," explores the outermost reaches of the universe "by popular request" in a red flying saucer with a bubble canopy. Despite his title as an explorer, he frequently engages in conflict with aliens, sometimes with seemingly far-reaching implications.]


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _On a mission involving only Melshi and Jyn, things don’t go as planned._

Melshi tried to catch his breath. It was still more difficult after his being stabbed. “You think we eluded them?”

Jyn nodded. She was bent over with her hands on her knees, letting the wall behind her keep her upright. “Yeah. And we put enough distance between us that they shouldn’t start searching near here any time soon.”

She recovered her breath about the same time Melshi did and both set to having a look at their shelter. It was a two-story building, but the upper floor had long since caved in. There were several holes in the roof as well, letting in sufficient light for them to see fairly well. It was hard to tell if it had been a dwelling or a business. Not that it mattered; it was neither now.

Unfortunately, there was little that had been left behind that could be salvaged. Either that, or others had already claimed whatever there had been. “Ship’s not due for a pickup until tomorrow morning. I’m not sure it’s safe to risk trying to call them sooner. The Imps might pick up on our signal and track us.”

Jyn nodded her agreement. “Get us settled in here and I’ll go try to improve our circumstances a bit.” She was gone before he could protest.

It took more than an hour for her to return, and she came well laden. She’d managed to find a jacket and hat that would roughly fit him, as well as a different coat for herself. She also had two thin blankets and a meager amount of food.

“Erso…” Melshi was a pragmatic man, but he didn’t care overly much for stealing from others, at least not from anyone other than the Imperial forces.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” She raised a hand to silence him. She folded one of the blankets to sit on and settled on the floor, with her back against the wall. Not meeting his gaze, she said, “Look, you know I’m a thief – it would have been in my file. Frankly, that didn’t change just because I joined the Rebellion. Not when that skill is needed. I’ve only ever targeted Imperials or Imperial sympathizers, and usually only the latter when there was little choice. I go after the ones who have gained their wealth and their power by killing and stealing and destroying anyone or anything in their path. So, no, Melshi, I don’t feel at all guilty about emptying their pockets.”

She leaned her head back against the wall and finally looked up at him. “If you aren’t comfortable using this stuff, fine. Don’t. But I’m going to eat this food and use the clothes and blankets, and I won’t lose any sleep over it.”

A smile twitched at his mouth and finally he copied her example, seating himself on the other blanket and reaching for some of the food. “Understood.” He chewed for a moment, then added, “Thanks.”

“We’d best huddle up. It was starting to rain while I was out, and the wind was picking up. Looks like a storm might be coming in. That will discourage the Imps and slow their search for us, but it’s gonna get pretty chilly, I expect.” Already she was pulling the extra coat on over her other clothing.

xx

“Cassian, we may have a problem.”

He glanced up, not unused to such proclamations from K-2, but he had learned long ago to find out the reason for it before becoming concerned. “How so, K?”

“I had little else to do, so I was tracking Sergeant Melshi and Jyn Erso’s transponders and plotting it on a map of the city. Based on the planned course of their mission, they were last seen heading away from where they should have been. And then both transponders were shut off. I began following their heat signatures as best as I could, and they appeared to be heading far out of the city to the south. That is not anywhere near the expected pickup point.”

Cassian’s brow had furrowed the more the droid spoke. “How long ago did their transponders shut down?”

“Seventeen minutes and thirty-six seconds ago. And counting.”

“Do you have a fix on their current location?”

“Only approximate. Atmospheric disturbance is interfering with my monitoring.”

“Was there any evidence that they had been captured?” He was on his feet and moving to the cockpit as he spoke, and K-2 followed him.

“None was apparent. I only detected two heat signatures, but at this distance that might be inaccurate. However, there was not an appreciable heat source, suggesting they were not in a large group or in a building with many people. That would be likely if they had been captured.”

“How close to their location do you think you can get us?”

“If we land, I may be able to get a better reading than is possible with the arising storm.”

Bodhi had looked up and was listening curiously, trying to suss out their conversation. “What’s going on?” he asked when both fell silent.

“Melshi and Jyn aren’t where they are supposed to be and their transponders are off. Sounds like they may have run into some trouble.”

“Well, wouldn’t they signal us if they needed help?”

“Not if they feared an enemy picking up their signal. If we assume they are unhurt and uncaptured – not a given – they would most likely go to ground overnight and then attempt to reach the pickup point in the morning.”

“Jyn’s really resourceful, Cassian. I’m sure they’ll be fine. And Melshi has a lot of experience.” Bodhi’s words were more confident than his expression.

“Maybe. K, is there a safe place to land anywhere in the vicinity of where you last locked onto them?”

“There is a forest slightly over two kilometers farther south, though whether there is anywhere in the forest large enough for the ship to land is uncertain.”

Cassian stared unseeingly out the front viewscreen for several minutes, then decisively activated the intercom. “Team, form up for a briefing. Form up.”

xx

“Good luck,” Bodhi said quietly.

Cassian drew his rain gear more snugly around him as they exited the starfighter. That storm K-2 had noted showed no signs of abating soon. It uncomfortably brought to mind the trip to Eadu, but he forced it aside. There was no time to waste just now on self-recriminations. “Can you get a reading, K?”

“It is not as strong and definite as I would like, but I believe it is accurate.”

“Okay, let’s go. Lead the way.”

xx

Melshi shifted his position yet again. Their shelter, if it could be called that considering all the wind and rain making it through the dilapidated structure, was not affording them much protection from the elements. It was only marginally better than actually being out in the storm. Initially he and Erso had sat together, for both warmth and protection, but trying to find dry spots to stand or sit had driven them apart over an hour ago. The best that could be said about their situation was that it was unlikely the stormtroopers were still searching for them.

He had just turned to walk back toward Erso when the building made a strange groaning sound, unlike anything he had ever heard. A moment later, it began to shift on its foundation, helped along in its collapse when a falling tree crashed into the side of it. Melshi was showered with splintered wood and debris as he scrambled backward away from the tree. Unfortunately, the tree was between him and Erso, and much closer to her…

“Erso!” he called, then paused to listen for a response as best he could. Nothing.

The parts of the building that were still standing seemed none too stable, but he cautiously worked his way along the tree’s length to find a way past it. In short order, he was soaked through whatever had still been dry. The little protection the hole-riddled roof had afforded was certainly gone now. “Erso!” he tried again. If he could find her – hopefully unharmed – they could reassess their situation and decide what to do. Still no answer came to his ears.

He finally reached far enough along the tree to get below the branches, and was able to scramble atop the tree trunk. It swayed slightly under his weight and he moved cautiously, unable to see what further dangers there might be. A streak of lightning briefly illuminated the space, making him glad he hadn’t jumped down on the other side of the tree. What they had thought was a two-story building actually had a basement as well. The tree had collapsed the flooring into the lower level. Best guess was that Erso was down there somewhere.

He maneuvered along until he found a spot on what was left of the first floor that looked like it might hold his weight, and eased himself down to begin searching.

x

Jyn jerked back to consciousness, barely suppressing a groan. Her right arm and shoulder were pinned under debris, including something heavy enough that she couldn’t shift it off her with her left hand. At least the extra jacket she had found provided some additional padding, but when she swiped at a trickle on her forehead just as lightning flashed, the wetness on her fingers was darker than water would have been. Considering how much her head hurt, she didn’t doubt it was blood. She lay still for several minutes, considering her status. Legs seemed functional. Left side moved without pain. If she could free her right arm, she might be okay.

She glanced up, realizing from the position of the fallen tree above her that the floor must have collapsed into a lower level they had not noticed. Melshi had moved away from her before it happened. Hopefully he had been able to get clear of the tree and any other dangers. With the wind moaning through holes in the timbers, she wasn’t sure she would hear him if he called out to her. So, two immediate problems then – freeing herself, or contacting Melshi to come help her, if he was able.

Movement to her left startled her. At first she merely thought more debris had fallen, but this sounded more like it was being shoved out of the way. And it sounded like more than one person doing it. Not Melshi then. She couldn’t get to her weapons, but she felt around with her left hand until she found a fairly sturdy piece of wood. Not much, but she didn’t have many options.

“You okay?”

The question wasn’t aimed at her, so she kept silent. Until she knew who she was dealing with, best not to alert anyone to her presence.

“Yeah, you guys?”

Guys. Plural. Not good. She might have had a chance against one but things had just gotten much worse, unless they proved to be friendly. Jyn’s luck didn’t usually lean toward anything so optimistic.

“At least the storm should wipe out any trail we might have left. Maybe they’ll ignore an abandoned building that has collapsed.”

“Doesn’t exactly improve anything, though, does it?”

“Where else are we gonna go? We’ve got no way off this planet.”

“Maybe we should have taken that into account before we did this!”

“It’s not like we had a lot of time to plan and prepare! Stop acting like this is my fault.”

“Would you two shut up! We all decided on this. We have to stick together or we’re dead. Now stop arguing and start thinking about what we can do about our situation.”

Jyn was hearing three distinct voices and the comment about ‘two’ suggested that was correct, unless others had remained silent during the argument.

“Well, I guess we look around and see what we can do to create a new shelter. At least until the storm ends. Going out in that is a waste of time. Storms on this planet are usually pretty strong. We wouldn’t get far in it.”

“Yeah, okay. Look around and see what still is usable.”

Jyn’s grip tightened on the wood in her hand. Hopefully Melshi was safe and looking for her. She’d at least try to hold them off until he could get to her. It was her only chance.

Another flash of lightning just then made her heart sink. There was no mistaking stormtrooper uniforms. And two of them were staring right at her.

For several minutes, neither side spoke or moved. When Jyn drew the wood closer to her, their heads followed the motion. Now they knew she was armed, but likely so were they. And a blaster could take care of her without their having to get in range of her bludgeon.

Unexpectedly, the trooper on the left reached up and removed his helmet. These guys never took their helmets off in public.

“Who are you?” he asked.

Jyn just glared at him without speaking, though she doubted he could see her expression in the dim light.

The trooper next to him said something too quietly for Jyn to hear but the man waved him off. He took another step toward her. “We’re…we’re not stormtroopers.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, we were, but now we’re not. And you look like maybe you need some help right now.” When Jyn didn’t relax or give him any encouragement, he added, “Look, we could just shoot you if that was what we wanted. If we were still stormtroopers, there isn’t any reason we wouldn’t just kill you and be done with it. Or even just leave you there to die eventually. So, how about it? Want some help?”

His words did make some sense, though Jyn had no intention of trusting that he didn’t have an ulterior motive. Still, if they freed her, thinking her harmless, or helpless against three of them, she stood a better chance of being able to defend herself than lying pinned here.

“Okay.”

He approached her cautiously, though the other two held back. As he got within range, he said, “Look, don’t hit me with that thing, okay? I’ve had a pretty lousy couple of days and I’d rather you not bash my face in.”

“Fair enough.” Jyn had to admit the guy didn’t act much like any stormtrooper she’d ever met.

He pulled a small light from his utility belt and shone it over her, assessing the problem. “Any pain anywhere? Anything numb or feel like it’s bleeding, other than your forehead?”

“No.”

He moved carefully to her right side and warned, “Maybe cover your eyes and face with your hand in case anything shifts toward you unexpectedly. I’m going to try lifting things away from your arm.”

For a moment, Jyn hesitated to release the wood, but finally she let go and raised her arm over her face, though she peeked under it to keep an eye on him.

He managed to slightly lift what was on her arm, but the weight was too much and slipped back into place. She stifled a groan of discomfort. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Come on, you guys. Give me a hand with this.”

Slowly the other two troopers moved over to join their companion. When all had a grip, the first one said, “On three – one, two, three.” Together they shoved the debris to the side and Jyn scrambled away to her left, moving to a crouch just in case.

She shifted the wood to her right hand so she could rub the circulation going in her right arm and shoulder. At least nothing seemed to be broken or bleeding now that she could better exam it.

The four of them just stood staring at one another uncertainly. At length, Jyn ventured, “So, if you’re not stormtroopers, what are you? Actors in a holodrama?”

“Uh, no. We were stormtroopers, but we…separated from service…unannounced.”

“And they let you keep the uniforms as part of your retirement? I didn’t realize the Empire was that generous.”

The three glanced at one another again and held a quiet argument that Jyn couldn’t hear. Finally, her helper explained, “Look, I don’t think you are Imperial, so you’re probably just…a concerned citizen.” It was all Jyn could do not to snort at that. “At any rate, I don’t think you much care if we don’t return to our previous employment.”

Jyn shrugged. “None of my business. That’s between you and your…boss. Won’t he be looking for you?”

The man blanched, but admitted, “Maybe. We’re hoping they don’t do too close of a body count on the fire that killed the rest of our squad, and notice that they’re three short.”

Jyn almost smiled. “And you think that’s likely, do you?”

The trooper to his left removed his helmet also and shook his head. “No, it’s not likely.”

“That kind of puts you in a bad spot. You should have gotten off the planet right away.”

“Not so easy to do. We didn’t exactly depart with a plan. We just…took advantage of the opportunity when it came.”

“Hmmm. That’s unfortunate for you.”

The first man took a deep breath and stepped slightly toward her, causing her to tense with readiness. “Look, we’re kind of hoping you might be able to help us find a solution to our problem. You know, maybe as thanks for helping free you?”

“We’re all in an abandoned building in a thunderstorm on the outskirts of a town. What makes you think I’m in any position to offer you aid?”

He shrugged. “Call it a hunch. Or maybe just wishful thinking.”

Before anything more could be said, a large black object dropped from the remnants of the building above them and both sides fell back. The troopers recovered first and shone their lights on the object, then fumbled for their blasters at the sight of a KX Security Droid.

“No!” Jyn tossed the piece of wood at them, causing them to fall back without firing. “Don’t shoot. He’s with me.”

K-2 turned his glowing photoreceptors on her. “May I ask what exactly you are doing with these troopers? This is not how I expected to find you.”

“K…it’s kind of a long story.” To the troopers, she added, “Holster those blasters or you’re not going anywhere. You shoot him and you lose all hope of any assistance from me.”

“But it’s an Imperial droid!” one man sputtered.

“He _was_ an Imperial droid. He also separated from service.”

“I can’t wait to hear the explanation for this,” K muttered.

Jyn grinned at him. “So, does your presence mean my ride has arrived early?”

“It does. But surely you are not intending that they accompany us.”

She shrugged. “We’ll see what the others say. Can you get us out of this hole?”

“I could just toss them up.”

“K, be nice.”

“Oh, very well. I’ll lift you up and then, if they behave, I may lift them up also. But I think you should relieve them of their blasters first. I have no desire to be shot the moment you are out of sight.”

She turned toward the trio. “Probably a good idea. My friends are apt to be more willing to listen if you are unarmed.” She held out an expectant hand. The first man readily handed over his weapon, and the second followed. Only the third hesitated, but a nudge from #2 made him finally relinquish it.

“You, let me have your utility belt to fasten these to.”

The trooper handed it over and K soon was lifting her, calling, “She’s coming up.”

Hands reached to catch hold of her as she neared the upper floor, and pulled her onto a seemingly still sturdy section of flooring. As soon as she was up, Cassian shone his light over her checking for injuries, but paused when he noted the belt full of weapons. “What?”

“Good to see you, too. I’m fine. Just a little banged up, but fine. Now then, these belong to three former troopers down there. K’s going to lift them up also and then we can discuss what to do with them. They, uh, they got me out from under some debris that had me trapped. So give them the benefit of the doubt for the moment.”

The two men looked at each other, but nodded agreement. “Alright, K, send them up,” Jyn called down.

It didn’t take long to extricate the trio and for K to climb out as well. Cassian and Melshi had found a more stable area in the remaining building and created a makeshift shelter against the rain and wind with supplies K had carried in case they were needed. The heat sticks were particularly welcome and they huddled around a couple for their discussion.

Cassian fished out a ration bar for Melshi and Jyn. Jyn noticed the three men lick their lips, their eyes focused on the ration bars exchanging hands. She met Cassian’s gaze and tipped her head slightly in the direction of the troopers. He looked down toward his hand and she saw there were only two bars remaining. Their gazes met again, and he gave her a tiny nod of agreement.

“When was the last time you ate?” Jyn looked to the lead trooper.

He shifted uneasily, but admitted, “Yesterday morning. That’s when our rations ran out.”

“You really didn’t plan this very well, did you?”

The most contentious of the three snapped, “It wasn’t intentional. The opportunity arose and we knew we likely wouldn’t get another chance. If we stopped to plan, we’d be dead or still with the Empire.”

She held out the three ration bars. “Yeah, that can happen.” Wordlessly, Melshi gave her half of his ration bar for herself.

Hesitantly the lead trooper took the bars and passed one to each of the others.

“What are your names? I need some way to differentiate you.”

“We go by designations…”

“So, you don’t have another name or you prefer the designation?”

The three looked at one another and then he said, “I’m Ved, that’s Rimmer and Gazz.”

She nodded. “Lyra, Jeron and Rue. You met K-2. So, what prompted your retirement from the service?”

The three fell silent, chewing the food and staring down at the ground. Finally, Gazz snarled, “The Death Star. That’s what it was called, right?”

Jyn nodded. “That’s what most people called it. The Empire tended to use different names to conceal it until completion.”

“Yeah, well they kept telling us ‘mining disaster on Jedha’, though it was never clear how it managed to kill so many Imperials. They didn’t even try to pretend when they wiped out Scarif base. All those Imperial troops serving faithfully and they just obliterated them in an instant. Just because a few Rebels were attacking? It made no sense. And if those on Scarif weren’t safe, were any of us? All this time the Empire has held itself up as the great protector of mankind, a force for peace, and then they do that?” He shook his head vehemently. “No. No chance I could believe a word they said after that.”

The other two nodded agreement. After a moment, Rimmer added, “I guess we always knew DS-1 was a weapon, but they always presented it as a deterrent, a threat to make the enemy yield. I never thought they’d actually use it. And then Alderaan happened. I mean, yeah, the planet was known as largely Rebel-sympathizers, but still. An entire planet? Destroyed? How…how…?” His voice trailed off, his question left unasked.

Ved looked at Jyn. “And that’s why. We thought what we were doing as part of the Empire was right, until we couldn’t escape the truth any longer. But knowing and doing anything about it are two different things. I’d…I’d pretty much given up hope of finding a way out. Then the fire happened and we escaped and…and we just took off and never looked back.”

“You do know the Rebels destroyed it, don’t you? The Death Star?” Cassian asked.

Ved nodded. “Yeah, we heard. They tried to keep it quiet, but too many civilians knew about it and were talking. It was easy to overhear their conversations. But that doesn’t change the fact that they used it, that they would have continued to use it if they could. Without it, they’ll just find other ways.”

“Jeron.”

It was startling to hear K-2 call him that. “Yes, K?”

“The storm is abating. We could leave within the hour if you wish.”

“Okay, thanks, K.” He turned and met Jyn’s gaze, quirking a questioning eyebrow at her. Did she want to continue interrogating them, or did she want him to jump in?

Jyn dropped her eyes in thought, then asked, “So what is it you’re wanting from us, Ved? We can drop you on a planet with Imperial presence – that’s most planets these days – but if they do notice your ‘absence’, you’re apt to get flagged no matter where you go. If you find some place not affiliated with the Empire yet, well…well, let’s just say they might be a little hostile toward an Imperial attitude.”

“What planet are you from?” Gazz interjected.

Jyn shrugged. “Us? We’re from all over, but now that we’re spacers, pretty much whatever planet we are on at the moment is home.”

“You’re spacers?” Rimmer didn’t sound fully convinced of it.

“Yeah. Mostly run freight, but occasionally we’ll take on passengers or do charters. The ship gives us a roof over our heads and we make enough to eat and buy fuel. It’s not a bad life.”

“And the KX unit? Where’d you get that?” Gazz asked.

Likely they all three were suspicious, but clearly Gazz was the most vocal in expressing it. “Found him in a junkyard. He’s an out-of-date model so not much use to anyone. We managed to wipe his original programming and it’s handy to have him around.” She grinned. “Cuts down on people stiffing us our fee.”

“Sooooo, you all don’t have an affiliation either Empire or Rebellion? Just whoever pays you?”

“A lot of people don’t choose sides,” Melshi commented.

“Why’re you so interested in other…choices? You fellas looking to do a complete flipflop?”

The three troopers glanced at each other, before Rimmer cautiously told them, “Just looking to see what our options are. Like you said, if our absence is noticed, we’d need to be careful. Very careful.”

“Makes sense,” Jyn agreed. “Well, we’ve met a lot of folks all over the galaxy, so we could probably introduce you to someone in your field of interest.” She chuckled. “Even Hutts, if you’re looking for a life of crime.” She shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first troopers to ‘retire’ from service.”

“Maybe we should get to the ship and talk more where it’s dry and warm,” Cassian suggested.

Melshi nodded. “Right. I’m all for that.”

As they stood, the three eyed each other and then Rimmer asked, “Should we leave the armor here?”

“Not a good idea,” Cassian advised. “If they haven’t noticed you’re gone, finding three empty sets of armor is sure to raise questions and make them take a closer look.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

Melshi met Cassian’s eyes for a moment, then said, “Okay, let’s get everything packed up. Don’t want to leave anything here.”

While the troopers moved to help, Cassian approached Jyn and slid his arms around her waist. “Glad to see you’re safe,” he said, loudly enough to be heard, following it with a kiss. More softly, he asked, “What do you think?”

She giggled and nuzzled against him, making noticeable sounds of pleasure, before replying, “Not sure. I believe they up and quit. But they aren’t giving off strong ‘I want to join the Rebellion’ signals. I know they have to be careful, but they can’t expect the Rebellion to come recruiting without a little more encouragement.”

“Agreed,” Cassian murmured, dropping another kiss on her lips.

“Hey, you two. Knock it off and come help. Save that for later,” Melshi called.

“Yeah, yeah, coming,” Jyn retorted, seeming put out by the interruption. They trailed over to join in while still holding hands.

The trek back to the starfighter went more quickly than the trip from it had, now that the storm had died down and the wind had eased considerably. It was still raining steadily, but they were already soaked so it made little difference. As soon as they glimpsed the ship, Melshi tapped Cassian’s arm. “Come on. We’d better go on ahead and rearrange things so we all fit. Lyra and K can bring our guests.” Jyn nodded an acknowledgement and they moved away.

By the time the rest of them reached the ship, Bodhi had been apprised of the situation and Melshi had called instructions to Tonc to make preparations there. Though the starfighter officially would hold at least four passengers in addition to the pilot, that number did not include the expectation of one of that number being a seven-foot droid. Melshi stood behind Bodhi in the cockpit for the short trip, but that left the rest of them to squeeze into the back.

Shortly after they took off, Ved cleared his throat. He and the others had held quiet conversations among themselves while they walked, and had kept glancing at one another from the moment they sat down. “Look…I, uh…we…well, you don’t know if you can trust us and we don’t know if we can trust you. We understand that. But as Lyra pointed out, all of us were in an abandoned house on the outskirts of town in a rainstorm, and clearly unprepared to be there. So, uh, well…the truth is that we had kind of intended to flipflop, as you called it.” He stared pointedly at each of them.

“All three of you decided that at a moment’s notice when the chance to leave presented itself?” Cassian asked skeptically. “That’s a pretty big life change on the spur of the moment.”

“It…it wasn’t quite that spur of the moment,” Rimmer admitted. “We had patrolled together before and stood guard together. You get to talking about things and after a while, well, we began to realize we all had the same view of what the Empire was telling us. And not telling us. And that we were all desirous of a…change. The same change.”

“The hard part was figuring out a way to do it.” Gazz had kept mostly silent, but now joined in. “It seemed pretty hopeless. The fire…it just happened and we were in the right place at the right time. We took advantage, figuring another opportunity wasn’t likely to come our way.”

Cassian nodded thoughtfully. At length he looked up at them. “We can probably introduce you to people to assist with that flipflop, but it won’t be easy. You know they’re going to be wary of you. You’ll have to prove yourself to them.”

“Yeah, we figured that. All we need is a chance.”

Tonc was ready for them when they docked with the main ship. As instructed, he’d directed Chirrut and Baze to keep out of sight and sound. Neither much looked like spacers and if not seen then they avoided the danger of being revealed if the troopers proved false. Tonc and Baze had dragged one of the padded floor mats from the common room back to the unused cargo hold, and made sure the room had nothing that could be used as a weapon or to contact anyone outside the ship. Melshi intended to confine the three men there with K-2 watching over them until Alliance command could be notified.

They divested of their armor in the hold and then each was given a few minutes in the ‘fresher to clean up a little. At least their armor had kept them mostly dry.

“I don’t see why I have to be the one to stand guard over them,” K-2 huffed. “It is stereotypical to make me do it just because I was once an Imperial Security Droid.”

“What you once were isn’t the reason I chose you,” Cassian assured him. “You are the one they are least likely to be able to overpower, if you feign shutdown they may speak more freely in your presence, and you would be able to record any conversations for the Alliance to study later for any hidden meaning. All without them realizing it.”

“Yeah, K – you get to be a spy like Cassian. I thought you’d like that,” Jyn added with a grin.

“A spy?” K-2 considered that while Cassian and Jyn shared a look. It was evident the droid was pleased by that prospect. “Very well. I will get the information you seek from them.”

“All you need to do is lull them into a false sense of security. They’ll know the door is locked anyway, and figure you are just an added precaution. Take no apparent notice of what they say or do – just as if you were fully shut down and recharging. Then we’ll see what happens. Surveillance isn’t very exciting spy stuff, but it is essential.”

When all of them were ready to settle in for the night, Cassian handed around more ration bars and a blanket each. “Sorry, but we don’t have much extra bedding. K-2 will stay here with you. If you need anything, he’ll let someone know. Just be careful. He’ll be recharging. If you startle him into alertness, he may react defensively. It’s best to stand clear and call out to him until he responds.”

They nodded their understanding and Cassian bid them goodnight. After he secured the door, they looked warily at the droid. For a moment, it just stared at them, but then announced, “Well, I do not know about you, but I need to recharge. Hiking through a storm has drained my energy cells.” With that, he plunked down near the charging outlet and attached his connector.

Hesitantly the three shuffled around, deciding how to make use of the space. Though they stretched out as if to sleep, none of them were quite relaxed enough to feel like that would happen anytime soon.

“Well, it could be worse,” Rimmer observed. “We aren’t being held prisoner—”

“We’re locked in a cargo hold and being guarded by a KX Security Droid,” Gazz replied sarcastically. “What part of that doesn’t make you feel like a prisoner?”

“Guys, come on. Rimmer is right, Gazz. They have to be careful. Of course they do. But they fed us, gave us some place fairly comfortable to sleep. And, most importantly, they got us off the planet.”

“Still doesn’t mean they won’t try to turn us in for reward money. Why were they in an abandoned building outside town? Seems like they just didn’t want to be discovered there any more than we did. If they were doing something shady, they’d get clear first and then turn us in when they look totally innocent of any wrongdoing.”

They lapsed into silence, but after several minutes had passed, Ved told them, “Maybe you’re right, Gazz, but I don’t think so. I think Lyra will help us as much as she can.”

“Damned optimist. How’d you ever end up as a stormtrooper in the first place?” Gazz scowled toward his companion but it went unseen in the dark.

“Same way you did. No choice,” Ved replied quietly.

“I had a choice,” Gazz muttered. “I was just too blind to make a good one.”

“Then it’s time to fix that.” Ved lay still for a moment, then added. “Try to get some sleep. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Ved, Rimmer, Gazz – stormtroopers Jyn meets
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.
> 
>  
> 
> ch 20 note: Though Krennic says all Imperial troops were evacuated from Jedha before they fired the weapon, I can’t see the Empire being that conscientious and taking the time/making the effort to pull everyone out. Plus, to do so would have looked suspicious. I think it more than likely they pulled many of the troops back to their ships and left, but that there were still Imperial ground troops planetside at the time Jedha was destroyed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The team drops their guests off with the Alliance on the way to their next assignment. Ship problems, however, sidetrack them._

“Am I the only one to find it really strange to have three supposedly former Imperial stormtroopers locked in the cargo hold, being guarded by the definitely former Imperial Security Droid?” Tonc plopped down gracelessly on the seat next to Jyn with his breakfast in hand.

She grinned at him. “No stranger than the former Imperial cargo shuttle driver who is piloting our ship.”

“Which side are we on again?”

“Obviously it’s the former Imperial side,” she said elbowing him with amusement.

He yawned. “I’m going to start taking notes. I can’t keep track of all this.”

“Write a program to track it for you,” Cassian suggested.

“I just might do that.” He swallowed some caf and then asked, “So what happens now?”

Melshi looked up from reading. “We’re on course to meet up with Home Two. General Draven will take them from there and decide what to do with them. After that, we have a mission.”

Jyn finished her nutrition bar and stood, glancing down at Cassian. “Guess we ought to feed them and let them use the ‘fresher again if they need it.”

He nodded. “And find out if Kay got anything of importance during the night.” He turned to Melshi. “How long until we reach Home Two?”

Melshi checked the chrono. “About another six hours.”

Cassian stood also. “Okay. Either we or K-2 will keep an eye on them until then.”

“If I thought they had any credits, Bodhi and I could clean them out at sabacc. But, they might like to borrow his deck to play a while to pass the time.

“Didn’t think stormtroopers were allowed to have fun,” Tonc commented, moving over to the computer terminal.

“Only if they don’t get caught.” Jyn laughed, leading the way out of the common room.

Once the trio had used the ‘fresher, they regathered in the hold to eat their ration bars. Cassian and Jyn settled down to join them, though K-2 elected to remain also, still determined to continue his spy work.

“We’ll be meeting up with a contact in a few hours. You’ll be able to discuss your options with him. The more open and honest that you are, the better. If he thinks you’re holding back, well, he isn’t a very trusting sort. He’s the one you’ll want to convince to help you.”

“This contact, he knows how we met? Where you found us?” Ved asked.

Cassian nodded. “He was told the entire story, including how you aided Lyra when she was trapped.”

“You’re the only woman on this crew?” Rimmer said to Jyn. “That seems a little odd.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? You fall in love with a spacer and you go where your man goes.” She smiled at Cassian.

“Yeah, guess so. There were a few female stormtroopers, but mostly our only ‘love’, if you want to call it that, was serving and protecting the Emperor. Relationships were…not common.”

“That must have taken a lot of dedication,” Jyn observed benignly. That wasn’t really a discussion she wanted to get into.

Gazz moved over to a clear spot and began doing pushups. “He does that when he gets bored,” Rimmer noted. “We’re not used to so much time on our hands.”

“I brought a sabacc deck, if that interests you.” Jyn held up the cards.

Ved shrugged and reached for it. “Haven’t played in quite a while. Not sure I remember how, but it’s something to do.”

They settled down on the floor to play, and Gazz joined them as the cards were being dealt.

xx

Tonc secured the hatch and moved back to the hall where the others were gathered. “You think they’re serious about defecting?”

“It’s possible. I didn’t see anything to suggest otherwise. K?” Cassian looked up at the droid.

“There is an 82.6% chance they are serious. None of their conversation ever gave indications of subterfuge, nor veiled meanings that they were trying to keep us from detecting. However, it will be up to General Draven to make that determination. I forwarded my findings to him when we docked, along with the recordings I made during the night and today.”

“That’s all we can do,” Jyn said, leaning back. “Why only 82% chance? What’s the other 18%?”

“It is an 82.6% chance. There is also a 14.3% chance that they are not interested in joining the Alliance – that they just wanted to escape the Empire – but that they said they wanted to join with the idea it would better the chances of our helping them.”

“And the other 3.1%?” Bodhi asked.

“That is several minor possibilities with a likelihood of less than one per cent each.”

“I hope they are serious. Not only is that three fewer troopers shooting at us, but maybe they will provide useful intel. Granted, they aren’t privy to much really good information, but they will be familiar with some bases, various officers and starships. That kind of thing can help, too.” Jyn sat down next to Bodhi as the others nodded agreement with her.

“Okay, listen up.” Melshi appeared in the hall and got their attention, outlining the upcoming mission. “More details when we make atmosphere. Planetfall in two days. Dismissed.”

Among other things, they spent the day getting the ship back to its normal setup.

Certainly Jyn was glad to be dry and back to sleeping in a bed. She was more than used to being out in the rough conditions she and Melshi had experienced, but it was nice to not have to endure it. A nap during the day had helped, but she still didn’t hesitate to fall into bed at a fairly early hour.

She awoke to an announcement jolting her from slumber.

“Team, form up in the hallway. Repeat, form up in the hallway. Take caution – portside artificial gravity has failed. K-2, report to the cockpit.” Melshi repeated the entirety of the message as Jyn stumbled into the corridor and made her way forward with the others.

They arrived in the hall just as K-2 returned from the portside corridor with Baze and Chirrut using him for counterweight against the weightlessness.

“Well, that was not an appealing way to be awakened,” Chirrut remarked, more cheerfully than his comment warranted.

Tonc trailed in last and Melshi explained the situation. “We’ll need to double up on quarters for now.”

Jyn felt Cassian tense beside her and suggested, “Bodhi in with Tonc and you take the front cabin, and Cassian in with me so Baze and Chirrut can use his? Does that work for everyone?”

She knew Cassian would have shared sleeping quarters before, though it was also possible that he had slept little while doing so. With so much troubled sleep and nightmares waking him, hopefully he would be most comfortable with her, since she had already seen him in the throes of bad dreams.

He swallowed once, but nodded at her, a faint flicker of gratitude in his gaze. Melshi was watching them, so when there was no objection raised by anyone, he said, “That works. We’ll move the armory into Bodhi’s cabin with me. Those of you clearing cabin space on the starboard side, get to work. Those on port side, let K-2 know if you need something from your cabin and he will either retrieve it or assist you in bringing it out. Once that’s done, we’ll work on moving the weapons and getting them secured in that front cabin.”

Melshi went to take Bodhi’s place in the cockpit, but conferred with the pilot before he left. “What are our options for repairs, do you think? The base on Qetix IV?”

Bodhi considered a moment, but then shook his head. “Too small, probably, and they mostly focus on starfighter repairs. I know it’s farther away, but Resolute Base on Jagomir is likely our best choice. It’s big enough they can take a ship this large, and they should have the parts needed. The Verpine techs might even be able to repair ours without having to completely replace it. They’re supposed to be amazing with technology.”

“Good enough. I’ll set course. Get moved in with Tonc and then report back.”

Jyn had followed Cassian silently down the hall, but stopped him at his doorway. “Are you okay with this? I thought…well, I thought it might be easier for you having me in the same room rather than anyone else. Since I know so much about your situation.”

“It’s fine, Jyn. Really.” He gave her a weak smile. “I just hope I don’t keep you awake too much.” His face clouded at the thought.

“Hey” – she caught hold of his arm – “it will be fine. Who knows – I might keep you awake with my dreams. We’ll get through it. Together. Deal?”

His smile was more genuine this time. “Deal,” he replied softly, turning to open drawers and pull out clothing.

Jyn let him load her up before moving on to her own room, leaving him to clear out anything else that was left. Luckily she didn’t have that much stuff; she wasn’t the type to acquire an excess of clothing or belongings. Three of the six drawers were already empty, even if she hadn’t previously had a bunkmate. Once they had found a spot for all of Cassian’s things, they returned out front to help the others.

Baze and Chirrut had already collected their things and Cassian waved them on. “Go ahead. The room is empty and ready for you.”

Tonc and Bodhi appeared right behind them and they went to assist with the evacuation of the armory. Jyn paused for a moment at the cockpit. “Melshi, you want the top bunk?”

He glanced back. “Yeah. If something unexpected happens, I’d just as soon not have a lot of equipment crashing down on my head. Even with the crash netting, that’s always a possibility.”

Once everything had been cleared from the port side, Melshi directed, “Okay, turn in and get what sleep you can for the remainder of the night. Mission is cancelled – I notified base of the problem. We’re headed to Jagomir, so it will take a few days. Dig in for now.”

They trickled away. Back in the cabin, Jyn asked, “You want the top or bottom bunk?”

“You’re already using the bottom bunk. The top one is fine.”

“Yeah, but I know your back and shoulder sometimes give you trouble. I don’t mind the top rack if it’s easier for you.”

He hesitated, but then nodded. “Thanks.”

They worked together to pull down the bunk, and secure it and the ladder in place. There wasn’t much else to do since they were already in sleep clothes. Jyn reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Good night. Get the light, okay?”

Her ease made him smile, and hopefully relax a little.

Jyn wasn’t surprised the next morning when she awoke early, though it did momentarily startle her when she opened her eyes to the ceiling so close. She rolled to the side of the bed and peeked down. Cassian still slept, one arm half off the side of the bed. She couldn’t help the smile that came to her. Sleeping was the only time he looked completely at peace. But she was glad he had managed to fall asleep even in the unexpected change of quarters.

It took a moment to register that his eyes were open behind the hair falling over his face, staring up at her. “What are you doing?” he murmured.

She smiled more broadly. “Watching you sleep. You look a lot younger.”

“So do you,” he replied, rolling onto his back. His expression sobered. “I heard you coughing in the night. Are you sick? From the weather on your last mission?”

“Just a cold, and yeah, probably from that. Being cold and wet for an extended period will do that. Ved was coughing, too.”

“Melshi said we’re headed to Jagomir. They have a med facility there. You can get more medicine if you need something beyond what we keep onboard.”

“Okay. Jagomir – what’s it like? Haven’t been there.”

“Me either. It’s a base that’s more recently been established – after we lost the one on Arda. I’ve heard it’s pretty much a swamp planet, and that there are some dangerous plants and animals. They haven’t found any sentient life, which is probably one of the reasons they chose it. The only population there is what’s on the base – around three hundred or so, I think.”

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough.” Jyn sat up and swung her legs over the edge, then hopped down from her bunk, bypassing the ladder.

“Show-off,” Cassian muttered good-naturedly. “You want dibs on the ‘fresher if no one else is using it?”

“Sure.” She pulled out clothes and toiletries, heading out the door.

The need for repairs created an unexpected break from their work, though not an unwelcome one. Even better was making planetfall for the duration, in a situation where they could freely interact with the other people in residence. Commander Qurno was off the base when they arrived, but his second, Major Yalor, greeted them cordially and got his people to work on the problem right away.

The base was far from full at the moment, so they were given rooms in the barracks. They had been tempted to just remain in their cabins on the ship, but the Verpine that ran the tech bay warned them the noise of work on their ship might cause problems for them. His techs tended to work at all hours to make sure they stayed on top of repairs.

They also got to make use of the mess hall, and though non-descript, it was better than rations. Even so, with the more permanent setup, it was easier for the kitchen to have a greater variety of food available.

Their first meal there, they sat apart from the others in the room, but all could feel the looks cast in their direction. Before they finished eating, two men from the other table approached. “You all, you’re Rogue One, right?”

Melshi nodded, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Just wanted to say, thanks. You know – for going to Scarif in spite of the council. I know they’re important and all, but sometimes they just don’t get it. Sometimes…soldiers have to do what’s needed even without their approval.” The man with him nodded his agreement.

“Listen, it’s not much, but we’ve got a little alcohol and we’d be honored to share a drink with you, if you’re interested.”

Melshi glanced around at his team and when they all seemed agreeable to the idea, he spoke for them. “Thanks.”

“Good. You’re in Barracks 2, right? We’ll meet you there after supper tonight. Oh, and bring a cup with you.” He gestured toward the mess hall workers. “They won’t mind. Just be sure you return it.”

The other man spoke for the first time. “A day here is thirty hours, so supper isn’t until around 2200. That kind of throws people off when they first arrive. You probably think you’re eating a late lunch, but this is actually pretty normal.”

For the next week, they all made themselves as useful as they could around the base. They had been warned how dangerous it could be outside of the compound wall, so they restricted themselves to exploring the base itself. Repairs were delayed since they needed a part that they did not have on base, but Major Yalor had contacted the Commander, and he was able to bring it with him when he returned three days after their arrival.

When they departed, they already had an assignment. It was for recon, but along the way Jyn managed to acquire more credits for their use from an unwitting Imperial benefactor. At their next fuel and supply stop, Cassian and Jyn headed out to restock the galley. Bodhi tagged along with Tonc on his rounds of the tech stalls.

It was more a matter of killing time for Bodhi, but Melshi liked them to stay in groups of at least two when off the ship. Fortunately, when Tonc spotted a stall with much of interest to him, Bodhi happened to notice a nearby stall had holovids for sale. Everyone had been enjoying that change of pace for entertainment. He decided to use some of Jyn’s largesse to add to their collection. He was soon immersed in leafing through the stock available.

He had just glimpsed Tonc from the corner of his eye, coming to join him, when another group of vids caught his attention.

“You about ready? I’ve got what I came for.” Tonc fiddled with his purchase as he spoke.

“Oh.”

Bodhi’s small exclamation made him look up. “Something wrong?”

“I don’t believe it.”

“What?”

Bodhi held up a holovid disk. “The Adventures of Spaceman Spiff.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No. No, there are several disks – it seems to be a series of programs. I guess Jyn didn’t pull the name out of thin air – she must have seen or heard it somewhere before, even if she didn’t remember it.” He paused, then cautioned, “Don’t tell Jyn or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

Tonc snorted. “Got that right.”

Neither spoke for a minute, but then Bodhi sheepishly eyed him. “Only, now I sort of want to see it just to see what it’s about.”

Tonc tried to look reproving, but finally gave up with a sigh. “Yeah, me, too.”

They found a bundle of five disks together, but those were the only ones. Apparently they weren’t terribly popular as the price was extremely low, so they didn’t have great expectations for the viewing quality. But, if nothing else, they would be good for a laugh.

Cassian was inspired by the influx of fresh ingredients and made a tasty supper for them that evening and it struck Bodhi as the appropriate time to spring his surprise.

“I found some new holovids in the market today. I thought we’d watch one of the new ones.”

“What’s it called?” Baze asked lounging comfortably on the floor.

Bodhi and Tonc shared a grin. “Oh, I think I’ll let that be a surprise. Everyone get comfortable while I set it up.”

Melshi stood. “I think I’ll pass this time – I’ve got a book I want to finish. I’ll take over in the cockpit so K-2 can join you. He seems to enjoy these, even when he only listens.”

Tonc looked around. “Oh, didn’t you know? He watches them later to see what he missed. I think we got him hooked on them.”

“I heard that, and I do not like the implication that I have an uncontrollable urge to watch human entertainment. I merely find them interesting as a means of better understanding humans and their behavior.”

They all shared a grin at K’s affront, but none challenged him on it.

The bundle they had purchased contained what looked to be the very first episode of the series, though Bodhi couldn’t determine if the others were in order after it or how many there even were. When he had time, he would do some searching on the holonet to see what he could find out.

Once everyone was comfortable, he started the projector.

A pretentious voice boomed out “The Adventures of Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire!” Exciting theme music swelled in the background for a moment, before the announcer began summarizing the premise of the story. It went unheard, however, as the Rogue One team was already hooting with laughter.

The show was only about thirty minutes long, but they laughed and commented throughout. Likely they’d have to watch it again just to know what actually happened. Bodhi wasn’t sure they needed to bother; the show really was not that good – over-acted, overly dramatic about things that weren’t of any real importance, fake-looking aliens and technology. It was labelled as an action/adventure series, but he thought it more appropriate to put it in the comedy section. Still, he hadn’t ever heard the team laugh this much. Even the usually quiet and taciturn Cassian and Baze had chuckled and made joking remarks a time or two. He definitely had to count his purchase as a great success.

Uncharacteristically, K-2 had remained silent for the duration, but when the laughter subsided, he finally spoke up. “I do not understand this program.”

“What do you mean, K?” As usual, Cassian was more tolerant of the droid’s questions and potential arguments.

“It is completely illogical and full of misinformation.”

“K—”

“Furthermore,” – now that K had the floor, he clearly didn’t intend to give it up until he’d had his say – “it is unlikely that a spaceship of that design would be capable of interplanetary travel. Indeed, it might not even be structurally sound. Never at any time did Spiff wear any sort of breathing apparatus, and it is highly improbable that all the planets he visited had a breathable oxygen-based atmosphere. His weapons were possibly workable, though I would need a closer inspection of them to be certain of that. And the aliens he fought do not even exist! I have extensive knowledge in my databanks and the chances that such creatures have been found without my being aware are infinitesimal.”

Cassian was rubbing his forehead, but Jyn just grinned up at the droid. “Are you finished?” she asked.

“For the moment, yes.”

Jyn sat up and told him, “Look, K, holovids aren’t supposed to be ‘instructional’. That means they don’t always bother to get their facts straight. Their point is just to entertain and the people watching are willing to ignore any discrepancies between the vid and reality. Most vids will try to stay closer to the truth if they are meant to be viewed in a serious manner. And there are comedies that intentionally stretch truth and reality in order to make people laugh. But sometimes, like this holovid, they are meant to be taken somewhat seriously, but they stray so far from believability that they become laughable. That’s why we laughed so much at something that was supposed to be exciting and dramatic. If you want to enjoy these holovids, you can’t take them too seriously.”

“And you can’t look too closely at the details,” Bodhi added.

K’s photoreceptors switched back and forth between the two of them, trying to analyze their explanation. Finally, he told them, “I am not sure I will ever understand the human concept of humor.”

Jyn shrugged. “You wanted to watch them with us. Maybe stop trying to find logic in them and just study them to grasp what humans find entertaining. There really isn’t any way we can explain humor to you.”

Baze muttered, “I’m beginning to see why Melshi wanted to read.” Chirrut elbowed him.

“Do you prefer that I not watch them with you, then?” K-2 asked.

Bodhi shoved to his feet to shut down the projector. “You can watch if you want to, K. It’s just that I think you’ll continue to find them confusing and we won’t be very helpful in explaining things to you. You might find that more frustrating than worthwhile, but it’s up to you.”

Jyn reached over and patted K-2’s leg. “You’re part of the team and you’re always welcome to join us in team activities, whenever you want. If you find them too illogical, you may want to do something else like Melshi did. It’s up to you.”

xx

The Spaceman Spiff holovids served a more important purpose than Bodhi could have anticipated. They all needed the laughter, especially as the anniversary of the Battle of Scarif approached. The Rebels on Jagomir had reminded them how near it was, and everyone seemed tense despite efforts not to let it show. The laughter helped, very likely keeping at least a few nightmares at bay.

After the ship’s artificial gravity was repaired, everyone soon relocated to their cabins as before. With one exception. Jyn had recommended to Cassian that they stay sharing for the time being, at least until the anniversary of Scarif had passed. She suspected, and he agreed, that either or both of them were likely to have more than one troubled night of sleeping.

The precaution had been wise. Cassian knew he likely was the one receiving the greatest benefit. There was no stopping the nightmares entirely, but being in the same cabin also meant that they rarely went unnoticed. Too often in the past, nightmares sent him spiraling into despair, but Jyn’s prompt soothing eased his agitation and got him back to sleep again far quicker than he could ever have hoped. He reciprocated, of course, when it was necessary, but Jyn heading off his demons meant more rest and a better frame of mind upon waking.

Unexpectedly, Rogue One was directed to meet up with Home One. To keep it’s location safe, they took a circuitous route to get there and arrived on July 9th. Tonc and Bodhi both were thrilled for the chance to visit with Marika, but Cassian was less excited about their orders. General Draven had summoned him to a meeting on the 10th, and he dreaded hearing what the General might have to say to him. He hadn’t mentioned it to Jyn, not wanting to alarm her. See what Draven said first, then deal with whatever came of it.

 

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> invented characters:  
> Ved, Rimmer, Gazz – stormtroopers Jyn meets
> 
> All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The anniversary of the Battle of Scarif approaches, and with it comes new instructions for the team by Alliance Command._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Hope you enjoyed. Will there ever be more with this version of the characters and their situation? No idea. Certainly it's possible the muse would take me there at some point. However, now that this is finished posting, I'll return to posting the Rogue One Vignettes. I have several more written, but paused in posting while I was putting this story online.
> 
> *******
> 
> invented characters:  
> Marika Tonc – cousin of Rogue One member Stordan Tonc  
> Corporal Inden – comm tech on Home One
> 
> All other characters are from existing Star Wars universe.
> 
> ******
> 
> Couldn’t find a definite date for Battle of Scarif; so I chose a date (July 12). (One person said it was in May, connecting A New Hope with the movie’s May debut in theatres.) Destruction of the Death Star began 0 ABY. We know the Rebels didn’t relocate until “2 ABY” (some sources say it was 3 ABY); I’ve assumed year ‘designate’ rather than literally a full year. So 0 ABY is one year and 1 ABY is the second, putting them on Hoth in 2 ABY (only there 1 month before found by Empire). Hoth base took abt a year to construct. May have been some use of during the building.  
> 

  


“Captain Andor. Have a seat.”

Now that he was on one of Onoran’s teams, it was unclear why Draven had called him in. If they were going to move him back to Rebel Intelligence wouldn’t Onoran be the one to tell him? He stiffened at the mere possibility.

Finally Draven explained the purpose of the meeting. “Despite the retroactively sanctioned nature of Rogue One’s infiltration of Scarif, the Alliance Council thinks it wise to put the entire matter in the best possible light. Already most Rebellion personnel consider the lot of you to be heroes. Consequently, with the anniversary of Scarif coming up, it has been decided that medals will be awarded to you and Jyn Erso in recognition of your…heroic accomplishment.”

Cassian noted that Draven carefully did not include himself in the decision that this should be done. He wasn’t sure Draven would ever acknowledge that it had been necessary. But, that aside, a medal? For going to Scarif where so many good soldiers had died? He couldn’t stomach the thought, and he felt sure Jyn would be no more eager to accept.

“With all due respect, sir, I must decline. As I’m sure Sergeant Erso also will. We did what was needed, but it is difficult to ‘celebrate’ the loss of all those lives with a medal for heroism. All of them were heroes.”

Draven scowled. “This wasn’t exactly a suggestion that is optional, Captain. The Council wants to present medals.”

In a moment of great clarity, Cassian knew how to respond. “Very well. They may present the medals to two of the true heroes of the mission – two who rose above everything that could be expected from them: Bodhi Rook and K-2SO.”

Draven’s face flushed red. “Have you lost your mind completely? The Council is not going to reward an Imperial defector and a droid! That is out of the question.”

Cassian shrugged. “Perhaps you can convince Melshi and Tonc to accept, then. Jyn and I decline.” He was not going to yield on this, though he very much hoped he wasn’t speaking out of turn for Jyn.

Draven’s scowl deepened and he cleared his throat. “Melshi and Tonc have…already declined. They both insisted the honor should go to others more deserving.”

“Perhaps they’ll reconsider when they know we’ve also turned it down.” Cassian remained unmoved.

“I could order you to do this, Captain. Or have Onoran do it as your new commanding officer.”

“You could. And Jyn and I would disobey, just as we did when we went to Scarif.”

Draven pretended great interest in something on his data pad, but at length he said, “Possibly we can consider Rook, but they are not going to allow a medal to be given to a droid. They will require a sentient being.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Dismissed.” Draven’s voice was laced with irritation, but Cassian ignored it.

He didn’t make it all the way back to the ship before he met Bodhi heading toward Draven’s office. The pilot looked more than a little unnerved. “Hey, Cassian.” He hesitated, then asked, “General Draven wants to see me. Do you know what that’s about?”

Cassian smiled reassuringly. “Nothing bad. Don’t worry. I just came from there.”

“Uh, okay. Thanks.” With a deep breath to steady himself, Bodhi continued on.

He arrived at Draven’s door much more quickly than he would have liked. Well, Cassian said it was nothing bad and he trusted the Captain. He knocked.

“Enter.”

Draven gestured for him to close the door behind him. “Be seated, Rook.”

“Yes, sir.” Bodhi gingerly sat in the chair facing the general, trying to breathe normally.

Draven didn’t mince words. “We’ve decided to give you a medal on behalf of Rogue One. For your accomplishment on Scarif. Congratulations.”

To say he was stunned was an understatement. A warm flush of surprise and pride rushed through him, leaving him beaming from ear to ear. After less than a minute, though, reality inserted itself into his thoughts. “Uh, sir? Why me? The medal should go to Cassian and Jyn. They led the team – they deserve it more.” Only after he said it did it occur to him that maybe they were all getting medals and his response was foolish.

“Captain Andor and Sergeant Erso have declined the award.”

Draven didn’t explain further, but Bodhi still found his response very curious. They had refused? So he was next in line?

“Well, then Melshi and Tonc. Or even K-2. All of them did much more than I did. They should get medals.”

Draven didn’t meet his gaze, biting out his words with carefully controlled ire. “Melshi and Tonc also declined. All four of them recommended you and the droid, but giving a medal to a droid is not an option, and before you suggest it, the Guardians of the Whills are not official members of the Alliance and so are ineligible. That just leaves you to represent your team.”

Bodhi sat back in the chair, stunned by the General’s words. Everyone had declined and recommended Bodhi and K?

He straightened in his chair. Everyone had recommended both he and K-2 for this, and K-2 had been dismissed out of hand. That wasn’t right. Just because he was a droid didn’t mean his participation hadn’t been equally important. He had sacrificed himself to ensure Cassian and Jyn succeeded, but then even managed to sway a stormtrooper to defect and found a way back to the Alliance to report. He went way beyond any programming he might have. Cassian would never have ordered him to give up his own existence to protect the sentients on their mission. K-2 had acted as a true Rebel working for the good of all.

“With…uh, with all due respect, sir, uh…I can’t accept this. Not unless K is honored also. Maybe he’s just a droid to the Council, but to us he is one of the team – a valuable member. He deserves it as much or even more than I do.”

“Rook…” There was no missing the warning tone of Draven’s voice. “This is not a negotiation! You’ll do as you’re told, Corporal.”

When he was working for the Empire, Bodhi had always followed orders and kept his head down. Even once he defected, he felt he needed to continue that obedience to orders that were given to him. But his entire team had refused this award, insisting that it go to those they thought most deserving of it. And they all thought the most deserving were Bodhi _and_ K-2SO. He agreed with the team to the extent that if Bodhi deserved it, then certainly K did also. And if they had stood up to the brass, well, he wouldn’t let his team down.

“Your orders are understood, sir. But I still decline, unless K-2 is also a recipient. I stand with my team on this, sir.” He could scarcely breathe and he wanted to quake in terror, but after nearly a year with Rogue One, he had grown. Repeatedly they told him that he didn’t lack ability, only confidence. He chose to believe them and act accordingly, even if it terrified him.

Draven jerked to his feet, causing his chair to slam back against the wall. Apparently he intended to use his anger and physical presence to intimidate Bodhi, but he refused to flinch away and forced himself to look the man steadily in the eyes.

Draven must have noticed the determination on his face. “Dismissed,” he growled.

Bodhi didn’t need to be told twice.

Five minutes later, Draven found Mon Mothma alone in the Command lounge. “Chancellor…” He paused, thinking how to word his message.

“Is it all arranged with Rogue One for the medals to be presented, General?” She didn’t look up from a datapad in her hands, seeming not to notice his irritation.

“No, ma’am, it is not. They… declined the honor. They all insisted it be given only to Rook and the droid, but Rook refused when he found out the droid wasn’t to be considered.”

Mothma looked up and a tiny smile flitted briefly over her lips. “Indeed. All of them feel K-2SO is deserving?”

“It would seem so. Someone needs to explain to them that droids are machines and not soldiers.”

“Actually, General, I think they may have the right of it. If they are so convinced of K-2’s worthiness, then I think it wise for us to consider his contribution. The report I heard was that he essentially sacrificed himself – or at least his physical form – defending Captain Andor and Sergeant Erso, enabling them to fulfill the mission. That is quite a valuable and commendable action on his part.”

“It has to do with programming, Chancellor. People need to stop reading human motive into a droid’s programmed actions.”

“Well, on that we will have to disagree. I have seen little evidence of blind obedience from K-2SO since he came to us. If for no other droid, I think you are mistaken with regard to him. At any rate, if you would send for the droid, I will speak with him and see if he is willing, and then find a way to persuade the Council to agree to it. You said Corporal Rook was willing so long as K-2 was awarded, yes?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Draven replied through clenched teeth.

“Excellent. If you would summon K-2 for me, I will proceed. Thank you for your efforts, General.”

He nodded acknowledgement of the dismissal and left, not even attempting to hide his feelings about the matter.

Mon Mothma merely smiled after him before returning attention to her datapad.

x

“I do not understand. Why are you wanting to give me a medal? Those are only ever given to Alliance personnel. Droids are not considered personnel.”

“That is true, K-2, for most of Alliance Command, and even other Rebels, but your team believes otherwise. All of them have insisted that you be included in any award or none of them will accept it.”

“Rogue One insisted on this?”

“Yes, quite adamantly, much to General Draven’s disgruntlement. However, having read the reports about your actions on Scarif, I must agree with your team that you are deserving. Will you accept a medal?”

K’s processors whirred, trying to understand this course of events. It was not within the expected parameters of behavior that he had compiled on the various team members. Cassian, perhaps, might act in this way, and Jyn Erso was frequently unpredictable, but the others as well? Most unexpected.

Mon Mothma was awaiting an answer. “Very well, if my team wishes me to do this, then I will comply.”

x

“I’m not sure I can do this.”

Jyn stopped smoothing the fabric of his uniform and let her hands rest on his shoulders, turning him to face her. “Yes, you can. It’s just a bunch of your fellow Rebels, and we’ll be there in the audience, and K will be right beside you. You can do it, Bodhi.”

Bodhi wrapped his arms around her, though the embrace seemed to be more for his benefit than hers. “Okay. Okay. I won’t let you down. I can do this.” He paused, then added, “But I still wish you guys were going to be up there with us. You deserve it more—”

“You and K-2 deserve it just as much as anyone else of Rogue One. No one single person made it possible. It took all of us together. But Command likes to focus on the leaders as though the team didn’t matter. Like it or not, this time around the unsung heroes are going to be acknowledged.”

She stepped back out of his arms. “Now, come on, flyboy. You don’t want to be late.”

“Right. Right.” He took a deep breath and followed her out of the room.

The rest of the team was waiting for them at the end of the hall, and they moved as a group toward the meeting space. Without a permanent base, the ceremony necessarily had to be small, but it was to be recorded and sent around to other ships and small bases to allow them to watch later if they wished.

x

“Marika?”

She looked up, not expecting to see the Chancellor. It wasn’t long until the ceremony to present medals to Rogue One. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Do I remember correctly that a relative of yours was part of Rogue One?”

“Yes, ma’am. My cousin, Corporal Stordan Tonc.”

“Ah, yes. Would you accompany me to the ceremony, then, and act as my aide? I think it a nice touch to have a family member of one of the team members be part of the awards.”

She blinked in surprise. “Well…” She glanced around. “I am on duty, Chancellor.”

“This shouldn’t take more than an hour. I’m sure the others can cover for you until you return.”

Marika gave a nod. “Yes, ma’am. Very well.” She looked over at Corporal Inden. “Keep an eye on things. Reach me by comm if anything urgent arises.”

He stood straighter. “Yes, Sergeant.”

Mon Mothma had turned and moved away a few paces, but was waiting for Marika to join her. Once they were side by side and moving on their way, Marika asked, “What exactly would you like me to do as your aide, ma’am?”

“I thought I would handle the speech-making, as that is my specialty.” She smiled at the girl who returned it with amusement. “I would have you present the actual medals to the recipients.”

Marika’s eyes widened. “You…you want me to…”

“Present the medals. It will be simple enough. When I call the name of the recipient, he will step forward and bow to you. You will place the medal around his neck and step back. He’ll bow to me and step to the side. Then the same thing again with the other one. Very simple. Nothing you can’t handle.”

She cleared her throat. “No, ma’am. I can manage that.” She couldn’t restrain a pleased grin inwardly. This was unexpected, but she completely agreed that the team deserved the awards. Tonc had explained to her why it was just Bodhi and the droid, and it made sense even though she still thought her cousin deserved recognition. But, then, they weren’t in this for recognition. Still…her eyes crinkled with warmth – she would enjoy seeing the look on Bodhi’s face when she put the medal around his neck. There was just something about him that made her…well, enough of that. Time to pay attention to the task at hand.

They reached the meeting room a good ten minutes ahead of the ceremony’s start, but it was already packed with those wishing to be in attendance. Seven chairs had been set out along the front of the room for the team members, with the droid standing to the side. Mon Mothma led the way to a spot near the small dais that had been set up. Someone was already there, holding the two medals to be presented. The sight of their leader quieted the room somewhat, though they continued to talk in hushed voices while they waited.

Just moments before the ceremony was to start, the survivors of Rogue One filed into the room and took their seats. Silence had rippled over the room as people realized they had arrived. By the time they were seated, there was no need to call the room to order.

Mon Mothma stepped to the podium and smiled down on the gathering. “We meet today for a bittersweet moment. One year ago we were made aware of a terrible weapon that the Empire had created, but fortunately we were also made aware of a way to defeat it. The weapon had been used already to wipe out an entire city on Jedha, and many lives were lost. Because of that, many would not believe anything could be done to stop the Empire. Many thought we had no choice but to surrender or give up and hide. In that dark moment, a lone voice reminded us that there was still hope, that we should not assume defeat until it actually happened. Some believed her, some did not. But on that date, a small group with great determination and heart decided not to sit back and wait for the end. They had hope and so they set off to do everything in their power to give us a true chance. We are here now because they succeeded in their endeavor. Sadly, many were taken from our ranks that day, but thanks to their sacrifice we may still move forward in our efforts to bring peace and freedom to the galaxy. It is a long road ahead, but they gave us renewed hope for the future.

“Today, we meet to honor that brave team. In particular, we will award medals to two of their number on behalf of the entire team. These two are not the first to come to mind when the heroes of Scarif are mentioned, but their contributions to the mission were vital to its success.

“The first award goes to Corporal Bodhi Rook. Bodhi was brave enough to slip away from his Imperial entanglements, at great personal risk, to bring the message of the weapon and how it could be defeated. He used his knowledge of Imperial practices to infiltrate the Scarif base. And, at the end, he flew the shuttle that saved at least a few of their team. Corporal Rook.” She gestured for him to come forward.

Taking another deep breath, Bodhi stood, desperately hoping he would not trip on the three steps up to the podium or do anything else equally embarrassing. His eyes were on Mon Mothma, reassured that she was smiling at him, when he noticed movement from the corner of his eye. Marika had been allowed to attend the ceremony, he had noticed, and he was sure that it pleased Tonc to have her here. Not to mention that it pleased him. But, to his astonishment, she was moving toward him. For a moment he wasn’t sure what she was doing, but then he realized she held his medal and his eyes went round. Oh. He froze, just staring at her.

Under her breath she murmured, “Bow.”

Oh, yeah, right. Quickly he bent over to bow toward her. Or was he supposed to bow to the Chancellor? She smiled, a twinkle in her dark eyes, as she placed the medal around his neck. “Now to the Chancellor,” she whispered.

Relieved by the guidance, he turned to Mon Mothma and bowed again. He should have known Marika would look out for him.

After another warm smile, Mon Mothma announced, “The other recipient is an unexpected one. Droids are not considered Alliance personnel and so anything they do in our service is merely taken for granted. But some droids go far beyond their programming in loyalty and selflessness. K-2SO stood against overwhelming swarms of Imperial troops, helping others find the needed information and protecting them from harm. When it became clear that he would fall, his final act was to create a barrier so the troops could not readily get to his friends, thus enabling them to continue the mission, even as he sacrificed his own existence. Fortunately for us, an unexpected turn of events restored him to us, and he continues to serve the Rebellion just as faithfully as he ever has. K-2SO.”

Slowly K-2 clumped up to podium, and Bodhi stepped aside for him, grinning up at the droid. Having watched Bodhi, he followed that example and bowed to Marika, though she still needed to stand on her tiptoes to reach the medal around his neck. For a moment, he just stared at it, but then remembered the second bow to the Chancellor. Finally he turned and stood beside Bodhi, unsure what to do now, but still more wrapped up in gazing at his medal than concern about protocols.

The room sat in expectant silence, waiting to see what else would happen or be said. Bodhi gazed down at his team silently watching and thought of the many missing faces, those who hadn’t returned with them. After a moment, he removed the medal from around his neck and thrust it into the air. “For all of Rogue One, past and present.” His voice broke on the words.

K-2 glanced questioningly at him, but then raised his own medal as well, and the room burst into cheers and applause.

“Well done, Bodhi Rook. Well done,” K-2 told him quietly.

The crowd was surging forward, but their team reached them first, enfolding them into a group hug. They stood with heads bowed together, remembering those lost.

Rogue One. It suddenly occurred to Bodhi that he was the original Rogue One. Yes, he had given the team that name in a moment of panic, but all of this began the day he took that first step and fled the Empire with Galen’s message. It had been a long, difficult, often terrifying, journey, but it had brought him home.

_The End_

2/10/18 – 12/3/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figure all months have 30 days; I’m assuming 0BBY/0ABY = 1 year, just changing what it was called after Battle of Yavin (0ABY could start in any month).  
> *****  
> full timeline I’m using for this story:  
> 0 BBY/0 ABY  
> (Jul 12) Battle of Scarif  
> Jul 14 Death Star destroyed; awards ceremony Jul 15  
> Jul 16 RO rescued, return to Yavin  
> Jul 21 Yavin evac (began few days after awards), J & K go (Bo lvs Jul 20, Ch&B lv on med frig Jul 21)  
> Jul 28 C awake – B contacts J  
> Aug 7 J&K assigned to Solo; Tag stays on tech ship; Ch&B on Tatooine  
> Aug 11 K calls Solo a maniac  
> Aug 21 J & K with Solo 2 wks/6 missions, 2 unsanct.  
> Aug 25 Solo remarks on moping  
> Aug 29 Solo fakes injury  
> Aug 30 go to rendezvous with med frigate  
> Sep 15 Draven gets C back to work  
> Sep 16 Bodhi pilots – takes C&Melshi to pick up ships on Takodana, B&Ch come also  
> Sep 18 Melshi recruits J from Solo; later C picks up K on Jakku  
> Sep Melshi brings Tonc onto the team; later gets Bodhi as their pilot  
> Sep 27 status quo for C&K – C won’t discuss Jyn or Scarif; K worried  
> Nov 13 ‘whizbangs’; K comms Jyn - extract K & hurt C from Coyerti – to med frigate  
> Nov 14 C brought to medical frigate  
> Nov 15 J confronts C – he weeps  
> Nov 16 they talk again, Bodhi visits C  
> Nov 17 J talks to C more; training with Bodhi  
> Nov 18 Melshi & team on 3 missions  
> Nov 21 talk betw Draven & Mothma re C & Jyn  
> Dec 6 discussion of assassins/prison/torture; Melshi & team return to med frigate  
> Dec 7 C&K assigned Melshi’s team; J talks to Dr L & C about it; J shaves C; Baze talks to C  
> Dec 8 K visits C – talk about future plans; C eats with team; J comms Draven abt C  
> Dec 12 C cleared by medical, joins team on ship  
> Dec 14 C’s 1st mission with team on Coyerti – PTSD triggered  
> Dec 15 2nd mission – supply raid, initiators, credits; C as Imperial  
> Dec 16 arr Chalcedon – layover of a few days then to Takodana  
> Dec 17 food shopping trip, pickpocket  
> Dec 19 lv Chalcedon, arr Takodana, talk of building table for Baze – C regresses  
> Dec 20 a.m.: J notices C’s state at briefing, C stays in her bed dur mission, B destroys incinerator; p.m.: Rrulinn mission, Tonc trapped, J fights trooper, C sniper, J has nightmare  
> Dec 21 T - migraine, C - massage, C & J spar, M has K fake comm trouble  
> Dec 26 Nioma killed – Rogue One gets word of it, C has nightmare  
> Dec 27 J becomes aware in early evening abt C - confronts him; J in dark – K comforts her  
> Dec 29 on Roxuli – ship maintenance, Bo talks to J after K asks if he’s comforting  
> Dec 30 on Roxuli – Ubin Des & Partisans  
> 1 ABY  
> Jan 2 wall collapses on Baze; arr at medical frigate; C talks to Dr L; missions w/o B & Ch  
> Jan 8 marketplace – tea & fruit for B & Ch; T asks J to scratch his back; C sees J wearing his shirt  
> Jan 9 (ch 17) return to medical frigate to check on B; B cleared to return to limited duty, leg still in cast to protect it while bone knits  
> Jan 10 B & Ch return to ship; C comments about J staying with Alliance – others say they are in love; C alone in hold to think, Ch talks to him  
> Jan 15 Yavin fully evacuated (approx. – 6 months after DS destroyed)  
> Jan 16 C & M discuss final evac of Yavin  
> Mar 4 M stabbed; bounty hunter after Jyn  
> Mar 6 drop M on medical frigate; C takes command to continue missions  
> Mar 17 (ch 18) J confronts C abt not sleeping – they fight; B comforts J  
> Mar 18 J & C reconcile; they talk, then kiss  
> Mar 19 Bo comments on their being together, suggests taking any happiness  
> Apr 24 M returns to duty; Bo’s nightmare – talks to C  
> May 7 MM reads report and muses on C&J  
> May 16 J overhears Bo talking to Marika; J pumps T for info abt her  
> May 19 Hoth will be the new base; building begins, hope to start moving in first of year  
> May 27 Star Destroyer arrives during mission – Bodhi calls an abort  
> Jun 2 Bodhi mentions holoprojector  
> Jun 8 Melshi and J on mission, turn off transponders; K alerts C; 3 stormtroopers  
> Jun 10 drop off stormtroopers & continue missions  
> Jun 11 artificial gravity goes out on port side  
> Jun 15 arr at Resolute Base on Jagomir for repairs  
> Jun 23 depart Jagomir on recon mission  
> Jun 29 Spaceman Spiff disks found & watched; discussion with K-2 about them  
> July 9 arrive at Home One; C summoned to meeting with Draven the next day  
> July 10 Draven tells Cassian about intended medals  
> July 12 – anniversary of Battle of Scarif


End file.
